I feel so bitter...

[Lizrd3000]

I have that too sometimes. But when you go out and take a long exhausting walk with music you love plugged into your ears, you get distracted and absorb dat vitamin D and be happy.

 

 

But seriously though. Don't stay inside on days like these.

[Satu]

*sigh* I'm really feeling it today. It's warm outside, I hate when it's warm. All the feelings start rushing back and you starting thinking of the memories.

 

Let the feelings come, let the feelings go.

 

Let the thoughts come, let the thoughts go.

 

Be with yourself in your moment.

 

A lot of human suffering is caused by resistance and conflict inside of us.

 

Thats the definition of Neurosis, really.

 

Painful feelings can't ruin us, but our resistance and inner conflict can.

[fireflywy]

*sigh* I'm really feeling it today. It's warm outside, I hate when it's warm. All the feelings start rushing back and you starting thinking of the memories.

 

I'm right there with you friend. Hang in there.

 

However, I'm kind of excited for this summer as well. Today I ordered my past junk meal (glorious pizza) for the next 365 days. No candy, no sweets, limited sugar. I've designed a workout plan, a study plan, and am going to really hit the job hunt this summer. While the old exes are out living their new lives with out us, I'll be doing some major, and long awaited changes and "planting of the vineyard" this summer.

 

Hang in there Jon.

[Jonp219]

I'm right there with you friend. Hang in there.

 

However, I'm kind of excited for this summer as well. Today I ordered my past junk meal (glorious pizza) for the next 365 days. No candy, no sweets, limited sugar. I've designed a workout plan, a study plan, and am going to really hit the job hunt this summer. While the old exes are out living their new lives with out us, I'll be doing some major, and long awaited changes and "planting of the vineyard" this summer.

 

Hang in there Jon.

 

Sounds like a good plan.

 

I wish I could bring myself to do something like that. All I'm doing is working, taking a class at school, and going home. I haven't been doing much as of late. Today I might hang with some of the boys and drink myself to death, but I'm not sure. I scheduled with 2 Meetup groups the last two days and I had to cancel because I just didn't want to see people.

[fireflywy]

Well, didn't say it was going to be easy, but shifting my focus more positively is.

[na49]

Sounds like a good plan.

 

I wish I could bring myself to do something like that. All I'm doing is working, taking a class at school, and going home. I haven't been doing much as of late. Today I might hang with some of the boys and drink myself to death, but I'm not sure. I scheduled with 2 Meetup groups the last two days and I had to cancel because I just didn't want to see people.

 

Nice job scheduling the meetup groups. I know the feeling of just going to class, and going straight home afterwards. I feel so lonely getting into my car when other people are involved on campus.

 

You need to drop the fear of seeing people. Nothing will change for you if you don't change it yourself. Your next girlfriend isn't going to knock on your door when you're browsing LS and become your wife. Meetup groups are probably the best way to meet people because you already have something in common. You all want to meet people.

 

Keep pushing dude. I feel the same way you do most of the time. Contemplating suicide, feeling horrible in the warm weather, etc.

[fireflywy]

Nice job scheduling the meetup groups. I know the feeling of just going to class, and going straight home afterwards. I feel so lonely getting into my car when other people are involved on campus.

 

You need to drop the fear of seeing people. Nothing will change for you if you don't change it yourself. Your next girlfriend isn't going to knock on your door when you're browsing LS and become your wife. Meetup groups are probably the best way to meet people because you already have something in common. You all want to meet people.

 

Keep pushing dude. I feel the same way you do most of the time. Contemplating suicide, feeling horrible in the warm weather, etc.

 

Guys, stop contemplating suicide already.

 

It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay.

[Jonp219]

Guys, stop contemplating suicide already.

 

It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay.

 

That remains to be seen.

 

The summer hasn't even begun yet. Come late-June to early-August it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks.

[fireflywy]

Oh b.s. it will and you know it. I bet you are already feeling better then when you first came on here.

 

Its going to be alright.

[Jonp219]

Oh b.s. it will and you know it. I bet you are already feeling better then when you first came on here.

 

Its going to be alright.

 

I doubt it, but we'll see.

[Throldur]

That remains to be seen.

 

The summer hasn't even begun yet. Come late-June to early-August it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

It's going to be alright, man. I felt like the whole suicide thing too but I got passed it.

