Cures for Depression / Emotional Immaturity?

[Otter2569]

Are there cures for depression?

 

I am on an emotional roller coaster with my GF. She had been treated with depression years ago but does not take any medication today. She goes to a support group / counselor and participates is self wellness groups but the emotional ****ing roller coaster we are on is ruining our relationship.

 

I find it particularly embarrassing when a small disagreement turns into hours of fighting and crying. Her kids see it, her family sees it and her work sees it. She has few close friends because of her inability to control her emotions. Negative moods and crying fits can last for days.

 

Last week I broke things off and she called back hysterical. Said she was on the floor yelling at the top of her lungs and talked about "wishing she wasn't here".

 

I so do not understand this behavior. Too many ups and downs. I just gave an ultimatum to get professional help. Its like I am dealing with an emotional alcoholic.

[darkmoon]

she needs a professional, yes, you might be fond of her, idk, but do not let her burden you, if she goes to a pro and wants to get well, ok

 

but as she is not taking her meds, she is bound to be a handful, i do not blame you for the ultimatum

 

i have known a woman who was like your one, sheesh, eventually you run out of patience

Edited March 27, 2015 by darkmoon

[Anela]

I've been taking Rhodiola. I don't know if it would work in place of medication, though. I've never been on a prescription drug.

 

It's horrible to feel the way she does - it isn't immaturity (although not taking her meds might be - unless they hurt her in some other way). What are her reasons for not taking them?

[writergal]

 

I so do not understand this behavior. Too many ups and downs. I just gave an ultimatum to get professional help. Its like I am dealing with an emotional alcoholic.

 

She sounds mentally ill. What is her diagnosis (if she even has one)?

You are dealing with an emotional alcoholic.

 

If you broke up just last week do you think it's wise to keep in contact with her? It can't help you move on, to let her continue to emotionally manipulate you the way that you allow her to.

 

Distance from her is best for you right now.

[Anela]

I have no emotional distance from this topic, right now. When I've been in a similar state, I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone. I never used to be that way - it's only happened in recent years, from what I was dealing with at home.

 

I think she means what she's saying. You just want an end to the pain, or something to make you feel better/feel safe again.

[Otter2569]

Years ago she was on meds but through a lot of counseling and therapy she went off and has been off for several years.

 

I used the term emotional alcoholic sarcastically meaning that I never know what I am going to get but you know there is a habitual situation to deal with.

 

She is wonderful in many respects but I am drained and about at the end of my rope. She doesn't see how her actions affect me even though I have told her several times. She takes any feedback as personal criticism and totally misses the point, then says I am abandoning her and she has no one....then the hours of crying start.

[writergal]

Years ago she was on meds but through a lot of counseling and therapy she went off and has been off for several years.

 

I used the term emotional alcoholic sarcastically meaning that I never know what I am going to get but you know there is a habitual situation to deal with.

 

She is wonderful in many respects but I am drained and about at the end of my rope. She doesn't see how her actions affect me even though I have told her several times. She takes any feedback as personal criticism and totally misses the point, then says I am abandoning her and she has no one....then the hours of crying start.

 

Otter why are you tethered to her, if she wreaks such havoc on your life? Was the break up from you a threat, or actual? She just doesn't sound like she's healthy to be in a relationship with at all.

[Otter2569]

There is an issue every few days. Its become almost predictable and its the same arguments over and over. I have just never seen such emotion. Any argument (which are always so stupid) goes on for hours.

 

All of my feedback is seen as a personal attach or trying to control the situation which tells me she is missing the point. I'm just trying to stop something small from becoming a hours long.

 

Part of the problem is that she really does NOT hear what i am saying.

 

bottom line - its a highly emotional roller coaster and i am looking to jump off

[Otter2569]

Writer, she is incredibly caring, loving, care free, spiritual and fun. We have / had an amazing and deep connection but in the last few months there has been a cycle of issues - many stemming from her.

 

Several earlier fights were alcohol based so she stopped drinking. She / We have what i thought was a comittment and desire to being better and building a stronger relationship.

 

Lately however the fights / emotional drama persists. Honestly I am suspecting that she intentionally starts them then when I express myself it turns into a bloodbath. Its like dealing with an emotional child...best way I can describe it.

[whichwayisup]

Are you sure she's just suffering from depression? She sounds manic (aka bi polar) more than anything. Maybe it's as simple as changing her meds, trying a new combination. Either way you can't be her emotional punching bag. Her kids can't continue to see her like this, it's scary and damaging to them too. Are the kids in family counseling? Do they at least understand that their mom is mentally ill?

 

There are no cures, this is a disease for life. It can be controlled with the help of meds and counseling.

 

ECT, electric shock therapy has come a long way and many benefit from it. It's not like it was years ago... Many find it helpful and have improved, a family friend is much better than she used to be. Look into it, ask questions, talk to her family (parents etc)..

 

Go to google and type in depression fallout. There's a lot of helpful information on there as well as support for families who have someone in their family suffering from mental illness. There's an ebook to download too.

[Otter2569]

Yesterday i told her enough was enough and that she needed to see a specialist. Counseling is nice but not enough. Told her it was taking a toll on me, our kids and her work.

 

IMO shes "normal" much of the time but any stress or disapproval puts her over the edge and once that happens it off to the races.

 

Ex. Monday I told her that her texts to me were cold and sporadic. Very out of character and that I was nervous about coming over because it felt like something was going on. Well this set off hours of crying and self criticism. i apologized and tried to explain my reasons and how i felt but that was all a side issue to all she does for me and how she is not good enough and why does she even try. i tried to get my point across but found it easier to take some blame and try and shut it down ASAP

[Otter2569]

Continued...

 

I tried to tell her how her emotional reactions are causing me to pull back and how it makes me nervous and is overwhelming for me.

 

After a great Tuesday where she now wants to be "fearless lovers" and have an amazing weekend together. All is good...or so you'd think

 

ex2 Weds: I am meeting my best friends (married guys) for drinks after work (we rarely get together). Her and I talk on the phone beforehand and I agree to call when I get home. Im out for 3+ hours when I get an angry text how I could have / should have sent her a loving text to let her know I am thinking about her. I call to explain and it erupts into an argument and she slings crap from Mondays argument implying I am trying to get her back. To me this says that she's heard nothing I said to her.

 

ex3 Thurs: I am barraged with lengthy self criticizing texts about how she doesnt matter. shes going to a bad place in her mind, how shes alone, how everything is ****...

[Otter2569]

Sorry for all the posts but wanted to add:

 

We have been reading a self help book together (which is very insightful) at the advise of her counselor and working on our negative arguing styles. I've told her repeatedly that yelling and emotional outburst are triggers that cause me to shut down.

 

Last week we went to her counselor together. It was very rewarding. A key take away was that we do not listen to each other (I've said that many times before - I know I am not getting through which is frustrating). Also that some of her reactions are not good for me and will damage a relationship.

 

As bad as this sounds she is a truly loving, genuine and decent women. Things are great 80% of the time. She says I need to accept the good with the bad and love her for who she is (she does give me 110%).

 

She has few real friends. I am guessing because of her emotional demands (sad and needy). Her family also seems to keep their distance.

 

I have offered to see a relationship counselor. I've come to realize that I am not perfect. I have tried several times to make it clear that the arguing style / overly emotional reactions are not constructive for US.

 

I see little to no change in her when she is upset and the cycle just continues to roll forward despite any efforts that we have made.