katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Gaeta...please try not to over think...you're gonna over-think your way right out of what could be beautiful relationship. Go back and read my post no. 21. It's human nature to want to "look" it doesn't mean he intends to do anything about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Why didn't he make a move? He is not going to tempt me into having sex by sitting 3 feet away from me and showing me his cool electronics. Haha.. He did what? I will admit, that's just plain weird. So that obviously makes sense. At first I thought he might have gone for it and you shot him down. But what's funny is that I'm actually picking up on slight disappointment in your tone. I think you may have actually been down to have sex if he'd acted like a man and gone for it. You did go back to his place after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Why didn't he make a move? You went on 3 dates in 7 days, correct? Could be because just 5 days ago, you had turned him down. And now you want it just a few days later. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Gaeta...please try not to over think...you're gonna over-think your way right out of what could be beautiful relationship. Go back and read my post no. 21. It's human nature to want to "look" it doesn't mean he intends to do anything about it. And even if he did...have trust the connection YOU have with him..... remember you are special! Who cares what he may or may not be doing with others. It's only been one week and you are not even having sex yet. ! When you feel the time is right for sex..THEN you can talk with him about it.... In the meantime, relax and enjoy! One day at a time.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 You went on 3 dates in 7 days, correct? Could be because just 5 days ago, you had turned him down. And now you want it just a few days later. Why does it have to be everything or nothing? I would like a little bit of romance!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Haha.. He did what? I will admit, that's just plain weird. So that obviously makes sense. At first I thought he might have gone for it and you shot him down. But what's funny is that I'm actually picking up on slight disappointment in your tone. I think you may have actually been down to have sex if he'd acted like a man and gone for it. You did go back to his place after all. On our previous date he went for it and I pulled out his hands from my under my blouse and indicated we're not going there. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 On our previous date he went for it and I pulled out his hands from my under my blouse and indicated we're not going there. Wow.. You're just full of mixed signals aren't you. Here you're saying that he made a move and you put a stop to it. Where as just before you were asking why he didn't make a move at his place? No wonder he didn't try anything. He probably didn't feel like being shot down again. Men have emotions too and one of the worst feelings in the world is when you try to be physically affectionate with a woman you like and she slams the breaks. To be honest, it sounds like you don't know what the hell you want Gaeta. Even down to you brushing off him talking about exclusivity and then being on here and asking why he's still on the dating site. My advice would be to make up your mind about what you want, have clear goals, and go for it. This half in, half out roller coaster you're on will lead to motion sickness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Wow.. You're just full of mixed signals aren't you. Here you're saying that he made a move and you put a stop to it. Where as just before you were asking why he didn't make a move at his place? To be honest, it sounds like you don't know what the hell you want Gaeta. Even down to you brushing off him talking about exclusivity and then being on here and asking why he's still on the dating site. My advice would be to make up your mind about what you want, have clear goals, and go for it. This half in, half out roller coaster you're on will lead to motion sickness. Lets break it down here. I do not want to jump into bed I don't want heavy make-out sessions. I am not going to torture both of us with heavy make-out then drop it with no finishing. I want to be kissed and held What is so hard to understand? I am only disappointed he did not try to get close and kiss me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 In fact, we won't sleep together until an exclusive relationship is declared, and the connection is strong enough, and that is to take a few months. If women did that, it would save a lot of confusion and heartache. I agree. This is how I've dated for most of my life, and I only got swayed from it during a time when I was lazy and cynical. I think that 99% of the anxiety-ridden posts from women we see on this forum would disappear if women who are looking for love stopped having sex with guys who are essentially strangers. I made this mistake myself, so I speak from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I am only disappointed he did not try to get close and kiss me. You want him to do that one thing that could lead to the other thing that you don't want to do. Makes sense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Lets break it down here. I do not want to jump into bed I don't want heavy make-out sessions. I am not going to torture both of us with heavy make-out then drop it with no finishing. I want to be kissed and held What is