 

I never believed in "everything happens for a reason". I thought it was a lie people tell themselves. Now, I'm starting to believe that the Universe actually has ways of treating you. It's all about you and how you project yourself.

 

I've been doing this positive affirmation lately, I want you to do it too, every day, 10-20 times every couple hours, "I'm a confident, sexy man who is capable of getting the woman of his dreams."

 

I had a date with a girl from OKCupid. It went well, I could have kissed her, I didn't. I gave her a hug and that was that. I could make it work with this girl. I didn't. That's because it wouldn't be fair to her or to myself to make it work with someone. I let her go and you know what, the Universe saw this and said, here you go..

 

On the walk back to my car, I ran into the first girl I ever had a crush on. She asked me, twice, in the interaction to facebook her so we can go for a drink sometime. I did, no response yet, but I'm not freaking out about it, you know why? Because there's always another girl around the corner.

 

I got a message on facebook from a girl that I haven't seen in FOUR years. She works at an air-line, has a layover scheduled here at the end of the month. She wants to get together and hook up with me. Now, this may not happen, but the point is.. I went from having nothing, to in a few days, having an abundance of chances with quality girls. All because I changed my attitude and I said to the Universe, I can get the woman of my dreams and I'm not going to settle for less until I find her.

 

Since I've stopped sitting here obsessing over my ex-gf (I still love her and to this day wouldn't know what to do if she messaged me but I don't think about it anymore) and got back into the gym, socializing, working on myself, guess what?

 

In the beginning, when I was miserable and all of this.. She flew to Ontario, she liked it, she moved there and I was down-trodden. My life sucks, hers is great. I'm ****ed.

 

Since? The Universe found a way to let me know this: She never talks about the guy she is with, she has super anxiety, she misses her friends, she hates dogs and lives with one who doesn't leave her alone, her cat is fighting with other cats, she hates the weather and misses the Ocean (home), she hasn't seen the one concert she wanted to see, doesn't have friends, and isn't going to be able to see any of the concerts she wants. She also missed out on two concerts here she had tickets to and missed out on the opportunity to see an NHL game with her Dad that they had planned for months.

 

As long as I keep my focus on myself, accepting nothing less than what I truly desire, the things I want in life will gravitate toward me and I will be rewarded for that. Make a positive change, think positively, don't settle for anything less than you deserve and you WILL get the things you want. You'll have highs and you'll have lows but eventually the highs will be higher and the lows won't be so low.

[Jonp219]

It's going to be alright, man. I felt like the whole suicide thing too but I got passed it.

 

I never believed in "everything happens for a reason". I thought it was a lie people tell themselves. Now, I'm starting to believe that the Universe actually has ways of treating you. It's all about you and how you project yourself.

 

I've been doing this positive affirmation lately, I want you to do it too, every day, 10-20 times every couple hours, "I'm a confident, sexy man who is capable of getting the woman of his dreams."

 

I had a date with a girl from OKCupid. It went well, I could have kissed her, I didn't. I gave her a hug and that was that. I could make it work with this girl. I didn't. That's because it wouldn't be fair to her or to myself to make it work with someone. I let her go and you know what, the Universe saw this and said, here you go..

 

On the walk back to my car, I ran into the first girl I ever had a crush on. She asked me, twice, in the interaction to facebook her so we can go for a drink sometime. I did, no response yet, but I'm not freaking out about it, you know why? Because there's always another girl around the corner.

 

I got a message on facebook from a girl that I haven't seen in FOUR years. She works at an air-line, has a layover scheduled here at the end of the month. She wants to get together and hook up with me. Now, this may not happen, but the point is.. I went from having nothing, to in a few days, having an abundance of chances with quality girls. All because I changed my attitude and I said to the Universe, I can get the woman of my dreams and I'm not going to settle for less until I find her.

 

Since I've stopped sitting here obsessing over my ex-gf (I still love her and to this day wouldn't know what to do if she messaged me but I don't think about it anymore) and got back into the gym, socializing, working on myself, guess what?

 

In the beginning, when I was miserable and all of this.. She flew to Ontario, she liked it, she moved there and I was down-trodden. My life sucks, hers is great. I'm ****ed.

 

Since? The Universe found a way to let me know this: She never talks about the guy she is with, she has super anxiety, she misses her friends, she hates dogs and lives with one who doesn't leave her alone, her cat is fighting with other cats, she hates the weather and misses the Ocean (home), she hasn't seen the one concert she wanted to see, doesn't have friends, and isn't going to be able to see any of the concerts she wants. She also missed out on two concerts here she had tickets to and missed out on the opportunity to see an NHL game with her Dad that they had planned for months.

