On being the OM

[DKT3]

Does anyone hear listen or does everyone just wait their turn to be right?

 

I've just said I'm done with her. I gave my reasons why I don't want to post pictures on social media. I don't want to be doing anything as a result or that affects her. Not because I want to spare her from any potential pain or seal off an opportunity to be with her, but because she cannot be my reason to do or not do anything. I will do what I want for myself when I'm ready. I'm not in this for vindication, I'm in this to get out of the self-destructive path I've been on.

 

I will not be with this woman because I do not trust her and she will do the same thing to me that she did to him.

 

Not posting because you don't want any farther dealings with her is the other side of the same coin. That is you not living your life as a result of her.

 

Posters here have no dog in the fight, the awesome thing about this place is its a sounding board where BS comes to die

[NTV]

Does anyone hear listen or does everyone just wait their turn to be right?

 

I've just said I'm done with her. I gave my reasons why I don't want to post pictures on social media. I don't want to be doing anything as a result or that affects her. Not because I want to spare her from any potential pain or seal off an opportunity to be with her, but because she cannot be my reason to do or not do anything. I will do what I want for myself when I'm ready. I'm not in this for vindication, I'm in this to get out of the self-destructive path I've been on.

 

I will not be with this woman because I do not trust her and she will do the same thing to me that she did to him.

 

Yeah man, I get it. But let me repeat back to you what I think you're saying and you tell me if I'm on that right path?

 

 

I think that you're obsessed with an idea of this woman and with the feelings you have for her. You've found ways to stalk her on electronic media for more than a year, and met up with her periodically over the course of the year.

 

 

The woman you speak of isn't who you think she is. Let me point it out in an obvious way:

 

 

when her husband's mother dies, she comes to bang you.

 

 

That's supervillain territory right there man! Just think about exactly how cold-hearted someone has to be to do that. Your spouse whom is supposed to have your back through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, instead of consoling you and being there for you when your parent passes, decides that's reason to sleep with someone else.

 

 

This is the woman you 'love'?!?!?

 

 

Really?????

[loveisanaction]

 

I will not be with this woman because I do not trust her and she will do the same thing to me that she did to him.

 

I couldn't agree with you more.

[boneheadedmove]

Not posting because you don't want any farther dealings with her is the other side of the same coin. That is you not living your life as a result of her.

 

Posters here have no dog in the fight, the awesome thing about this place is its a sounding board where BS comes to die

 

I use social media sparingly as it is. My Instagram account is specifically for my photography. I do not post personal photos on it. She is no longer on Facebook and my account is set to not allow anyone I'm not friends with to see anything. Everything I post, I question whether there's a chance she'll see it. I am not going to post anything I wouldn't otherwise post BECAUSE of her. I'm not going to make up a fake girlfriend to shove in her face.

 

Yeah man, I get it. But let me repeat back to you what I think you're saying and you tell me if I'm on that right path?

 

 

I think that you're obsessed with an idea of this woman and with the feelings you have for her. You've found ways to stalk her on electronic media for more than a year, and met up with her periodically over the course of the year.

 

Correct. I have been obsessed. I have admitted and am admitting as much. This is something I am going to change. Not stalking her is one ingredient of going about this.

 

The woman you speak of isn't who you think she is. Let me point it out in an obvious way:

 

 

when her husband's mother dies, she comes to bang you.

 

 

That's supervillain territory right there man! Just think about exactly how cold-hearted someone has to be to do that. Your spouse whom is supposed to have your back through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, instead of consoling you and being there for you when your parent passes, decides that's reason to sleep with someone else.

 

 

This is the woman you 'love'?!?!?

 

 

Really?????

 

I did not say her husband's mother died. I said they found out she has cancer last week. We met, had sex, and she told me 3 days after. Not the other way around. This is why I'm upset. I'm disgusted by her actions and that I've allowed her to use me once again.

[BuddyX]

I know we sound like a broken record. But you don't understand the lengths the MW will go to in order to get back in her life.

