xinaxxsdertf Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 So i broke no contact about 30mins ago. Had gone 7 days without contact, have been broken up for I think 5 weeks now. She was telling me like 10 days ago that she misses me and loves me (this was while she was dropping breadcrumbs). I feel like i mightve missed the opportunity to reply at that point because now she has stopped dropping breadcrumbs at all. didnt drop any breadcrumbs during this 7 days, i just miss her. I cant believe i broke no contact because now i have to start again.. i have lost so much hope these past few days and have struggled miserably with no contact i nearly texted yesterday but managed to stop myself, but failed today.. i broke it and now its been about 40mins and she hasnt replied.. Ughh doesnt help that the weather is miserable as here.. this is the kind of weather that my ex and i would always cuddle up in bed all day and watch movies together lol.. ahh how i miss everything.. i havent been sitting at home crying though, been working, training and hanging with mates to keep me occupied. Has been so tough though i miss my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 So what did you tell her then? If you don't mind telling. Any response..? Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 The first days and weeks are the hardest. It will get better, but you will have ups and downs. It's natural. Remember not to be too hard on yourself. Just go back to NC and keep focusing on yourself and you'll eventually be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Everyone needs to break NC at least once, to understand the futility of breaking it. You've learned something important so NC will become easier as time goes on. Day 63 for me, every day a lessening struggle but I won't break. One day together forever, the next day gone. Love is ephemeral. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Yeah had a few days of pretty much me initiating contact. shes been pretty distant. said she misses me and loves me but said she still needs space and time. then today she had an episode at me. she told me im being unfair messaging her because its making her feel bad for us not being together. 2 days ago I had messaged her in the morning saying to reach out to me if she wants to see me. she said okay. and ended up messaging me at 7pm at night asking how am I doing. and then replied later on saying "why message me all that sh*t and then don't even reply". (I had a long shift at work that day so fell asleep about 6pm and woke up to her second text). I just told her sorry I had a big day and was asleep. her reply was "im going to bed anyway, goodnight". then today, I message her a photo of one of our memories, she replies with another photo of another memory. then I say I love her and she says "you too". and then that's when she started telling me im being unfair. and she said she needs me to leave her alone. I said okay well I tried, goodbye. she then said TRIED?? and continued with a long message saying shes so hurt over what ive done blah blah f*** off leave me alone. I didn't reply because I don't need her abuse. then she says "sorry but I know you want me back, but im not ready to see you, you were doing good without me so carry on, ive got plans coming up that I cant just throw away (her life is quite busy now that shes doing a course and working, has made a ton of new friends). So yeah after a few more angry texts of her telling me to leave her alone. I just told her I wanted to see how she is, wanted to hang out but I can see im hurting you so ill leave you alone. she hasn't replied (its on this app so it says "read"). I can definitely see a huge red flag with her being so angry at me so easily/quickly (I haven't done anything wrong other than that run in with her friend at a club if u read the end of my other comments on my other thread) im not sure why shes gotten so angry? any advice or help? we've been broken up for over a month now. she also seems upset over when she tried reaching out to me but I told her to leave me alone. (she pretty much reciprocated what I said to her a few weeks ago). I felt good though because although she was pretty much yelling at me, it didn't phase me like it usually would. usually im looking at my phone whispering "are you flippin serious". but this time I was okay. I miss her so much at night time and during mornings but life has actually been liveable. they don't lie when they tell you that it gets easier. one struggle is that im finding it too easy to break NC now. my only option im left with now is to go back to and stay in NC because she has blatently told me she needs space and time. its been so long though any ideas?? thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 My advice? STOP TALKING TO HER! Sadly, this is advice you don't seem to want to follow. She wants you to back off, so back off. And when she comes sniffing around again, stay backed off. Your way (which has already resulted in a 200-plus post thread of confusion) isn't working. It's time for you to try a new approach. This approach is doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
