Is this a good "turning the tables" letter to my recent ex girlfriend who loves me?

[matty2049]

Hey guys.

So I have recently been thinking of ways to kind of turn the tables on my ex girlfriend, who left because she was confused.. I shouldn't even want the girl back, because she ended up going behind my back and talking to another guy... She left him after I sent her an email explaining what would change and if she ever wanted to contact me again she could and we could talk. Well she called me two days after I sent the email, crying wanting me back. I decided to meet up with her and immedietly all the romantic feelings came back on both sides. I turned myself around, became a more loving and supportive man and she told me everyday she loved it and loved me. Until she called me crying a few days back and said she just didn't know anymore and needed some space. She is in Cuba with her family right now so I just wanted to draft up and email to send to her to try and make her think twice about needing this space... I have not contacted her since the break up. She doesn't have many friends, only one that is close to her, but I don't talk to her. Tell me what you Guys think:

 

Hi Danielle.

 

Just a quick/short email, and I will not contact you any further and respect your wishes.

 

First I just want to thank you for the good times we had. Nothing went unnoticed and you have made me a much better person today then I could ever imagine. I have begun reuniting with some childhood friends of mine and am truly happy that you have brought the best out in me as I tried to do with you.

 

It was never my intention to keep us a secret, in fact I wanted the opposite, but looking back now, I believe that you were right. This split was for the best for both of us. A learning experience, if you will and I hope we can both continue to grow as individuals and continue growing as better people in the future. I understand you need your space and you will have all the space you need to move ahead in your life without me like you want.

 

If you felt I was dragging you down in some way, I am sorry you felt like that. I only wanted to be the man you met when we first started talking, the loving and supportive person you could depend on that would be there to protect you.

 

I realize now that you must have moved on quicker then I thought which is why you won't hear from me again, out of respect for you and your feelings. Maybe someday we will cross paths again, but until/if that day comes, I wish you the best and hope you find peace within yourself and see that I only wanted the best for you, and if that best is without me, then I respect your decisions and hope you continue to grow as the great woman I know you can be.

 

All the best love, and I hope you are having a great time in Cuba

 

Love Matt.

 

By the way, this "other guy" is not in te picture and I know it. He was abusive, threatened her, and he knows that she slept with me while she was technically talking to him. I don't want to hear "you shouldn't even try" I want advice particularly from females on this letter, I am trying to switch the tides. Thanks!

 

Sound good??

Edited March 22, 2015 by matty2049

[d0nnivain]

No. It does not sound good. E-mails are always bad. Best case: she ignores you. Worst case, she sends it to everyone to make fun of you.

 

 

Plus it's a weak sniveling letter. Please don't send it. It makes you look undesirable.

[matty2049]

No. It does not sound good. E-mails are always bad. Best case: she ignores you. Worst case, she sends it to everyone to make fun of you.

 

 

Plus it's a weak sniveling letter. Please don't send it. It makes you look undesirable.

 

Are you a male or female? remember she is a woman, and i am trying to tap into her emotional feelings to sort of turn the tables. I love this girl and dont want to see her just walk away, but I am not smothering her at the same time. I am trying to keep myself busy and keep her off my mind but it is hard and I just want to see if there is any sort of spark left because in my mind I really believe it isnt over yet. She is desired by men, but the men she has dated in the past were abusive/in and out of jail etc. I am the only man she has dated in the last 5 years that actually had a good job and a head on his shoulders and I want her to think about me.

[dyna85]

I didn't read the letter. I just see the headline and think, the only way to figuratively 'turn the tables' on someone who doesn't care, is to pretend you don't care. By sending a letter, you show you care, so it's not really turning the tables on anyone.

[SoleMate]

I wouldn't call it weak and snivelling. It's actually got a much more positive tone and mature perspective than this sort of missive usually does. There's not much to offend or even laugh at, IMO.

 

OTOH, I see several factors that would dissuade me from sending it were I in your shoes:

 

1) It's unlikely to be effective in bringing her back.

 

2) If by some wild chance it were effective and she came back to you, that still wouldn't be good, as then all the issues that broke you up would still be there, unaddressed. (Such as her going behind your back and wanting your r/s kept a secret, as you note, plus whatever you did to her that felt like "dragging [her] down" and also the items you failed to mention.)

 

3) If she does come back, she'll leave again. See #2.

