GoldenGirl2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I'm not talking about on a BDSM level but if your answer includes that, that's fine. I hear a lot of people saying guys like to "take control" like in what way? How do I allow that, w/o him taking it too far? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 First let me stress that I hate BDSM. I love and respect women way too much to ever treat one like a piece of property. But with that said, I'm all for spanking her when she's been a bad girl. Submissive for me, means a woman that appreciates letting a man act like one. She wants me to plan most of the dates, she puts her trust in me to keep her safe and look after her well being, and physically she likes that I am aggressive, dominant, and lead the sexual interaction. However, I want her to have her own personality, be independent, and be really sarcastic and feisty. I have the most fun with a woman I can respect and that keeps me on my toes. After all, just because she likes me being her man, doesn't mean that she's a push over. It actually secretly turns me on when a woman can put me in my place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I'm not talking about on a BDSM level but if your answer includes that, that's fine. I hear a lot of people saying guys like to "take control" like in what way? How do I allow that, w/o him taking it too far? If you are talking about the early stages of a dating scenario, letting the man take or have control, is about letting him be the pursuer and initiating dates, calls, etc. and the woman's job is to reciprocate in kind and in a balanced way. As the relationship develops, the woman can and should do some initiating. If you are talking about an established relationship, Submission is not about a woman doing things she doesn't want to do. It's about the fact that she whole-heartedly and unconditionally loves her husband or partner and wants to and is willing to do the things he wants her to do. By the same token, the husband loves his wife or partner whole-heartedly and unconditionally and does not to ask her to do things he knows she really doesn't want to do. Mutual respect, trust and communication are the foundation of a quality relationship. However, in a partnership, when there is an issue that can't be resolved by mutual decision, (in other words, the woman has been asked for an opinion and made part of the process) and a decision absolutely has to be made, the woman will trust the man to make the final decision and accept it. Women should not be submissive to men. If a man is forcing or pressuring her to do something she doesn't want to do, that is abuse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I just want to 2nd exactly what he said ^^ That describes my view of "submission" perfectly. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 If you are talking about the early stages of a dating scenario, letting the man take or have control, is about letting him be the pursuer and initiating dates, calls, etc. and the woman's job is to reciprocate in kind and in a balanced way. As the relationship develops, the woman can and should do some initiating. If you are talking about an established relationship, Submission is not about a woman doing things she doesn't want to do. It's about the fact that she whole-heartedly and unconditionally loves her husband or partner and wants to and is willing to do the things he wants her to do. By the same token, the husband loves his wife or partner whole-heartedly and unconditionally and does not to ask her to do things he knows she really doesn't want to do. Mutual respect, trust and communication are the foundation of a quality relationship. However, in a partnership, when there is an issue that can't be resolved by mutual decision, (in other words, the woman has been asked for an opinion and made part of the process) and a decision absolutely has to be made, the woman will trust the man to make the final decision and accept it. Women should not be submissive to men. If a man is forcing or pressuring her to do something she doesn't want to do, that is abuse. You basically said what I just did, but in a much more intelligent and in depth manner. Awesome post! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 You basically said what I just did, but in a much more intelligent and in depth manner. Awesome post! Great minds think alike? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 having a woman be submissive Refraining from telling me how to drive; submit to my driving and accept being subordinate to it while a passenger. That's one example. I recall, in MC, stating that, in a healthy marriage, there are times when one spouse leads with their strengths and the other spouse follows. It's not all or never, rather situational. If I were to describe a 'submissive' woman it would be one who follows as a habit, rather than pertinent to specific situations, and depends on someone else to lead, consistently. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Great minds think alike? Exactly. Some men tend to mistake being "dominant" with being a control freak. Men that are the right type of strong, dominant, leaders actually love and respect women a lot. They treasure their women and appreciate her as a person. But they just happen to have backbone, strong sexual aggression, and the ability to gently lead the relationship as it was intended. I've been with a few women who claimed to be strong dominant feminists. But after spending time with me, they admit that it was done out of necessity because the kept meeting weak men. