Blu72 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Who is beating her up? She is not some timid creature that you need to be delicate with or she will run away. Telling someone what they don't what they don't want hear isn't beating them up. If southern wants to continue to lie and omit things to keep her husband from making informed decisions (which is exactly what she is doing), then it's her life. If her husband ever finds out about the email or the contact after d day, I hope she gives him a better explanation than I was trying to protect you. A lot of us have been fed that line and a lot of us didn't believe it. I will now out for now. Southern I really do hope that you know what your doing. ^^ this. Berating her isn't going to make her do what you feel is best. Especially in her current state. I get you are trying to get her to understand what you feel she is doing wrong. And I applaud you for being here trying to help people. But sometimes you need to let your advice sink in and let it be what it is. Just advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I might be in the wrong. But neither of you are living in my house. Neither of you see what me and my H go through every day. Neither of you see the consequences BOTH of us are suffering, the turmoil we are going through, the ways we are scraping each other back off the ground. I am not posting the myriad very selfish bits of my personality that have been burned away, piece by piece. I know you have both been there, but still, our paths are different. This is an absolute nightmare. Was it my fault that xMM contacted me? No. But do I want to fiercely protect my H and do everything I can to prevent that sickness from rising up from his stomach to his throat? Yes. If you had called me selfish two weeks ago jbrent, I would not have been okay. I have rediscovered some strength in the last few days, thankfully. I know I acted in selfish ways during my A. However I am NOT in the A anymore and do NOT want the A anymore. I see what I did wrong, I am disgusted by my behavior, I am sickened by what I did to my H and my family, and I NEVER want to go there again. So no, I do not think I earn the title of selfish today. Just as no one here knows more (about your life) than you share here, and cannot respond to anything except what you share, neither can your husband make decisions about his life and your marriage, because just like here, you've only given him a portion of the information. I'm sure things are less than ideal in your home or in your marriage right now, I'd just encourage you, to let it all out if reconciliation is truly what you desire. Anything less, prolongs the agony and keeps your BS guessing about what is going on. You seem like a very nice person, who is deeply conflicted. If your husband hasn't run away from the truth you've shared, I doubt he will now if you share that the OM is still attempting contact with you. Of course, if he finds out later, and not because you told him, it'll likely not turn out good for you. It truly sounds like (from what you've shared) you have a husband and a marriage worth fighting for. Don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Again - you do not know what I am going through. You have not heard my commitments to him, the sacrifies I am making, the altars I am willingingly laying upon. I am not saying any of these things to illicit sympathy. I have already done the hardest work of my life. THAT was nothing compared to everything else. So what are you saying this for? A medal? Let me see I can recomment your name to your president for that honour. My God, you are so entitled that you think you should be given credit for doing the obvious actions to remedy the ****ty situation you have put your H into. Poor guy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Southern Sun Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 So what are you saying this for? A medal? Let me see I can recomment your name to your president for that honour. My God, you are so entitled that you think you should be given credit for doing the obvious actions to remedy the ****ty situation you have put your H into. Poor guy I was't going to bother with replying, but I am now because your unnecessarily rude, cruel, and snarky response, days after the thread has essentially died off, illustrates exactly why I did not say those things in the first place. In our positions, on this board, we can never win. Say what I said in the thread, and I get smacked down, told that I am not doing enough. If I then respond that indeed I am actually doing some things to help my BS, I am put back in my place again, oh Southern, aren't you proud of yourself, good for you for no longer cheating on your husband, blah, blah, blah. I never asked for a medal. I was responding to a poster who seemed to be questioning my efforts. What would you suggest I say, Hurt? (Rhetorical question, I do not want your reply). I know what I am doing and I do not care about your opinion. I am sharing this openly because I see this happen over and over on this board and it's simply wrong. There are many wonderful posters who do NOT treat people this way, and for them, I am grateful - even those who have opinions I may not agree with or who may call me out. That can still be done in an appropriate way. I am done with this thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Yes I know something you could say that would REALLY show that you are empathetic to you husband. But you are "done with this thread". So no point. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I was't going to bother with replying, but I am now because your unnecessarily rude, cruel, and snarky response, days after the thread has essentially died off, illustrates exactly why I did not say those things in the first place. In our positions, on this board, we can never win. Say what I said in the thread, and I get smacked down, told that I am not doing enough. If I then respond that indeed I am actually doing some things to help my BS, I am put back in my place again, oh Southern, aren't you proud of yourself, good for you for no longer cheating on your husband, blah, blah, blah. I never asked for a medal. I was responding to a poster who seemed to be questioning my efforts. What would you suggest I say, Hurt? (Rhetorical question, I do not want your reply). I know what I am doing and I do not care about your opinion. I am sharing this openly because I see this happen over and over on this board and it's simply wrong. There are many wonderful posters who do NOT treat people this way, and for them, I am grateful - even those who have opinions I may not agree with or who may call me out. That can still be done in an appropriate way. I am done with this thread. Southern - alert the mods and request the thread be closed. Also, block those folks who only seek to hurt you. No sense in reading their nonsense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I think you should have the right to write her and ask questions and express your views and thoughts. You do have to understand this things will be up to interpretation of everyone reading it. Its clear your on a site where emotions run high on both sides. I hope you stay and continue to update us and use this site as a avenue to help you to a healthier life. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
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