 

4) It is (or should be) superfluous, because everything in the letter either was (or should have been) said already, while you were together, one way or another, so you're just repeating yourself.

 

I recommend strict NC, this gets you over her fastest. Good luck! (BTW, I am female as you can see by my shoes, and I'm pretty sure donnivain is female as well.)

[Satu]

Are you a male or female? remember she is a woman, and i am trying to tap into her emotional feelings to sort of turn the tables. I love this girl and dont want to see her just walk away, but I am not smothering her at the same time. I am trying to keep myself busy and keep her off my mind but it is hard and I just want to see if there is any sort of spark left because in my mind I really believe it isnt over yet. She is desired by men, but the men she has dated in the past were abusive/in and out of jail etc. I am the only man she has dated in the last 5 years that actually had a good job and a head on his shoulders and I want her to think about me.

 

If the above is how you really feel, the email you composed is completely dishonest.

[matty2049]

I wouldn't call it weak and snivelling. It's actually got a much more positive tone and mature perspective than this sort of missive usually does. There's not much to offend or even laugh at, IMO.

 

OTOH, I see several factors that would dissuade me from sending it were I in your shoes:

 

1) It's unlikely to be effective in bringing her back.

 

2) If by some wild chance it were effective and she came back to you, that still wouldn't be good, as then all the issues that broke you up would still be there, unaddressed. (Such as her going behind your back and wanting your r/s kept a secret, as you note, plus whatever you did to her that felt like "dragging [her] down" and also the items you failed to mention.)

 

3) If she does come back, she'll leave again. See #2.

 

4) It is (or should be) superfluous, because everything in the letter either was (or should have been) said already, while you were together, one way or another, so you're just repeating yourself.

 

I recommend strict NC, this gets you over her fastest. Good luck! (BTW, I am female as you can see by my shoes, and I'm pretty sure donnivain is female as well.)

 

 

ok thank you i respect your insight.

so the best way to get someone to think about you is to not do anything at all? should i just disappear? i mean the old saying goes that if you love someone, let them go, and if they come back , theyre yours.. i dont know anymore, im starting to lose hope slowly and I dont want her to be gone for good.. She told me she loves me and was crying when she said she was confused.. what are my odds that she will come back if i just leave her alone totally?

[matty2049]

If the above is how you really feel, the email you composed is completely dishonest.

 

what do you mean?

[d0nnivain]

Are you a male or female? remember she is a woman, and i am trying to tap into her emotional feelings to sort of turn the tables. I love this girl and dont want to see her just walk away, but I am not smothering her at the same time. I am trying to keep myself busy and keep her off my mind but it is hard and I just want to see if there is any sort of spark left because in my mind I really believe it isnt over yet. She is desired by men, but the men she has dated in the past were abusive/in and out of jail etc. I am the only man she has dated in the last 5 years that actually had a good job and a head on his shoulders and I want her to think about me.

 

 

I am a woman. If I got a letter like that I'd be happy you were out of my life because it's such a weak sappy letter.

 

 

If she's telling you she needs space & she ran to Cuba to get it, she is trying to find a way to break up with you permanently but doesn't have the willpower or words to do it.

 

 

I know you think you are fighting to save this relationship, but there's nothing to save. After 5 years, she's running for daylight. Let her.

[matty2049]

I am a woman. If I got a letter like that I'd be happy you were out of my life because it's such a weak sappy letter.

 

 

If she's telling you she needs space & she ran to Cuba to get it, she is trying to find a way to break up with you permanently but doesn't have the willpower or words to do it.

 

 

I know you think you are fighting to save this relationship, but there's nothing to save. After 5 years, she's running for daylight. Let her.

 

 

so you think she is gone for good?

[SoleMate]

so the best way to get someone to think about you is to not do anything at all?

No, that is not what I said AT ALL. Please re-read my post.

 

.. i dont know anymore, im starting to lose hope slowly and I dont want her to be gone for good.. She told me she loves me and was crying when she said she was confused.. what are my odds that she will come back if i just leave her alone totally?

She probably won't come back. That hurts now, I know. However, it is for the best.

 

Right now, you're in pain. I recommend you look forward to March 2016, when you will be over her and moving on. You'll back on this post and wonder why you were so desperate to hang on to someone who fundamentally did not want to be with you.

[Satu]

what do you mean?

