Auspecial Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 @ Hawaii51 Sorry, not looking for that kind of love... @ Auspecial Wow, you really seem to understand what I'm going through. Thanks for posting. I have looked in to EMDR, but I'm trying to be patient with my current therapist, as he is new and knows next to nothing (free). I don't know how they get out of school without knowing basic logical redirection techniques, but I always wait until they give up on me before giving up on them. @ TexasMan68 HA! Finally some practical advice that seems doable, and hilarious at the same time. I have a very sensitive system, so I think I'll wait on the RedBull... Besides, love is way more effective for me than RedBull. @ PinkElephants I appreciate what you're trying to do, and the effort you've been putting in. Your assumptions are frustrating to read, but I have plenty of patience. I'd be perfectly happy to find someone who is in a similar place in life as I am. I don't need any sort of material support, and I'm perfectly happy to give more than I get. It's all of these incorrect assumptions that I want to eliminate... Do you think that it's simply impossible then? Should I just be content with the status quo of socioeconomic gender bias, women trading up, men trading down, etc... No I don't think its impossible and I think you know that too, because despite your depression, you aren't backing down on this. You just need to find the right resources. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SupportiveGuy Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Today, I asked my therapist, directly, if he thinks it would be detrimental to "treat" my "symptoms" by looking for love, and he said no, he thinks it's perfectly natural and healthy. He's trying to help me learn to converse about topics that people don't have to think about. I'm grateful for this chance to get input from (presumably) a woman's impression of who I am from my self description. Assumptions are made every day by mostly everyone, so I hold no ill will toward the world for that. I'm a master of broad sweeping generalization myself. All I need is a few (more?) ideas on how to present myself for who and what I am, but do it in a way that won't make people make so many false assumptions... hmmm.... Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 The word bland comes to mind. Can you try being bland? It seems like if your bent is to be thought provoking, if you try to be bland you still will be bland only maybe 25% of the time, but maybe thats enough? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 It appears that the only love that has any value to you is romantic love. Even in your first post you said something about having some platonic friendships that you will dump once you find a relationship. There is lots of love to be found in the world outside of romantic love. Healthy romantic relationships are partnerships, not caregiver/rescuer situations. To say you won't work or even drive until you have a partner makes you bad risk as a partner. Long term relationships can get hard and have conflicts and sometimes they are not much fun at all. Maybe I have misread you but you sound like someone who just wants to take from someone else. You want all of this unconditional love and you have all of these expectations that a woman will heal you but you don't seem to much to offer the woman who also has needs, and I'm not talking about money. You sound like someone who would bail on a relationship the moment it's not all about you, or you would just fall apart and become sick and unable to do anything if your true love wasn't making you the centre of her universe. It is normal to want to love and be loved but people can and do get that need met outside of romance. I am single but I still have some people in my life whom I love and who love me. My family and my friendships are important to me and I value them. Sometimes we find love by loving others first, sometimes we help ourselves by helping someone else. You talked about being in a pit and nobody throwing you a rope but I wonder, have you ever helped someone else out of their pit? If you are wallowing in self pity and focussed only on what others should be giving you then you will never truly experience love. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Success is something you define. You can get really passionate about a hobby, learn a new skill, and talk about that on your dates. 'my job just pays the bills..what I really like to do is work on motorcycles in my free time' something like that. For me, I learn Spanish in my free time. I'm proud of myself, and it's my passion. I'm not a corporate ladder climber, it's just not me, but I try to have a fulfilling life outside of work. It's important to be passionate about your life in some way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SupportiveGuy Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 @ Auspecial: Maybe. @ anika99: oh my goodness, it's PinkElephants all over again, lol. No offense... Haha, seriously though, either you didn't read, or you just refuse to accept what I'm saying. If I knew how to develop friendships that could satisfy my need for love, I would, but nobody will visit me in my time of need, so nobody gets the privilege of knowing me. I'm your favorite shade tree that you visit in the summer time. Sure, I'll uproot myself and mosey on outta that relationship, hahaha. I have no fear of commitment, never have. If I had not been busy recovering from serious life threatening illness at 18, I would have gotten married the first chance I had. A relationship is only as difficult as you make it, by being a difficult person to be around. @ okc85: I don't know, most people aren't interested, or don't believe that I can develop an advanced artificial intelligence, or design a fully functional humanoid robot body. I don't get excited about things anymore unless I'm actively pursuing a relationship. Over the years the isolation has taken its toll on me I guess. Bring Me To Life - Evanescence Link to post Share on other sites
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