MidwestUSA Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Please, please please note what Pete is saying! I saw my husband on Facebook for two days straight when I knew he was at work, gaming, or home asleep. Jumping to such conclusions can ruin a potential good thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Well like I said, if he has the POF app installed on his phone, it will show him as online every time his phone has internet connection. Which may mean it shows him online when he's at home, offline when he's driving, online at work, offline when at the gym, online when he gets home... etc. It will look exactly as though he's going online to look for others but he may not have even taken the phone out of his pocket the whole time. So don't jump to conclusions based on his online status, it means nothing. This is what I was going to post. I had the same thing happen to me in the past. Also, it's been just 7 DAYS. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Is this the same guy that asked you to go home with him after the first date? I think that when a guy meets a woman he's really into, he won't risk losing her by getting back on the dating site. I've only had one boyfriend that I met on a dating site, and within a short time he told me he had deleted his profile. I get the feeling he wants to get you (or whatever target woman) into bed fast. I also get the sense from your posts that you used to have sex within a few dates, but are now waiting longer to see if the guy really likes you. This is a very smart adaptation, if you want to find something real. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Gaeta, also, what has worked for me is *trusting" the connection WE have made with each other....up to that point. You KNOW you click, HE knows you click...you've made a true connection, which is rare for having met on-line....so focus on THAT and try not to worry about what he may or may not be doing with others. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what YOU have together and developing the connection YOU have made. This is where self-confidence comes into play. Have confidence in the connection and the chemistry you have with each other... and nevermind what he may or may not be doing with others. Worrying about it will only cause unnecessary anxiety... which could possibly sabotage what you developed together... up to this point. Good luck and keep us posted! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Also, it's been just 7 DAYS. lol yes I know and I know I can count on you to bring everything back down to basic. Yes it's only been 7 days (3 dates) but we communicate a lot before meeting and we continue communicating a lot, long phone conversation etc, so the familiarity between us is developing fast. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I mean, that's the other thing, right? My BF and I didn't officially take down our profiles until two months in. It didn't mean we were seeing other people, we just hadn't taken the step of deactivating our accounts. And even if I did go online, I intentionally didn't check to see if he'd been on. Since you're not sure what his online status means, or if he's truly online, then be careful not to judge him on what you interpret that status. Link to post Share on other sites
haribogumsnickers Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yeah the phone app keeps you logged in unless you manually go to settings and log out. He's still fishing but that can change if you kiss him. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Gaeta, also, what has worked for me is *trusting" the connection WE have made with each other....up to that point. You KNOW you click, HE knows you click...you've made a true connection, which is rare for having met on-line....so focus on THAT and try not to worry about what he may or may not be doing with others. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what YOU have together and developing the connection YOU have made. This is where self-confidence comes into play. Have confidence in the connection and the chemistry you have with each other... and nevermind what he may or may not be doing with others. Worrying about it will only cause unnecessary anxiety... which could possibly sabotage what you developed together... up to this point. Good luck and keep us posted! To add - it's only been one week. So again, whatever he may or may not be doing with others shouldn't really matter. All that matters is developng what YOU (collective you). Have confidence..YOU are special. Trust your connection! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) This man has everything on my list of wishes (so far). In my mind I wanted to meet a man that was funny, stable, attentive, considerate, articulate, interesting, fit and handsome and I met him!! He contacts me on daily basis, he takes interest in my day, he remembers everything I say. We had 3 dates in the past 7 days. He kept his hands to himself, he insisted on paying each time. He offers his help when he sees a need. He makes short terms plans with me. On our last date he asked: So, are we like seeing each other? To me it sounded like he was confirming we are dating, what do you think? He even told his 10 yo daughter about me and showed her my pictures and asked her if she'd be ok with meeting me one day. Where is the catch? He is online on daily basis. Last night we went to a movie, he invited me over to his place after, I left at midnight. Sure enough this morning it says he's been online 'today'. He's continuing to go online on a daily basis because you didn't answer his question about whether you two are seeing each other. When a man asks you a question like that, ask him questions if you don't understand and/or answer the question. However, this piece of information puts me off a little "He even told his 10 yo daughter about me and showed her my pictures and asked her