 

As long as I keep my focus on myself, accepting nothing less than what I truly desire, the things I want in life will gravitate toward me and I will be rewarded for that. Make a positive change, think positively, don't settle for anything less than you deserve and you WILL get the things you want. You'll have highs and you'll have lows but eventually the highs will be higher and the lows won't be so low.

 

Happy things are going in your favor man.

 

I'm nowhere near that stage yet. I haven't even talked to a girl in over 2 months. I'm already on OkCupid and no girl responds to my messages nor sends me any. There are so many things I can call myself right now, but I'm not gonna go there. Lately I've just been feeling hopeless about everything, I see no silver lining in sight. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm just sick of this ****.

 

Not trying to make any assumptions, but it sounds like you're pretty happy your ex is missing home. Kind of like you're banking on her eventually making her way back to you. Although that may be a possibility to you, its not for me. The best decision she ever made was leaving my ass.

 

You're in good spirits, I'm glad you're doing better, and I wish you the best.

[fireflywy]

Happy things are going in your favor man.

 

I'm nowhere near that stage yet. I haven't even talked to a girl in over 2 months. I'm already on OkCupid and no girl responds to my messages nor sends me any. There are so many things I can call myself right now, but I'm not gonna go there. Lately I've just been feeling hopeless about everything, I see no silver lining in sight. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm just sick of this ****.

 

Not trying to make any assumptions, but it sounds like you're pretty happy your ex is missing home. Kind of like you're banking on her eventually making her way back to you. Although that may be a possibility to you, its not for me. The best decision she ever made was leaving my ass.

 

You're in good spirits, I'm glad you're doing better, and I wish you the best.

 

I wouldn't worry about Okcupud. Get your ass down to a coffee shop or bookstore on the weekend. Read a book. When a cute girl comes in to study, let her be a while, focus on your book, then ask her a question about what she's studying or reading and strike up a LITE conversation with NO expectations other then a minute or two of interaction.

 

It works wonders. OLD is b.s. in my opinion and I used to do it. Now I'm committed to going old fashioned with simple human interaction. I strike up conversations all the time with NO EXPECTATIONS other then to learn to be more sociable, and I've been surprised at how much my social skills are emerging and the DURATION of some of the conversations I'm having even if nothing happens.

 

OLD is too much to expect. Baby steps man. A woman isn't going to band aid this.

[Jonp219]

I wouldn't worry about Okcupud. Get your ass down to a coffee shop or bookstore on the weekend. Read a book. When a cute girl comes in to study, let her be a while, focus on your book, then ask her a question about what she's studying or reading and strike up a LITE conversation with NO expectations other then a minute or two of interaction.

 

It works wonders. OLD is b.s. in my opinion and I used to do it. Now I'm committed to going old fashioned with simple human interaction. I strike up conversations all the time with NO EXPECTATIONS other then to learn to be more sociable, and I've been surprised at how much my social skills are emerging and the DURATION of some of the conversations I'm having even if nothing happens.

 

OLD is too much to expect. Baby steps man. A woman isn't going to band aid this.

 

Man, my ex works within driving distance not too far from where I live. I can't even take a walk in my neighborhood because im too scared of running into her. **** is ****ed up. Not that it ever happened, but I'm scared as hell if ever did. She still controls me and she always will smh

[DJOkawari]

It works wonders. OLD is b.s. in my opinion and I used to do it. Now I'm committed to going old fashioned with simple human interaction. I strike up conversations all the time with NO EXPECTATIONS other then to learn to be more sociable, and I've been surprised at how much my social skills are emerging and the DURATION of some of the conversations I'm having even if nothing happens.

 

I really like OLD but I have to agree with everything else contained here. It just feels good to have these conversations - not just with members of your preferred sex.

 

Normally, I'm quite quiet and I keep my headphones on in public areas but I left them at a friend's place and reaped the benefits of that error today. I enjoyed a short conversation with a beautiful girl on the train and we parted ways shortly after. The lesson I learned today was that I definitely regret not asking to meet her again. I actually think she liked me too. Lesson definitely learned for next time though.

