Why is it so hard for men to get off of those meeting sites?

[fitnessfan365]

Then last date dynamic changed and consistency disappears.

 

Well your actions haven't appeared to be very consistent so that's probably why he is backing away himself. Just saying..

[BluEyeL]

Change of pattern is never good news.

[katiegrl]

Things need to be put into context.

 

We made contact online 2 weeks ago. He was just starting his week with his daughter so we had to wait 7 days to meet. During those 7 days we text daily and he called each 2 days to chat.

 

A pattern had been established.

 

We meet after 7 days of communication. Things are nice and dandy and we have another 7 days of daily communication and calls + 3 dates

 

Pattern continues. We have now 14 days of consistency.

 

Then last date dynamic changed and consistency disappears.

 

Well it was bound to eventually... texting every day is just too much and sets up a false intimacy and unrealistic expectations... it also causes early burn out, which may be why he's pulling back now.

 

You of all people should know that.

 

Not judging I am just really surprised you allowed that.

[Weezy1973]

It's a pretty consistent pattern with women that struggle on here - they seem to want something practically instant.

 

It takes a lot of time to get to know someone well enough to know if you want to be in a relationship with them. Months I'd say. You've only been on 3 dates, and you're already analyzing it this much?

 

Three dates, especially with online dating, is really nothing. For some people online dating won't work, and Gaeta, I think you're proving to be one of those people.

 

A better bet for you would be to date people that you know in real life either from work, school, hobbies, social circle etc. That way you can get to know them over time before anything romantic, and see if they have the long term traits that would make them a good partner as opposed to just focusing on the superficial traits that tend to attract in online dating.

[lil_missy]

Gaeta,

 

Him keep logging in everyday is def not a good sign at all

 

I wish I didn't know from experience but I have experienced it from both sides

 

Once I dated a guy for 2 months everything was great, he introed me to his friends took me out every week went out of his way to make me feel special and help me out wherever he can. But he was still on tinder every few days and I let it slide. He suddenly went cold on me one day and that was it. I guess he was never invested in me.

 

Other guys that I'd been out with if I didn't think he was the one, or had potential to be the one, I sometimes jumped online straight after a date and never stopped going online while going on several dates with them.

 

Guys that were into me took their profile down straight away and told me so, or I just saw they didn't logging in after we met.

 

I'd say this guy hasnt found what he is looking for in you. whether it's a real connection or sex or attention etc, time will tell. Honestly everyone is busy these days, no one browses online anymore if they've found what they are looking for.

Edited March 24, 2015 by lil_missy

[Diezel]

Things need to be put into context.

 

We made contact online 2 weeks ago.

 

This is what we were trying to tell you a few pages back. It's only been a few days. Stop over-analyzing the situation.

 

Has he stopped talking to you completely?

[Gaeta]

This is what we were trying to tell you a few pages back. It's only been a few days. Stop over-analyzing the situation.

 

Has he stopped talking to you completely?

 

He stopped initiating and yesterday he responded to my text after 9 hours. We exchanged a few words and we said good night. For 2 weeks he ends his text or call with 'talk tomorrow' nothing of that.

 

Another one that showed an obscene amount of attention, motivation, suggesting to meet his child, suggesting trips, and all sort of things then he goes 'meh'.

 

I had a good night sleep and it helped with my frustration. I'll be alright.

 

You guys are the best ! Thanks to all of you who took time to drop in.

[PegNosePete]

I am only disappointed that he invests a lot of time in me, he tells me he likes everything about me and has long term in mind but he's online each day.

I've said this many times already but you don't seem to understand. I'm not sure how I can say it any simpler.

 

If he has the POF app, then it will show him as online whenever his phone has internet connection. Which means whenever he walks into his home, say when he gets home from a date with you, it will pick up his wifi and show him as online. Even if he never even took the phone out of his pocket!!!

 

You're being judge, jury and executioner without even understanding the basic mechanics of the evidence that you're looking at.

[Gaeta]

Pete it's not just about his daily presence online. I agree it might be just his phone but it does not explain the sudden change of dynamic during our last date and his drop of communication.

[katiegrl]

Pete it's not just about his daily presence online. I agree it might be just his phone but it does not explain the sudden change of dynamic during our last date and his drop of communication.

 

Gaeta, you are a smart women, I think you can sense his interest has dropped off significantly and he's pulled back.

 

Who knows why, doesn't matter really. Just be thankful you didn't invest more time/energy/emotion AND that you maintained your boundaries, were true to yourself, and didn't have sex with him!

 

Head high girl...you did good!!!

 

((hugs))

[xxoo]

 

Another one that showed an obscene amount of attention, motivation, suggesting to meet his child, suggesting trips, and all sort of things then he goes 'meh'.

 

 

It was too soon for this sort of behavior, which often predicts it fizzling out. Rush in, rush out.

 

Someone readier to make a serious commitment takes this sort of talk more seriously. Even if he's feeling excited and wanting to rush in, he'll pace himself because he knows that you both need time to tell if this has real potential.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I don't do without expectations or investment anymore. I am starting my 3rd year of online dating and I claim to have met over 100 men but truth is it's more like 125 if not more. It does not take a month to know if someone grabbed your attention enough to concentrate on her.

