PumpkinLumpkin Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 i was waiting 9h tonight to contact him that is when his daughter goes to bed. I started by sending a text to make sure he's done with his night routine. No reply. dont contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I meant to say this: but in big cities in the US Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I understand wanting to be exclusive fast, I don't know which country you live in but in big cities it doesn't quite work like that. Does it in your country? When do you usually talk about exclusivity? Is it on date #__, or after X amount of time, or when you feel you are really into them? Do you always initiate the exclusivity talk? I read that part... could be it. I believe when a guy is really interested, he probably wouldn't give up after such a small miscommunication. Have you heard from him and did you have the chance to talk about it yet? If you don't hear from him, are you planning on contacting him and talk about it? I am French from Montreal. Here people just have sex then after ask questions lol. It's a big metropole of 4 million people and very liberal. Sex happens fast so if you want monogamy exclusivity happens fast too. I've contacted him, he has replied. Will see where that'll lead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I was waiting 9h tonight to contact him that is when his daughter goes to bed. I started by sending a text to make sure he's done with his night routine. No reply. Well then, you've done your part, you've reached out to him. If you don't hear from him at all tonight or tomorrow, then he has either been abducted by aliens, died in a car crash or he's being very rude and indifferent towards you. Only time will tell. And just so you know, I think it SUCKS that you're waiting around waiting for him to get in touch with you. Waiting around for anyone just sucks. Period. . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Great. I hope things work out now, keep us posted. Montreal is cool, people are super nice, specially comparing to Toronto. But it's the coldest place I have ever been! No wonder people have sex fast! I am French from Montreal. Here people just have sex then after ask questions lol. It's a big metropole of 4 million people and very liberal. Sex happens fast so if you want monogamy exclusivity happens fast too. I've contacted him, he has replied. Will see where that'll lead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I am French from Montreal. Here people just have sex then after ask questions lol. It's a big metropole of 4 million people and very liberal. Sex happens fast so if you want monogamy exclusivity happens fast too. I've contacted him, he has replied. Will see where that'll lead. Gaeta, so did you talk? What happened???? You okay? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Gaeta, so did you talk? What happened???? You okay? I contacted him by text. We first exchanged a few politeness then I asked if he were busy and it took him 45 minutes to come back and say no he's just chillin, then he added he is sorry for the delay he's talking to his brother and he had not talked to him in a long time. Funny cause Sunday he told me he was at his brother doing his laundry and he only has 1 brother. Anyway I said no problem and good night. He never got back to me. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 That's a "no" then, you didn't talk... Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I contacted him by text. We first exchanged a few politeness then I asked if he were busy and it took him 45 minutes to come back and say no he's just chillin, then he added he is sorry for the delay he's talking to his brother and he had not talked to him in a long time. Funny cause Sunday he told me he was at his brother doing his laundry and he only has 1 brother. Anyway I said no problem and good night. He never got back to me. Why didn't you just say you want to talk to him over the phone instead of asking if he is busy? Are you sure you're really French, because your lack of being direct with him is very American. Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I have not logged on my profile since I met him. On pof it's possible to see if someone has been online without logging in. Does it really work asking a man for exclusivity? How do you do that? I think you need to ask what he defines as dating. If it means exclusivity then he needs to remove his profile Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Why didn't you just say you want to talk to him over the phone instead of asking if he is busy? Are you sure you're really French, because your lack of being direct with him is very American. I asked him if he was busy because he was very slow. Well the French in me popped back out this morning. I sent him a message this morning that I felt something was different since our last date and wanted to discuss if there was something the matter. I was thinking this morning each time I read threads on here about people feeling a shift in the other person it always ended up something was the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I think you've both hit a communication wall. He was doing everything right and then asked if you two were dating (personally I wouldn't ask that unless I was hoping for a positive answer) which got mixed up within the scenario and ended awkwardly. If I like a guy I will say so and make it clear if he isn't reading me clearly. However if I had dated a man three times in a week and he had already taken his profile down I would likely run a mile. Going back to the bit where he showed his daughter a pic of you and asked if she might want to meet you sometime soon isn't a huge thing for me. She is ten (rolling on 16 probably) and knows her Dad is dating. His actions there means he is open with her (which I like) but also it's clear he values and respects her thoughts and wishes too. I always gauge a man by how he treats, values and respects others - from the bank manager to the homeless man and his dog. The thing where he said he was talking to his brother..? He was at his brother's doing laundry recently, but it doesn't mean they had any time to talk. If you like him and want to continue this then call him, apologise for not being clear when he asked you about whether you were dating and sort out another date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 (edited) I contacted him by text. We first exchanged a few politeness then I asked if he were busy and it took him 45 minutes to come back and say no he's just chillin, then he added he is sorry for the delay he's talking to his brother and he had not talked to him in a long time. Funny cause Sunday he told me he was at his brother doing his laundry and he only has 1 brother. Anyway I said no problem and good night. He never got back to