Shall I break up? Wife cheated.

[aliveagain]

I didn't know that herpes can have such a serious effect on the baby. I read on the Internet that the chance is remote . We are actively trying for a kid now . I am 34 years old and I have been looking for my true love and I know she is the one so I can't give up on her so easily. She is repentant and I trust this won't happen again . She has given me her word. The OM wife knows about the affair anyway , she found out and told me. Are their really legal issues with herpes transmission . My wife said he got tested and he does not have it . Im worried about our unborn child. I read only if she has an outbreak that it affects the baby.

 

She has given you her word, what does that mean if she can't honor her word she gave you in a church with God as her witness? What has she done that proves you can trust her now? There are legal issues if you knowingly affect someone without telling them about your STD, talk to a lawyer, there must be a free service out there somewhere in your area. My example to you about other betrayed spouse loosing her pregnancy because of an infection she received from your wife after infecting her husband knowingly could happen. There is no cure for herpes, I believe by law you are required to tell a sex partner about an STD before you have unprotected sex with them.

[Friskyone4u]

We are actively trying for a kid now . I am 34 years old and I have been looking for my true love and I know she is the one so I can't give up on her so easily. She is repentant and I trust this won't happen again . She has given me her word. The OM wife knows about the affair anyway , she found out and told me.

 

Truly astounding!!! I can't imagine what other advice anyone can give you other than to tell you the forum will be here for you when she does it again.

 

Her word right now should mean as much to you as the dog doo in your back yard. I hope you can get some help for your issues because I think you may need help more than her.

 

Good luck to you.

[aliveagain]

What kind of woman sleeps with a married man for a year and not tell him about her STD? Are you serious? This is your idea of a true love, you really believe she's worth it, this is who you want to bring children into the world with? Wow. If she is willing to risk O/M what makes you think she wouldn't do the same to you, she was in love with O/M?

Edited March 24, 2015 by aliveagain

[bubbaganoosh]

Boils down to this. Your not going to listen to anyone here so you may as well do whatever you want to do. Go have the kid with her. Think you don't have anything now? Just wait when it happens again and your supporting a woman who cheats and a kid. Just like going from the frying pan into the fire.

[I_Give_Up67]

This can not possibly be real. Is it possible for a 34 year old man to be so naïve??? I really hope that someone is sitting back laughing their asses off at our expense. On the slight chance this is a real life situation, go talk to your father if that is possible. Because you need an immediate intervention. I say this not to be cruel, but you sound to be on the verge of throwing away your sanity and your life.

[HereNorThere]

OP, If this is a real post, you need to start intensive therapy ASAP. I think were all having a hard time believing this because we've seen a lot of co-dependent cuckolds in our time here, but never one this far gone. I hope this isn't real, because if it is, you literally have no chance at a happy life. There isn't one ounce of self respect or dignity in any of your posts. There's no way you'll ever command any respect from anyone, ever.

 

Btw, I'll be needing your lunch money. Those are nice shoes, what size are they? I'll be taking those too. Now go get OM a towel and some Gatorade. Can't you tell he's exhausted from all wrestling with your wife? Be a decent person and go make him a sandwich.

 

Grape, I don't like Grape. I want the new cucumber lime flavor. Can't you do anything right? Here I am servicing your wife for you and you can't even get me the right flavor Gatorade. Un-freakn-grateful

[jackreacher20144]

That's why I have come here seeking a second opinion. All of our friends and even the marriage counsellor has said our marriage is salvageable but everyone here doesn't seem to think so. I'm a total loss now because I thought at least a few people on this forum would advocate a second chance.

[DKT3]

That's why I have come here seeking a second opinion. All of our friends and even the marriage counsellor has said our marriage is salvageable but everyone here doesn't seem to think so. I'm a total loss now because I thought at least a few people on this forum would advocate a second chance.

 

Your not why we ALL feel it won't work. Your wife is showing no signs of remorse. As you tell your story she comes off as self absorbed, selfish and still neck deep in this affair. She didn't come back because of you, she came back because of him, because either he wasn't what she expected or he dumped her butt.