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) Exactly. Some men tend to mistake being "dominant" with being a control freak. Men that are the right type of strong, dominant, leaders actually love and respect women a lot. They treasure their women and appreciate her as a person. But they just happen to have backbone, strong sexual aggression, and the ability to gently lead the relationship as it was intended. I've been with a few women who claimed to be strong dominant feminists. But after spending time with me, they admit that it was done out of necessity because the kept meeting weak men. The part I've highlighted in bold above, is for an entirely different thread. But, I don't dare to start it But I will say this, that the men they were with and ended up calling weak, did not necessarily start out that way. The balance of power in the relationship likely was usurped by the woman because she wasn't getting what she wanted out of the relationship and her way, yet wasn't assertive enough to accept that and wouldn't move on. Edited March 24, 2015 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 The part I've highlighted in bold above, is for an entirely different thread. But, I don't dare to start it But I will say this, that the men they were with and ended up calling weak, did not necessarily start out that way. The balance of power in the relationship likely was usurped by the woman because she wasn't getting what she wanted out of the relationship and her way, yet wasn't assertive enough to accept that and wouldn't move on. Haha.. Oh they didn't call those men weak. That was my impression of them and why those women stayed dominant and feminist out of necessity. Once they met me and were able to embrace their feminine side, they realized what they secretly wanted in a man but had been ignoring. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Haha.. Oh they didn't call those men weak. That was my impression of them and why those women stayed dominant and feminist out of necessity. Once they met me and were able to embrace their feminine side, they realized what they secretly wanted in a man but had been ignoring. "why those women stayed dominant and feminist out of necessity" and "realized what they secretly wanted in a man but had been ignoring" You are saying that if they felt it necessary to become dominant and feminist, they were ignoring were their own needs. It might not necessarily be that those men were weak. Those women just weren't getting what they wanted or needed and took control instead of finding someone who was suited for them and allowed them to be who they really are, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I don't believe that a woman should ever be submissive in a relationship (unless of course, she WANTS TO be, then that's her personal choice). In a relationship, BOTH partners should make ALL of the decisions - together. A man shouldn't believe that he should be the sole decision-maker and leader in the relationship by virtue of his gender, genitalia and testosterone. Men aren't more intelligent than women, and vice versa. Women are just as capable in making very important decisions in a relationship as the man is. It doesn't matter how much he "respects" her and "values" her; him getting to be the dominant partner in the relationship while she sits in a corner and nods in agreement with everything he says, does and decides will lead him to be believe that he's more intelligent and more capable than she is; a very bad precedent for a woman to set in her relationship, which should consist of BOTH her and her guy making joint decisions. And, if a decision cannot be reached by mutual agreement, then compromise from BOTH sides will have to be utilized or NO decision will be made. I do realize that there are a LOT of women who choose to be submissive to their date, boyfriend or husband; and um, that's THEIR choice, more power to 'em...or rather, LESS power to 'em. In every relationship I've ever been in, we have both come to mutual decisions with regard to important situations and circumstances. TOGETHER. . 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 If you ask my wife, she'd tell you that she's on the submissive side. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I don't believe that a woman should ever be submissive in a relationship (unless of course, she WANTS TO be, then that's her personal choice). In a relationship, BOTH partners should make ALL of the decisions - together. A man shouldn't believe that he should be the sole decision-maker and leader in the relationship by virtue of his gender, genitalia and testosterone. Men aren't more intelligent than women, and vice versa. Women are just as capable in making very important decisions in a relationship as the man is. It doesn't matter how much he "respects" her and "values" her; him getting to be the dominant partner in the relationship while she sits in a corner and nods in agreement with everything he says, does and decides will lead him to be believe that he's more intelligent and more capable than