haribogumsnickers Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I think there's a thread on posting here instead of breaking NC. You got this just follow through and commit yourself to yourself if that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Oh well oh well, man you need to stop chasing she clearly said i don't wanna see you, but you keep talking to her, having arguments about nothing. You are like all over the place, being needy is the worst thing you can do. There's no red flag, don't read into things, she's angry because you are not RESPECTING her space, you are suffocating her, stop looking for little things. Don't complicate things .Time to move on, apply NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 My ex dumped me two and a half months ago. On the third week after the break up she already got a new boyfriend, and they are probably ****ing each other on his bed every now and then. My advice to you is to run while you can. If you keep stalking and chasing it will only get worse. Just let her go. They don't deserve our love and attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Yeah i just read my post from the start and realised all ive been doing is chasing. Funny though she texted me lastnight telling me to listen to this song. It was a sad song pretty much saying how much she misses me. So i reply saying i miss her and she says goodnight. I really dont get these mixed messages aye but i guess NC for now Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I never understood the "I need time/space" thing. If you love someone, why do you need to not be in a romantic relationship with them while you take that time/space? What do they even do with that time/space? My ex gave me a similar speech, but it seems like she is doing everything that she did when she was with me. It's just that I'm not around anymore. Also I agree with everyone else. Back off. Let her come to you. She loves you and wants you back? Let her tell you that and show you that she wants to work things out. A lot of times our ex tells us that they still love us. My ex definitely did. They obviously aren't in love with us anymore, so them "loving" us doesn't help us get what we want. Also I don't think there's mixed messages here. She might still be feeling pain from the breakup or be lonely/bored. You're helping her get over you. She still gets to talk to you even though she doesn't have to do anything romantically for you. She gets the best of both worlds. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I never understood the "I need time/space" thing. If you love someone, why do you need to not be in a romantic relationship with them while you take that time/space? What do they even do with that time/space? My ex gave me a similar speech, but it seems like she is doing everything that she did when she was with me. It's just that I'm not around anymore. Also I agree with everyone else. Back off. Let her come to you. She loves you and wants you back? Let her tell you that and show you that she wants to work things out. A lot of times our ex tells us that they still love us. My ex definitely did. They obviously aren't in love with us anymore, so them "loving" us doesn't help us get what we want. Also I don't think there's mixed messages here. She might still be feeling pain from the breakup or be lonely/bored. You're helping her get over you. She still gets to talk to you even though she doesn't have to do anything romantically for you. She gets the best of both worlds. I believe when an ex says "I need time/space" it usually means your feelings are getting too far ahead of their own feelings for you. This is especially true in short term relationships. This usually scares them because they start thinking that they cannot give back the same amount of love you are showing them which in turn makes them feel suffocated hence them taking time away from you. It is not always a deal breaker but it is something to be mindful of in order to create a healthy relationship long term 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I never understood the "I need time/space" thing. If you love someone, why do you need to not be in a romantic relationship with them while you take that time/space? What do they even do with that time/space? My ex gave me a similar speech, but it seems like she is doing everything that she did when she was with me. It's just that I'm not around anymore. Also I agree with everyone else. Back off. Let her come to you. She loves you and wants you back? Let her tell you that and show you that she wants to work things out. A lot of times our ex tells us that they still love us. My ex definitely did. They obviously aren't in love with us anymore, so them "loving" us doesn't help us get what we want. Also I don't think there's mixed messages here. She might still be feeling pain from the breakup or be lonely/bored. You're helping her get over you. She still gets to talk to you even though she doesn't have to do anything romantically for you. She gets the best of both worlds. I didnt think about that last part like that but i guess youre right. I was in NC but she didnt message me for a whole week ao i got impatient and initiated contact. I feel like she gets over me when i go NC, like life is okay without me because shes so busy now that she doesnt have time to miss me Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Yeah i just read my post from the start and realised all ive been doing is chasing. Funny though she texted me lastnight telling me to listen to this song. It was a sad song pretty much saying how much she misses me. So i reply saying i miss her and she says goodnight. I really dont get these mixed messages aye but i guess NC for now If you're getting mixed messages you aren't getting the right message. You need to stop responding. This is happening because you have no self-control whatsoever. You need to block her number and block her social media because you don't have the good sense to not talk to her on your own. You need to stop cutting corners and actually do No Contact for real. You aren't progressing because you aren't actually trying to progress. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 If you're getting mixed messages you aren't getting the right message. You need to stop responding. This is happening because you have no self-control whatsoever. You need to block her number and block her social media because you don't have the good sense to not talk to her on your own. You need to stop cutting corners and actually do No Contact for real. You aren't progressing because you aren't actually trying to progress. Sucks to hear this but its actually true. Even after she dumped me, i live my life waiting for her to come back. I always convince myself im over but then my emotions clearly show i am not. i just dont know how to stop thinking about her. Im carrying on with my life but still as each day goes by, i still think of her. Still wait for her text etc. Idk how to stop? If i had it my way, i would want to be done with her and never have to worry about her again. I just dont know how to stop lovng and missing Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Sucks to hear this but its actually true. Even after she dumped me, i live my life waiting for her to come back. I always convince myself im over but then my emotions clearly show i am not. i just dont know how to stop thinking about her. Im carrying on with my life but still as each day goes by, i still think of her. Still wait for her text etc. Idk how to stop? If i had it my way, i would want to be done with her and never have to worry about her again. I just dont know how to stop lovng and missing First of all, you can't stop thinking about her right away, so don't try. Just don't get bogged down on it. Second, if you block her, there will be no text to wait on because she won't be able to get through. Therefore, if she really wants to talk to you she'll have to go above and beyond the call of duty. Either way, what you are doing now sucks and you have to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I feel like she gets over me when i go NC, like life is okay without me because shes so busy now that she doesnt have time to miss me You have no way of knowing that! The fact is that she is more likely to be missing you and thinking of you when you are in NC. It's just you don't seem to realise that and think you have to do something to make her have feelings for you again. The best way to get someone's attention is to remove yours! Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Sucks to hear this but its actually true. Even after she dumped me, i live my life waiting for her to come back. I always convince myself im over but then my emotions clearly show i am not. i just dont know how to stop thinking about her. Im carrying on with my life but still as each day goes by, i still think of her. Still wait for her text etc. Idk how to stop? If i had it my way, i would want to be done with her and never have to worry about her again. I just dont know how to stop lovng and missing You are contacting her because you want to reconcile, but by doing that you give yourself the worst chance of reconciling.. By leaving her alone you can allow yourself a modicum of hope to which you can hold onto because you know you are doing your best by her to respect her wishes for time out, which in turn may lead to her getting in touch in the future. But by not doing any of this you are just blowing yourself out of the water completely and most likely for good! Ironically, if you keep on doing this you will soon turn around and realise it really is hopeless, and maybe then you will be able to move on for real.. Here's one real life example of that. I once called a girl 30 times in a row (yep - 30) to profess my undying love and misery without her. She shouted at me and hung up.. I knew it was over for good.. I suggest you try that option if you really want to move on quickly and extinguish all hope! Dilly dallying about, semi-contacting her with old pictures etc is the reason you are in pain, and the reason she will find it easier to get over you! Sever all ties and you will heal quicker and she MIGHT miss you over time. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Here's one real life example of that. I once called a girl 30 times in a row (yep - 30) to profess my undying love and misery without her. She shouted at me and hung up.. I knew it was over for good.. I suggest you try that option if you really want to move on quickly and extinguish all hope! I get what you're trying to say, but I'd shy away from this technique. That could be highway to a restraining order Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I get what you're trying to say, but I'd shy away from this technique. That could be highway to a restraining order Haha! I definitely wouldn't seriously recommend he do that, but I thought I would just describe one rather unorthodox and obviously completely unintentional way to get over someone. When you have a little hope it can be hard to walk away and committing romantic suicide like that can sometimes help get you over them. Extreme but it worked for me that time.. lol Since then I vowed never to act that way again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Haha! I definitely wouldn't seriously recommend he do that, but I thought I would just describe