Is this a good "turning the tables" letter to my recent ex girlfriend who loves me?

[writergal]

lol, my point exactly. like i said, it is only a matter of time before she misses me again. she has already tried dating outside of me, and it hasn't gone well. she figured out what she was missing every time. i am not saying i am gods gift to women, because i am human and **** up a lot too, but she knows my heart is pure.

 

this is why i say that WHEN she calls, she has some work to do to prove to me that she is emotionally ready for me, otherwise i will walk the other way without a second thought.

 

matty you seem like a good guy. But, this breakup is how many now, that has happened between you two? What's so different about it? Why give her another chance now, when you've given her other chances to prove to you that she is emotionally available to you. She knows what she had with you. What she had, was an older boyfriend she could manipulate and lie to and cry and throw tantrums to, to get her way.

 

She knows she could date another guy behind your back, lie to you about her whereabouts, and when you confront her about her behavior, she cries and cries to try and deflect the blame off of herself, and tries to put it back on to you. As Satu cleverly pointed out, your ex-girlfriend is an emotional idiot. She doesn't know who she is or what she wants. She doesn't have good boundaries with men, as she's shown, because she doesn't even know who she is. She lives at home with her parents, so she's not even financially independent. She's not a grown up, despite being 22 years old. She's still very much acting like a child. Or, am I wrong there?

 

Why do you want to date someone like her? What is the allure? What has she given to you, that no other woman has ever so far in your dating life? What is so special about her?

[Simon Phoenix]

Hey guys.

So I have recently been thinking of ways to kind of turn the tables on my ex girlfriend, who left because she was confused.. I shouldn't even want the girl back, because she ended up going behind my back and talking to another guy... She left him after I sent her an email explaining what would change and if she ever wanted to contact me again she could and we could talk. Well she called me two days after I sent the email, crying wanting me back. I decided to meet up with her and immedietly all the romantic feelings came back on both sides. I turned myself around, became a more loving and supportive man and she told me everyday she loved it and loved me. Until she called me crying a few days back and said she just didn't know anymore and needed some space. She is in Cuba with her family right now so I just wanted to draft up and email to send to her to try and make her think twice about needing this space... I have not contacted her since the break up. She doesn't have many friends, only one that is close to her, but I don't talk to her. Tell me what you Guys think:

 

Hi Danielle.

 

Just a quick/short email, and I will not contact you any further and respect your wishes.

 

First I just want to thank you for the good times we had. Nothing went unnoticed and you have made me a much better person today then I could ever imagine. I have begun reuniting with some childhood friends of mine and am truly happy that you have brought the best out in me as I tried to do with you.

 

It was never my intention to keep us a secret, in fact I wanted the opposite, but looking back now, I believe that you were right. This split was for the best for both of us. A learning experience, if you will and I hope we can both continue to grow as individuals and continue growing as better people in the future. I understand you need your space and you will have all the space you need to move ahead in your life without me like you want.

 

If you felt I was dragging you down in some way, I am sorry you felt like that. I only wanted to be the man you met when we first started talking, the loving and supportive person you could depend on that would be there to protect you.

 

I realize now that you must have moved on quicker then I thought which is why you won't hear from me again, out of respect for you and your feelings. Maybe someday we will cross paths again, but until/if that day comes, I wish you the best and hope you find peace within yourself and see that I only wanted the best for you, and if that best is without me, then I respect your decisions and hope you continue to grow as the great woman I know you can be.

 

All the best love, and I hope you are having a great time in Cuba

 

Love Matt.

 

By the way, this "other guy" is not in te picture and I know it. He was abusive, threatened her, and he knows that she slept with me while she was technically talking to him. I don't want to hear "you shouldn't even try" I want advice particularly from females on this letter, I am trying to switch the tides. Thanks!

 

Sound good??

 

 

In all seriousness, e-mails/letters are always bad. The circumstances of your situation make it worse, as you are sniveling and groveling for someone who has very little regard for you.