Edited July 5, 2016 by BuddyX
Grammar

[boneheadedmove]

I know we sound like a broken record. But you don't understand the lengths the MW will go to in order to get back in her life.

 

Sorry, do you mean the lengths she'd go to get me back in her life?

[boneheadedmove]

What she does in order to try and get me back is irrelevant. If she even attempts it. As I said, I'm the one who initiated contact every time. I realize she left breadcrumbs to provoke me, but they were subtle and easily ignorable. I took the bait because I wanted to force the confrontation.

 

Her claim is that she can't stay in the situation she's in forever. Yet she's stayed longer than most reasonable people would. If she married the wrong guy, as she said, if I opened her eyes to a lot of things and balanced her, as she said, if her marriage in it's current state ranges from complacent to volatile, as she says, how has it taken her over a year to decide what's best for her? "I don't do things impulsively - I need to think things out." Where was this rational when on the first night we met, she shoved my hand down her pants within spitting distance of her front door?

 

Regardless, I cannot control what she does. I can only control how I respond to it. Do I worry I'll falter if and when that time comes? Yes. But I'm hoping to feel stronger about it as time goes on.

 

I've never loved someone so deeply, felt so complete being with them. Could this have been a fantasy perpetrated by the transgressive nature of the affair? It's a possibility. But even if it was all real, her deceit, her lies, her abuse of me is the other side of the coin. I will not make do with both in a relationship. I will seek out the passion and the loyalty.

[13Hearts]

It sounds like you have a plan. That's good.

 

The cyber "stalking" should tell you something about yourself. Once, long ago, I was involved in a very bad relationship where my fiance proved he could not be trusted but my self-esteem, or something, was so badly damaged or non-existent that I held onto him for dear life. I would drive to his house in the middle of the night to see if he was home. If he wasn't home yet, I would drive back home and then do it again 15 minutes later, until I saw that he was home. Don't ask me why I did this because I have no idea. The thing is, sooner or later it opened my eyes so I could see just how pitiful I actually was! I was embarrassed for myself and I knew something was so wrong that I needed to fix it. This was my motivation to change and I started by getting as far away from him as I could.

 

I'm sorry you fell back into a relationship with her. To he honest, just from the descriptions you provided, I think she is a whack job. She's got some real issues and she's bringing her dysfunction into your life and it's affecting you. You need to set your sights on some new sun rise. Take up a new hobby, join a club on MeetUp, get out and mingle with new people. Get emotional distance from MW.

 

NC is difficult. I'm going through it now, too. I've been depressed for several days now because of it but I've done this before so I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep coming here and posting, especially if you get the urge to reach out to her. Be strong, make up your mind what you want for your life, block her on all your social media accounts, and don't give up. Not sure how old you are but you lived the first 30-something years of your life without her; I'm sure you can make it the next 30-something years without her, too!

[boneheadedmove]

 

The cyber "stalking" should tell you something about yourself. Once, long ago, I was involved in a very bad relationship where my fiance proved he could not be trusted but my self-esteem, or something, was so badly damaged or non-existent that I held onto him for dear life. I would drive to his house in the middle of the night to see if he was home. If he wasn't home yet, I would drive back home and then do it again 15 minutes later, until I saw that he was home. Don't ask me why I did this because I have no idea. The thing is, sooner or later it opened my eyes so I could see just how pitiful I actually was! I was embarrassed for myself and I knew something was so wrong that I needed to fix it. This was my motivation to change and I started by getting as far away from him as I could.

 

It's weird, right? Almost like an out-of-body experience. I'm going to use past tense here (positive thinking and all that) even though the addiction is present and like any addiction can only be controlled, but there were times when I was conscious of what I was doing, and other times where my fingers worked themselves and it was like I was watching someone take over. Finding out why I have this addiction is important to me. I've realized that there are things I can't let go of until I have the full information. I need to learn to accept there are situations in life that have no rhyme or reason and there's no such thing as closure.

