Whenever l'm about to move on He does ' let me go...!Stucki again

[pinkrosepetal]

I need some help please. I want to get out of an affair l have had for almost two years now but lm still weak to let go and make a closure.

I have been married for 17 years and have been with my husband for 21. We are both 45 and have a son aged 14.

 

A couple of years ago l met my AP (He is 39 and has had a partner for 12 years and living with her for 5 years. )

 

He started to text me regularly and every message sounded to be thrilling . I tried to back off and stop any contact but l just couldn't. We became intimate in a short time and we both fell in love with each other. I was on cloud nine, never felt like that before.

 

Time went by and l felt l needed to get out of it. I tried to a few times but always felt stuck. He would beg me to stay with him telling me he loved me. It seemed to be a fairy tale from september to end of december. In January he changed somehow, sounds to be more distant but still kept texting and we met every Ten days but had no more sex just kissing and hugging. He kept telling me he loved me so much and didn't want to lose me.

 

I felt something was not good, l felt insicure and needed his attention full time.

I tried to get out of the affair other two times from january to end of february. Until one day end of february he told me that was the last straw and that I ruined a wonderful story. He said we were special friends from that day on.

 

I got sick! I asked him to meet again but his answer to all my messages was "l love you" and nothing more. *End of March l ended up at the ER for very High blood pressure and risked a stroke. *He came to see me on April 5 and told me we could give it another try.

 

From April to November 2014 He told me he was not sure wether to drop it or go on with the affair. This killed me! He neither left nor was the one He used to be. I wanted him back but He never told me it was over nor did He really come back.

 

Only in july He told me that sth had happened. His girlfriend expected a baby and the baby was going to have severe health issues according to medical report. I was mortified !

 

He asked me to meet in November a few days before the baby was Born and so we did. We made love which unluckily l could not avoid and it was 7 months we hadn' t met. Then He Kind of disappeared texting once a week until l decided l didnt want contact with him any more. I could never count more than 5 days of no contact and He texted. I was never able to Block his number, l still hoped He was coming back.

 

He came to see me again mid february and we made love. The Day after l told him l still had feelings for him so l just wanted him to respect my decision of no more contact. *I blocked his number but let the email account. He emailed me and for a month He kept talking about sex which made me feel disgusted. He kept telling me for months that we could not go on because it was not Fair and every time l tried to break free He talked about sex. I got mad again and told him l didn't want him any more, l was better off without him. He could not make me happy by talking about sex. I just wanted to be left alone and needed to get back to my life.....my son .... *I was pretty harsh on him and felt sorry. I Sent a *last mail where l told him l wanted him to be happy but we had nothing more to share. *Nothing!!!

 

To my complete surprise He emailed back asking me not to leave. *He wanted me to be what l once was for him, He wanted us to be Close like we were two years ago because he misses me and feels like a car that has run out of fuel without me - his fuel! And thats how l got stuck again . I feel lm destroyed, lm absent for my family, l am confused and tired. I want to get back to who l was and find serenity again.

Im sure l cannot remain friends with him but at the same time l feel so bad at the idea l can never see or talk to him any more. I keep reading and reading on how to get out of this and everuthing l have read so far takes me to one clear thing: zero contact so l can Heal! !!

Somebody please help me ! Push me put an end to this neverending tormenting story.

I had never done anything like this before. I want to get back to my old me.

I feel so vulnerable and weak. Thanks in advance and

 

Thank you for reading my story.

Edited March 23, 2015 by pinkrosepetal

[veggirl]

I think you should post this in the OM/OW section to get more responses. And confess to your H, that will certainly put an end to it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Block him from your email. Block him in every way possible. Delete any contact information you have.

 

Then remove your head from the clouds. Tell your husband what you've been up to. That will bring all this nonsense to a screeching halt pretty quickly.