 

Many of us have been there, hoping and wishing for something that isn't there. Its not there, she isn't there. You could head down the path with your marriage just hanging on setting your self up for more pain and agony. Or you can distance yourself at least emotionally and watch her. That time apart did nothing to fix your situation because her energy was spent on him, while you sat and waited for her.

[I_Give_Up67]

That's why I have come here seeking a second opinion. All of our friends and even the marriage counsellor has said our marriage is salvageable but everyone here doesn't seem to think so. I'm a total loss now because I thought at least a few people on this forum would advocate a second chance.

 

 

 

You need new friends and you need to fire your marriage counselor! What you have described in your own words sounds like a perverted mess. If you can live with a WW and be happy, then take your friends advice and salvage your marriage. If you truly thought it was possible to be happy by continuing to be with your WW, then you would not be here on LS seeking opinions. You are looking for someone to tell you that is ok to give her a second chance in the Infidelity section, good luck! But what you have describe here isn't worthy of a second chance for many.

[HereNorThere]

Your not why we ALL feel it won't work. Your wife is showing no signs of remorse. As you tell your story she comes off as self absorbed, selfish and still neck deep in this affair. She didn't come back because of you, she came back because of him, because either he wasn't what she expected or he dumped her butt.

 

Many of us have been there, hoping and wishing for something that isn't there. Its not there, she isn't there. You could head down the path with your marriage just hanging on setting your self up for more pain and agony. Or you can distance yourself at least emotionally and watch her. That time apart did nothing to fix your situation because her energy was spent on him, while you sat and waited for her.

 

No, I respectfully disagree. No matter how evil and twisted his wife is, he obviously has serious issues if he would consider bringing children into this toxic environment. He can screw up his own life all he wants, but even considering having a child right now is a red flag that something is seriously wrong with him. You have to be pretty far out there to think that's a good idea.

 

And sure, his wife is a monster, but he's an enabler. OP seems like some therapy could get him on the right path or at least out of the hands of his abuser.

[onemanband]

You really want to give her another chance, just think how many chances you've already gave her,when you said she loves me now I almost fell out of my chair do you realize how that sounds::::

[beach]

I don't think they is much anyone can say here. She cheated on you for your entire marriage, when you found out she left you for him. Once it didn't work with him she came back and told you "I'm back because he couldn't give me what I needed" not that she is back because she made a bad decision and she loves you. She then blames him (even as she confessed to always having the hots for him) she blamed you because you didn't give her enough attention. Where does she take responsibilty? Where is her fault?

 

These are not the actions of a woman in love with you, hell she isn't even saying it in words.

 

I feel sorry for you, this woman is going to walk all over you and stomp the life out of your bones.

 

This^^^^

 

And I hope you can better balance back in your life! Handing THAT MUCH power to anyone or anything is terribly off balance.

 

She cheated your entire marriage! You should be flaming mad at her! So mad that you have her leave for a long while so you can think clearly without her manipulating you with more lies.

 

I hope you get professional help to understand why you would settle for this - and how to change things so you don't accept such poor behavior in your future.

 

If you don't feel like divorcing now, fine... But at least get a breather so you can process clearly what she's done to you - and why that isn't what love looks like.

[onemanband]

These friends must be your wife's friends,,,,

[jackreacher20144]

Yes it was her friends . One of her friends cheated on her bf now husband . He forgave her and now they are happy together . The counsellor says that true love has the power to forgive. I want to forgive and give her a second chance. She is remorseful and said it was just a one time error of judgment. Hillary Clinton forgave Bill Clinton and they are still married, that's what my counsellor said. The only think that still irks me is that the other guy bought her some jewellery and she insists on keeping them. I said that was fine as long as she doesn't wear when I am with her.

Edited March 24, 2015 by jackreacher20144

[jackreacher20144]

I know I am not being totally objective because I love her but if you were in my position and really loved someone it would be so hard to let go. I told her if I caught her cheating again I would leave her. She believes this and promises me never to do it again. Where do you draw the line between self respect and love?

[DKT3]

Yes it was her friends . One of her friends cheated on her bf now husband . He forgave her and now they are happy together . The counsellor says that true love has the power to forgive. I want to forgive and give her a second chance. She is remorseful and said it was just a one time error of judgment. Hillary Clinton forgave Bill Clinton and they are still married, that's what my counsellor said. The only think that still irks me is that the other guy bought her some jewellery and she insists on keeping them. I said that was fine as long as she doesn't wear when I am with her.