 

I'm sorry you fell back into a relationship with her. To he honest, just from the descriptions you provided, I think she is a whack job. She's got some real issues and she's bringing her dysfunction into your life and it's affecting you. You need to set your sights on some new sun rise. Take up a new hobby, join a club on MeetUp, get out and mingle with new people. Get emotional distance from MW.

 

I try and stay away from using broad terms like whack job and psycho, as it doesn't do any good in defining and figuring a person out. The question ahead of me is is there reason to try and figure her out (on my own) and why I let this relationship happen, or do I save myself the potential anguish of rehashing everything over and over for something I may never know? The one thing I can say for certain is she doesn't know what a normal relationship is. She's been with this guy for 17 years and it sounds like it's always been a volatile relationship. And I don't think she has much outside guidance. I asked her if her mother knew he's been physical with her. Her answer was, yes, and she's not happy about it. Not happy about it? Are you ****ing kidding me? If some guy knocked my sister around, my mother would absolutely destroy him. But her mother is one of the people in her life encouraging her to stay in the marriage.

 

NC is difficult. I'm going through it now, too. I've been depressed for several days now because of it but I've done this before so I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep coming here and posting, especially if you get the urge to reach out to her. Be strong, make up your mind what you want for your life, block her on all your social media accounts, and don't give up. Not sure how old you are but you lived the first 30-something years of your life without her; I'm sure you can make it the next 30-something years without her, too!

 

Thank you for your words of support. Feel free to DM me if you ever get the urge to reach out to your affair partner too.

[13Hearts]

Yes, I agree about it being like an out of body experience. It's a compulsion and I think that is a normal human reaction under times of stress. You may very well have just been addicted to clicking on things on the internet and your heart just couldn't let her go so you cyber stalked her. It's not just you; lots of people here talk about it. I don't cyberstalk because I know it hurts me and I'm old enough that I can control this type of neurotic behavior.

 

I, like you, am a super analyzer. I analyze everything and everyone, without trying. Been this way my whole life; not sure why. Here's what I know: Spending time tryin to figure someone else out is a Complete Waste of Time! I've not found it to ever be beneficial in the long-run. I think doing it is some way of trying to find fault, or trying to figure out how to fix something. When the whole time it was just a matter of codependence, nothing can or should be fixed, and you don't have the power to change it anyway.

 

The only thing you can change is your behavior, your attitude, and your thoughts. Try to have a positive attitude, try to keep your thoughts positive and clean, and don't involve yourself with whackjobs, even though you don't want to call them whackjobs.

 

PS Whackjobs include married people who want to date or have sex with people who are not their spouse, people who overreact to everything, drama queens, sociopaths, and violent, controlling asshats.

 

It's weird, right? Almost like an out-of-body experience. I'm going to use past tense here (positive thinking and all that) even though the addiction is present and like any addiction can only be controlled, but there were times when I was conscious of what I was doing, and other times where my fingers worked themselves and it was like I was watching someone take over. Finding out why I have this addiction is important to me. I've realized that there are things I can't let go of until I have the full information. I need to learn to accept there are situations in life that have no rhyme or reason and there's no such thing as closure.

 

 

 

I try and stay away from using broad terms like whack job and psycho, as it doesn't do any good in defining and figuring a person out. The question ahead of me is is there reason to try and figure her out (on my own) and why I let this relationship happen, or do I save myself the potential anguish of rehashing everything over and over for something I may never know? The one thing I can say for certain is she doesn't know what a normal relationship is. She's been with this guy for 17 years and it sounds like it's always been a volatile relationship. And I don't think she has much outside guidance. I asked her if her mother knew he's been physical with her. Her answer was, yes, and she's not happy about it. Not happy about it? Are you ****ing kidding me? If some guy knocked my sister around, my mother would absolutely destroy him. But her mother is one of the people in her life encouraging her to stay in the marriage.

 

 

 

Thank you for your words of support. Feel free to DM me if you ever get the urge to reach out to your affair partner too.

