xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 When I was growing up, I had a string of female friends who I used to call BFFs. They were the friends I can call and text, and share secrets and slumber parties with. Now that I am older (mid-twenties), and given that friends all grow apart, I have a hard time making new friends like I used to. Although, I have no problem interacting with guys and making friends with guys, even though I don't think I can understand guys as much as I do girls. I want to be naive and think guys and girls can really be friends. But there are so many dynamics in this- one or the other will always be attracted (especially if both are single), and there is always some flirtatious exchanges, ie. teases. Also it doesn't help that I like one of my friends. Here's the thing, can two people of the opposite truly forge a strong friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Sure they can unless one of them has romantic or lustful feelings toward the other more than the fleeting, I wonder? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Sure they can unless one of them has romantic or lustful feelings toward the other more than the fleeting, I wonder? If you were in the position of being friends with a female and suddenly find yourself immensely attracted to her- do you stay friends or act on your feelings? I have had two (guy) friends act on their feelings and told me they liked me. Mind you, I was the only female in the group and it seemed because I was the only attractive female in close proximity to them, that is why they both liked me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 You have to tell the person. If you just sit there longing for more, you only torture yourself. If the other person say I only want to be friends, you back off, lick your wounds, start dating somebody else then slowly rebuild the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 You have to tell the person. If you just sit there longing for more, you only torture yourself. If the other person say I only want to be friends, you back off, lick your wounds, start dating somebody else then slowly rebuild the friendship. D, I did end up telling him how much I liked him- it ended up becoming the 3rd rejection from him. He told me he couldn't see a future with someone like me and so can only be a friend. Of course his definition of a friend means really being distant. i did back off a lot, from seeing him everyday for the past two months, to really not even talking or seeing him at all lately. I have even stopped texting him because he really doesn't reply to me at all. I am licking my wounds, but I don't know if I can put myself out there to date someone else when I am stuck on him. Also, I don't see how the friendship can be repaired especially since our whole dynamics has changed from him being really forward with me in the beginning to now, hardly even talking to me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 The friendship can't be repaired easily. It will take real distance, not exactly NC but severely limited contact. You do not initiate. You do something to cheer yourself up. You make lists of why he's right & you don't belong together. You read them until you believe too. You spend time with positive supportive people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 The friendship can't be repaired easily. It will take real distance, not exactly NC but severely limited contact. You do not initiate. You do something to cheer yourself up. You make lists of why he's right & you don't belong together. You read them until you believe too. You spend time with positive supportive people. Oops. Unfortunately I made the mistakes of constantly initiating... So far, I've just been depressed ... I shop and max out my credit cards and somewhat emotionally eat to cheer myself up. Can I write the list here? -He's religious -We're from different race and culture - He's way too skinny for me - He flirts with other girls in front of me Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) One of my very best friend from way back is a guy, and I'm all woman. There is no romantic interest. I can talk to him about most anything and he does with me as well. Actually, the dynamics of our friendship is not only unique but eye opening at times. He tells me things from a male POV and I return the favor from a woman's POV. Yes, we have gone out to each by ourselves at times, like before he was being deployed or moving several hundred's of miles away. We communicate via text and FB messages. His wife will message me sometimes to say, "hay, talk to him and make sure he's all right." She is not threatened in the least by our bff relationship...she knew about me the entire time they dated. And yes, my hubs knows about him. I do have a little something going on the side thru an online relationship with another woman and my hubs knows about that as well. I have no reason to hide things from him, and likewise, he shares things with me. I'll give a silly example: he said he hadn't seen this years Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. I told him when I saw one I'd pick it up. I found a copy two days ago and we've looked at it together. He tells me what he thinks is hot and I tell him who I think is hot. It's fun to be able to say I like this and he's cool with it. Tonight he asked me if I'd talked to my online gf in the past few days. I asked him why. He grinned and said she makes you happy and I like seeing you happy. Do I feel bad or like I'm cheating? NO! He knows about everything and is fine with it. Point being, people of the opposite sex can most def. forge a platonic friendship. Threats to a relationship do not have to involve the opposite sex. Edited March 27, 2015 by Methodical Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 yes, i have a variety of male and female friends. all totally platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I have several male friends. Most of them, if not all, have significant others. Currently, one of my very best friends is a guy. We go out a lot, just the two of us. And the his wife picks us up (or joins us on the night out) and drops me home. She'll call me when she can't reach him and knows we're together. It's all good! We talk about everything and never once has anything turned flirty or sexual between us! Link to post Share on other sites
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