one rather unorthodox and obviously completely unintentional way to get over someone. When you have a little hope it can be hard to walk away and committing romantic suicide like that can sometimes help get you over them. Extreme but it worked for me that time.. lol Since then I vowed never to act that way again. that actually would probably work too because it gives you that closure that's needed. I just went into no contact. thought about her all day yesterday but knew I couldn't text her. and then went out drinking with my mates lastnight and was still kind of scoping around wondering if ill see her but all in all, was a fun night that kind of semi distracted me from her. so this is my second day no contact today, I woke up and thought of sending her a picture of us lol but hopped on here and snapped out of it. I think im really weakly will powered (especially in the morning as soon as I wake up). Might go out again tonight but not sure yet, I find talking with other girls helps me forget about her. But my confidence has been struck and im not as good at talking as I use to be! been in a relationship too long. I know i'll be okay though when push comes to shove. just missing my ex for now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 that actually would probably work too because it gives you that closure that's needed. I just went into no contact. thought about her all day yesterday but knew I couldn't text her. and then went out drinking with my mates lastnight and was still kind of scoping around wondering if ill see her but all in all, was a fun night that kind of semi distracted me from her. so this is my second day no contact today, I woke up and thought of sending her a picture of us lol but hopped on here and snapped out of it. I think im really weakly will powered (especially in the morning as soon as I wake up). Might go out again tonight but not sure yet, I find talking with other girls helps me forget about her. But my confidence has been struck and im not as good at talking as I use to be! been in a relationship too long. I know i'll be okay though when push comes to shove. just missing my ex for now.. Honestly, you just need to learn self-control. Not just for this situation, but in life. If you can show self-control in this instance, just imagine what you are capable of accomplishing! This is more than just getting over a breakup -- you have a chance to make a drastic step forward that can translate in all areas of your life. As for talking to girls, I'd be careful about this. If you go into it all casual, it's not a bad thing. However, you can start to do the compare and contrast thing with your ex, which will make you feel worse. Probably the most successful I've ever been in picking up women was the few months after the ex that brought me here left. I really didn't care at all because I was hung up on her, so I gave a "I don't give a sh*t vibe" that a lot of women respond to. However, every time I hooked up with them I felt like crap because I was comparing them to my ex. Of course, by the time I stopped doing that and started actually trying to meet new girls, I found it to be harder It was the old Catch 22. Either way, if talking to other girls helps, do it. But be careful with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 youre actually right. if i can get through this, then i can get through anything. this is by far one of the biggest obstacles and set backs ive had my entire life s i need to get through it to prove to myself my worth. i have read through hundreds, probably thousands of threads and i look at what people say and think isnt it obvious what to do? BUT YET, i still struggle myself. i can give out advice to other people struggling and the advice is actually half decent but I need to listen to my own advice. i have failed for the past month and a half trying to get over my ex and only see little progress made. theres definitely progress but i keep setting myself back by contacting my ex. funny thing is, is she started a course. i know for a fact she wouldnt be able to get through this if she wasnt doing her course. its those new friends and things that have kept her busy, maybe a new crush. i need to get to the point that if i bump into her in public and shes with aanother guy, then i need to be able to shake his hand and introduce myself and just be fine with it in general. i dont want to get upset or broken hearted when i see that. i want to be able to be happy for her Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Dude -- you need to stop thinking about HER. You need to stop thinking about running into her.... or running into her with a new guy.... or what you'll do or say or how you'll act or what you'll feel... or what they'll think of you. The focus needs to be on YOU. On your life. On your healing. Not on some ex and her imaginary future boyfriend and what you imagine they might think of you. You need to find something new to do with your own life -- right now -- that takes up so much time and energy that you can't sit around anymore thinking about this lame old ex and her future new boyfriends -- and keep yourself rooted in YOUR life and YOUR goals and YOUR future new way-better girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 I know i know i just dont know how to stop thinking about her. I miss her so much. People always say stop thinking abouther but seriously how can that be done when you miss them so much Link to post Share on other sites
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