Edited July 7, 2016 by 13Hearts

[ladydesigner]

It's weird, right? Almost like an out-of-body experience. I'm going to use past tense here (positive thinking and all that) even though the addiction is present and like any addiction can only be controlled, but there were times when I was conscious of what I was doing, and other times where my fingers worked themselves and it was like I was watching someone take over. Finding out why I have this addiction is important to me. I've realized that there are things I can't let go of until I have the full information. I need to learn to accept there are situations in life that have no rhyme or reason and there's no such thing as closure.

 

 

 

I try and stay away from using broad terms like whack job and psycho, as it doesn't do any good in defining and figuring a person out. The question ahead of me is is there reason to try and figure her out (on my own) and why I let this relationship happen, or do I save myself the potential anguish of rehashing everything over and over for something I may never know? The one thing I can say for certain is she doesn't know what a normal relationship is. She's been with this guy for 17 years and it sounds like it's always been a volatile relationship. And I don't think she has much outside guidance. I asked her if her mother knew he's been physical with her. Her answer was, yes, and she's not happy about it. Not happy about it? Are you ****ing kidding me? If some guy knocked my sister around, my mother would absolutely destroy him. But her mother is one of the people in her life encouraging her to stay in the marriage.

 

 

 

Thank you for your words of support. Feel free to DM me if you ever get the urge to reach out to your affair partner too.

 

I don't think you should try to figure out your MW. I'm sure her own BS doesn't know who she is anymore either. The WS that is actively being wayward is only looking after themselves and that's it. They don't think of how it affects anyone else not you or their spouse. It is as selfish as selfish gets and if you are not selfish there is no need to try to understand it.

 

You got caught up in an A and they are brutally hard to get out of. I would focus solely on YOU, that's it!

[boneheadedmove]

 

The only thing you can change is your behavior, your attitude, and your thoughts. Try to have a positive attitude, try to keep your thoughts positive and clean, and don't involve yourself with whackjobs, even though you don't want to call them whackjobs.

 

PS Whackjobs include married people who want to date or have sex with people who are not their spouse, people who overreact to everything, drama queens, sociopaths, and violent, controlling asshats.

 

I don't think you should try to figure out your MW. I'm sure her own BS doesn't know who she is anymore either. The WS that is actively being wayward is only looking after themselves and that's it. They don't think of how it affects anyone else not you or their spouse. It is as selfish as selfish gets and if you are not selfish there is no need to try to understand it.

 

This is my major battle right here. When I'm feeling angry, I let myself go off in a tirade in my head, saying all the mean-spirited I want to say in an internal conversation. I give myself 15 minutes and then I shut it off.

 

Is she a whackjob? I don't know. Is she selfish? I now absolutely believe she is. She claims she has such overwhelming guilt about what she did to her husband and what she did to me, yet she sleeps with me days after finding out her husband's mother has cancer. How can someone not see how that would affect someone in my position? It really bothers me because I don't know where her honest love for me ended and her selfish fantasies began.

 

This leads into the other major issue I face. Is there someone else out there for me? Of course there is. However, I've never felt such deep affection, such love and excitement before. It wasn't the excitement of being involved in a taboo situation. I honestly cared about every single thing this woman did, said, was interested in and disliked. And it was all there from the beginning. I worry about my ability to give a new woman I meet the benefit of the doubt and allow something to develop if she doesn't blow my socks off the first time I see her.

[ladydesigner]

This is my major battle right here. When I'm feeling angry, I let myself go off in a tirade in my head, saying all the mean-spirited I want to say in an internal conversation. I give myself 15 minutes and then I shut it off.

 

Is she a whackjob? I don't know. Is she selfish? I now absolutely believe she is. She claims she has such overwhelming guilt about what she did to her husband and what she did to me, yet she sleeps with me days after finding out her husband's mother has cancer. How can someone not see how that would affect someone in my position? It really bothers me because I don't know where her honest love for me ended and her selfish fantasies began.

 

This leads into the other major issue I face. Is there someone else out there for me? Of course there is. However, I've never felt such deep affection, such love and excitement before. It wasn't the excitement of being involved in a taboo situation. I honestly cared about every single thing this woman did, said, was interested in and disliked. And it was all there from the beginning. I worry about my ability to give a new woman I meet the benefit of the doubt and allow something to develop if she doesn't blow my socks off the first time I see her.

