Cry for desperation ! Please guide me through this !!

[mixwell]

I feel soo weak like I want to call my ex.. Its soo hard.. We were soo perfect for each other and just because I moved away she ended it but I came back because I love her soo much but now she has another b/f.. We were together 7 years !! Do you guys think she really broke up because I moved or because she met this new guy (her new b/f) and wants to see where things go.. It has been 5 months since the breakup and I miss her like crazy still. I have been doing NC but it is soo hard at this point !! It has been like 2 weeks since she called me and it is killing me !! I have not contacted her for a whie now !! Why can't I just pour my heart out to her and make everything OK ? I love her soo much and she means the world to me why cant she see it !! This is killing me inside ! Everyday is soo hard on me and I think about her everyday and even in my dreams !! I feel soo weak right now like I want to call her soo freaking bad !!! what the hell did I do soo wrong ?? I have changed and love her soo much.. I just want her back soo bad !! Please help !!! Ok my b day is the 30th of this month and I was thinking of ignoring her call but is that a god idea. ?? I want to be in touch with her but i cannot stand the thought of us just being friends.. I love this chick too much to just be a friend.. what should I do ? Should I answer when she calls (if she does) or just ignore the call ?? I know that I need to move on but I still feel like things can work out for us and I really don't want to give up on this girl ! I mean I have gone out and what not and joined a martial arts class and it does help but I still think about her all the time ! Why can't things be different !! ??

 

Thanks for advice !!

[sami]

It's over from her side. She decided to move on with her own life away from you. That's life, you need to face this fact of lfe as a man, accept it, live with it and keep going as she already did. Stop crying. It wouldn't help you. Good luck in your future life..

[RecordProducer]

So in an ideal world, she would dump her BF and you would have her back, right? Find out how things with her boyfriend are going. If everything is great, if she is in love then give up for now (or for good). But if she is not so happy with him then here's your chance to prove her that you're better than him. If you keep telling her how much you love her and would do anything for her, she might go back to you. But she also might not.

Yes, you're right, she didn't break up because you moved.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Do you guys think she really broke up because I moved or because she met this new guy (her new b/f) and wants to see where things go..

 

Well, if you think its because you moved - put it this way: think of how much you love her and imagine if she was the one who moved. Would you just decide to date other people right away for no other reason than the fact that she moved? Neither would she. She is dating this other guy not because you moved - she's dating him because she chose him over you. The fact that you moved just made it easier for her to make it happen.

 

Why can't I just pour my heart out to her and make everything OK ? I love her soo much and she means the world to me why cant she see it !!

 

Because pouring out your heart might make you feel good, but it won't change the fact that she doesn't feel the same way. She knows how you feel, and she can see how much you love her - she just doesn't have those same feelings you do.

 

what the hell did I do soo wrong ??

 

You likely didn't do anything wrong. You could have done everything 100% right, but if she didn't see it as being right for herself - then nothing will prevent the 'falling out of love' from happening. The relationship may have been right for you, but it was apparently not right for her.

 

?? I want to be in touch with her but i cannot stand the thought of us just being friends.. I love this chick too much to just be a friend.. what should I do ? Should I answer when she calls (if she does) or just ignore the call ??

 

Don't be her "friend". Its not fair to you, and its not fair to her. If she calls, answer - tell her how you honestly feel and take it from there. Tell her that you love her and you will not be her friend, and if she isn't coming back to you then it would be best to say your goodbyes.

[mixwell]

I agree recordprod. Ok she went back with us when we moved and flew back out to cali.. well her friend picked her up (her new b/f's friend) 2 weeks later she says she cant to a long distance relatinship. I think she started talking to this guy like right when she got back and personally I think she was into him even when we she first go back out to cali but I think he convinced her to dump me and blah blah blah... i want to tell her how much she means and I did this before when i first moved out here and we hung out al ot when i first moved back and she acted jealous about other girls and this and that... It seems weird though that she took soo much interest in this guy, I mean even when I was out of state.. She started hanging out with him like everyday and what not.. Even when I was sure they were together she denied it though and what not...

 

She always made excuses on why she couldnt hand out and what not.. Even though when there was no way she could deny being with him she tried to say that she was confused and everything was messed up. Basically she made excuses still. She used to get jealous and what not when I first moved back out here and what not.. One time we went to go eat and I threw a reciept away and she was like what is that and grabbed it from me all jealous. I said you arent my girlfriend you dont have that privledge anymore and she was like I know and I dont want to be yer g/f..She got kinda pist off about that.. The last time we hung out ( Feb 6) she was saying sorry for not being there and was all touchy and tickly and what not.. We went somewhere she was getting outta my car and I could see her thong so I joked around and snapped it and said "jeez tuck it in" She didn't seem to mind. Then when I left she gave me a normal hug and then tightened it up like crazy.. So I did the same... Its weird though because once i stopped calling she would call me like ever 7 days..