[dumbass2]

Like someone already said, you are at odds with yourself. It happens. It happened to me. Heart vs logic. Until they are on the same page, your heart will be making the decisions and they will not be what is best for you. I know this. I actually wrote an email and sent it and then a letter after her response. Mine was quite the opposite though and was not begging her back, but did thank her for the great times. I was kidding myself a bit and was trying to force myself to get over her quickly, but I did really miss her and regret that email. I wasn't totally honest with my feelings. It took over 3 months of NC to get to a better place. When she contacted me, I was not a groveling idiot, but if she had contact me months earlier, I might have been. It takes time away from seeing and being in contact with the other person in order to really see things clearly and gain a good perspective.

 

I think right now, by reading your posts, that if she called and came back today, you would take her back in a second with kisses and hugs and the same thing would happen all over again. Read back over all your posts and you will see that you are not in the right place for any type of reconciliation for it to work. IMO, you shouldn't even be thinking about getting back with her.

 

It's ok to make mistakes, but just remember this, you can’t make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's a choice.

[BlackbirdSong]

hey blackbird, how are you feeling today buddy? hopefully doing better every day!

 

I'm doing alright man. For now.

 

You made the right decision.

[matty2049]

matty you seem like a good guy. But, this breakup is how many now, that has happened between you two? What's so different about it? Why give her another chance now, when you've given her other chances to prove to you that she is emotionally available to you. She knows what she had with you. What she had, was an older boyfriend she could manipulate and lie to and cry and throw tantrums to, to get her way.

 

She knows she could date another guy behind your back, lie to you about her whereabouts, and when you confront her about her behavior, she cries and cries to try and deflect the blame off of herself, and tries to put it back on to you. As Satu cleverly pointed out, your ex-girlfriend is an emotional idiot. She doesn't know who she is or what she wants. She doesn't have good boundaries with men, as she's shown, because she doesn't even know who she is. She lives at home with her parents, so she's not even financially independent. She's not a grown up, despite being 22 years old. She's still very much acting like a child. Or, am I wrong there?

 

Why do you want to date someone like her? What is the allure? What has she given to you, that no other woman has ever so far in your dating life? What is so special about her?

 

honestly, its the sincerity in what she has told me in the past. yes i know they are just words, but it struck a chord with me. i mean, a week ago she was talking about promise rings, what song we would dance to at our wedding, talked about how much she loved me and wanted this to work out etc. and then the next day she lied and cried and left saying she needs space. i will give her all the space she can handle, and if i see a blocked number call me, i know it will be her %99 of the time unless its a spam call where ive magically won a cruise to mexico lol i dont know i just have faith in her, regardless of what happened. i have messed up in the relationship as well but have changed those things about myself.. back then i used to put hanging with my friends before her, but i changed that all around. she was now number one, and she expressed how much she loved that. yet for some reason still needs space and threw a trip down the drain and is ultimately making her parents resent her for what she has been doing. i just dont know what is going on in her head but i do know that she will try and come back again.

[BlackbirdSong]

 

Why do you want to date someone like her? What is the allure? What has she given to you, that no other woman has ever so far in your dating life? What is so special about her?

 

I think this is the single most important thing I have read on LS pretty much since I've been here. What was/is so alluring about my ex that makes me pine over her day and night? This is the fundamental question for all relationships.

[veggirl]

honestly, its the sincerity in what she has told me in the past. yes i know they are just words, but it struck a chord with me. i mean, a week ago she was talking about promise rings, what song we would dance to at our wedding, talked about how much she loved me and wanted this to work out etc. and then the next day she lied and cried and left saying she needs space. i will give her all the space she can handle, and if i see a blocked number call me, i know it will be her %99 of the time unless its a spam call where ive magically won a cruise to mexico lol i dont know i just have faith in her, regardless of what happened. i have messed up in the relationship as well but have changed those things about myself.. back then i used to put hanging with my friends before her, but i changed that all around. she was now number one, and she expressed how much she loved that. yet for some reason still needs space and threw a trip down the drain and is ultimately making her parents resent her for what she has been doing. i just dont know what is going on in her head but i do know that she will try and come back again.

 

dude get a grip. She is a fickle GIRL! A promise ring? Are you guys 15? Well you aren't but she basically IS. No 22 year old womanchild like her is ready for serious. Wake up.