so hard to understand? I am only disappointed he did not try to get close and kiss me. Because he's just waiting around and putting in the time before he can sleep with you...and it seems like you're the type to sleep with men fast just to try and keep them interested in you, so now you're just flipping out because you think you're not doing enough. You're a mess after just 3 dates and a week of dating, reading into everything that really doesn't change the main problem...the guy wants to sleep with you, but you keep smacking him away like a puppy "training" him about what you want without being really direct....and no I wouldn't take him showing his daughter you're picture as a good sign, I take it more as a sign he's an idiot or just trying to make you feel special, he may not have actually done it and if he did he's irresponsible. In your case, because you can't control yourself and are having trouble breaking routine...just sleep with the guy, but drop the exclusivity bomb for it...do an Indian trade...he gets what he wants and you might get a relationship out of it. Otherwise you're just both playing games with each other..so if he's that "awesome" and so amazing then take a chance, syou've probably slept with guys much worse...maybe this guy actually likes you or will l iii me you after he gets that vagina, but nobody knows what they're doing it seems exactly, kind of the blind leading the blind, you need to communicate more directly and show what you want...behave a certain way...not make ultimatums or hang over a moment you and everyone else thinks meant exclusivity...when you've already backed the guy off from sex several times...the guy is just probing and trying different things to figure it out and eventually he'll get tired if the games and rejection and sleep with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 You want him to do that one thing that could lead to the other thing that you don't want to do. Makes sense. Your advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Your advice? Let things develop organically. Stop making expectations. You want him to slow down but want him to speed up. You are trying too hard to figure out things with this guy, even though he was a complete stranger to you, just a month ago. As a guy, you are told less than 7 days ago that you aren't trying to jump into bed, so you apply the mental brakes and try to ease your way in. If he had tried anything again within a week, you'd be posting a thread about how all he wants to do is get physical. How about you just let things happen? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Gaeta, I don't have time to get fully into it now...but there's such a thing as being "too" cautious. And after reading more about this, I think that's what you're being -- too cautious. Just cause you are not ready for "sex," there is nothing wrong with some "petting" even heavy petting... within reason. Men need to feel "desired" too and he may not be feeling that from you. The fact he didn't want to kiss you and get close on your last date doesn't sound good. The lack of physical affection (NOTsex necessarily) may have have catapulted his feelings for you right into the friend zone..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Let things develop organically. Stop making expectations. You want him to slow down but want him to speed up. You are trying too hard to figure out things with this guy, even though he was a complete stranger to you, just a month ago. As a guy, you are told less than 7 days ago that you aren't trying to jump into bed, so you apply the mental brakes and try to ease your way in. If he had tried anything again within a week, you'd be posting a thread about how all he wants to do is get physical. How about you just let things happen? So, when a woman says I don't want to jump into bed right away the man interprets this as no kiss, no embrace, no hand holding because men can't give simple gesture of affection without it leading to sex. Ok, understood. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 So, when a woman says I don't want to jump into bed right away the man interprets this as no kiss, no embrace, no hand holding because men can't give simple gesture of affection without it leading to sex. Ok, understood. He is building up to all of that. You shut him down on the first date. He's trying to play the game YOUR way and you're frustrated about it? Again... 7 days. It's only been 7 days and you are trying to analyze every single detail about what he is doing or hasn't done. I'll say it right now, keep this up and this is doomed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mr_dave Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 So, when a woman says I don't want to jump into bed right away the man interprets this as no kiss, no embrace, no hand holding because men can't give simple gesture of affection without it leading to sex. Ok, understood. I wouldn't go that far, but at the same time if I were trying to seduce a lady, (kissing, heavy petting etc) and were rebuffed, I might not be quite so forward for fear of peeing her off, or seeming disrespectful of her wishes. Going back to your thread title... well I've been on 5 dates with a woman now, we've kissed, had great dates and spent maybe 20 hours in each others' company. I disabled my profile as soon as we'd agreed to our first date! I'm a one at a time kind of guy, I know there aren't too many great catches out there, so whilst I'm dating one I might as well be giving her my full attention... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Lets break it down here. I do not want to jump into bed I don't want heavy make-out sessions. I am not going to torture both of us with heavy make-out then drop it with no finishing. I want to be kissed and held What is so hard to understand? I am only disappointed he did not try to get close and kiss me.Out of curiosity, did you post this somewhere where he could see it? Otherwise, how is he supposed to know what is okay and what is not? This reminds me of a woman I dated who complained I was taking up too much of her time. I didn't make plans with her for two weeks and then she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Because he's just waiting around and putting in the time before he can sleep with you Yes, ok I get that. ...and it seems like you're the type to sleep with men fast just to try and keep them interested in you Not at all, I get intimate quickly because I enjoy sex and I need it to connect and build emotional intimacy. I would never have sex to 'try' something. I do it for me because I want to. In your case, because you can't control yourself and are having trouble breaking routine...just sleep with the guy, but drop the exclusivity bomb for it...do an Indian trade...he gets what he wants and you might get a relationship out of it. Otherwise you're just both playing games with each other..so if he's that "awesome" and so amazing then take a chance, syou've probably slept with guys much worse...maybe this guy actually likes you or will l iii me you after he gets that vagina, but nobody knows what they're doing it seems exactly, kind of the blind leading the blind hmmm yea. Getting sex out of the way sometimes isn't a bad idea. the guy is just probing and trying different things to figure it out and eventually he'll get tired if the games and rejection and sleep with someone else. Doomed if you sleep with him and doomed if you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Out of curiosity, did you post this somewhere where he could see it? Otherwise, how is he supposed to know what is okay and what is not? This reminds me of a woman I dated who complained I was taking up too much of her time. I didn't make plans with her for two weeks and then she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. When I told him I did not want to jump into bed right away that was over the phone. Then when we had a date after that he was keeping his distance and I am the one who jumped in for a kiss and it lead to more kissing a little bit of petting then I told him I said no sex but I didn't mean we can't get close. So the kissing and petting continued and he went to undress me and I said no, we don't go there. We keep it light. Is that clear boundaries? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Doomed if you sleep with him and doomed if you don't. Doomed if you try, doomed if you don't. It's a two way street for men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
PumpkinLumpkin Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Putting myself in his shoes, if after three dates, seven days, no sex, no under-the-shirt action, if a girl asked me to take down my profile, I'd tell her to GTFO. Don't ask him to take down his profile. 1. It is way too soon. 2. It will be much more meaningful if he did it by himself without your prompting. So what if he 's dating others? If you're a hot commodity, he'll consistently ask you for dates and the others will be weeded out. As the saying goes, the cream rises to to the top.... Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 He is building up to all of that. You shut him down on the first date. He's trying to play the game YOUR way and you're frustrated about it? Again... 7 days. It's only been 7 days and you are trying to analyze every single detail about what he is doing or hasn't done. I'll say it right now, keep this up and this is doomed. I'm sorry Gaeta but I think Diezel is making some really good points on here. I also think katiegrl might be onto something regarding being "too cautious". Unfortunately, I don't have any answers for you that haven't already been brought up already except to strongly encourage you seriously consider their points of view. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Putting myself in his shoes, if after three dates, seven days, no sex, no under-the-shirt action, if a girl asked me to take down my profile, I'd tell her to GTFO. Don't ask him to take down his profile. 1. It is way too soon. 2. It will be much more meaningful if he did it by himself without your prompting. So what if he 's dating others? If you're a hot commodity, he'll consistently ask you for dates and the others will be weeded out. As the saying goes, the cream rises to to the top.... That's an excellent point but I want to clarify that I do not want him to take his profile down. I am only disappointed that he invests a lot of time in me, he tells me he likes everything about me and has long term in mind but he's online each day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 That's an excellent point but I want to clarify that I do not want him to take his profile down. I am only disappointed that he invests a lot of time in me, he tells me he likes everything about me and has long term in mind but he's online each day. You're not giving him any reason not to be though. With all the mixed signals and spurning his advances, why shouldn't be considering other options? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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