 

Later, these two guys were playing chess in the park. I stopped to watch. They started to talk about conspiracy theories. I asked them a question and one of them was quite rude to me in response and, so I left but the interaction still made me a bit pleased. I've been a bit of a recluse recently (only meeting up with my own friends and hanging out in emotionally "safe" areas) and I enjoyed just interacting.

 

I had a couple other extended conversations with strangers that I could've avoided today as well. It was an atypical day for me. I'm not sure why I did this but it was fun anyway.

 

I can imagine continuing to have these conversations and continuing to learn and feel good from them, so I think this is solid advice.

Edited May 29, 2015 by DJOkawari

[fireflywy]

Man, my ex works within driving distance not too far from where I live. I can't even take a walk in my neighborhood because im too scared of running into her. **** is ****ed up. Not that it ever happened, but I'm scared as hell if ever did. She still controls me and she always will smh

 

So she actually controls you? She controls the horizontal? She controls the vertical?

 

Wow. I'm sorry. I had no realization of how deep and serious this was or who you dated.

 

I had no idea your ex was the Outer Limits intro. That must have been scary.

 

Seriously. She doesn't control squat. You are the captain and master of your own fate.

Edited May 29, 2015 by fireflywy

[Throldur]

Happy things are going in your favor man.

 

I'm nowhere near that stage yet. I haven't even talked to a girl in over 2 months. I'm already on OkCupid and no girl responds to my messages nor sends me any. There are so many things I can call myself right now, but I'm not gonna go there. Lately I've just been feeling hopeless about everything, I see no silver lining in sight. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm just sick of this ****.

 

Not trying to make any assumptions, but it sounds like you're pretty happy your ex is missing home. Kind of like you're banking on her eventually making her way back to you. Although that may be a possibility to you, its not for me. The best decision she ever made was leaving my ass.

 

You're in good spirits, I'm glad you're doing better, and I wish you the best.

 

They're not going in my favor yet, but they are improving. Change the way you think and the way you feel about yourself, you'll see things change positively for you. Trust me. I was there.

 

Dude, I'm on Tinder, POF and OKCupid. I got the one date on it after 4 months on it. Online dating isn't good and it can make you feel worse about yourself. The truth about online dating? The good looking girls are all looking for the 'perfect' guy, so if there is ONE thing in your profile that they don't like "Oh he's a dog guy? I'm a cat girl, we'll never work".. they'll next you. The other girls, well, they'll respond, but you don't want them. You will only accept better than what you had before. That's the point. Don't take this **** so personally, I did, and the other truth is? You can get on a date with one of these girls and not feel anything. Chemistry is built in person.

 

I'm happy she's missing home because everything that is going on out there is everything that I predicted and told her would happen. She had everything she could ever want and she said, no, someone is PROMISING me something better (which wasn't realistic nor did he have any intention of following through on it) and I believe this bull**** so I'm gonna go and see if the grass is greener. Guess what? I can guarantee you, every night she goes to bed, she is wishing she never broke up with me, never moved away. She made a gigantic mistake and she doesn't know how to fix it, how to give up on it, because she burned a lot of bridges, not just me, to get out there.

 

Will she come back to me? Maybe. Do I live life like she will? No. Because the moment I started living for myself and not the possibility of her coming back, is the moment things shifted.

 

You're focusing on the wrong **** right now man. You're in a negative headspace. Negativity will attract negativity. Trust me. Positivity does the same.

 

Change the way you think.

 

I'll be straight with you. Right now? Yes. The best decision she ever made was leaving you. Look at how you speak about yourself. Look at what you're doing. I said the same thing with my ex. After she left, I had nothing, no job, no girl, no place of my own. But now? I'm building myself back up and I know that the WORST decision she ever made was leaving me. If you build yourself up, that will be the same thing, it will be her loss.

 

Your ex may never come back. Mine may not either. It's irrelevant. There's always another girl. But she won't ever come back if you are like this. Get better, change your attitude, change your life, the way you think, the way you carry yourself, believe that the worst decision any girl can make is leaving you, or not taking the opportunity to be with you. One day, you may run into your ex-girlfriend.. five-six months down the line, maybe two years. You might be in a relationship, she might be miserable. Maybe you'll both be single and she'll look at you and see how much you've improved, that will rekindle her feelings.

 

We don't have the answers. But I can guarantee you the answers. Sitting in a dark room, feeling bad about yourself, not talking to people, not doing anything to improve yourself. Your worst fears will be realized. But you have a **** load of potential, you care, you're articulate, you're a good looking guy, you understand and are in touch with your emotions. Most of all, you know you're a flawed human being. We all are.

