Broke NC :/

[Rainbow00]

Hello Rainbow,

I understand you so well, obsessing and guesing what he is thinking... And he is probably just busy with other things and other thoughts. And then, suddenly, he will contact you just like everything is in order, without a clue about what you are going through right now. Its so unfair....and yet, we let them treat us that way.

 

It makes me angry that men, or at least he, is able to move on so easily and scot-free. Here I/we are agonizing over being rejected, wondering why this and why that. Hoping that they will come back, reach out, fix things or provide appropriate closure. I know it doesn't affect him; he is able to compartmentalize and focus on work and other things. I can't! I hate how he pulled me into this situation, and now I'm the only one suffering (out of the two of us). It isn't fair. But like you said, I was a willing participant.

 

I miss him a lot. And I hate that. I just want relief... and I know the high that comes with that, when for a few days, I broke NC and things seemed to be back to 'normal'.

[sunburned]

as I mentioned in my previous thread, I (ashamed to admit) broke NC of about 5 weeks last Thursday. I simply was weak and missed him so I asked if we could meet up and chat. And we did. Things seemed ok, we just caught up on work and life over the last month or so, nothing serious or relationship related was discussed. He seemed happy to see me.

 

Since then I don't know how I feel. I don't know if this makes it easier or harder. I tried reaching out today but have only gotten cold one worded replies twice and then he just stopped responding (although i know he got my message and read it). So now I am caught up in being upset at why he's being so cold and now not replying. It was almost easier with NC because there were no expectations. I know he probably is sick of me and trying to blow me off but it hurts. It sucks to keep checking my messages to see if anything is there.

 

This is pathetic. I'm pathetic.

 

It seems most folks break NC the first time around and some more. I am sorry as I think you are feeling the pangs rejection more than anything else and that is a terrible feeling.

 

I am probably giving your xMM more credit than he deserves, but is it possible he is trying to act in your best interest? If you asked for NC and then broke it, he may have been happy to know you're no longer angry with him but also trying to honor your wishes (in addition to trying to honor his marriage). You have said a few times in this thread he gave you hope that things would go back to the way they were and now he's being cold. I am quoting your OP above because you actually indicated your conversation was light and casual, catching up "on work and life" with "nothing relationship-related." But now you are trying to make it relationship related.

 

Perhaps it's a sign of respect (albeit belated) that he does not want to drag you in deeper and hurt you all over again?

[movingon45]

OP,

 

I'm going through the same phase. It really hurts to let go and to recover from the cold responses! But we have to be strong. Take each day at a time. Sooo hard to do!