 

Good gawd man. Well good luck, you will be needing it.

[beach]

I know I am not being totally objective because I love her but if you were in my position and really loved someone it would be so hard to let go. I told her if I caught her cheating again I would leave her. She believes this and promises me never to do it again. Where do you draw the line between self respect and love?

 

When I have to betray myself and my self respect in order to stay in any relationship - that's where I draw the line.

 

My exH cheated at 10 years. He swore he'd never do it again but when I discovered more cheating at year 20 I divorced him without even a conversation. He didn't know how to be faithful. He just hoped I'd never find out. Some people just can't be faithful. She looks like she's never been faithful so how can you believe her based on her evidence? You can't.

 

One year in and she's cheated the whole time? I don't think she's sorry she did it at all - she's sorry you caught her.

 

What work has she done to realize how broken she is on the inside? What has she done to fix what's broken about herself? If nothing... Then she's only offering her broken self to you and that shouldn't be enough.

 

Have her move for 6-12 months and work on fixing herself. She can EARN back your trust - that should be enough time to see if she's going to do the hard work on herself it takes to change herself.

 

She's got MAJOR work to do - and you can't help her. Step aside and live without her for a long while so she can learn how not to be the cheater she's used to being.

 

Sorry it hurts - it sucks. But what sucks even more is when they cheat again and you realize you wasted decades living with a farce and a liar.

 

Is take that jewelry and pawn it! Then spend the money on something nice FOR YOURSELF!

[stillcold]

Hey bud, sorry for what you are going through but I think you know why you came here in the first place: to use this thread to justify your reasons for staying with her even though your mind/logic completely disagrees with that decision.

 

I'm going to say this very politely but hopefully you get the point: you're a fool if you take her back. One year into the marriage and she's been cheating the whole time, which means she's probably cheated long before that too. On top of that, she shows no remorse and proves that by dumping you for OM. Yet, after all this, you still want to take her back?

 

She literally spit in your face and treated you like a worthless stranger; how could you love someone like that, let alone love yourself for taking someone like that back? Divorce her and throw her to the curb where she belongs. You love her? Well, if loving her makes you stop loving yourself then she's not worth your love.

 

If you take her back, you are a very weak man after all she's done to you. I guarantee that is what 99% of people will think and say of you when they hear your story and the fact that you took her back. You're better than that, be a man and stand up for yourself cause if you let something this big not be a deal breaker for you, you my friend are the weakest man I would have ever known.

 

Do the right thing. End it. Loving her shouldn't make you not love yourself. When you love someone you should make sacrafices for them, but your sacrafices shouldn't lower your self worth nor contradict common sense and morality.

[jen1447]

I don't think I really believe this story anymore but on the off chance it's for real, this is my last try ....

 

She is remorseful and said it was just a one time error of judgment.

It was 365+ days. 24 hours each day. Day and night. Sustained, committed, willful, absolute, perfect, pure deception. That's not an "error," it's a fully informed and invested commitment to completely and utterly gaslight her husband over the long haul while having a rocking good time with her boyfriend(s) the whole way.

 

It's the first degree premeditated murder of infidelity. It's the serial murder of infidelity. It's the pissing on your grave of infidelity. That's what it is.

[road]

Yes it was her friends . One of her friends cheated on her bf now husband . He forgave her and now they are happy together . The counsellor says that true love has the power to forgive. I want to forgive and give her a second chance. She is remorseful and said it was just a one time error of judgment. Hillary Clinton forgave Bill Clinton and they are still married, that's what my counsellor said. The only think that still irks me is that the other guy bought her some jewellery and she insists on keeping them. I said that was fine as long as she doesn't wear when I am with her.

 

Her keeping the OM's jewelry is a bad sign of potential future problems.

[beach]

Her keeping the OM's jewelry is a bad sign of potential future problems.

 

It represents her still hanging on to some part of him! And YOU ALLOW that?

 

Take the damn jewelry and break it into smithereens right in front of her!

 

 

Then tell her it's forever broken like your marriage she's ruined.