 

There's a girl out there.. whether it's your ex or someone better. She's out there waiting for you to get your **** together, find her out there and be there so you can elevate each other. Are you going to make that girl wait longer than she needs to? Are you going to get up tomorrow, brush your teeth, go to the hairdresser, get a nice new hair cut, buy some nice fitting clothes, then hit the gym? Talk to people, smile and walk confidently, make eye contact?

 

Or are you going to sit there and read these forums thinking about **** for the hundredth time. The outcome won't change. What is done is done. You can influence your future. Be a man. Get up. I did. You can too. You don't realize it, but you're stronger than I am. If I can do it, you can too.

[Jonp219]

So she actually controls you? She controls the horizontal? She controls the vertical?

 

Wow. I'm sorry. I had no realization of how deep and serious this was or who you dated.

 

I had no idea your ex was the Outer Limits intro. That must have been scary.

 

Seriously. She doesn't control squat. You are the captain and master of your own fate.

 

I actually went outside to take a stroll around my neighborhood. I Haven't walked passed these blocks in months, it feels weird and a little frightening.

 

I walked passed the corner where we use to park the car, just so we can sit and talk. Funny, I always envisioned walking by there and seeing her making out with another guy. To my surprise nobody was there, just the sound of birds chirping and cars passing through.

 

Every time I see a white Honda CRV my heart jumps out of my chest. It sucks because it's such a common car around here. My heart jumps out of my chest 20 different times out of the day.

 

Now I'm just sitting in the park taking the cool breeze in. Looking at the cars passing by, just hoping I don't see hers.

 

Its crazy how something as simple as sitting down and enjoying the weather can be so hard. I'm doing my absolute best to try to fight back tears. I feel so vigilant and aware just because I'm trying to avoid one person. What if she walked over and sat next to me, how the hell would I be able to handle myself in that situation? I'm ****ing scared of seeing her car, imagine if I see her.Just saying that makes me feel so pathetic.

 

I've been NC for a little over 2 months and this pain is still unbearable. In just 8 days it will be 4 months since we broke up.

 

Time sure flies...

[fireflywy]

And you're scared because you're afraid of what she'll think of you. You, deep down, worry that she might give you a rotten look, or be with a new man, or look at you in some other way which comes across as passing judgment.

 

Many people on here, aware or not, have this fear. We think "Oh man, she gave me a dirty look.." or "She saw me and didn't wave or walked away without a word.." or "Oh damn. She is with another man and not with me therefore he MUST be better then me..." and then take it as a judgment against us.

 

Do we feel the same way when a stranger does such things? When a laughing couple walks down the street and a woman is with her guy and not you do we go "Oh man. That woman HATES me!" Sure we may look upon their situation with ENVY, but never with long lasting judgment and if we do, we shouldn't.

 

That's the first step in being secure and strong.

 

She's a stranger now just like all those other people who pass us by on the street at any given minute. She, like everyone else, is NOT the ultimate judge of our fate or worth.

 

Knowing that, accepting that over time, and eventually facing their presence with the immutabiluty of a stone or earth, is the first step toward strength.

[fireflywy]

And just a heads up, I just saw my ex for the first time in four months with her now 3 month rebound (which isn't really a rebound at this point) and we didn't say a word to each other.

 

I got NOTHING from her and not ONE piece of validation from her that I was ever a good guy. Does it hurt? You bet your butt it does but, like the break up itself, I'll get over it.

[Jonp219]

And just a heads up, I just saw my ex for the first time in four months with her now 3 month rebound (which isn't really a rebound at this point) and we didn't say a word to each other.

 

I got NOTHING from her and not ONE piece of validation from her that I was ever a good guy. Does it hurt? You bet your butt it does but, like the break up itself, I'll get over it.

 

I'm sorry you had to experience that man, but you're a much stronger guy than I am. Quite frankly, I don't know what I would of done in that situation. I think I would of walked up to the dude and punched him in the face because that's just the kind of jerk I am, but who knows.

 

1) I don't think she would give you validation while being with her new guy. Whether it be in person or via text.

 

2) I would still consider 3 months a rebound. They're not even passed the honeymoon stage yet.

 

Either way it doesn't matter, glad you handled yourself correctly in that situation.