Satu Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 If he uses this opportunity well and focuses on his own issues, he might make some real progress and find his way out of depression. Keep an open mind and an open heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Susan W Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Best of luck to you. I know how hard it is, believe me. My advice is to try not to think about what may or may not happen with you and him, and put 100 percent of your focus on healing and being a better person. And put your faith where it belongs: In yourself and in the future, whatever it might be. Whatever it turns out to be is going to be better than where you are today. KTB You're absolutely right. It's just so hard... I feel like hoping for the best is the only thing that gets me up in the morning now... It's so true that whatever it's going to be, it'll be so much better than today... Thanks again for your kind support. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Susan W Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 If he uses this opportunity well and focuses on his own issues, he might make some real progress and find his way out of depression. Keep an open mind and an open heart. I will. And I will have faith in him... Thanks so much again... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Susan W Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 He just emailed me and told me that he's got a job in Omaha. Which is kind of a good sign cause when he was in New York he didn't want to work and kept quitting his jobs... He also said he still had to fight the demons but he's determined... I know it's probably a positive thing... But It still hurts me that he's not here... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Is it possible he found someone else since he didn't feel fulfilled in his marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Susan W Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Is it possible he found someone else since he didn't feel fulfilled in his marriage? I hope not. After he left, he told me that the only promise he'd keep to me is he'd not be with anyone else for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Susan W Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Well just as he told me he'd still deposit his income to our account (though he hasn't had any since Feb), he spent like $200 while I had to pay for $2.4K rent next week... It just keeps getting worse... I really wish I knew what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I am so sorry for your pain.My husband asked for a divorce out of the blue in early November.He and I are still in the house and its been horrible his whole personality changed I don't even know him anymore and everybody that knows him also agrees.He said he does not love me anymore then he will say its other things also that don't make since to me.Any way we are divorcing and I know your pain all so well. You at least may have a chance beings yours still talks to you and stuff. Try to focus on your self now and you can cry as much as you need get it out This is his problem not yours.You can be there for someone when they want and love them but you can not fix them or make them do anything they do not want to.You only have your self that you can control and make happy. I can not make mine love me or stay if he does not want to and it hurts but I will do what I have to and learn to love me again and learn to be happy and OK with out him.You will do the same and you will be OK also.I am so sorry for you and I hope things will turn out the way you want.Hang in there, Big Hugs! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Thank you Susan W for your question because it is the same one many other people have as well. Unfortunately, in these kinds of social media outlets, many people just tell you to move on and forget about him. "Marriage, after all, is antiquated and not worth the commitment anymore." I completely disagree with that assertion and understand first hand the heartache and emptiness you feel. I went through a divorce 5 1/2 years ago and I am still dealing with the emotional aftermath. I want you to know that there is hope! The first step to a better marriage is always admitting that there is a problem and we need to get help. I recommend highly the book Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis by Dr. James Dobson. It will provide you with very practical steps to take in order to salvage your marriage, or, I should say, increasing the odds of saving your marriage. Do you attend a church by chance? Have you looked into the possibility of counseling for yourself? One of the very best ways to deal with the problems in a marriage is to attend an intensive marriage counseling program. There is an organization called The National Institute of Marriage which holds 3, 5, and 6 day intensives and their success rate is phenomenal. Of the couples who attend their program, over 80% are still married two years later and doing better. It's worth looking into. The most important aspects for reconciliation is twofold: don't rush the process, and deal with the real issues honestly and openly. This separation is actually a great opportunity and it should not be squandered. If you are interested in some free help from a faith-based counselor please send me a private message for more information. In the mean-time, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Susan W Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 I am so sorry for your pain.My husband asked for a divorce out of the blue in early November.He and I are still in the house and its been horrible his whole personality changed I don't even know him anymore and everybody that knows him also agrees.He said he does not love me anymore then he will say its other things also that don't make since to me.Any way we are divorcing and I know your pain all so well. You at least may have a chance beings yours still talks to you and stuff. Try to focus on your self now and you can cry as much as you need get it out This is his problem not yours.You can be there for someone when they want and love them but you can not fix them or make them do anything they do not want to.You only have your self that you can control and make happy. I can not make mine love me or stay if he does not want to and it hurts but I will do what I have to and learn to love me again and learn to be happy and OK with out him.You will do the same and you will be OK also.I am so sorry for you and I hope things will turn out the way you want.Hang in there, Big Hugs! Thank you so much scatterd... I really appreciate your kind words... I'm so sorry you have to deal with the messy situation too... I just talked to him today and we still said we loved each other but needed to take our time to fix ourselves and then we'll talk... It hurts so much but I will really try to be strong... Thanks again for sharing your story... I hope we can both find our peace and happiness... even though it seems so hopeless now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Susan W Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Thank you Susan W The most important aspects for reconciliation is twofold: don't rush the process, and deal with the real issues honestly and openly. This separation is actually a great opportunity and it should not be squandered. If you are interested in some free help from a faith-based counselor please send me a private message for more information. In the mean-time, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings! Thanks so much for your encouraging words GoBlue... It means a lot to me. I will definitely check out the book you've mentioned. I suggested couple counseling to him and he said maybe after his personal therapy... I will not rush and will take our time to deal with the issues... Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Glad to be of help. My prayers are with you and your husband! Link to post Share on other sites
DSP Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Susan... You are doing well with yoga and reading. What you read is a very important part of recovery and healing. Some books are better than others and will pertain to your situation in only ways you know. Nothing but time will take the pain away. Everyone is different, but this should be the worst of it. Take care of yourself mentally and physically. Eat healthy and stay away from alcohol for at least 3 months. You are going to need a clear mind for the months ahead. Therapy is highly recommended if you can fit it in or afford it. Meditation is simple and can be as easy at 10 minutes a day. There are tons of videos on the internet for Mindfulness Meditation and it's free. It takes some time, but after a while you will feel it help. Yoga, therapy, education, and meditation and you will come out the other side of this level of hell a much better person. This is the part of taking care of yourself mentally. It's easy to eat healthy and if you aren't now it may be a good idea to make it a little hobby of yours to start. Not just eat less fat more vegetables, but what micro nutrients will help with memory retention and a deeper sleep cycle. This is the taking care of yourself physically. It's going to be impossible for you to ever be the same person you were before. The person you are going to be moving forward is what is going to matter the most. If he moves across the US for employment then you should let your husband find his way. He is on a journey now that only he can take alone. I'm sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
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