[jackreacher20144]

I just don't know if I can leave her . Like I said my family and friends told me to give her a second chance . I guess I came here seeking validation but it turns out you all tell me to bail . Then what next ? I will have to go through an ugly divorce and I will be alone. I can't see the future but I really want to believe she is sorry. Surely by having my child is showing commitment to the marriage. She could have left but she didn't .

[cgiles]

I read all your posts and I have a very simple question :

 

Does Jack Reacher would accept to be a plan B ?

 

Because it's what you are, you are not her plan A, you are her plan B, her consolation prices, she didn't get the other dude, so she comes back to you.

 

Who told you she choice you over him, and it's not him who dumped her ?

 

I mean, except words and says sorry to your parents and to you, what she did, except come back ?

 

There is a saying "Do you know when a cheater lies ? It moves its lips"

 

Now, I can offer you to become a better man, a better future father, and partner.

 

First stop to try to have a child now.

You need to wait at least 3 months, and she checks again her stds.

You don't want your child has stds even before it is born, don't you ?

 

3 months will let the time to her body to produces antibodies to every STDs she could have got via him, somes antibodies are longer to create for the body.

 

I'm sure you will agree with me with about the fact she needs a strong and self respected husband, don't you ?

 

So you need to read "no more mr nice guy" by Robert Glover.

It's the best book for self improvement for men. If you read it, and follow the exercices of the book, you will be a great husband and father.

Here for you :

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

 

About wife, I advice you to give a look at this :

http://rowell.smugmug.com/photos/i-XPW9qP3/0/L/i-XPW9qP3-L.jpg

 

And here a list a behavior of someone who is truely remorseful :

* Actions match words.

* Accepts full responsibility for the affair without blaming the BS, a bad marriage, or other outside factors.

* Expresses sorrow for hurting the BS and the M.

* Shows compassion and actively assists the BS with handling triggers.

* Does not become defensive or shut down when BS brings up affair-related emotions, issues, or questions.

* Answers questions honestly and completely.

* Does not avoid the BS or become frustrated that the BS is not “healing fast enough.”

* Contributes at least 60% of the joint effort at rebuilding the marriage.

* Actively works to understand why he or she made the choice to have an affair and shares insights with BS.

* Does not think solely about himself or herself. Considers how actions impact the BS.

 

And please, stop to consider your wife as a retard.

Because it's what you do, when you say it's not her fault, but the other guy faults.

Do you think she would appreciate that her husband thinks she is a retard ?

Or she would prefer to be considerated as an adult ?

An adult must face the consequences of its actions and choices !

[Friskyone4u]

Jack

 

You've beenone for the past year bit did not know it. Every time she walked out of the house without you she went to sleep with another man and she is only back with you because he would not leave his wife . The jewelry thing is pathetic. She probably has some lingerie hidden somewhere she wore for only him and is keeping as another reminder of him.

It is obvious you are not going to listen to anyone. You haven't even given her any boundaries . It appears her friends all know what she was doing and I am guessing you are just going to allow her to just have herself all the fun she wants with no boundaries just so you ca. Keep her

That comparison to the Clintons makes me wonder if your MC is out of kindergarten . It would be political which is not allowed to discuss why the Clintons are still together .

[elaine567]

She is making sure she can stay by having a child with you, that way it is a double lock.

You love her, you love her child and therefore you don't throw her out the next time she cheats.

 

Stop being so naive, her friends cheated too so it is not in their best interests for you to leave her, as that may rock their own marriages.

NO marriage guidance person is going to say any marriage is hopeless, because sorting out marriages is their bread and butter, they don't want to lose two clients, by telling them to just divorce.

 

She is in survival mode at the moment, so she will do anything to make sure her bolthole is safe, realise that, and do not be taken in by her lies. She doesn't love you, she is using you. She was discarded by the OM and her options were limited so she has came back to you to lick her wounds.

She now has to make sure you are fully on board and what better way than to have a child and to promise commitment to you.

However once she realises she is safe again, her old grievances with you will resurface and she will either resume activities with the OM, (if indeed they have ever stopped), or she will be looking for someone else. Once she finds a richer man to take her on, you will not see her for dust. (the jewellery is the clue)

 

Please do not bring a child into this mess, it doesn't deserve that.