is looking at a dating site every day considered cheating

[mishy]

Hi -just wanted some opinions on this one.

 

One of my best friends Chris who is a gay male, met this guy Peter three months ago on a gay dating site. Once Chris met him he didn't look at the website again (he had no need to). They fell in love immediately and have been pretty inseperable since.

 

Another gay friend of mine who also uses the website has told me that the boyfriend Peter has consistently used it since they met still. (his profile is always showing as being online).

 

Is this cheating? What could he possibly be doing on there everyday? Maybe he's downloading porn but I'm told his membership level wouldn't allow for this. I feel bad for my friend who is really in love with him.

[bubblygrl5]

Since the purpose of a dating site is to find people to date - I would say it's odd behavior for someone who is not single.

 

Looking at it for fun with friends is one thing, but posting a profile actively would upset me.

 

Bubbly

[mishy]

thanks for replying

 

apparently he has kept his profile active the whole time and was last on it last nite. It baffoles us as to why he would be doing it- i mean maybe its porn but how much porn do you need. I'm worried that my best friend doesn't know about it- i mean if he does then thats fine.

 

What would he be doing on there??

[mishy]

the profile thing also lets a person indicate whether they are

 

attached

open relationship

married

single

 

and his still says SINGLE!!!

[bubblygrl5]

Why doesn't Chris just ask Peter about it?

 

I haven't been on a dating site, so I am not sure how it works. But sometimes there are innocent explanations for these things. If it's porn - then everyone will be happy that it's just porn. No point in getting all worked up if there can be a way to get an explanation.

 

Any if Peter is still screwing around, well then Chris can get out of this and find someone else before he gets in too deep.

 

 

Bubbly

[bubblygrl5]

Originally posted by mishy

the profile thing also lets a person indicate whether they are

 

attached

open relationship

married

single

 

and his still says SINGLE!!!

 

Once again, maybe Peter just never got around to changing it. If Chris asks him, and P refuses, then something weird is going on. If Peter just forgot, then maybe it's no biggie. But I see your concern. I'd be worried also.

 

 

Bubbly

[mishy]

I'm not game to tell Chris about it because if he doesn't already know about it then the **** will really hit the fan... and i don't want it to be my fault.

[bubblygrl5]

I don't envy your position at all. BUT, if you are really worried about your friend - then you should either reconsider, or perhaps think of a way to let him find out without implicating yourself.

 

 

Bubbly

[mishy]

my friend sent him a "wink" on the site to test him out and the website showed that he checked out his profile and everything... he just sounds soooo dodgy to me.

[Mz. Pixie]

I think it's wrong, not cheating but keeping your options open.

 

For instance, when I met my BF at lunch one day- not online- he had told me he had tried online dating. He had a profile at several places.

 

After our first date he never went back to the sites. How do I know? I checked of course! I have also been at his house when he's checked his e mails and he deletes the matches he's sent without opening them.

 

This guy is keeping his options open.

[mishy]

yaeh i mean to actually check out the profile- even if he replies with the option "i'm currently attached" is still dodgy.

 

I'm not going to say anything and other friends reckon we should keep our mouths shut. The guy must be really insecure - after all some people do get off on the ego trip of someone being interested in them evn if they have no intention of following it up.

 

But how do we know that he hasn't been meeting up with some people?

 

My friend would be heartbroken

[RecordProducer]

Mishy, relax!

It's a typical guy's thing. Stay out of it! They are in love and you want to ruin it for them. I know a few men who have kept their profiles online and visited the sites, but didn't cheat and were very much in love and faithful. Besides, he might be just logging in and not searching. Just don't interfere, it's none of your business, your friend is not doing anything bad. If he wants to cheat, he can meet somebody anywhere. Let Chris find out if Peter is honest and faithful, not you through sneaking around.

Maybe they never agreed on exclusivity. You can't make their rules. One of them chose to not show up on the dating site, but the other one wants to make sure that his BF is the best.

Plus if he answered that he is currently attached, that's a proof that he's faithful. They are not married after all!

Mind your own business, Mishy! Go help people who really need and cry for help if you feel like being useful!

[bubblygrl5]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

Mishy, relax!

It's a typical guy's thing. Stay out of it! They are in love and you want to ruin it for them. I know a few men who have kept their profiles online and visited the sites, but didn't cheat and were very much in love and faithful. Besides, he might be just logging in and not searching. Just don't interfere, it's none of your business, your friend is not doing anything bad. If he wants to cheat, he can meet somebody anywhere. Let Chris find out if Peter is honest and faithful, not you through sneaking around.

Maybe they never agreed on exclusivity. You can't make their rules. One of them chose to not show up on the dating site, but the other one wants to make sure that his BF is the best.

Plus if he answered that he is currently attached, that's a proof that he's faithful. They are not married after all!

Mind your own business, Mishy! Go help people who really need and cry for help if you feel like being useful!

 

RP: I don't know if I totally agree. Maybe he isn't meeting with others, and still, nobody knows if he is. BUT, it's sort of a matter of respect. That would mean that all our bf's should be checking out girls and flirting to see if they still got it, and that's not right.

 

Mishy - what these 2 need to do is TALK about it. Maybe they didn't clearly draw the lines.

 

Bubbly

[mishy]

saying that its a "typical guy thing" is a load of crap. Thats the sort of attitude that ALLOWS men in general to make excuses for their behaviour.

 

I mean what if I met a guy online (and I have) and meanwhile every day continued to check out whether anyone has "kissed" my profile, all the while my boyfriend being oblivious. That would make ME a slut. Its a double standard.

 

And don't worry, in my job I help people who really need help, I just wanted to know what people thought about this situation.

[mental_traveller]

If there's nothing fishy going on, then why does this guy not mention it at all to his bf? As a general rule of thumb, people do not hide actions they consider to be honest and acceptable; rather, they hide things they don't want you to find out.

[mishy]

yeah its fishy alright, and he is still accessing it, i think it has to be that he is insecure about the relationship but i know my friend loves him, i just hope my friend doesn't get hurt if this guy is actually meeting people behind his back