 

Okay, so if I'm honest this kind of alarms me.

 

Online for 3 years and met 125+ men? I'm not sure if that is something to be proud of or something to be worried about. Maybe you've been online too long and need to take a break from the whole virtual experience.

 

When I was actively dating, I rarely could go more than 3 months on any one given site before I was ready to throw in the towel. I can't imagine being a regular for 3 years.

 

I'm not judging you Gaeta I'm just trying to understand you a bit better or better yet, give you some food for thought.

 

There are countless threads on the topic of online dating and how carnival-like it can be. Even more threads on how it has this way of making people cynical and hard and even paranoid particularly after too much exposure.

 

I'm not saying you're all of these things but maybe it's time you reconsider what you're doing. Maybe taking a breather from online might be wise if only to gain some renewed perspective.

 

Again, I'm not judging you but something seems to be amiss here. If the tables were turned and we were speaking to a MAN with the same online credentials we'd be all over him for one reason or another

 

:bunny:

[Gaeta]

Michelle: I just took a 4 month break and I am on there 2 weeks at a time. I can't do it full time. In the past 3 years I had a 6 month relationship, and tons and tons of 3 dates that go nowhere.

 

When I started this online dating I was naive with no experience so I met pretty much anyone offering a coffee, men of all ages and background. I got a lot of attention and I did not know how to manage it. Numbers go high fast when you do that. Since then I've learned and I have stopped scheduling 3 meets a week. Some days I would book 2 meet in same day.

[BluEyeL]

The issue wasn't taking his profile down, but change of pattern. For the record, do not worry about taking profiles down before 2 months, you can give it even 3 months. They will be taken down if things work out. Just take it slow. Yeah, those who rush like that most often than not are not going to work out long term.

 

I hope you find love sooner rather than later. Stay in the moment every time. And of course, what I've been always preaching: no sex before exclusivity, profiles down etc. That will take a while, but it's really worth it.

[hudson701]

 

I hope you find love sooner rather than later. Stay in the moment every time. And of course, what I've been always preaching: no sex before exclusivity, profiles down etc. That will take a while, but it's really worth it.

 

Then the man will be playing into her frame which he won't like. You must do x, y and z before i'm intimate with you. That's not the basis of a passionate romance.

[BluEyeL]

Then the man will be playing into her frame which he won't like. You must do x, y and z before i'm intimate with you. That's not the basis of a passionate romance.

I'm just telling what works for women. Rushing in bed with someone who you don't know well and has his profile up is a recipe for disappointment. Dating that way worked for me and I found love within 18 months of online dating.

[Gaeta]

Then the man will be playing into her frame which he won't like. You must do x, y and z before i'm intimate with you. That's not the basis of a passionate romance.

 

Are you serious? Not going for sex within 3 dates is playing him?

[xxoo]

Then the man will be playing into her frame which he won't like. You must do x, y and z before i'm intimate with you. That's not the basis of a passionate romance.

 

There is no "you must." A man who feels uncomfortable with delayed intimacy should move on.

[Shining One]

I'm just telling what works for women [highlight]me[/highlight]. Rushing in bed with someone who you don't know well and has his profile up is a recipe for disappointment. Dating that way worked for me and I found love within 18 months of online dating.

Corrected that for you. I've been in and know of plenty of relationships that started off with sex early. My older brother and his wife had sex on their second date. 22 years and 3 kids later, they are still going strong. There is no universal best practice because everyone and every potential couple is different.

Are you serious? Not going for sex within 3 dates is playing him?

Unless you really fleeced him for some expensive dates, I would say no. Now, if you go several months with one-way financial investment (his), leading him on the entire way, then I would say yes.

There is no "you must." A man who feels uncomfortable with delayed intimacy should move on.

Agreed. A woman who is up front about her prerequisites is leaving the choice firmly in the man's hands. I have my own requirements before I consider exclusivity. It's up to the woman to decide whether she wants to meet those requirements, accept that we will not move forward, or walk away.

[Gaeta]

@ Shining one: In my mind 5 dates was a good deal. And no, I am not the type of woman that expects to be dined and wined for sex. I have offered to share cost of our outings and he has always strongly declined.

 

Bits here and there are coming back to me. On our previous date while we were kissing he said 'I am so ready for this'. I asked what? and he said he is ready to have someone in his life, be in a relationship.

 

Men tell the biggest sh@t at times !

 

Anyway if I gather all the advice I got on here I have a couple of choices to pick up from:

 

A. Do nothing and let it unfold.

 

B. Come forward and pick up the 'Are we like seeing each other' conversation that I blew by accident.

[losangelena]

@ Shining one: In my mind 5 dates was a good deal. And no, I am not the type of woman that expects to be dined and wined for sex. I have offered to share cost of our outings and he has always strongly declined.

 

Bits here and there are coming back to me. On our previous date while we were kissing he said 'I am so ready for this'. I asked what? and he said he is ready to have someone in his life, be in a relationship.