if she'd be ok with meeting me one day". It's kinda soon for him to be involving his daughter in a decision about a new dating prospect. He's moving a little too fast. In fact, he's moving a little too fast with the dating process -- 3 dates in 7 days? And, he brought you home after the third date? Were you two intimate or did he push for it in any way? It's too soon to go to a man's home after a third date. He's still virtually a stranger. Be a little wary of this one no matter how much you like him. Edited March 23, 2015 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 However, this piece of information puts me off a little "He even told his 10 yo daughter about me and showed her my pictures and asked her if she'd be ok with meeting me one day". It's kinda soon for him to be involving his daughter in a decision about a new dating prospect. He's moving a little too fast. In fact, he's moving a little too fast with the dating process -- 3 dates in 7 days? I'll be the devil's advocate for this one. Aside from the frequency of the dates in such a short time, which I agree is alarming, maybe he wants to see if Gaeta will get along with his daughter, and vice versa, otherwise it would be waste of time to continue dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 He's continuing to go online on a daily basis because you didn't answer his question about whether you two are seeing each other. When a man asks you a question like that, ask him questions if you don't understand and/or answer the question. However, this piece of information puts me off a little "He even told his 10 yo daughter about me and showed her my pictures and asked her if she'd be ok with meeting me one day". It's kinda soon for him to be involving his daughter in a decision about a new dating prospect. He's moving a little too fast. In fact, he's moving a little too fast with the dating process -- 3 dates in 7 days? Be a little wary of this one no matter how much you like him. First paragraph -- easier said than done while in the throes of a passionate kiss.. Second paragraph -- I don't agree and I will leave it at that. Third paragraph -- agree. We should "always" be a little wary in the very early stages. Pay attention, keep eyes wide open. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Is this the same guy that asked you to go home with him after the first date? Yes it's him and we cleared that out. He apologized it and said he'll go along with anything I want and feel comfortable with and he is aiming at nothing else but long term. I think that when a guy meets a woman he's really into, he won't risk losing her by getting back on the dating site. I've only had one boyfriend that I met on a dating site, and within a short time he told me he had deleted his profile. That's my sentiment too but like Pete said it could be technical. I get the feeling he wants to get you (or whatever target woman) into bed fast. He told me his experience online was that women wanted to jump into bed fast to assess the guy's worth and then if they were pleased they'd want to get to know him. He also mentioned he's kind of clueless and has no idea when to close a deal with a woman. I also get the sense from your posts that you used to have sex within a few dates, but are now waiting longer to see if the guy really likes you. This is a very smart adaptation, if you want to find something real. Thank you! yes I am changing my ways. A male friend told me to wait minimum 5 dates. No matter how many dates I will wait, I will only be intimate with him if both our profiles are down. I am not gonna watch a man I slept with go back online, I am not putting myself through this sh!.t again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 All this would be helped by waiting to sleep with a man. It's not a "minimum of X dates". But when the relationship is developed enough that you two are exclusive, at least, but better, in a relationship. My boyfriend didn't hide his profile on match until more than one month in, maybe close to two, and only after that I hid mine too. I didn't worry about it. If he is to want me, he will hid it on his own, without me bringing it up. And we won't sleep together before that. In fact, we won't sleep together until an exclusive relationship is declared, and the connection is strong enough, and that is to take a few months. If women did that, it would save a lot of confusion and heartache. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'll be the devil's advocate for this one. Aside from the frequency of the dates in such a short time, which I agree is alarming, maybe he wants to see if Gaeta will get along with his daughter, and vice versa, otherwise it would be waste of time to continue dating. How can he, his daughter or Gaeta know if they will get along based on a picture? He shouldn't even be considering these kind of future things at this point. They don't know enough about each other to be thinking about even being exclusive at this point because they don't know if the two of them will really get along yet anyway. He may as well let his daughter go through the pictures on a dating site to pick out who she wants her Dad to try dating. Or just bring her along on the dates . