Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Most of my friends are supportive and they said I should give her a second chance. She also has friends who cheated on their bf/husbands before and it worked out for them. I really need to give her another chance. I'm too weak to let her and go and I know deep down she really loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 She said we can work things out and she said the OM wife also cheated on him and he took her back. I don't know what to do. She asked me to give her child this year so we can get back on track and cement our marriage but I'm not sure. I have herpes and I gave it to her because I got it from an ex-gf. I feel guilty for it. We spoke to a counselor and he said we could work things out. I'm really in two minds but the alternative of doing without her weighs more than the cheating. She told me she will never cheat again. I believe her but some people say once a cheater always a cheater. She has been really nice to be recently. Once a cheater always a cheater is about as false as a statement there is. In fact most women that cheat/have affairs will only do it once because of the emotional turmoil it causes. HOWEVER, your wife isn't most women. From what your saying she shows no remorse, no guilt and blames everyone but herself. She has cheated your entire marriage, left you when you found out and only came back because MM likely wanted nothing to do with a relationship with her.SHE WILL CHEAT AGAIN. Ps, I promise you can live without her, and be very happy in doing so. You have unmasked the monters and you will never get it back in the box, because its unwilling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 She said sorry and promised that she would never do it again and she now she knows she really loves me. Dude that's what freaking say. You have absolutely nothing to work with her. She cheated on you before you got married and left when she thought that guy would leave his wife. She came back when he didn't. You have been her back up plan from the start. She knew that you would take her back. And now you considering having a child with this woman. She is eating you alive and you are letting her. After that kid comes and she finds someone she perceives as better, she is going to sh*t you out. This is the perfect time to walk away. I fail to believe you are this much of a pushover. She wasn't wined and dined. Let this sink in, she wanted him the entire time you were married. That's sick. She has some serious issues and it's not up to you to fix them. Walk away and find someone that will treat you better. I'm not going to lie dude, I'm afraid for you. Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 It appears that you are waiting on someone to validate your desire to be with her. Sure, you have been hit with a lot, so your confusion is understandable. Here is the thing. You are so needy that you don't understand how to be without this woman. learn about co-dependence, RIGHT NOW. SHE LEFT YOU!! That was not seduction, or flattery, that was a choice. now the OM's wife has messed up their tranquility and so she comes back to you because she knows that you will take her back. They are not over. She is not over him. She is still cheating. You will be betrayed again. You will suffer. You will forgive. You will suffer. repeat. The only way you are going to work things out with her is to cut things off with her. She's gotta know that you are willing and able to kick her to the street. Once you get your mind right, you will realize that you don't need her in your life. SHE LEFT YOU. SHE ONLY CAME BACK DUE TO TROUBLE IN PARADISE AND NOT BECAUSE OF HER LOVE FOR YOU. Sorry. In any event, I know that you are going to take her back because you "love" her. But until you get you fixed, this is a recipe for failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I really need to give her another chance. I'm too weak to let her and go and I know deep down she really loves me. Both our parents really get along and both support us in giving us a second chance. We all blame the other guy for what happened. He sweet talked her into the affair and she admitted she was weak and fell for it. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Most of my friends are supportive and they said I should give her a second chance. She also has friends who cheated on their bf/husbands before and it worked out for them. I really need to give her another chance. I'm too weak to let her and go and I know deep down she really loves me. Things didn't work out with Plan A, the OM, so she went back to you, her Plan B. If you're okay with that, far be it for me to talk you out of it. Good luck, Jack. Because Jack is also what this marriage is worth in my book. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Most of my friends are supportive and they said I should give her a second chance. She also has friends who cheated on their bf/husbands before and it worked out for them. I really need to give her another chance. I'm too weak to let her and go and I know deep down she really loves me. What on earth makes you think she really loves you? Stop being a sap and man up here. She walked all over you and is now feeding you a dream of getting back on track and cementing your relationship. Had the OM had the nerve to leave his wife, she would be telling him the same thing now. She never gave you a second thought, until her options dried up. Waken up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 It appears that you are waiting on someone to validate your desire to be with her. Sure, you have been hit with a lot, so your confusion is understandable. Here is the thing. You are so needy that you don't understand how to be without this woman. learn about co-dependence, RIGHT NOW. SHE LEFT YOU!! That was not seduction, or flattery, that was a choice. now the OM's wife has messed up their tranquility and so she comes back to you because she knows that you will take her back. They are not over. She is not over him. She is still cheating. You will be betrayed again. You will suffer. You will forgive. You will suffer. repeat. The only way you are going to work things out with her is to cut things off with her. She's gotta know that you are willing and able to kick her to the street. Once you get your mind right, you will realize that you don't need her in your life. SHE LEFT YOU. SHE ONLY CAME BACK DUE TO TROUBLE IN PARADISE AND NOT BECAUSE OF HER LOVE FOR YOU. Sorry. In any event, I know that you are going to take her back because you "love" her. But until you get you fixed, this is a recipe for failure. I think you maybe right. She may not be over him. In fact we were friends with the other guy and his wife. I noticed that when we used to go out that she was always trying to get his attention. She told me this was infatuation and now she has been with him, the mystery is over and she is really sorry for hurting me. Also she will never have an affair again because during that time she was emotionally torn and she couldn't cope with this. In what cases would you give her a second chance? Have there been cases where things have worked out? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 She said sorry and promised that she would never do it again and she now she knows she really loves me. She also said I do and you believed her. Why would you believe her now, because she said so. Come on man she was banging a married guy before you even went on your honeymoon. This girl has no boundaries. Do not have a baby with her. If you actually think being with is a good thing than talk to a lawyer about a bullet proof post nuptial agreement, one that gives you everything if you divorce because of a new infidelity, protect yourself because we all see the train wreck that's coming your way if you stay with her. Shes got your number. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 The time frame is really interesting to me. You say she's cheated on you for over a year, and you've been married a year. That means she was cheating on you before you were even married. How long were you together before you were married? I've seen that happen before, and it's actually really significant because it indicates complete and utter intent to cheat from the outset, as well as an established cheating partner going into the marriage, which itself means the purpose of the marriage is suspect. You must be providing a service to her thru marriage that she finds necessary - financial support, health benefits, comfortable housing? No idea if you're the primary breadwinner or she is or you both are, but she's likely using you and your marriage for some gain. Otherwise why do it? The rest of her attitude (blaming you, taking a phony victim attitude) absolutely indicates the cheating will resume, or just continue if it never actually stopped, which is a distinct possibility. Here's the modern day rub: some people can actually live with it. Particularly if they're obsessed with their partner like you seem to be. If you can come to terms with it and if it's really true that you can't live without her, that may be your only option, because believe me, she won't stop cheating. Better to greenlight it than have her sneaking around. BUT, I can tell you she'll never respect you with this arrangement, whether it be above board or beneath. That means you'll forever be the kick dog and she'll be the princess. Can you live with that? Because that's what the future holds. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 She also said I do and you believed her. Why would you believe her now, because she said so. Come on man she was banging a married guy before you even went on your honeymoon. This girl has no boundaries. Do not have a baby with her. If you actually think being with is a good thing than talk to a lawyer about a bullet proof post nuptial agreement, one that gives you everything if you divorce because of a new infidelity, protect yourself because we all see the train wreck that's coming your way if you stay with her. Shes got your number. We talked about divorce briefly but she told me she wouldn't take anything from me. In any case I don't have a job right now, nor does she. We have stuck together through bad times. The counselor say this is true test of our marriage and if we get through this, we will be very happy. I also read something about borderline personality disorder and I think she may have it. I need to help her get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 We all blame the other guy for what happened. He sweet talked her into the affair and she admitted she was weak and fell for it. Your wife is a grown woman, she was not forced into having this affair; she knew what she was doing and she even made the decision to calmly walk out that door and leave you. This was not a ONS, where the drink, smooth talking and lust took over for a few hours; this was days and weeks and months of deliberate cheating on you. Do not for one moment think she was the innocent here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Are you ever going to be able to really trust her (that would be a big 'NO' of course)? She cheated on you during the infatuation stage. When she should have been all 'gaga' over you. Imagine what she will be doing in year 20 when things may have settled into 'routine'. Run. Seriously. Don't have kids with her. Honestly, you should seek counselling. Not for your wife or marriage. For yourself. Just by yourself. I suspect your self esteem may not be that high. If it was, the path would be clear (and it should be). I'm sorry. She used you as a doormat and continues to. Find someone that is worthy of marriage. She is not. Never will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 The time frame is really interesting to me. You say she's cheated on you for over a year, and you've been married a year. That means she was cheating on you before you were even married. How long were you together before you were married? I've seen that happen before, and it's actually really significant because it indicates complete and utter intent to cheat from the outset, as well as an established cheating partner going into the marriage, which itself means the purpose of the marriage is suspect. You must be providing a service to her thru marriage that she finds necessary - financial support, health benefits, comfortable housing? No idea if you're the primary breadwinner or she is or you both are, but she's likely using you and your marriage for some gain. Otherwise why do it? The rest of her attitude (blaming you, taking a phony victim attitude) absolutely indicates the cheating will resume, or just continue if it never actually stopped, which is a distinct possibility. Here's the modern day rub: some people can actually live with it. Particularly if they're obsessed with their partner like you seem to be. If you can come to terms with it and if it's really true that you can't live without her, that may be your only option, because believe me, she won't stop cheating. Better to greenlight it than have her sneaking