 

 

Because she isn't thinking of your position or her husbands, if she did it would make her feel really bad about herself and most WS's I know aren't about to take a look at themselves in the mirror.

 

Don't worry you will find someone that blows your socks off again. Take your time to grieve this relationship. Are you in any kind of therapy/ believe in therapy?

[13Hearts]

If you're fine with 15 mins of anger each time, what's the harm? I personally struggled with a bad temper for most of my life. Then I learned how to control it. I do that primarily by refusing to continue to surround myself with people who live their lives in ways that negatively affect mine. I've come to accept that I simply cannot change how other people choose to live their lives, whether that's due to character disorders, bad habits, mental illness, addictions, or whatever. I suppose you could say I've just become more and more apathetic over time.

 

IDK how old you are but I can promise you one thing. The amount of attraction you feel towards another person has a lot to do with how you see yourself through the other person. I also promise you that you can fall as hard for someone else as you did for MW. I've fallen in love many times, and each time, I think I can never fall in love like that again. It's worth looking, and it's worth trying to be in relationships with others, because the alternative is that you do not mature emotionally.

 

You need to take MW off the pedestal. I'm glad you had the opportunity to feel as strongly as you did about another person, but don't stop there. She's not the only woman on earth and there are many good, kind, available women out there. But all of them, including MW, are only human.

[boneheadedmove]

Because she isn't thinking of your position or her husbands, if she did it would make her feel really bad about herself and most WS's I know aren't about to take a look at themselves in the mirror.

 

Don't worry you will find someone that blows your socks off again. Take your time to grieve this relationship. Are you in any kind of therapy/ believe in therapy?

 

It's funny, because a recurring theme she talks about it judgment, how she and her family aren't judgmental people and how she abhors judgmental people. I believe this is a reluctance on her part to hear her faults from others. I rely on my family to tell me when I'm being an *******. I believe them when they say it. How, as a mother, do you allow your daughter to continue in an abusive relationship without suggesting an exit? If you care about your son-in-law and your daughter says, "I'm in love and continue to be in love with another man," how is it fair to him that he continues to have his time wasted by someone who isn't fully committed? Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing with them. If anything, the way they are has helped me dodge a bullet by not being in a relationship with her. These are rhetorical questions that have helped me discover who she is and solidify the belief that a legitimate relationship with her would be a ticking timebomb.

 

If you're fine with 15 mins of anger each time, what's the harm? I personally struggled with a bad temper for most of my life. Then I learned how to control it. I do that primarily by refusing to continue to surround myself with people who live their lives in ways that negatively affect mine. I've come to accept that I simply cannot change how other people choose to live their lives, whether that's due to character disorders, bad habits, mental illness, addictions, or whatever. I suppose you could say I've just become more and more apathetic over time.

 

It's odd. My father, his entire side in fact, has a massive temper. I've always been able to control it. As people around me get more and more heated, I get calmer. My anger usually comes from being hurt by someone close and comes out when I'm alone. I do not like hurting the people I love. I rarely yell and never insult or call names.

 

Unfortunately, this relationship and my past relationship involved two people who trained me to believe I don't have a right to feel what I feel. For example, in my previous long term relationship, if I was upset by something my girlfriend said, she'd come back at me with, "well if you hadn't done or said this, I wouldn't have said what I said." I'm aware of this and what it's done to me and my ability to deal with feelings and emotions in a healthful way. I'm working on recovering my right to feel hurt by people.

 

IDK how old you are but I can promise you one thing. The amount of attraction you feel towards another person has a lot to do with how you see yourself through the other person. I also promise you that you can fall as hard for someone else as you did for MW. I've fallen in love many times, and each time, I think I can never fall in love like that again. It's worth looking, and it's worth trying to be in relationships with others, because the alternative is that you do not mature emotionally.

 

You need to take MW off the pedestal. I'm glad you had the opportunity to feel as strongly as you did about another person, but don't stop there. She's not the only woman on earth and there are many good, kind, available women out there. But all of them, including MW, are only human.

