How to restore full trust? Can it even be repaired?

[alyxgr11]

I'm 22, a senior in college. I was in an LDR lasting 3.5 years until I sensed something off 5 months ago.I decided to snoop through his texts (I know, it's wrong) and discovered he was basically having an emotional affair with a his close friend. I confronted him, he realized he ****ed up big time. We tried to work it out for a bit until I broke it off. Things were ok in that time, but I grew unhappy. Nothing to me had really changed, they still hung out and I knew he became annoyed by my constant “checking up." Over recent school breaks we've hung out and it's clear that we still love each other and want to be together again. I talk to him regularly now and I want to get back together but I don't want to be naive and be setting myself up in a trap. He has a weird relationship with this friend, as they get into fights semi-frequently where they don't end up talking/hanging out for weeks at a time. But lately they've been normal, texting each other most of every day. I feel like I only half trust him. I ask about when they talk/when they hang out/what they do while hanging out and I believe him 100%, but don't want questions about her ruin our conversation. I want to know exactly what they talk about and the nature of conversation (to gauge if this is really a platonic thing)but I don't want to pry too much. Most of my distrust is of her. I feel like she's in love with him and craves his constant attention. What should I consider when it comes to getting back together? What kind of change should I expect of him? Did their 'fling' permanently alter our chances at a normal relationship again? I don't want to worry that he's having a more meaningful conversation with her than me. I normally wouldn't have a problem with him having a close female friend, but their recent history changed everything for me. How do I fix my insecurities and try and establish full trust again? if you read this whole thing , you deserve a medal.

[lumberjac]

How do I claim my medal?

 

I understand you two still love each other, its been a long relationship.

but is the relationship still worthwhile for you two to stay together if happiness and trust (the most vital elements in a relationship) doesn't exist anymore?

 

He could stick and be around you forever, but by staying together none of you will be able to address the issues and change. In this case will you be truly happy?

[KBarletta]

A platonic female friend and an ex fling who you suspect is still in love with your boyfriend are two very different things, in my opinion. The former would be fine with me, the latter would be difficult to take if they are spending lots of time together. I am not sure what if anything would let me get past that one, honestly. I would probably want them to go NC if it were me.

[No Limit]

Move on frmo this relationship, it's gone its course. Don't stick around until you get cheated on.

[minimariah]

unless he goes full no contact with his friend - lose him.

the fact that he's keeping her around is NOT a good sign, trust me.

 

you're too young to keep yourself in a mediocre relationship, there is someone better for you out there - trust.

[BC1980]

Can trust ever be repaired? Yes, to some extent. It has to begin with him wanting to work with you to restore what trust can be restored. First, he needs to go NC from his friend. He keeps her around for the ego boost, and, for all we know, for sex or affection when you aren't there. Either way, he needs to be willing to sacrifice her for your relationship. Otherwise, the entire relationship doesn't have a leg to stand on.

 

If he is willing to go NC and work on the trust issue, then it can be restored to some extent. I'm not sure you can truly repair it completely, and it won't ever be like it was before. You have to be willing to accept that as well, but no one would blame you if you couldn't. Trust is a vital key to making a relationship work, and, once it's been broken, it takes a lot to make the relationship work again.