Curious about people's views on partner's masturbation...

[AliceW]

Hi all,

 

It's very clear that porn is a huge issue for some people on this board...no one I've ever been in involved with has looked at porn more than occasionally, so I'm not in a position to comment on the porn issue specifically...but I do have a question:

 

How do you guys feel about your partner masturbating, in general? Do you consider it cheating? Does it hurt your feelings?

 

I've always just kind of assumed that my partners would masturbate occasionally, and it has never bothered me in the least...I figure that as long as we have a good sex life we're both happy with, what difference does it make?

 

Also, I think that masturbation is a different experience than having sex with another person, and it makes sense to me that people would want to do that occasionally, even if sex were available to them.

 

I would feel hurt if I felt that my partner PREFERRED masturbation over having sex with me, certainly, or if I felt that he did it because I was lacking in some way...but in the absense of those issues, I have no problems with it...

 

Any thoughts, anybody?

[laRubiaBonita]

i think it is sooo hot to watch!

[Mz. Pixie]

Hi Alice,

 

I feel the same way as you do. Everyone does it, and it's more for release than anything to me. Like a stress reliever. Helps me sleep, tides over my urges until I can be with my bf again, whatever.

 

I don't have a problem with my man doing it, as long as he's not doing it INSTEAD of being with me! That's his body and his business unless it impacts our sex life.

[Squirrelly]

I'm not sure why it's viewed as private, frankly, once you have a partner.

If you're single, that's one thing (obviously).

But every girlfriend I have had was willing to do this in front of me, and I was always willing to do it in front of her. Some had an initial reaction of surprise and one of shame, but after explaining that there's no real reason to keep it private when it's such an erotically charged thing, every one had always agreed.

I am now married and my wife and I not only masturbate in front of each other, we sometimes do mutual, and sometimes will stop each other from doing whatever the other is doing (say, oral for example) and take over. This might sound like insulting behavior, as in "you're screwing it up, let me do it," but it's an understanding we've reached and we're fine with it (we don't stop each other and finish ourselves all the time, just now and then. The simple fact is that sometimes, off by an inch can be the same as off by a mile, so there aren't any hurt feelings.)

There is definately no preference for the act in our marriage, though we do have different preferences when it comes to partner (as opposed to solo) sex. For example, my wife prefers missionary, and I prefer mutual oral, so we mix it up, and masturbation "trains" us in what one likes, as the other partner watches and learns.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Mr. B and I do the porn/masturbation as a part of our own personal, private masturbation/fantasy stuff. Its separate from our sex life together, and it doesn't affect it in any way because both of us view it as a separate sort of thing. What we do in private as a masturbation/fantasy thing is not the same as what we have with each other - and neither of us would try to control or restrict the other's fantasy/masturbation. We don't hide it, neither of us is ashamed, and both of us are very secure and open-minded about it. Both of us are on the same page with it, thankfully. I'd hate to be married to someone who saw it differently than that. I consider myself lucky in that aspect.

 

We don't use porn as a couple, because there's really no need for it in that context. We've watched it together a few times but the type of stuff he likes is different than the stuff I like so generally we just watch it on our own time, should we get in the mood to do so.

[AliceW]

i think it is sooo hot to watch!

 

Also true...

[NTB]

i like to watch too but of course then i can't control myself and i gotta be all over her

[whichwayisup]

i like to watch too but of course then i can't control myself and i gotta be all over her

 

You sound like my husband..lol

 

As long as it doesn't interfer with our sex life my H can play with himself as much as he would like. Same goes for me. Neither of us take it personally and I've not once ever felt hurt or jealous. But if he ever started choosing jerking off than having sex with me - Yup, I'd be pretty pissed off and hurt. Not worried cuz that ain't ever gonna happen.

[AliceW]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Mr. B and I do the porn/masturbation as a part of our own personal, private masturbation/fantasy stuff. Its separate from our sex life together, and it doesn't affect it in any way because both of us view it as a separate sort of thing.

 

It's cool that you can be so open about it with each other. I just moved in with my boyfriend last month (and we've were away on vacation for a week of that time), so we haven't had a chance to work out how we're going to deal with the privacy thing in general yet. I hope we can be that open with each other (I have some unusual tastes in porn that I would be pretty shy about sharing with anybody, LOL!).

[GirlDown]

as long as it doesn't take the place of doing it with me, i don't mind at all... i would think it was none of my business.

 

he likes to watch me, but also has the same problem as a few people here...he ends up helping after a short time...

 

he doesn't do it in front of me as much. actually, he hasn't done it in a long time. but i wouldn't mind if he did.

[alicia24]

I love to masturbate. Its so wonderful. Me and my do it together or he'll watch me and oh my goodness it is just a turn on . The other day we were both doing it together and then he gave me a "pearl necklace" it was great.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by alicia24

I love to masturbate. Its so wonderful. Me and my do it together or he'll watch me and oh my goodness it is just a turn on . The other day we were both doing it together and then he gave me a "pearl necklace" it was great.

 

and i thought i was the only one who enjoyed getting "unloaded" on...

 

high five!

 

[RecordProducer]

What's a pearl necklace? The thing we've seen in porn movies? The necklace you get in then out of your vagina?

[moimeme]

It's major HOT - both to watch and to 'help' If he wanted to do it without me, that'd be fine, too, though if I was available, I'd sure want to at least watch. I agree that it can be a great part of the mutual erotic experience

[Tara68]

I love to watch my husband masterbate! Its really erotic!! I don't mind as long as its not all the time and doesn't take away from our sex life. I Know this woman who told me her husband NEVER masterbates and they rarely have sex either, I find that hard to believe he doesn't ever masterbate if they don't have sex much, but who knows. Looks like it would have to get out some way...lol

[Donut]

I don't mind a bf having a strum. I echo tho, as long as he's not doing that instead of me.

 

A pearl neckace is when a guy jerks off and unloads onto your upper chest, RP.

[Jeffrey]

Everyone should be entitled to their own private time and masturbate if they wish. Cheating? That's just silly.

[Adunaphel]

When you talk about masturbation, do you necessarily mean "masturbation with the use of porn"?

 

 

I'm asking because I'm 100 % fine with masturbation without visual aid, but I have a lot of issues with porn.

 

As long as my partner masturbates without porn (or with porn featuring me ), I don't have any issues with it - I masturbate too (without porn or erotica) and I find masturbation very natural.

I would probably be okay even if my partner often chose masturbation over having sex with me if he was doing it without using porn.

 

It's porn I have problems with, and when my partner spends time with porn getting aroused looking at pics of other women it is irrelevant to me whether he actually masturbates or not - I feel hurt either way.

 

 

On a side note, I don't think that masturbation with porn has anything to do with cheating.