stillafool Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I personally think you should mind your own business. Saying you have lots of proof is getting way to involved in his relationship. You shouldn't have anything pertaining to him at this point. You don't know for sure he is cheating on her. Their relationship may be different than what you had with him. You should continue on with your healing and tell that friend of yours to never mention his name to you again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Yes he is but I find it hard to ignore it. It's like watching a child get bullied, someone being robbed. It stirs something very strongly in me It also might to stir something just as strong in her--denial--because she can say you fabricated the whole thing because you're not happy and don't want anyone else to be happy. She can say you created the profile just to torment her because you can't have him. Really. If she doesn't want to hear it, she's not going to hear it. Don't assume that she will do what your imagination is speculating she will do--she may end up handing you your behind. She's a grown woman. I'm quite sure she knows the circumstances surrounding the demise of his relationship with you. Also, you have no idea when that profile was put up--could have been a long, long time ago and your "friend" just now found it. Putting the paper in her mailbox can easily be found by him. Then what? He'll know it was you. If you're truly over him, then leave him be. If you're still not over him, then you need to work with a therapist to get this out of your system. It's really unhealthy to dwell upon it. Let karma do it's job and you mind your business... karma's damage will be far better than anything you can muster. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I think the same but my god does it scare me. I hate confrontation If right is so on your side, you should have nothing to fear, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 In the end, it doesn't matter if she believes you or not - at least you will sleep better knowing that you've tried. If she doesn't believe you now she'll remember you a few years later when she either finds proof herself or is left for another woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I personally think you should mind your own business. Saying you have lots of proof is getting way to involved in his relationship. You shouldn't have anything pertaining to him at this point. You don't know for sure he is cheating on her. Their relationship may be different than what you had with him. You should continue on with your healing and tell that friend of yours to never mention his name to you again. POF is a dating site for single people. His profile states he is single and looking for a nice woman to spend time with. He is clearly looking to cheat..be it emotionally or physically. A grounded person who has respect for his partner would not dream of being on a dating site. He is a cheat. he cant help himself. Their relationship isn't different. She thinks she is with a kind, loyal committed man. And My God is he good at that role.He is a classic player Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 It also might to stir something just as strong in her--denial--because she can say you fabricated the whole thing because you're not happy and don't want anyone else to be happy. She can say you created the profile just to torment her because you can't have him. Really. If she doesn't want to hear it, she's not going to hear it. Don't assume that she will do what your imagination is speculating she will do--she may end up handing you your behind. She's a grown woman. I'm quite sure she knows the circumstances surrounding the demise of his relationship with you. Also, you have no idea when that profile was put up--could have been a long, long time ago and your "friend" just now found it. Putting the paper in her mailbox can easily be found by him. Then what? He'll know it was you. If you're truly over him, then leave him be. If you're still not over him, then you need to work with a therapist to get this out of your system. It's really unhealthy to dwell upon it. Let karma do it's job and you mind your business... karma's damage will be far better than anything you can muster. His profile was put up three weeks ago as my friend receives notifications of the latest members who have recently registered. Its not an old profile. I heard through the grapevine a while back that they have moved in together so its a pretty solid relationship. Poor woman But yes I believe in karma. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 In the end, it doesn't matter if she believes you or not - at least you will sleep better knowing that you've tried. If she doesn't believe you now she'll remember you a few years later when she either finds proof herself or is left for another woman. That's the thing. I am not expecting this to break them up because most women tend to think that a cheater wont cheat on them because their relationship is "different". But a cheater will, no matter how much he loves his partner. The thrill of the chase is too nice. They suffer from GIGS At least I planted a seed in her if I tell her. Those are my thoughts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. You're clearly not there yet since you're stalking him, finding out all about his relationships, wishing him ill, etc. Ergo, you are not over him. you need to NC until you are. Your friend might be the loveliest person on earth but you should tell her that you don't want her to mention your scumbag ex to you again. Tell her you have no interest in hearing about what he's doing, who he's with or what he's having for dinner. If she's truly your friend she will understand. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. You're clearly not there yet since you're stalking him, finding out all about his relationships, wishing him ill, etc. Ergo, you are not over him. you need to NC until you are. Your friend might be the loveliest person on earth but you should tell her that you don't want her to mention your scumbag ex to you again. Tell her you have no interest in hearing about what he's doing, who he's with or what he's having for dinner. If she's truly your friend she will understand. OP I said this before...I am over him. I don't care if he gets married or goes to the moon forever. I am just not over the pain and suffering he put me through. Maybe my friend shouldn't have told me and maybe I should close my ears when he comes up in conversation in our circle of friends. But I don't talk to my ex. I am finding this hard to sit back and let him do this crap to another person. She will be victim number four Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Argh. he winds me up. Maybe you are all right. I ought to pretend he is dead. Let him get on with his life and destroy everyone that comes into his path...including young children. The wanker Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Argh. he winds me up. And there your honour, I rest my case. If you are over him then he would not have the power over you to wind you up. No, don't pretend not to hear when your friends mention him. That is being passive aggressive. Calmly and sensitively, tell your friends that discussing him and hearing about him is painful for you, and is preventing you from moving on. Tell them that you would very much appreciate it if they could not talk about him in your presence. They can talk about him all they like when you're not there. If they are truly your friends then they will understand and respect your wishes and feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 You have made it clear that you want to protect his new GF from the pain your EX caused you. While that may be a lovely sentiment, it's not your responsibility. If you reach out to her, even with the best of intentions, your message will not be well received. She will not think that you care about her. She will think you are LYING to her because you have an ulterior motive & want him back. She will not believe you. Most likely she'll dig her heals in & hang on to him longer to spite you. Just stay out of this. It's not your problem to fix. Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Whatever you decide to do, please make sure to let us know. I'm literally on the edge of my seat on this one lol. I see the benefit of both options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangetout Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 I thought about this long and hard. I am not gonna pursue it. I have let him back into my life somehow and I am sick of this man. Thanks for your opinions. Case is closed 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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