What should I expect from therapist + met xMM accidentally.

[m4p]

I'm going counselling for the first time in a couple days time..

It's been a horrible week and I'm sinking into the heaviness and grief again.

 

I really want to help myself so what should I expect from the upcoming sessions? How do I know if the therapist is erm.. How should I put it.. Suitable for dealing with infidelity? I heard of horror stories of judgemental therapists and I just wanna know is there any signs I should look out for?

 

 

Aside from that, I'm feeling extremely anxious and back into the dumps again.

 

It's been a hard start to the week. I got screwed over badly at work (figuratively) and on top of that..... I bumped into xMM near my workplace today. It was a complete shock as he was meeting up with his good friend (who is our mutual friend who works next building). Came as a complete shock after 1 month+ of not seeing him. My heart was beating so fast and I felt like dying from the pain/anger/humuliation/longing.

 

I managed casual talk in front of the friend and xMM kept looking at me like he wanted to say something. I was afraid that he was gonna suggest coffee alone or something to "talk" so I escaped and then went back to take a half day off work. Was feeling the worst kind of panic and yearning at the same time. Sobbed throughout the drive back home.

 

I thought I was doing so well. Went on a short weekend trip and came back feeling relatively okay until today. Just feel so disappointed at myself for all the progress and now I'm back to these stormy feelings in my heart.

 

I feel so numbed and in pain at the same time. I wish I can turn back time and not have taken that step in starting the whole A. I always proclaimed I regret nothing I do. But I realized that I regret this whole thing so so much.

 

There is no one to talk to or share this with aside from LS. I don't think im seeking solace or pity since this is just one pathetic story out of so many,.. I think I just need to get it all out before I go crazy and screw up my life like I did before over an ex. It's so tempting to give in and just give up being strong.

[gettingstronger]

Sometimes good advice is confused with being judgmental when it comes to therapists- you need to be open to the hard truth when entering therapy- they are not your friends that are going to rub your back and tell you its going to be OK- they are there to shine that bright light on you-

 

With that being said, bedside manner plays a huge role in it- I got lucky in that my first therapist had that great combo of bedside manner and hard truth- I felt like she was there to help, even though what she said stung like crazy-

[miseenscene]

I don't entirely agree with what gettingstronger wrote above. I think the good advice/judgment conflation may be true when it comes to friends, but not therapists. A therapist is not there to give you advice, by and large--maybe in some circumstances, in the course of a long work together, it might be appropriate -- like suggesting emotional techniques. But a good therapist, appropriate for your situation, will be neutral and non-judgmental. And yet of course you are right, not all therapists are like that, they are human too, they might be dealing with a cheating spouse or for whatever reason it is not a topic on which they can easily be neutral--so the best way might be to just ask them, during the first session, and watch their reply. They will probably say that it's fine to work on that, but especially since you sound very sensitive to it, you can probably pick up on their body language or a "vibe."

[m4p]

I just went to my first counselling session today. It's the first time I've been to see a professional so it was kinda scary not knowing what to expect.

 

Well, I am glad I did!

 

Truth to be spoken it was tough at first to be completely honest with someone else since I have been hiding all my emotions and thoughts to myself and to no one else for the past 2 years (aside from LS).

 

I started by telling the C about the whole A and how I felt about breaking up with xMM. She was lovely. She told me that it is obvious I am still grieving, and the fact that I have to hide it from the outside world (family.. friends.. colleagues) is affecting me even more.

 

Some points she brought up at the end of the session:

 

- That it was not my fault that I went into the A and neither is it xMM's fault. It happened and for everything, things like A happened because of attraction, boundaries, lack of fulfillment in own relationship.

I have to get pass feeling bad in order to work on myself.

 

- I have to stop holding it in and let myself grief properly, as holding everything in allows myself to be super jittery and nervous and be more susceptible to triggers and breakdowns.

 

- I am too conscious of what other people think and I keep trying to protect other people without considering my own needs

 

- Trust issues (family, friends) that's why when I found someone I trusted with my life and my "real self", it's traumatizing when that person is gone.

 

- xMM was a lover yes, but above all a friend as well. (well duh but nice to have that validated)

 

- I will be able to find the same feeling of genuine friendship in anybody else if I stop being afraid and let them in (be it lovers or friends). That will make xMM no longer exclusive to my needs or be my emotional "lifebuoy".

 

- NC with xMM is right choice as we need to isolate ourselves from the routine established for past 2 years and then in future, decide if being friends is even remotely possible.

 

 

She did not at anytime, say that what we did was mistakes/wrong etc but instead focused on how can I help myself to move on and have more open relationships in future.

 

Well I cried a few times and she recommended a couple more sessions to help me identify what I can do to move on. Scheduled for next week again.

 

That's it!