Darren Steez Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I agree. Sorry to be harsh, but while the scenes may have been emotional, it seemed you did it specifically to illicit a response out of your wife, then got angry or offended when she didn't console you. Have you read No More Mr Nice guy? You're blubbering and your son is bringing you tissues, why not remove yourself from the situation, I'm not sure it's healthy for your children to be seeing all this. It's not their fault, try to shield them from the BS as much as possible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author benjamin100 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 It is not that I am downplaying your grief, that would be heartless and I understand your sorrow. But there is a bigger game to be played here and you could sleep walk into a situation, that is not your best interests, if you let grief take over. You need to be sharp and alert here and let your head rule your heart, not the other way around, else this pack of cards could come tumbling down around your ears. Elaine567, it's so very kind of you to take the time to comment on my situation. If there were a quick-fix to becoming more immune to the pain then of course I would be sending off my cheque first class. I am hoping and praying that my defences fortify with time. I feel that's all I can do at the moment. My heart, I fear, is a much more complex and more influential part of being than that my head or mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author benjamin100 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 I agree. Sorry to be harsh, but while the scenes may have been emotional, it seemed you did it specifically to illicit a response out of your wife, then got angry or offended when she didn't console you. Have you read No More Mr Nice guy? You're blubbering and your son is bringing you tissues, why not remove yourself from the situation, I'm not sure it's healthy for your children to be seeing all this. It's not their fault, try to shield them from the BS as much as possible. Darren Steez - I sincerely wish my emotioins could manufacture reaction to events or incidents on cue '' when the tears well up it's so build a damn when they come with such force ''. We are all made differently Darren. I have stuff in my being that is better than most but holding back or suppressing tearful emotion , unfortunately, not one of them. I attempted to say can we watch this movie another time but my son wanted us both to sit in the same room and watch tv. After what he has been through this week I could not refuse him. Making the right decision at the moment is a very precarious process. I am doing my utmost to preserve everything. I have made this decision, it may change in time but for the time being I feel I am doing everything I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 the best you can be is yourself, everyone else is taken. i respectfully disagree with the "man up mantra " , its debase and devoid of reality. Men and the character traits are varied... be yourself and nothing less. This wife was callous, but that is her burden to carry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author benjamin100 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 the best you can be is yourself, everyone else is taken. i respectfully disagree with the "man up mantra " , its debase and devoid of reality. Men and the character traits are varied... be yourself and nothing less. This wife was callous, but that is her burden to carry. Whilst I am a realist and know that action is more effective than words. I cannot help but to get a positive mental reaction to kind and understanding words such as yours. God bless you and thank you for taking the time to express your good wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 To address MICKLEB's point about 'No Contact'. She is not mature enough to exist under those circumstances and I don't think I am 'hard' enough. I am a very talkative chap who loves to interact with other people. My son and I chat for hours on just about any subject, from Music to Politics. Being quiet is not in my nature and I am not making excuses before some of you call me 'doormat' or deluded. I am just trying to provide some answers to some interesting points. That's fine, benjamin. Just be aware that you are now consciously choosing the only remaining option which, as heartless as it sounds, is nothing more complex than "sucking it up". Stop hoping that things will change. You have had 31-6 years of hoping for that. Your wife is a bastard, you are highly emotional. Your kids are caught in the middle. That's it. You have chosen not to leave your wife, or to treat her as your ex. You are surprised when she gets annoyed by your crying during a rom-com. Do not be surprised. This is what your life is. You only productive way forward is to accept it. I'm sorry to have to tell you as much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I agree with Mickleb if you want change anything you are going to have to accept that this is what your life is going to be. Link to post Share on other sites
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