 

If I got that letter, in her position, I'd think you were desperate and wrapped around my finger.

 

The fact that you respond to her childish ways is mind boggling. You both sound like you're in a dramatic college relationship, not a mature ADULT one.

[matty2049]

so case in point, the best way to make someone want you is to just leave them alone and do things for you right? they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I really believe that is true and i hope it is. i would like to see her come back someday, but different.. no more of these games and manipulation. i just want to strike the chord back that she made a mistake, a big one. not many guys will talk about marriage and things with their women unless they have been dating for years. we really did hit it off well, and we are a lot alike (minus the manipulation and lying, which i know is a big red flag).. but she was not like this in the past. i used to work away for 3 weeks at a time and then home for 2-3 weeks, and not once while i was away did she ever give me the notion that she was going behind my back, and i am a poker player, i get good insticts of people just from their body language and right before she left the first time i knew something was up. im not dumb, i was born at night, but not last night lol.. hope is still there though because i know she is better then this.

 

anyway all in all ladies, if you started to miss a guy you left, what would he have done to make you miss him while you were apart?

[Simon Phoenix]

You enable her matty. It's never going to get better for you because she doesn't have to get better for you. You're so desperate and needy that whatever she gives you you'll lap up like a puppy.

[matty2049]

You enable her matty. It's never going to get better for you because she doesn't have to get better for you. You're so desperate and needy that whatever she gives you you'll lap up like a puppy.

 

umm ok just to be clear, i never chased her. never have i ever begged her to come back to me, thank you very much, so i know i have my pride and dignity intact (in her eyes). I may seem "desperate or needy" to YOU guys, but thats because you all know how i REALLY feel, she does not know. I have never said anything to her friend(s), on facebook, to her, nothing, so NO i dont come across as needy and desperate to her. She knows there are other women who have been genuinely interested in me even when we were together and she was jealous and she knows I could be with someone else if i wanted to rather quickly so trust me, i have never once come across needy or clingy to her, in fact, its been the opposite. she has always been the one to chase me. she even came back to me after her little fling failed miserably. know your facts first.

[Satu]

OP:

 

If you know she's going to miss you and come back, why are you spending so much time on this?

[writergal]

umm ok just to be clear, i never chased her. never have i ever begged her to come back to me, thank you very much, so i know i have my pride and dignity intact (in her eyes). I may seem "desperate or needy" to YOU guys, but thats because you all know how i REALLY feel, she does not know. I have never said anything to her friend(s), on facebook, to her, nothing, so NO i dont come across as needy and desperate to her. She knows there are other women who have been genuinely interested in me even when we were together and she was jealous and she knows I could be with someone else if i wanted to rather quickly so trust me, i have never once come across needy or clingy to her, in fact, its been the opposite. she has always been the one to chase me. she even came back to me after her little fling failed miserably. know your facts first.

 

Again, I ask you, what does this 22 year old, have over these other women who've expressed interest in dating you while you were dating the 22 year old?

 

If you could be with one of these other women right now, why not give one of them a chance to date you?

[writergal]

OP:

 

If you know she's going to miss you and come back, why are you spending so much time on this?

 

That's what I was wondering too.

[Simon Phoenix]

umm ok just to be clear, i never chased her. never have i ever begged her to come back to me, thank you very much, so i know i have my pride and dignity intact (in her eyes). I may seem "desperate or needy" to YOU guys, but thats because you all know how i REALLY feel, she does not know. I have never said anything to her friend(s), on facebook, to her, nothing, so NO i dont come across as needy and desperate to her. She knows there are other women who have been genuinely interested in me even when we were together and she was jealous and she knows I could be with someone else if i wanted to rather quickly so trust me, i have never once come across needy or clingy to her, in fact, its been the opposite. she has always been the one to chase me. she even came back to me after her little fling failed miserably. know your facts first.

 

If you are answering her whenever she contacts you and she knows you'll take her back whenever she decides she wants to come back, then you still come off as desperate or needy. Because you aren't chasing doesn't mean you aren't giving that vibe. And the fact that you willfully turn away these other women that are interested in you whenever she comes a knocking also reiterates that point.