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) He's continuing to go online on a daily basis because you didn't answer his question about whether you two are seeing each other. When a man asks you a question like that, ask him questions if you don't understand and/or answer the question. However, this piece of information puts me off a little "He even told his 10 yo daughter about me and showed her my pictures and asked her if she'd be ok with meeting me one day". It's kinda soon for him to be involving his daughter in a decision about a new dating prospect. He's moving a little too fast. In fact, he's moving a little too fast with the dating process -- 3 dates in 7 days? And, he brought you home after the third date? Were you two intimate or did he push for it in any way? It's too soon to go to a man's home after a third date. He's still virtually a stranger. Be a little wary of this one no matter how much you like him. Yes I find it fast too but I think it's good he's letting his daughter know he is dating and one day if he meets a lady special enough they will do activities together. Last man I was dating wouldn't tell his 16 yo he was dating. Last night date (3rd one) was a last minute arrangement because he is getting his daughter today till next Monday. No we were not intimate. No nothing. He was a perfect host and I got a kiss good bye, that's it. Edited March 23, 2015 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yes I find it fast too but I think it's good he's letting his daughter know he is dating and one day if he meets a lady special enough they will do activities together. Last man I was dating wouldn't tell his 16 yo he was dating. Last night date (3rd one) was a last minute arrangement because he is getting his daughter today till next Monday. No we were not intimate. No nothing. He was a perfect host and I got a kiss good bye, that's it. Bottomline, is to not get too emotionally invested too soon. You'll need to let it develop for a bit before you can really know anything. It's ok for him to let his daughter know he's dating, but not to involve her with anyone too soon. It's unfair to a child to involve them early, because they could get attached to that person and if it doesn't work out, she will be hurt too. So far, he's treating you with respect and you are enjoying time with him. Continue to do that until . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 First paragraph -- easier said than done while in the throes of a passionate kiss.. Second paragraph -- I don't agree and I will leave it at that. Third paragraph -- agree. We should "always" be a little wary in the very early stages. Pay attention, keep eyes wide open. First paragraph -- you can address it after that passionate kiss and better yet, before Second paragraph - I think he should let his daughter know he's dating, but not involve her in the process until he finds that special one that he wants to bring home. How many pictures is he showing her? That's going to confuse her. Third paragraph -- yep, that's the truth Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 How many pictures is he showing her? That's going to confuse her. I asked him and he showed her only 1 picture I had sent him, not a picture from my profile, it's a picture of me and my dog. She saw that picture pop up when I called so she asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I asked him and he showed her only 1 picture I had sent him, not a picture from my profile, it's a picture of me and my dog. She saw that picture pop up when I called so she asked. Oh Readhead sorry I just caught on what you meant by how many pictures is he showing her, as in how many ladies is he showing her! not pictures of me! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I asked him and he showed her only 1 picture I had sent him, not a picture from my profile, it's a picture of me and my dog. She saw that picture pop up when I called so she asked. No, I mean, is he showing her pictures of all his dating prospects? What's the point of that? Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 My two prerequisites for taking my profile down from a dating site are sex and exclusivity. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Where is the catch? He is online on daily basis. Last night we went to a movie, he invited me over to his place after, I left at midnight. Sure enough this morning it says he's been online 'today'. Doesn't sound like you had sex with him. That's your first and most obvious answer if that's the case, He didn't invite you back to his place to cuddle on the couch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Doesn't sound like you had sex with him. That's your first and most obvious answer if that's the case, He didn't invite you back to his place to cuddle on the couch. Him and I had a conversation about sex at the beginning. I am not jumping into bed, he invited me over knowing that AND he did not try anything AT ALL, while I was there. He did not even kiss me other than a good bye kiss. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Him and I had a conversation about sex at the beginning. I am not jumping into bed, he invited me over knowing that AND he did not try anything AT ALL, while I was there. He did not even kiss me other than a good bye kiss. So not only do you brush him off when he tries to talk about exclusivity, but you agree to go back to his place knowing you won't have sex? I can honestly see why he is still online. This should be obvious, but here's a tip. If you're not ready to have sex with a guy, don't go to his place. That's the whole reason why he wants to be alone with you in private. It's not to watch movies or cuddle on the couch. That's why I plan public dates for awhile, and don't have the first private date until we're ready to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 So not only do you brush him off when he tries to talk about exclusivity, but you agree to go back to his place knowing you won't have sex? I can honestly see why he is still online. This should be obvious, but here's a tip. If you're not ready to have sex with a guy, don't go to his place. That's the whole reason why he wants to be alone with you in private. It's not to watch movies or cuddle on the couch. That's why I plan public dates for awhile, and don't have the first private date until we're ready to have sex. Why didn't he make a move? He is not going to tempt me into having sex by sitting 3 feet away from me and showing me his cool electronics. Link to post Share on other sites
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