 

What you wrote to her and what you've said in the course of this thread are completely at odds with each other.

 

Read what you've written and you'll see the cognitive dissonance.

[d0nnivain]

so you think she is gone for good?

 

 

Unfortunately. Sorry.

 

 

I know you are practically reverberating with frustration. You want to do Something, Anything. You want to fix this. But I really don't think you can.

 

 

Only because they say we regret more in life the things we don't do, than the things we do, when she gets back, call her. Don't e-mail. Don't text. Call her. Ask if you can meet to talk, then ask her Qs about what's thinking Ask her if she sees a way to reconcile. Do NOT tell her your opinion on the subject. Listen to her. Then act.

 

 

But, it's still not going to work. She's only going to say garbage like "I don't know" "I need time" etc.

 

 

Sorry.

[writergal]

I just wanted to draft up and email to send to her to try and make her think twice about needing this space.

 

The email is dishonest because it isn't an accurate representation of how you really feel. You wrote in your other thread, how angry and hurt you felt by her betrayal. After all, she is 22 years old and you are 29 years old. She is a young, naive girl who invited 2 MEN she was dating at the same time, to join her family on a vacation in Cuba. She took his money for his plane ticket, then you found out about him, he found out about you, and she had to refund the other guy's plane ticket. And neither of you are in Cuba with her and her family now.

 

She's lied to you, cried crocodile tears to manipulate you and yet, you want to send her an email to make her think twice about breaking up with you?

 

I'm reaaally confused why you're doing this. Why do you want her back?

[d0nnivain]

OP, for pete's sake, after reading writer gal's response, be happy you dodged a bullet.

 

 

Let her go. She sounds like a nightmare.

[writergal]

OP, for pete's sake, after reading writer gal's response, be happy you dodged a bullet.

 

 

Let her go. She sounds like a nightmare.

 

She is. If you read the OP's other thread, she even scheduled a date with the OP yet was a no-show. When the OP called her family's house and spoke to her Dad he had no idea where his 22 year old daughter was.

 

I wouldn't waste my time with someone who plays games like that, especially where non-refundable plane tickets are concerned. Yikes.

[matty2049]

The email is dishonest because it isn't an accurate representation of how you really feel. You wrote in your other thread, how angry and hurt you felt by her betrayal. After all, she is 22 years old and you are 29 years old. She is a young, naive girl who invited 2 MEN she was dating at the same time, to join her family on a vacation in Cuba. She took his money for his plane ticket, then you found out about him, he found out about you, and she had to refund the other guy's plane ticket. And neither of you are in Cuba with her and her family now.

 

She's lied to you, cried crocodile tears to manipulate you and yet, you want to send her an email to make her think twice about breaking up with you?

 

I'm reaaally confused why you're doing this. Why do you want her back?

 

 

hi writergal.

 

I am just going through a range of emotions lately, as is expected. i still have not called her or sent her any messages at all. I am just trying to disect the situation and try and just get SOMETHING out there. I just dont know.. I am ultimately trying to get her to chase me again. like i said, she is the kind of girl who reacts on impulse.. one day she was fine with us and loved it, the next she wanted space.. I just know that someday she will try and come back. As much as i hate it, I dont know if i will be strong enough to turn it down when it comes. its only a matter of time, i know this girl better than anyone on here and I am telling you the facts, she loves me, and i know she does still. she wouldnt tell me if she didnt, thats not her style. all my friends say that she is thinking about me down there and there is not a doubt in their minds. i treated her in a way that she wont be able to forget about me and will second guess her decisions. just trying to get to her heart and turn the tables. i know she is a better person then this, she was for most of the relationship, and when she asked for more and left, i gave her more and she came back, then left again out of confusion. I am just not sure about her thoughts and "needing space".

Edited March 22, 2015 by matty2049

[writergal]

hi writergal.

 

I am just going through a range of emotions lately, as is expected. i still have not called her or sent her any messages at all. I am just trying to disect the situation and try and just get SOMETHING out there. I just dont know.. I am ultimately trying to get her to chase me again. like i said, she is the kind of girl who reacts on impulse.. one day she was fine with us and loved it, the next she wanted space.. I just know that someday she will try and come back. As much as i hate it, I dont know if i will be strong enough to turn it down when it comes. its only a matter of time, i know this girl better than anyone on here and I am telling you the facts, she loves me, and i know she does still. she wouldnt tell me if she didnt, thats not her style. all my friends say that she is thinking about me down there and there is not a doubt in their minds. i treated her in a way that she wont be able to forget about me and will second guess her decisions. just trying to get to her heart and turn the tables.