 

I've been actively breaking her down in my mind. But I've also been honest with myself about how rare and deep this love was. I've always been aware of her faults - her and I were both very open about them from the beginning. I loved her for them as much as I loved the beauty and passion of her. I feel this is the first time I've felt true unconditional love for another person. But I've recognized the things she can control - her deceit, her lies, her disloyalty, her game playing - are not acceptable when you consciously choose to be with someone. I don't believe in fate or meant to be, but even if such a thing as soul mates exist, they still choose one another. If we were meant to be, it should not have caused this much pain to all involved.

[13Hearts]

if I was upset by something my girlfriend said, she'd come back at me with, "well if you hadn't done or said this, I wouldn't have said what I said."

 

This is just an emotionally immature person.

 

When you really love a person, and are not stuck in a repationship with a dysfunctional person, you will feel safe enough to be able to tell the person your needs without being blamed for the problems in the relationship. Two emotionally mature people can work together to both get their needs met without attacking eachother, blaming, and faulting.

 

You may want to do some reading about codependence. Take a look at Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More." It's available at your public library. Also, Google "dependence, codependence, and interdependence" to understand the types of relationships we have depending on our emotional maturity and our growth.

 

Your focus is still on the MW. I understand, but it's probably not healthy. Try to get your focus back on you. Something needs to trump her in your brain. You're probably other-focused, as opposed to self-focused. Try to spend some time thinking about and dreaming about what you want for yourself and your life. What were your dreams when you were a kid, or a teenager? What did you want to do? Not WHO did you want to have.

[boneheadedmove]

Today was a bad day. Nothing happened, but in the sense that emotionally and mentally I was doing well, relatively speaking. I managed to stay off her social media for a full two weeks, but started feeling a bit more down and angry the past few days. The pressure built up and I broke and looked her up. Of course it was the same old song and dance. She was listening to music based on a playlist I made for my sister, was using the same hashtags on Instagram I've started using, and was posting the "poor me" Pinterest quotes.

 

Never did I want to contact her, though I felt I had plenty to say. I instead reached out to the friend I met her through, who knows the situation. We texted for four hours, bitching and commiserating. More was revealed about her and lies she told came to the surface. I was painful, angering, and frustrating. But it bolstered the feeling that the spell is broke, and this is now and forever over.

 

Before our last encounter, my unconscious mind was sabotaging me. No matter how many times I said I'm done, no matter what I did or said to move on, I'd always find my thoughts drifting back to, "when it happens." This is no longer the case. When our last encounter was over and I had time to process, my complete mind was clued in to who this woman really is and what she's about. I no longer have thoughts of a future, I no longer miss the good of her (though I have my understandable and normal feelings of doubting I'll ever find it again). It's all been replaced with an anger and disgust that was previously not there.

 

I realized I set myself back by viewing her accounts, but I'm accepting what I did with the understanding that this is the longest I've gone without and I'd rather have had this pressure released than celebrate the dubious distinction of having gone one more day. The important thing is I find myself less and less drawn to looking and my feelings of longing have been replaced with anger and rage. Now I need to find outlets for these aggressive emotions.

[Lobe]

There's heathy anger and unhealthy anger. Tap into that healthy anger - the anger that broke the spell - it will give you the strength and resolve you need to keep the spell broken. You've got this.

[13Hearts]

This is great news! I'm really happy for you. I also feel like I have turned over a new leaf. I feel like I have more clarity about things, and I feel stronger. Keep up the good work, Bone. Thanks for the update, too!

[boneheadedmove]

I'm writing today so I don't do anything stupid. Since our last interaction over a month ago it's been nothing but anger. This is good in a way. No longer do I long for her, think about a future with her, wonder what her opinion on a given thing would be, or care that she's married to an abusive man. But it's become a little too consuming, to the point where I have a desire to destroy her and her marriage. It doesn't help that this is during the time I've chosen to quit smoking after 18 years.

