na49 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I'd suggest just keeping it short if she does approach you. You're with your friends after all. Maybe run to the bathroom or something? Definitely try not to make eye contact with her, she's no one to you right now. It's great that you aren't letting her have any power over you though. You deserve to have fun with your friends, whether she's there or not. It says a lot about where you're at in your healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LooperDooper Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Am I the only one who has a sense of wellbeing when hearing other people doing better? This is the attitude and spirit we need, all together helping each other and feeling better. Knowing other people out there are feeling better gives all of us strength. Congrats riptide, keep at it and make sure on the hard days you stick through it 10x stronger. Also, do not let your ex manipulate you. We've all been there and we all stupidly fall for simple words they use, if this is the case don't pay attention to her and just be happy on your own. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, don't worry, still doing real well. I feel like I'm a different person now kinda. But my question kind of comes from a dream; I had a dream I met my ex 10 years from now or so and she asked why I ignored her and let her go. I just want to know if anyone else has thought about this. It's a feeling like I let her go without a fight, which I don't think I did. I haven't spoke to her in a month, but sometimes I get a weird feeling that I didn't try hard enough to get her back. It's strange because I feel fine without her and definitely don't pine over her anymore but sometimes I miss our connection. Is this just a mental thing? Maybe I'm not doing as well as I thought? Edited April 17, 2015 by Riptide91 Who knows Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Completely normal man. I had that with my breakup x10. I was the one who destroyed our relationship so logically it would make sense for me to be the one to want to "fight", but I realized it would achieve nothing. It doesn't matter. At the end of the day they came to the conclusion that they no long want us in their life. This is a HUGE decision that has taken weeks, if not months, to come to, usually when feelings are completely evaporated. No amount of "fighting" is going to do anything. It will just push them away. You were good to your ex from what i've read. There's no reason to fight because you're not fighting for anything. This decision was entirely hers. Going straight NC without this "fighting" crap is just showing that you are not going to be involved with her for another day after she has made the conscious decision she no longer wants you in her life. It is very, very strong. Think about how ridiculous that situation is (the one from your dream). Your ex dumps you (is basically telling you she doesn't want you anymore) and then asks why you ignore her and makes you feel bad about going NC after she dumps you. Just go over that a few times and realize how stupid it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Update/question: I have been doing super well lately, I actually have been trying to come on the site and give some of the great advice I received to others. I'm working on me, staying NC, and making changes professional and in my personal life. Overall, I kind of fell out of love with the person I thought she was, and I feel indifferent to the person she is now. Never thought that day would come but it doesn't hurt so much anymore, there are just some days I miss having someone around. That being said I could use a little advice from everyone; I am traveling back home tonight to visit family and friends. She moved back a few months after we broke up and lives at her parents which is about 3 miles from mine. It's a small town so everybody knows everyone and there are like 3 main bars. I plan to go out and have some beers with some old friends but am dreading running into her and perhaps her new bf. What should I do if I do see her? I have been NC, ignoring her texts and calls so if she sees me she will not hesitate to come strike a conversation, I don't expect it to be an aggressive one or anything like that, I just simply do not wish to talk to her anymore. What do you think I should do in case this happens? Also, I'm not gonna stay home and miss reconnecting with friends just because there is a chance she may be there, I've put my life on hold enough for her. So glad to hear you are coping well. Keep this focus in your mind. If she comes aggressively on why you ignore her, do remember she now belongs to past tense and you are not obliged to entertain her. If she comes and say hi and try to strike a friendly conversation, just keep it light and simple. Nothing about the relationship, nothing about her new bf and stuff. Basically, you are moving on and you have no interest in this person anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 Think about how ridiculous that situation is (the one from your dream). Your ex dumps you (is basically telling you she doesn't want you anymore) and then asks why you ignore her and makes you feel bad about going NC after she dumps you. Just go over that a few times and realize how stupid it is. This. This is great advice, thank you. Thinking about it, she knows how bad I wanted to make things work, I tried for months to get her back, stupidly. It nice to be able to come here and get good advice from people youve never met but seem to genuinely care. I try to just update/ask questions in this thread in case people need my story. I appreciate you all. Quick note, moved into a new apartment so the memories from my old one aren't haunting me when I go home anymore, big difference. Not to mention, a couple cute girls live across from me now. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Whenever I feel "guilty" about moving on, I remind myself that I'm allowed to be selfish. My ex was worrying about herself when she decided to leave. (and that's okay) but now I'm allowed to worry about myself, and do whatever I need to do in order to feel better. Whether she likes it or not. If it means avoiding her like the plague, that's what I'll do. It's good that you are in a new apartment. A change of scenery is always good, and you'll be able to create some new memories. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hmm, feeling down today. Not really sure why other than I miss her. One day I swear I'm completely over her and ready to find a new girl and the next all I can do is wonder what she's doing and if she ever thinks of me. The mind is a weird, weird thing. Just needed to vent a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 Well, I guess I messed up, and of course it's totally my fault. My ex text me Saturday morning about bringing all my stuff back. I had been drinking, not an excuse, but I text her back basically saying I don't care what she does with it or anything else of ours for that matter. I didn't feel bad about it till today when I woke up. Well, she text me tonight some basic breadcrumb along the lines of "I miss you." Any chance she actually is thinking about me in a sense of reconciliation and is testing the waters? In my head I'm assuming this is a back burner text just to see if I'm still around. Can I get a little confirmation so I can go back to NC and quit being a dumbass. Kinda annoyed I broke NC to be honest, kinda feels like I'm back at step 1. Yes, I know I need to block her number, but I do still care for her, and if she ever needed anything that was an emergency or life threatening I wouldn't want it to not get through. If I'm not going to block it the answer is simple: self control. Needed to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I did block my ex for a little while, but I honestly didn't feel like it was necessary. I unblocked him a week after I blocked him. I never had any desire to snoop on his FB or anything like that, so blocking him seemed insane to me. It's called self control. And I have it. I can and I have fought the urge to text him. I have self control. I can handle this. And sorry buddy, but yeah that was definitely a breadcrumb. She wants to know that you're still at her beck & call. Delete the text and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 If an ex is to call or text or message wanting reconcile are there key words that differentiate it from a breadcrumb? I'm sure it would probably depend on the person but I'm just curious what people think justifies thinking they are serious about reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 If an ex is to call or text or message wanting reconcile are there key words that differentiate it from a breadcrumb? I'm sure it would probably depend on the person but I'm just curious what people think justifies thinking they are serious about reconciliation. When my ex wanted to get back together, I didn't have any doubt. It was something along the lines of "My life sucks without you in it, Everyone told me I was being stupid, I made a huge mistake, please don't ignore this message". Yeah, I think it's breadcrumbs. If she is serious about reconciliation, she'll keep messaging you, and maybe even call/leave a voice mail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 If an ex is to call or text or message wanting reconcile are there key words that differentiate it from a breadcrumb? I'm sure it would probably depend on the person but I'm just curious what people think justifies thinking they are serious about reconciliation. "I made a mistake and I want you back" or some derivative of that. Unless you are completely healed, nothing else warrants a response. If you are healed and indifferent, then it's up to you if you want to proceed. Anyway, "I miss you" doesn't mean s--t on its own. If it means anymore, they'll say more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 "I made a mistake and I want you back" or some derivative of that. Unless you are completely healed, nothing else warrants a response. If you are healed and indifferent, then it's up to you if you want to proceed. This is one thing I have a hard time deciding because I had totally given up on any contact from her anyways until the other day. I had actually been hanging out with a girl whom I could see myself falling for potentially one day. So am I healed and indifferent? If my ex wanted to reconcile it would take serious effort from her and serious consideration from me. I just think it's weird we have been apart for so long and all of a sudden she was "thinking about me today", "misses me", and we should "go catch a bite soon, call me if you want". Could it be after my NC she realized I may be moving on and wanted to dig her "claws" back in so I wouldn't find someone else. Talk about confusing! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 This is one thing I have a hard time deciding because I had totally given up on any contact from her anyways until the other day. I had actually been hanging out with a girl whom I could see myself falling for potentially one day. So am I healed and indifferent? If my ex wanted to reconcile it would take serious effort from her and serious consideration from me. I just think it's weird we have been apart for so long and all of a sudden she was "thinking about me today", "misses me", and we should "go catch a bite soon, call me if you want". Could it be after my NC she realized I may be moving on and wanted to dig her "claws" back in so I wouldn't find someone else. Talk about confusing! Considering that you posted on here about it, you aren't indifferent. Not by a longshot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Considering that you posted on here about it, you aren't indifferent. Not by a longshot. Good call, I think that's probably right. I guess I just felt because I didn't jump at the chance to text her a bunch last night and then this morning that it said something. Old sad me would have called today to see if she wanted to get dinner tonight or this week. Now I feel I should just leave it alone unless she shows me more effort and actual "I want you back, I messed up" terms. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Good call, I think that's probably right. I guess I just felt because I didn't jump at the chance to text her a bunch last night and then this morning that it said something. Old sad me would have called today to see if she wanted to get dinner tonight or this week. Now I feel I should just leave it alone unless she shows me more effort and actual "I want you back, I messed up" terms. It means you are healing and progressing. You aren't at the top of the mountain yet, but you are going in the right direction. That's a good thing. Take some satisfaction in the fact that you aren't that orbiting, pressuring puppy dog waiting for scraps. But to try to give more depth to the previous answer, the moment where you stop asking yourself and others what their motives could be is a good sign that you are close to where you need to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 My ex gf text me again last night, and I fell into it. I have yet again completely lost my way. After these months of doing so well and trying to coach people against the exact thing, I broke NC for real. I really don't even understand myself anymore, it's like the thought of getting her back entices me to text her back. We ended up talking about our lives and how they were, then it became more serious and I told her I still loved her after all these months. She agreed and said she wishes we could be together but it wasn't that simple anymore. I can read between lines, it's not simple because she probably loves her new man. I feel like this is a recurring cycle. No matter what I do she never leaves my life. We were in each other's life for about 7 years, and she broke up with me like 6 months ago, how long will this take for my to get over? I feel like I'm losing my mind you guys. Sometimes I feel like this is fun for her even though she swears she wants me to be happy. NC had me feeling really good about myself and my future and of course I need to go back, but when do the actual thoughts of her and our past go away? Yes, it seems as though I've jumped on the misery-go-round. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 It's time to block her. Your self-control is obviously low at this point, so you gotta do something. And it's not up to her to let you free -- it up to you to get free for yourself. Don't rely on her to do the work you need to do. As for when it will go away, it might be a while. You reset your recovery clock with this latest communication. Maybe not to 0, but you lost a bunch of progress. But yeah, it's not on her to leave your life -- it's on you to create a new one without her in it. But yeah, blocking is the next move. Admit that your self-control is down and take the reins to protect you from yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 It's time to block her. Your self-control is obviously low at this point, so you gotta do something. And it's not up to her to let you free -- it up to you to get free for yourself. Don't rely on her to do the work you need to do. As for when it will go away, it might be a while. You reset your recovery clock with this latest communication. Maybe not to 0, but you lost a bunch of progress. But yeah, it's not on her to leave your life -- it's on you to create a new one without her in it. But yeah, blocking is the next move. Admit that your self-control is down and take the reins to protect you from yourself. How sad am I to have to come to this am I right? Jesus. I have lost most progress and now I'm back once again posting my woes to LS. Is it even worth sending one last text to say something along the lines of I'm sorry but for me I have to block you, I need time to move on and heal myself. I care for the girl a lot and I hate thinking she'll text me and I'll never respond and she'll think I'm ignoring her again. Is it childish to block/ignore someone? Should I just man the hell up and gain some self control? I feel about as ****ty as I did the first month she left me, except the sadness really isn't over her, it's over how spineless I'm being. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 How sad am I to have to come to this am I right? Jesus. I have lost most progress and now I'm back once again posting my woes to LS. Is it even worth sending one last text to say something along the lines of I'm sorry but for me I have to block you, I need time to move on and heal myself. I care for the girl a lot and I hate thinking she'll text me and I'll never respond and she'll think I'm ignoring her again. Is it childish to block/ignore someone? Should I just man the hell up and gain some self control? I feel about as ****ty as I did the first month she left me, except the sadness really isn't over her, it's over how spineless I'm being. No, it's not childish. It doesn't even have anything to do with her -- it's about you and what you need to do. And you need to stop putting the possible feelings of a person who broke up with you six months ago over your own. Considering that you basically plead for her to come back, she knows you are struggling and will get why she is blocked/ignored. And yes, it's more to do with you being spineless than anything she's doing. Just admit that right now you are weak and take the appropriate preventive steps to prevent you from being even more spineless. You are basically a recovering alcoholic who tried to take a few sips of beer right now. Predictably, you lost control and went on a bender. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Is it childish to block/ignore someone? Should I just man the hell up and gain some self control? I feel about as ****ty as I did the first month she left me, except the sadness really isn't over her, it's over how spineless I'm being. No it isn't childish to block her. Just do it and get it over with. The reason why people don't block is because they want to leave the door open for their ex to message them. Then they are always wondering what their ex texting them means, and when it doesn't mean what they want it to mean, they get hurt. They don't understand that an ex who wants you back isn't going to be turned away just because you blocked their number. They can use another phone, create a fake account, email you, the list goes on. My ex has been living proof of this in the past. Grab your d*ck and both of your balls, man up, and block her. Definitely don't tell her that you are doing it. It doesn't have anything to do with her anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 I can honestly say the only reason I really haven't blocked her is because I secretly hope one day she'll think of me and want to come back. Even though I agree she could find a way to do it if she's blocked, I think her realizing she's blocked would deter her from wanting to do so. I think I'll send her a text or call her one last time before I block her to wish her well and let her know if she ever wants to try us again to find a way to get a hold of me. Is that really that dumb to do? I've already broke NC. And yes I know the block is for me and not her I just think it would help me in doing it if I was to tell her I can't heal without it. I think sometimes I think of others feelings more than I do my own well being. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I can honestly say the only reason I really haven't blocked her is because I secretly hope one day she'll think of me and want to come back. Even though I agree she could find a way to do it if she's blocked, I think her realizing she's blocked would deter her from wanting to do so. I think I'll send her a text or call her one last time before I block her to wish her well and let her know if she ever wants to try us again to find a way to get a hold of me. Is that really that dumb to do? I've already broke NC. And yes I know the block is for me and not her I just think it would help me in doing it if I was to tell her I can't heal without it. I think sometimes I think of others feelings more than I do my own well being. Yeah, that's really dumb. That's moronic and even more spineless and emo. You are basically begging for her to say "No, Riptide, don't block me. I love you so much" which makes it look like blocking is a stunt to manipulate her into loving you again. That's not cool dude. Just block, be an independent man, and get back the dignity you've given away. I don't want to be harsh, but you sound like a wuss right now. That's not being a man at all. And if this girl was to get deterred by a simple block, she wouldn't be serious about reconciliation would she? Get it together dude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 Yeah, that's really dumb. That's moronic and even more spineless and emo. You are basically begging for her to say "No, Riptide, don't block me. I love you so much" which makes it look like blocking is a stunt to manipulate her into loving you again. That's not cool dude. Just block, be an independent man, and get back the dignity you've given away. I don't want to be harsh, but you sound like a wuss right now. That's not being a man at all. And if this girl was to get deterred by a simple block, she wouldn't be serious about reconciliation would she? Get it together dude. Thank you Simon. I needed these words. What in the **** am I thinking? Back to NC and time to block. Not really sure what happened these past few days, I had been doing so well and I threw it away because of a measly breadcrumb. After all the harsh words and posts I've had to give people I've reverted to being a spineless wuss. No more though, I can't. I'll never get past this if I don't try to heal and move on. She's already taken up 7 years of my life, I can't give her a moment more. I am hoping that this is the start to the next chapter where she no longer exists. Positive thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
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