 

Why do you want her to chase you, if you know she is already going to contact you when she gets back from Cuba? And you admit that you will take her back if she asks you to give her another chance.

 

What does that say about your character, that you are willing to manipulate her with a totally dishonest email to get her to come back to you?

[BlackbirdSong]

Why do you want her to chase you, if you know she is already going to contact you when she gets back from Cuba? And you admit that you will take her back if she asks you to give her another chance.

 

What does that say about your character, that you are willing to manipulate her with a totally dishonest email to get her to come back to you?

 

I don't think he's being dishonest. He's just feeling desperate right now (i'm not using desperate in a negative or pathetic way). As a man when you know that you have or may have lost the one thing in your life that you really want, sometimes we try to rationalize totally irrational behaviors. We will do anything to get the one back in our lives, even if it means taking counterproductive steps. Yes, we are dumb. Yet that makes us human....and dumb.

 

Don't send the email bro. Just wait it out. She'll contact you some time after Cuba.

[matty2049]

Why do you want her to chase you, if you know she is already going to contact you when she gets back from Cuba? And you admit that you will take her back if she asks you to give her another chance.

 

What does that say about your character, that you are willing to manipulate her with a totally dishonest email to get her to come back to you?

 

ok ok, you are right. I will just leave it be.

see i wouldnt just say YES ILL BE WITH YOU KISSES AND HUGS... I would want to know what will change on her end. I need to see these changes in work before I actually take her back. I know she will come to her senses. She did before, she will do it again. So I will just wait.

[matty2049]

I don't think he's being dishonest. He's just feeling desperate right now (i'm not using desperate in a negative or pathetic way). As a man when you know that you have or may have lost the one thing in your life that you really want, sometimes we try to rationalize totally irrational behaviors. We will do anything to get the one back in our lives, even if it means taking counterproductive steps. Yes, we are dumb. Yet that makes us human....and dumb.

 

Don't send the email bro. Just wait it out. She'll contact you some time after Cuba.

 

hey blackbird, how are you feeling today buddy? hopefully doing better every day!

 

I wont send the email. I will keep it hidden somewhere in my phone. I won't try and "wait it out", I am going to continue living my life and hopefully, just maybe, she will come around. I am almost sure that she will come around again, it in her character, we had a bit of an on off cycle for a bit, where I would leave her every time. she begged and cried and pleaded for me to take her back every time, and i did.

 

After I told her it would all change and I wouldnt be leaving her because of fights, apparently now she is trying to take control. So, that being said, I do believe that the best way to get someone to think about you and want you back is to continue living your life and not contact her unless she contacts me. i will slowly grind that into my head and stop having these moments of weakness.

[na49]

She didn't forget you exist. She knows how to contact you. Let her contact you. I know how you feel like if you don't have your foot in the door, then you won't have a chance, but that's really not how it works.

 

Also, forget everything you guys "talked about". What did she DO? She isn't with you. That's all that matters right now.

[Satu]

hi writergal.

 

*one day she was fine with us and loved it, the next she wanted space..

 

*She sounds like an

[dumbass2]

She didn't forget you exist. She knows how to contact you. Let her contact you. I know how you feel like if you don't have your foot in the door, then you won't have a chance, but that's really not how it works.

 

Also, forget everything you guys "talked about". What did she DO? She isn't with you. That's all that matters right now.

 

This ^

 

Words mean so much when we are heart broken. The heart wants to at least hear what it can't physically feel anymore. We know on our logic side that actions need to match words and if they don't, then they don't mean what they say and can't be honest with their feelings. It's not always an easy thing to do when emotions are involved.

[matty2049]

*She sounds like an

 

lol, my point exactly. like i said, it is only a matter of time before she misses me again. she has already tried dating outside of me, and it hasn't gone well. she figured out what she was missing every time. i am not saying i am gods gift to women, because i am human and **** up a lot too, but she knows my heart is pure.

 

this is why i say that WHEN she calls, she has some work to do to prove to me that she is emotionally ready for me, otherwise i will walk the other way without a second thought.