Do we stand a chance to get back together?

[mimiMobile]

I moved out on my bf of 3 years in Jan for soul searching reasons. We agreed to stay together but after my move out he became distant and said that the move was a slap in his face and he didn’t know how to handle it any more. He ended up ending things with me at the end of Jan saying he needed space and time to cool off bc his anxiety was through the roof.

 

Since then for the entire month of Feb and part of March, I showed up at the house we lived in and cried, sent him emails, drunk dialed once, etc. etc., basically doing everything you are not supposed to do. This is before I read up on all of the post-breakup materials. I hit rock bottom a week ago when I showed up at the house thinking he was “cheating” on me during this limbo only to have him tell me he had someone house sitting. We hugged each other and told each other we loved each other. He was confused why I was going so crazy.

 

I decided I needed time to cool off and get my emotions in check. I left to visit family out of state and am with them now for 2 weeks. I texted him from the airport and he called and said he never stopped loving or caring about me and that he thought me moving out would be a step back but that we would get back together and we haven’t – part of it is because he keeps having anxiety every time he thinks about me and our last year together where i was pushing engagement/kids/selling house, etc. which I now realize I was wrong to do so.

 

We left it off at let’s touch base when I get back – he’s texted me once since to see if I landed safely to which I said I did thank you. And I’ve gone dark since.

 

It’s really hard, because it’s been what feels to me like forever since he ended things with me at the end of Jan and I’m confused as to why he hasn’t found time to try to mend things between us if he says he loves me. I’m thinking it’s the anxiety and the fact that I have been so pushy these last few months.

 

I guess I am just looking for support / encouragement.

[d0nnivain]

You wanted to do your soul searching on your own. To me, in essence you were test driving a break up. You wanted to know if you could make it on your own. Something then was telling you that he's not the guy for you. By the time you realized you were wrong, he had moved forward in his life.

 

You moving out was a huge step & I agree with his analysis: A slap in the face.

 

You might not be able to fix this.

 

Stand on your own two feet & move forward. You can do this.

[Ruby65]

Well, I agree the soul-searching thing was most certainly to him a huge slap in the face and you should consider yourself lucky if he ever considers taking you back!

 

I'm wondering where your head is at... that you think you need to be SINGLE to grow or soul-search? Do you think people who are married for decades never discover new truths about themselves or grow as individuals? Just saying.

 

As for this current situation, I'd say it looks pretty positive, once you take down the dramatics a notch: in truth, you only broke up end of January. Hello, it's March. Not "forever" -- not a very long period of time for a breakup.

 

Just my opinion -- speaking as someone who stupidly broke up with someone and then later won them back. This one's on YOU. You hurt him, you broke his trust. That may never come back. Your job is to make yourself available on HIS terms, not yours. That might mean being there calmly and consistently instead of showing up at the house unannounced and crying scenes and flying off and texting from the airport.

 

You're the one who severed this relationship so it's YOUR job to suck it up and do everything you can to try and fix this. I don't know what you think you're accomplishing by "going dark".... but in my opinion anyway, in your position it would be wise to be as visible and available and NON DRAMATIC as possible. I'm thinking you might be mistaking the drama and the scenes and the rush of the honeymoon phase with love.... something to consider.

 

But in any case -- it hasn't been that long since the breakup, and it sounds like you both still are drawn to each other.... so if you'll relax and lay off the dramatics I think there's a chance this might work itself out!