she is; a very bad precedent for a woman to set in her relationship, which should consist of BOTH her and her guy making joint decisions. And, if a decision cannot be reached by mutual agreement, then compromise from BOTH sides will have to be utilized or NO decision will be made. I do realize that there are a LOT of women who choose to be submissive to their date, boyfriend or husband; and um, that's THEIR choice, more power to 'em...or rather, LESS power to 'em. In every relationship I've ever been in, we have both come to mutual decisions with regard to important situations and circumstances. TOGETHER. This sums up my thoughts on the subject. I wish my girlfriend would be more assertive herself instead of leaving all of the decisions to me, especially when it comes to things she has more expertise in. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 However, in a partnership, when there is an issue that can't be resolved by mutual decision, (in other words, the woman has been asked for an opinion and made part of the process) and a decision absolutely has to be made, the woman will trust the man to make the final decision and accept it. That is just ridiculous We are in 2015. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I'm not talking about on a BDSM level but if your answer includes that, that's fine. I hear a lot of people saying guys like to "take control" like in what way? How do I allow that, w/o him taking it too far? You step back & let the man be a man. You don't have to be in charge of everything. If he says let's go to XYZ Restaurant for dinner, say OK unless you have some good reason not to go there. Don't be contrary just for the sake of being argumentative. Hesitate a few seconds around doors so he has a chance to open them. Let him lead when you slow dance. (my mom could never master that one ) It's about letting a man treat you like a lady, not because you can't open a door but because sometimes it's nice to be treated. It also helps the other person to know that you value their contribution to your life. If he tries to tell you how to dress, who to be friends with, where you can work, if you can work, etc. you run like heck & never look back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenGirl2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 If you are talking about the early stages of a dating scenario, letting the man take or have control, is about letting him be the pursuer and initiating dates, calls, etc. and the woman's job is to reciprocate in kind and in a balanced way. As the relationship develops, the woman can and should do some initiating. If you are talking about an established relationship, Submission is not about a woman doing things she doesn't want to do. It's about the fact that she whole-heartedly and unconditionally loves her husband or partner and wants to and is willing to do the things he wants her to do. By the same token, the husband loves his wife or partner whole-heartedly and unconditionally and does not to ask her to do things he knows she really doesn't want to do. Mutual respect, trust and communication are the foundation of a quality relationship. However, in a partnership, when there is an issue that can't be resolved by mutual decision, (in other words, the woman has been asked for an opinion and made part of the process) and a decision absolutely has to be made, the woman will trust the man to make the final decision and accept it. Women should not be submissive to men. If a man is forcing or pressuring her to do something she doesn't want to do, that is abuse. Wow! I like and respect everything you said. What warrants a woman getting a spanking from you? What's some things you consider "bad girl" behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) Wow! I like and respect everything you said. What warrants a woman getting a spanking from you? What's some things you consider "bad girl" behavior? Haha.. I'm actually the one that said that in my post. But my post and Redhead's posts were pretty similar in nature. But for me, I see a smack on the ass as more of a sexual flirtation when she's being a smart ass or really feisty. But the harder spankings come in the heat of the moment during sex if she is a bit defiant or doesn't answer me loud enough like a good girl. But it sounds like you're very curious and like the idea of being spanked, so I doubt it would be much punishment for you. ;-) Edited March 24, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenGirl2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Haha.. I'm actually the one that said that in my post. But my post and Redhead's posts were pretty similar in nature. But for me, I see a smack on the ass as more of a sexual flirtation when she's being a smart ass or really feisty. But the harder spankings come in the heat of the moment during sex if she is a bit defiant or doesn't answer me loud enough like a good girl. But it sounds like you're very curious and like the idea of being spanked, so I doubt it would be much punishment for you. ;-) Lol yes, I guess you can say curious. It may just be a punishment I'll enjoy! Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Lol yes, I guess you can say curious. It may just be a punishment I'll enjoy! Good girl. Women that are sexually playful are hot. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I'm not talking about on a BDSM level but if your answer includes that, that's fine. I hear a lot of people saying guys like to "take control" like in what way? How do I allow that, w/o him taking it too far? Any decision that involves me I have a say-so in. I don't take direction from idiots. If I have confidence in a man's judgment, I'll let him lead the way up to a certain point, but I will not tolerate someone trying to flip into being my father. Not at my age. He's been dead for 38 years... and he's the last man to spank me. Dude will draw back a nub. I'm not here for that. Do not hit me and we will get along. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 The more space you give a man to take charge, the more wonderful surprises you open yourself up to receive. Getting out of my "masculine" energy (doing, controlling, leading, planning) has worked ****WONDERS**** (yes, with four asterisks on either side) for my relationship. I still retain veto power. It's hot to watch my man be the boss, and I think it makes him feel hot, which makes him even hotter, and then, in turn, makes me hot. I receive many delicious spankings during sex. If we had an argument in real life, however, his solution would never be to strike me. One of the reasons I suspect we never argue is because we have such explosive sex. I was an unbeliever, but the more I explore, the more I suspect gender roles have to do with biology, and loosely honoring ancient biology in the modern world goes a long way. (Same with avoiding processed foods and eating more whole foods. ) The best way, IMHO, to truly compliment and show respect to your man, is to show him your trust by allowing him to give direction. If anything, I learned just how much we think alike. When you become comfortable with it, there is a lot more power in submission than meets the eye... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 The more space you give a man to take charge, the more wonderful surprises you open yourself up to receive. Getting out of my "masculine" energy (doing, controlling, leading, planning) has worked ****WONDERS**** (yes, with four asterisks on either side) for my relationship. I still retain veto power. It's hot to watch my man be the boss, and I think it makes him feel hot, which makes him even hotter, and then, in turn, makes me hot. I receive many delicious spankings during sex. If we had an argument in real life, however, his solution would never be to strike me. One of the reasons I suspect we never argue is because we have such explosive sex. I was an unbeliever, but the more I explore, the more I suspect gender roles have to do with biology, and loosely honoring ancient biology in the modern world goes a long way. (Same with avoiding processed foods and eating more whole foods. ) The best way, IMHO, to truly compliment and show respect to your man, is to show him your trust by allowing him to give direction. If anything, I learned just how much we think alike. When you become comfortable with it, there is a lot more power in submission than meets the eye... Well, I'm glad that giving your husband the power to control your entire life and to decide every little thing for you makes you "feel hot". Good for you! However...there are intelligent, capable and independent women in this world (like me!) who would beg to differ with the way you allow your husband to dominate your marriage and your entire life. I still retain veto power. LOL . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 The more space you give a man to take charge, the more wonderful surprises you open yourself up to receive. Getting out of my "masculine" energy (doing, controlling, leading, planning) has worked ****WONDERS**** (yes, with four asterisks on either side) for my relationship. I still retain veto power. It's hot to watch my man be the boss, and I think it makes him feel hot, which makes him even hotter, and then, in turn, makes me hot. I receive many delicious spankings during sex. If we had an argument in real life, however, his solution would never be to strike me. One of the reasons I suspect we never argue is because we have such explosive sex. I was an unbeliever, but the more I explore, the more I suspect gender roles have to do with biology, and loosely honoring ancient biology in the modern world goes a long way. (Same with avoiding processed foods and eating more whole foods. ) The best way, IMHO, to truly compliment and show respect to your man, is to show him your trust by allowing him to give direction. If anything, I learned just how much we think alike. When you become comfortable with it, there is a lot more power in submission than meets the eye... This might be my nomination for post of the week. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 This might be my nomination for post of the week. Ya know, this post from you is pretty disappointing; but I'll get over it lol The same way you're disappointed in Pumpkin's post about how she'd immediately dump you over a Subway sandwich, is how I felt when I read this post. I mean, I can understand you wanting to control the sexual dynamic with the woman you're in bed with, but seriously? You'd want to control and dominate every single aspect of a woman's life? Wow. . Link to post Share on other sites
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