Cedar27 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Over the last few weeks I have done serious soul searching, and I have come to the conclusion that my recent break up was mostly my own doing. A wonderful, promising, and loving 3 year relationship wasted. I had everything I wanted. Everything. She was the only girl I ever wanted to marry and saw myself with the rest of my life. I am only 27, but i've been on enough dates and seen enough women to know when i've met Ms. Right. I now realize I probably was depressed and suffering from anxiety during most of our relationship. That's not an excuse, I didn't do the things I needed to do to manage my negative thought patterns. Now I never cheated, never betrayed trust, in many ways I was a good boyfriend. However I just became an underproductive man. Not working enough, not being spontaneous, not doing anything fun, just a mundane routine kind of life. I also had a negative ball of energy surrounding me most days. For the first time in my life I feel like myself again. My positivity, energy, goals, and outlook has changed for the better in the last few weeks. The obsessive thoughts and ruminating about my ex are mostly gone. My ex is likely not coming back. I accept it. Perhaps she needed to leave for me to understand just how empty my life was without her. I have my depression/anxiety under control now, and i'm taking real action in my life for the first time. I wish she could see and hear me, and understand how I am once again the same positive hard working guy she met and fell in love with. With even more perspective and drive than before. I am so proud and happy I know I could make her happy if she was open to being with me. That's not an option though, so it's more important for me that I work hard in life and meet other women and not wait for a pie in the sky. I know they say that break ups are usually both partners faults 50/50. In my case, I don't know…I feel like I really dropped the ball on this one. Call it a personal revelation, I really, really feel like I did. That being said, i'm moving on because there's nothing you can do to change the past. I will do everything I can though to control my present and make sure I am being the best I can be. To everyone out there….treat all relationships like organisms. They will die if you just leave them unwatered. I learned the hardest lesson of my life. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I feel like you wrote exactly what I'm currently thinking regarding myself. My negativity and struggle pushed the woman of my dreams away. Some days I feel good as you have indicated, but other days I'm just torn down. Working on it, step by step, day by day. I congratulate you on your progress and your acceptance that your ex probably won't be coming back. Cheers to you and I hope you find that Ms. Right that you deserve. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 She left it's hard when things like this happen but look at you now, you are taking control of your life, and having depression is something serious not to be taken lightly, i'm glad you are on the right track and you should always stay on it cause that's the only path that leads to happiness. Now i know you want to talk to her, she probably moved on, you can send her a letter but i would advice you against it because this will open some wounds that took time to heal, move forward, be happy for her. I'm sure the woman you'll meet is going to be lucky to have you. Learn from this man and good luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Be watchful for the Unholy Trinity that afflicts many men: Apathy. Passivity. Naivety. They poison everything if they get a hold on you... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Be watchful for the Unholy Trinity that afflicts many men: Apathy. Passivity. Naivety. They poison everything if they get a hold on you... Please elaborate if you would. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Be watchful for the Unholy Trinity that afflicts many men: Apathy. Passivity. Naivety. They poison everything if they get a hold on you... Nice post! So true! All three lead to demise in relationships. Whether it's business or personal. thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Please elaborate if you would. Actually, I'd rather you came to your own conclusions, because they will be more meaningful to you than mine. We each have our own understanding. Take care, Satu. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Be watchful for the Unholy Trinity that afflicts many men: Apathy. Passivity. Naivety. They poison everything if they get a hold on you... I think Anger could be added to that list. Arguing, no matter how 'right' you are, is always wrong. Too many men allow themselves to get into petty arguments, or allow themselves to get hot-headed too often, thinking their gf will accept them that way. Eventually the bad moods and arguments corrode the foundations of their relationship. I know they did mine.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Cold hard truth: she broke up with you because she was no longer attracted to you. NOTHING you did or said was responsible for her losing feelings... and attraction. It happened because of her own immaturity. It probably happened because you weren't enough of a challenge, because you were too easy, or too complacent. It happened because she's young and not ready to settle down. It happened because, to her, you're not "the one". Everything you post is fine.... unless you try to twist your *revelations* into an excuse to justify contacting her. Then it's all just that -- a rationale to make contact. Link to post Share on other sites
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