First LDR-doubts?

[hazeleyedsara]

hi everyone!! i have been stalking these threads for like a while but it's my turn to actually ask a question. my BF (25) and me (22) are facing a long distance relationship. he just got an awesome (temporary) job assignment in the midwest (we're on the west coast best coast) that will last like about 3 months (from june to september). so i know i know it's not that long and there's an obvious end date so like we would be back together and all things considered not the end of the world. we've been together about 10 months and i am craaaazy about this boy. i would be lying if i didn't say i have some doubts about this whole LDR thing though!! he is not the most expressive or communicative although i find this hella endearing sometimes and i am terrified this will make a LDR completely pull us apart. honestly i can be a little like clingy sometimes and i'm working on it but i feel that could also be horrible for a LDR. i don't think i would be doubting the relationship if it weren't for the long distance thing but like it is forcing me to evaluate if this relationship will really work out. we're both young and while i love him the likelihood of us being together forever and him being the one is probably pretty low just because so many people break up in their 20s so like maybe going through long distance is a waste of our time. i'm a pretty logical gal so i'm trying to really think out the pros and cons of this but if i think about breaking up i get so upset but i am concerned this will be a disaster and pointless . HELP.

 

so question time

1) do you all think it's normal to doubt the strength and long term potential of a relationship before going into a long distance situation?

2) any tips for making a ldr work?

3) anybody out there broken up because of a relationship becoming long distance and regret it (or not regret it)?

 

thank you lovely people!

[Penguin_hugs]

Hi there

 

Although 3 months sounds like a long time at the moment- it really isn't and it will go by quickly.

 

It's likely to either make you or break you as a couple though

 

I'm in a LDR too- we'd been together 10 months too (at 45 mins apart and saw each other every weekend, to 2 and a half hours apart and now see each other every fortnight) when he moved for work- but that was more of a permanent job move and I couldn't relocate for another 2 years due to uni and a work placement. But we are nearly 9 months in to this LDR and it's working OK. Yeah I miss him a lot and really wish I could see him- but I find that it gets worse when I am not busy.

 

I set goals of when I am going to see him next and try and do a lot of work in between. Skype will be your friend! Skype at least twice a week if you can- just to chat about your day.

 

Have little things that you do- like watch the same tv program.

 

Can you visit at all while he is away? Knowing when the next visit is really helps me

 

Good luck

[justwhoiam]

Welcome to LS, hazeleyedsara.

 

1) do you all think it's normal to doubt the strength and long term potential of a relationship before going into a long distance situation?

Yes, I do.

 

2) any tips for making a ldr work?

Have a basic agreement, like keeping in touch every day, having a calendar together, so that the other knows about their partner and is not kept in the dark: that is useful because you won't be wasting time trying to call if you know he's at the movies, etc.

Be flexible, don't have fixed days to talk or skype, it becomes a routine and more of a duty than a pleasure. Also, things might come up along the way and make it impossible to keep the original plan.

[devilish innocent]

You're somewhat young, but it's not like you're teenagers. My husband and I were in between your ages when we entered into our long-distance relationship. We were apart for years, and we still made it work.

 

My advice for a long-distance relationship is to have a good long-distance phone plan. It really helps being able to pick up the phone and hear the other person's voice when you're missing them. Recognize some days you may have things to talk about for hours, while other days a five-minute chat may be all you need. Don't feel like you have to set aside a certain amount of time to talk to each other.

 

If you can visit him, that would help too. Even just one visit in the middle of his job assignment is useful. Being able to physically reconnect helps with strengthening your bond.

 

I'd say give the long distance relationship a try. There's no point in giving up before you do. I know there is a lot of negativity in the general public about long-distance relationships. If you really want to be together in the future, though, then it's not an insurmountable obstacle. Good luck!

[hazeleyedsara]

for those of you asking if like we'll be able to visit we haven't talked about it but I think I would be able to visit him like once a month.

 

Re: devilish innocent saying that like if we want to be together in the future it's not insurmountable that's were like a lot of my doubts are coming from. i love him now but i dunno if we will be together forever so like not sure if long distance is worth it without like knowing for sure we want to be together forever

[central]

Three months isn't very long, and you'll be back together afterwards. If it were a considerably longer time, then I'd suggest you both date others and see how you feel about each other if and when you see each other again.

[Els]

3 months and visiting once a month? Ah, you'll be fine. Honestly, if a R doesn't make it through something relatively minor like that, it probably wouldn't have lasted for the long term anyway. So, have faith in your R - if it was meant to be, you'll survive this.

 

Talk about how you'll contact each other after he leaves - Skype, phone, etc. Plan visits. Focus on your career, family, and friends. 3 months will fly past in no time, promise.

[Mrin]

Have a basic agreement, like keeping in touch every day, having a calendar together, so that the other knows about their partner and is not kept in the dark: that is useful because you won't be wasting time trying to call if you know he's at the movies, etc.

Be flexible, don't have fixed days to talk or skype, it becomes a routine and more of a duty than a pleasure. Also, things might come up along the way and make it impossible to keep the original plan.

 

This. Also totally agree with the others that say 3 months is nothing.

 

One thing I will add is that both parties need commit to making their routine communications meaningful. Not just the how was your day type stuff. See, that sort of thing flies when you are together because you can have that conversation cooking together. Or cuddling. Or chasing each other around the house and making out like teenagers. But when you are apart, that sort of thing stagnates.

 

So what is meaningful? Think back to the great conversations you've had to date. What were they about? Why were they great. Do more of that.

 

Lastly, though I don't do this myself in my LDR, I would suggest considering whether phone or skype sex works for you. If it does, that's a great way to feel close to each other.