me. That's weird and it would have really pissed me off. I would have called him out on that little lie. Maybe there's an explanation? Edited March 25, 2015 by rester Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 That's weird and it would have really pissed me off. I would have called him out on that little lie. Maybe there's an explanation? I thought the answer must be something simple like his brother is out of the country but he has access to his place, then I'd feel stupid for questioning him. When I was at his place he was showing me something on his phone and each time he unlocked his phone a woman's picture kept popping up. I ALMOST asked who's the lady! but said nothing. Later that night when I got home I was watching the news and saw that same picture! It was Ruth Porat the new Google CFO. Thank god I didn't question him lol, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 That's weird and it would have really pissed me off. I would have called him out on that little lie. Maybe there's an explanation? That's what I was thinking .. and I, too, would have called him on it. Not in a mean or accusatory way...more of just being confused by the comment, given he "just" saw his brother two days ago. Gaeta, why are you walking on eggshells? You are a strong woman, talk to him! Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I know people would disagree with this but I retained my online dating profile and would periodically look through profiles while I was with my girlfriend. But I loved my girlfriend and would have never cheated. It was like having a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue around. Just looking at cute women. I know this is hard for some people to swallow. It was more out of habit than anything. You have your favorite go-to sites and the dating site was one of them. Just another rabbit hole. If my girlfriend had been really bothered by it, I would have nixed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Gaeta, why are you walking on eggshells? You are a strong woman, talk to him! I don't know if you saw my other post but I texted him this morning and asked to have a conversation and even mentioned what it's about. I am going against the grain here, only you and one or 2 other posters are supporting talking to him. And I decided to do that because I have no lid, I am not good at keeping things inside and pretending all is dandy. When something bothers me it has to come out and be addressed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I don't know if you saw my other post but I texted him this morning and asked to have a conversation and even mentioned what it's about. I am going against the grain here, only you and one or 2 other posters are supporting talking to him. And I decided to do that because I have no lid, I am not good at keeping things inside and pretending all is dandy. When something bothers me it has to come out and be addressed. Just my own opinion but texting to say you want to talk about something does actually sound ominous to me and it would coming from someone I was dating just like it would if it was coming from my boss. I had several critical conversations last week at work, two by email due to location and number of people needing to know, four face to face meetings about things and three conversations which were the most critical and these were three were all just walk and talks with my MD and they were also the most concise, clear and quickly resolved. The face to face meetings which were pre arranged held a lot more tension in the room than any of the other dialogue. I would just call him, explain you made light of what he was asking, yes you do want to date and what shall we do next time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 lol @ Gemma Yes I may have sounded like a boss which is not surprising to me lol. This morning I needed to put it out there (to him) that I am sensing something is different. I've spit it out early this morning to relieve me from this stress more than anything else. That was 4 hours ago, he could have acknowledged my message and say anything like everything is fine to we will talk tonight but nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 lol @ Gemma Yes I may have sounded like a boss which is not surprising to me lol. This morning I needed to put it out there (to him) that I am sensing something is different. I've spit it out early this morning to relieve me from this stress more than anything else. That was 4 hours ago, he could have acknowledged my message and say anything like everything is fine to we will talk tonight but nothing. ...but he could just be terrified!! Lol! That's why I'm thinking just call, be light and breezy and say what you want to say. He hasn't actually done anything wrong so a positive, quick conversation will just most likely clear everything up. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 lol @ Gemma Yes I may have sounded like a boss which is not surprising to me lol. This morning I needed to put it out there (to him) that I am sensing something is different. I've spit it out early this morning to relieve me from this stress more than anything else. That was 4 hours ago, he could have acknowledged my message and say anything like everything is fine to we will talk tonight but nothing. Well clearly everything is *not* fine so I would not have expected *that*....but an acknowledgment of your text and when he will be available to *talk* (not text) would have been nice. I don't know what to make of him quite frankly. He appears to have done a complete 180 within a very short period of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 He just replied to my text: 'There is something I wanted to talk about, I will call you this afternoon' What did I say! when we feel a shift it's rarely in our imagination. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I don't know what to make of him quite frankly. He appears to have done a complete 180 within a very short period of time. He wouldn't be the first guy (or gal)! That being said, he is a head scratcher. Having met a man or two in my life who sound familiar, I'd say it's probably best to say your piece and drop the whole thing, which, Gaeta, it sounds like you're doing. If this guy is causing this much aggravation so early on, the lordy, even if you do get past this bump in the road, what's coming next? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I am ready to bet he will give me the 'I am not that ready for a relationship after all' speech. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I am ready to bet he will give me the 'I am not that ready for a relationship after all' speech. Hope for the best...but expect the worst. Which it sounds like what you're doing. Plesse keep us posted.... Link to post Share on other sites
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