 

Men tell the biggest sh@t at times !

 

Anyway if I gather all the advice I got on here I have a couple of choices to pick up from:

 

A. Do nothing and let it unfold.

 

B. Come forward and pick up the 'Are we like seeing each other' conversation that I blew by accident.

 

Which sounds more appealing?

 

Frankly, I wonder if you're not jumping the gun in interpreting his drop in contact as a sudden decline in interest. Yes, a pattern of communication has been established, but the truth is, you don't know him very well, or for very long, so you don't know what in his life could be going on to cause a drop in contact. Maybe something is going on with his ex or his daughter—you just don't know.

 

As such, I'd say to do nothing for now. Give him a couple of days and see if he comes around. If he doesn't, no harm no foul. I guarantee that your gaff in recognizing the dating conversation would not be to blame if things don't work out. I just can't imagine that a man who was truly interested would let that deter him completely.

 

I know we all love to read into actions and what they might mean, vis-a-vis someone's feelings for us, but so far, you've been wrong about this guy's intentions from the start. So, give him the benefit of the doubt. If you get the chance, bring up the dating convo when he's focused on you, relaxed, and ready.

[katiegrl]

I'm just telling what works for women. Rushing in bed with someone who you don't know well and has his profile up is a recipe for disappointment. Dating that way worked for me and I found love within 18 months of online dating.

 

And my bf and I had sex on the fourth date (with a lot of intense kissing, petting prior to that) and we've been together five+ years.

 

Also Gaeta did NOT have sex with this guy and he still lost interest, disappointing her.

 

I don't think there is any magic bullet to avoid getting disappointed or hurt...or having the other lose interest.

 

I think everyone should judge each and every situation separately and not allow past hurts and disappointeds to color your view or opinion of the current situation or the man or woman you are currently with.

 

Wait as long as you want to have sex and until you are comfortable.... BUT if you are waiting to avoid getting hurt or as some sort of a test to see how into you a guy is, there are no guarantees there.

 

As in Gaeta's case, she didn't have sex and her guy *seems* to have lost interest anyway, confusingly and disappointing her.

 

Have confidence in yourself and the connection/non-connection you make with each person.

 

Don't hold him (or her) accountable for how others behaved and treated you in the past. Doing THAT is a recipe for disaster...IMO.

[katiegrl]

Which sounds more appealing?

 

Frankly, I wonder if you're not jumping the gun in interpreting his drop in contact as a sudden decline in interest. Yes, a pattern of communication has been established, but the truth is, you don't know him very well, or for very long, so you don't know what in his life could be going on to cause a drop in contact. Maybe something is going on with his ex or his daughter—you just don't know.

 

As such, I'd say to do nothing for now. Give him a couple of days and see if he comes around. If he doesn't, no harm no foul. I guarantee that your gaff in recognizing the dating conversation would not be to blame if things don't work out. I just can't imagine that a man who was truly interested would let that deter him completely.

 

I know we all love to read into actions and what they might mean, vis-a-vis someone's feelings for us, but so far, you've been wrong about this guy's intentions from the start. So, give him the benefit of the doubt. If you get the chance, bring up the dating convo when he's focused on you, relaxed, and ready.

 

I don't agree. *Common sense* based on his actions indicate that he has lost at least some of his initial interest and Gaeta (or any woman who has dealt with a man pulling back) would be foolish to assume otherwise.

 

Is it possible that in time he may become interested again? Sure. Feelings ebb and flow, and fluctuate especially in this VERY early stage.

 

I do agree she should do nothing.. and just leave him alone. If he contacts her, great! Or not so great depending on how she is feelling.

 

If he DOES contact her again, she can deal with it then. In the meantime, try not to dwell on it and go on with your life, which being that Gaeta is a VERY smart woman, I have no doubt she will do!

[BluEyeL]

You girls and guys knock yourselves out and have sex whenever. It's just my view, I've dated about 30 men and I slept with three.

 

If you're comfortable with sleeping with tens of men until you find the one that eventually works out, fine, do so. The counter examples of x and y and z didn't wait and they are married are common. It worked out because it happened that they were compatible. But the thing js, you can't know someone and he's still a stranger after 3 dates. That's all. In my view, waiting to know the person is better for you and there is no rush. Of course men don't like the idea but whatever. When you sleep with a man who has his profile up, it's just bad practice and you're hurting yourself.

 

For me, sex is to be shared in a relationship, not casually. For others casual is fine. Fine, if you, as a woman, can deal with the consequences.

 

And no, it's not about being taken to dinner for sex, that completely misses the point. It's about being intimate only in an exclusive relationship. If the two are compatible, is going to work out either way.

 

But, again, do what you want, not my life.

[xxoo]

People have issues. At 1 or 2 weeks in, you have no idea what issues they may or may not have. It takes time, for everyone, whether you sleep together early or not, to get to know someone.

 

Some people sleep together in that window of uncertainty. Some wait until getting to know each other better. It doesn't change the fact that the window of uncertainty exists, and the way people seem to be and feel about each other at 3 weeks is usually different from how people seem to be and feel about each other at 3 months.