 

Since then the contact has gotten less and less.. I even talked to her about us and she said basically that things wouldn't have worked with us because i moved 1/2 way across the US and I said yeah well I have moved back to be with you beleive it or not.. She then mentioned other probs and what not and I said that I have changed a lot and had a lot of time to think about things..

 

I sent her an email about 3-4 weeks ago kind of pouring my heart out to her and what not and she mailed me back with a short email saying everything was the same except she didn't have a car ( she got in a car accident towards the end of January) I was there for her and saw her that day and what not.. She just said there was some hip hop show but she wasnt going and then said yeah I dont know ill talk to you later... I replied with some pictures of my apt and she had called me about 2 weeks ago and we talked kind of casual.. When we ended the convo I just said it was nice to talk to you and she said the same. I am just curious as if it would push her away if i called or does it even matter at this point. I guess I was waiting for the honeymoon phase of her new relationship to wear off but I dont know.. I have not called her in like a month or whatever.

 

It hurts me knowing that only like 2 weeks after the breakup she is hanging out with this guy like all the time.. I ask myself if we broke up because i moved away and she was hurt or is it just that she wants to test the waters ?? I mean we were together 7 years and were each other 1st everything ( I am 21 as welll as her and 7 years being that young was crazy) we grew up together basically so its very hard on me. Honestly I had broken up with her in the past because I thought there might have been other girls but on one compares to her and we ended up getting back together.. At this point I could have married this chick without any doubt in my mind that she was the one and be happy with that choice.. I have not dated other girls or anything.. I just want to be with her and if things went right she would be the one for me.

 

It werid because when we had broken up she would say things like it sucks because I thought out of all my friends that I would have been married first.. She also mentioned how I didn't give her any action before she flew back out here.. I mean why would you say that if you had another partner. I mean when i first moved back out here i even took her bra and panty shopping and we weren't even together. Its just hard to tell because the last time I hung out with her she said sorry for ignoring me and she was like " you can slap me in the face if you want to, I know I deserve it" On the other hand though its like she is with this guy and the contact has gotten less and less so I really don't know what to think anymore.. Its hard because things seemsed cool like only a little bit ago and then the contact gets less and less. Basically I leave it up to her if she contacts me or not.

 

When we first broke up, I contacted her like everyday and what not and then finally I stopped and she would contact me.. Then since I stopped she would call about once a week but like I said before the contact has gotten less and less and I still havent contacted her but I really don't know what to do because I still want her back even after 5 months. I wish it was as simple as she wants to test the waters or see if the grass is greener on the other side but its been like 5 months and we still arent together. Honestly if we were to get back I would treat her soo good but she wont give me the chance.. So I am confused on what do do.. Do I stick with NC or would it hurt to call her and tell her how I feel again ? I dont want to push her away but the point I am in right now seems like it doesn't even matter what I say.. I have no idea what her situation is with her current b/f.

 

 

I dont know if things are ok with them or what but try to act happy and not bring that shiz up when I talk to her.. So what should I do ? Wait until she calls me next time ( my b day , the 30th of this month) (i am assuming) or would be ok to call her??? This freaking sucks soo bad and I am sorry if this post is long but in my mind she is the one for me !!! Please help me out here !!

 

Honestly do you think that if the next time she calls (if that is) would it help to get her back if act like I am dating or whatever? Like I said I don't even know if at the time it has been if it is even worth if it would work if i tried this !! i am soo confused on what t o do.. I want her back soo bad but it seems like there are no other angles I have to get her back..

 

Thanks !!

[demonfall]

Mix, there's something I learned the hard way. Women in their late teens/early 20s change quite a bit and go through a lot of different phases and don't always know what they want. My fiance dumped me 2 months before her 20th birthday, and there's nothing I can do about it. Believe me, I tried. I know it's tough on you, since we've talked before. I've honestly been doing a lot better having not seen my ex in over a month. I still have some bad days/moments, but I accept them. It really seems like she just wanted to see what else is out there. You said you've been together for seven years? So you were both 14 when you got together? There might still be a chance or you, but it has to come from her. I would seriously just leave her be and try to move on with your life. If she misses you, then she'll let you know. If you really need to call, then keep it short and friendly. Make sure you are the one to end the conversation.