around. BUT, I can tell you she'll never respect you with this arrangement, whether it be above board or beneath. That means you'll forever be the kick dog and she'll be the princess. Can you live with that? Because that's what the future holds. We actually got officially married a year before ie. signed the papers. But had our holiday wedding a year later. We known each other for a year before. She always gets hit on by guys because she is very attractive and she told me it was her moment of weakness. I really can't live without her at this point. I planned my whole life around her. That's if we have a child we can settle down and focus on family life. I don't think she will cheat again if we have a child since the emotional toll would be too great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) What on earth makes you think she really loves you? Stop being a sap and man up here. She walked all over you and is now feeding you a dream of getting back on track and cementing your relationship. Had the OM had the nerve to leave his wife, she would be telling him the same thing now. She never gave you a second thought, until her options dried up. Waken up! She stuck with me even though a lost my job. The other guy is much richer. If she didn't love me she would have left me for him. She said the guy was willing to leave his wife for her but she still came back to me. Edited March 23, 2015 by jackreacher20144 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 She said sorry and promised that she would never do it again and she now she knows she really loves me. Wow, she actually said that? Unbelievable... Let me ask you something... wherever it is that you're from, what are your marriage vows? For example, where I come from, the priest or minister asks the bride something along these lines: Matilda, do you take this man to be thy wedded husband, to love, honour, and obey him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keeping yourself only unto him, so long as you both shall live?And if she says "I do", it means that she says she loves you, and she promises never to do it with somebody else until one of you dies. My point is, of course, didn't she make that promise to you once already? Why do you think she means it this time and not the time before, on your wedding day? I'm not sure I'd believe her. I'm having a difficult time believing you. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 She said sorry and promised that she would never do it again and she now she knows she really loves me. Is this the same woman who said marital vows of love, honor, and cherish? Her words are pretty meaningless in light of the fact that she couldn't keep fidelity that she swore in front of others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yes I understand where you all are coming from but do you know if there have been cases where this situation worked out in the end? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 She stuck with me even though a lost my job. The other guy is much richer. If she didn't love me she would have left me for him. She said the guy was willing to leave his wife for her but she still came back to me. It is not safe to believe everything a WW says after D day. Many things are said for damage control. Also her wanting to have a child right away makes me scared that she is already pregnant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yes I understand where you all are coming from but do you know if there have been cases where this situation worked out in the end? I think you need to do some self-examination, maybe with the help of a counselor, to figure out why you want this to work out so badly. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 She stuck with me even though a lost my job. The other guy is much richer. If she didn't love me she would have left me for him. She said the guy was willing to leave his wife for her but she still came back to me. You said she did leave you for him, only he went back to his wife. Do not believe that rubbish about her choosing you. MM usually when it comes down to the wire, stay married, few leave for the OW. She came back to you when she ran out of other options. Are you going to spend the rest of your marriage looking over your shoulder? She may have even started it all back up again, some do. A child will not stop her cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I don't know what to do at this point, without her I have nothing left to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yes I understand where you all are coming from but do you know if there have been cases where this situation worked out in the end?Absolutely, if by "worked out" you mean the miserable couple went their separate ways. Are you so starved for affection that this is good enough for you? Will you be glad for whatever little time you had when she takes off and is gone once again? Are you Forrest and she's Jenny? Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 We actually got officially married a year before ie. signed the papers. But had our holiday wedding a year later. We known each other for a year before. She always gets hit on by guys because she is very attractive and she told me it was her moment of weakness. I really can't live without her at this point. I planned my whole life around her. That's if we have a child we can settle down and focus on family life. I don't think she will cheat again if we have a child since the emotional toll would be too great. No, mothers cheat all the time. And how do you even know it'd be your child? I'm getting a bit of a vibe here so I have to ask ....does this whole scenario turn you on to some degree? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I don't think they is much anyone can say here. She cheated on you for your entire marriage, when you found out she left you for him. Once it didn't work with him she came back and told you "I'm back because he couldn't give me what I needed" not that she is back because she made a bad decision and she loves you. She then blames him (even as she confessed to always having the hots for him) she blamed you because you didn't give her enough attention. Where does she take responsibilty? Where is her fault? These are not the actions of a woman in love with you, hell she isn't even saying it in words. I feel sorry for you, this woman is going to walk all over you and stomp the life out of your bones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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