 

I know this is not a good idea for at least two reasons: one, as I said, her husband is angry, abusive, and packing. Two, I don't want anything more to do with her. I don't want any interaction with or time spent involving her. I try to parse my desire to hurt her into individual wants: to see her hurt; because I don't feel she deserves to be married; her continued lying to her husband. None of these, separate or together, add up to the negativity and drama that would ensue.

 

Back when this upset me because I didn't get my way, I wondered why her husband stayed in the marriage. After finding out twice she'd been seeing me, he kept the marriage alive. If she is to be believed (which I don't think she is), the marriage is in jeopardy of falling apart every single day. The blessing in disguise, I've now realized, is that if he had left, I'd have had this narcissistic, pathological, unstable sex addict on my hands. I would have been hurt worse in the long run had we had a legitimate relationship. They've spent 17 years living inside a fiction, replete with anger, resentment, betrayal, and suspicion. Now, instead of my hatred for him and compassion for her, I feel sorry for them both.

 

I don't resolve myself of my wrongdoing, and a healthy portion of my anger is directed toward myself. But I recognize that, as unethical as my actions were, they were done with a greater good in mind. She spun the perfect narrative of someone stuck in a loveless marriage with someone who didn't understand and appreciate her. She expertly laid the bait and adjusted her approach every step of the way until she achieved the perfect fantasy scenario. Then, when there was no more moves to make outside of drastic actions like ending her marriage, she pulled the plug. Everything since has been to keep me pining for her.

 

A few more of the lies she told me:

-She bought tickets a year ago to a concert she hoped to attend with me

-She bought a dog because her marriage was "so horrible" and she hoped caring for something would get her over me

-She was sexually assaulted. Now this is a subject I do not take lightly, especially as someone who has experienced it myself. But this supposedly took place in broad daylight, in the nicest part of the city, 15 minutes after I emailed her and told her she gave me HPV. I am not someone who discounts anyone's claim of sexual assault, but this is highly suspect. She's known as an exaggerator and fabricator of stories.

-That there was a "timeline" when she would leave her marriage. This one she told me back in November, completely unprompted. I questioned her recently about it, and she said a year and a half or two years after she began therapy last May. First of all, she began therapy before I broke it off in April of last year. Second, 18 months? What the hell kind of sense does that number make? Why would a therapist suggest that amount of time? Again, something to keep me on the hook.

 

Thank you for letting me vent.

[Lobe]

It doesn't help that this is during the time I've chosen to quit smoking after 18 years.

 

YAY! I wish you luck on quitting - best thing I ever did!!! 5 years smoke free and counting! Are you using a vape or just going cold turkey? I had to go cold turkey... I was a stark raving lunatic for about 3 weeks and after that it just got easier and easier... Keep with it

 

The blessing in disguise, I've now realized, is that if he had left, I'd have had this narcissistic, pathological, unstable sex addict on my hands. I would have been hurt worse in the long run had we had a legitimate relationship. They've spent 17 years living inside a fiction, replete with anger, resentment, betrayal, and suspicion. Now, instead of my hatred for him and compassion for her, I feel sorry for them both.

 

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus,not your monkeys. Not your circus,not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

 

Thank you for letting me vent.

 

There's something cathartic in writing things out. For me, it makes them external, like the words have a life of their own and no longer have to live inside my head.

 

Stay with that anger. Soon enough it will dissolve into sadness, then acceptance, then hope.

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Edited August 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[boneheadedmove]

YAY! I wish you luck on quitting - best thing I ever did!!! 5 years smoke free and counting! Are you using a vape or just going cold turkey? I had to go cold turkey... I was a stark raving lunatic for about 3 weeks and after that it just got easier and easier... Keep with it

 

Patch and the e-cig.

 

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus,not your monkeys. Not your circus,not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

 

 

Like I said, he did me a favor.

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Edited August 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language in quote~T

[Grapefruit6]

Thanks for posting these OP. I really appreciate your candidness. I had been the MW in a similar situation. You posts give me much insight/empathy for what I might have put my husband and OM through. For that, I am very grateful.