 

I wish I could help you more, but like I said, she's a 21 year old woman and only she knows what she wants. From my own experience, I doubt she knows what that is. No offense to the 20-21 year old women on here.

 

Keep your head up man. I know we hate to hear others say it will get better, but it honestly does.

[RecordProducer]

You use it quite often!

[mixwell]

Yes demon we were about 13-14 when we first got together. I should just stop trying to figure out her actions on things. Its just soo weird how last time we hung out she was really happy and that spark seemed there but then as of right now its like i don't exist !! As much as i would like to call her though I think it is best if I just don't call. I know I shouldn't but this has probably been the longest we have gone without talking. Each time when its gets to be that new length of time we go without talking I start to panic a little I guess thats all. My goal though was to not call her for the whole month of April and see if she calls me. So here we are about 1/2 way into the month and I haven't talked to her. Demon do you think the next time I talk to her I should just act happy and what not ? Or should I just straight out say I can't be your friend please don't call me anymore until things change ? basically dont call me while you are still in this new relationship ? I just don't want to say anything I will regret later on so I don't know if I should say this. I guess I will just play it out as it comes. I was going to ignore her the next time she calls and see how long it takes her to call back but I don't know maybe I should just not play games and answer the phone if I am available..

 

 

 

 

 

haha recordproducer you know what I wrote that post when i was pretty drunk last nite and I just reread it again and I was like wow I say "and what not" a lot ! Its only when I am drunk I guess because usually I don't say that. Thats funny because I honestly thought someone might have noted that out and low and behold your post did.. haha sorry about that. It got annoying for me to even read my own post with all of those "and what not's"

 

Thanks !!

[from ND]

Hey Mix "whatnot" Well, I would like to say, keep your head up bro, I read your lenghty article as well as the following posts, and in MY opinion, your moving away had absolutely Zero to do with this breakup, so #1, Quit beating yourself up for that. #2, I think maybe instead of calling her, because you maybe let down even more if the coversation doesnt turn to your favor of getting back together, Write her a letter with your feelings, don't say it over the phone. If she gets a letter, she will have TIME, Time to read and analyze and let sink in whats on the paper that you are saying, thats better than calling her, because your emotions are stirred up, you might not say everything you are thinking, or it may come out the wrong way. By doing this you havent really broken the NC rule, cause you havent called.

 

Also, you mention you guys came up together and its been 7 years, well, thats a good thing, that means there is a bond between you 2, however, like the other post mentioned you both are still very young, maybe she just needs some time right now, but in the meantime as hard as it sounds, you gotta just worry about you, like Its ok to care about her, You can keep your feelings for her, but maybne start to see other chiks, like even if its just for casual friends or to get your mind off her, theres no law against that, after all shes the one seeing another guy, maybe when she sees that you are not available to go back to, she will reconsider, but again this is just speculation, what I should reallly say is that It will all work out for the better the way its supposed to in the end, one way or the other,

 

Just remember you can't chang e what shes thinking, and if she calls you when you lay off for a while, then it sounds like the hot/cold game, my opinion is, the longerr you go NC, the more she will wonder whats up, reason being, you dont just spend 7 yrs with someone and have 0 contact with them unless theres a death, in this case, she s met someone else, but she probably still thinks about you. Im dealing with a simalar issue except I dont think there is another dude, not right now anyways, yeah, write her the letter, take your time, be open, up front, tell her you need a resolution to everything, like tell her how you feel, and that if she doesnt feel the same that you are putting Closure to the both of you, friends included, that lets her know you mean business.

 

If she asks why no friends(even though you might want it despite whether shes seeing another), tell her you are moving on, again this is if she doesnt respond to the letter . well take care my friend, and dont get drunk over her either, that doesnt do nothing but make more misery, I mean go hang out with your friends, or just do something you enjoy doing w/out her, I know its hard, but getting wasted only takes the edge off for the night, then in the am, its even worse, good luck bro

[mixwell]

Thanks From ND for the advice. I think what I am going to do though is just stick with NC and try to improve myself. Dont get my wrong I have been doing this but I wish I went out a little more and talked to some girls. I hope this is just a phase for her though because when I think about what my future will be like without her it hurts. I wanted us both to experience things together like marrage and all that. She is the woman that I want to be my wife and mother of my kids (one day that is not right now !!) So I will just hang in there and take each day as it comes !!

 

Thanks !!