Everyone is going to chew me up after this one...

[Jonp219]

So...

 

I text my ex this morning and had a convo with her after a month of NC. She was very responsive, but also a little nonchalant at times. I know, I know go straight back to NC, but I honestly don't know what to do here. I want to earn her trust back, but then I might be setting myself up for more hurt. She isn't dating anyone at the moment, but that doesn't give me much comfort.

 

Earlier today I was reading Dr. Yangki Christine Akiteng's blog and she has a lot of helpful tips for people trying to get their exes back.

 

 

I know a lot of you are going to shun me after this one, but I just couldn't help myself.

 

I just couldn't risk losing her forever. I'm ashamed of myself. I think I might just be crazy.

Edited March 27, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[GorillaTheater]

Well, at least you know you've screwed up. The next time you get that urge to contact your ex, just hit yourself with a hammer instead. It's equally productive.

[NC-Thomas]

I hope you learned from it.

 

Also I have read "get your ex back" PDF's and stuff like that. Basically the most comes down to "go NC" and "walk away". The problem is however, that its just another money scam trying to feed of desperate people, because NC is not meant to get your ex back. It'a about getting yourself back.

Edited March 27, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[Jonp219]

I hope you learned from it.

 

Also I have read "get your ex back" PDF's and stuff like that. Basically the most comes down to "go NC" and "walk away". The problem is however, that its just another money scam trying to feed of desperate people, because NC is not meant to get your ex back. It'a about getting yourself back.

 

Yeah I've read those PDF's too.

 

But the blog I posted doesn't support NC for that purpose at all.

[ZiggyZoo]

Most of us won't shun you, because most of us have also broken NC. I did, left my ex a voicemail, and he didn't respond. Broke my heart all over again, and I learned a valuable lesson. Now there's no way I'll do it again, for at least a year. (Well, I'm doing it once, when our baby is born, but that's it).I thought I was ready for it, but I wasn't. I can't imagine finding out that he's seeing someone else.

 

That's why we're all so gung-ho about it. Trying to save others from the same setbacks. There's nothing wrong with breaking NC, but for me it has to be after at least six months. Or until you can picture your ex having sex with someone else and honestly shrug it off.

[na49]

Everyone here just gives you suggestions for ways to move on. If you want to talk to your ex, and believe that being in contact with get them back, then do it. It's your life after all. Part of moving on is wanting to move on. If you don't want to move on, then you're just waiting for them to contact you.

[Jonp219]

Most of us won't shun you, because most of us have also broken NC. I did, left my ex a voicemail, and he didn't respond. Broke my heart all over again, and I learned a valuable lesson. Now there's no way I'll do it again, for at least a year. (Well, I'm doing it once, when our baby is born, but that's it).I thought I was ready for it, but I wasn't. I can't imagine finding out that he's seeing someone else.

 

That's why we're all so gung-ho about it. Trying to save others from the same setbacks. There's nothing wrong with breaking NC, but for me it has to be after at least six months. Or until you can picture your ex having sex with someone else and honestly shrug it off.

 

I can picture her having sex with someone else, it doesn't feel nice, but I can picture it (sort of) lol.

 

I was kind of hoping she wouldn't respond at all, because that would of told me to move on. But instead she actually had a light convo with me, that messes me up even more.

[Jonp219]

Everyone here just gives you suggestions for ways to move on. If you want to talk to your ex, and believe that being in contact with get them back, then do it. It's your life after all. Part of moving on is wanting to move on. If you don't want to move on, then you're just waiting for them to contact you.

 

I can't move on. I'm just so attached to this girl. As sick as it sounds I feel like she's my ****ing life line.

[ZiggyZoo]

I'll bet it does make it harder. And who knows? Maybe she'll do or say something that totally changes any desire you had to get back together. Like finding out your crush kicks puppies or something.

[Jonp219]

I'll bet it does make it harder. And who knows? Maybe she'll do or say something that totally changes any desire you had to get back together. Like finding out your crush kicks puppies or something.

 

She loves dogs, it's one of the reasons I like her so much

[Jonp219]

I just feel sick. I miss her so ****ing much.

[AIJ]

Take her off the god damn mother****ing pedestal. My ex is ridiculously attractive, like genuine model quality, she's the type of girl that can turn heads when she's just woke up in the morning with no make up on. Not kidding, she's genuinely a very beautiful girl. However, I knocked her off that pedestal where I was under the illusion that no girl can ever compare to her. Granted, chances of me getting with someone as PHYSICALLY attractive as her are slim to none, but I'm certain there are many, many other attractive girls that are much more EMOTIONALLY attractive to me. And those girls won't be psycho cheating whores. I hope.

 

Take her off the pedestal. I saw you broke NC. Don't do it again, I done it too after a month of NC and a handful of breadcrumbs thrown my way. Honestly just sets you back massively. I haven't checked her social media nor have I felt the urge to in quite some time. It gets easier with time, but until you decide you WANT to move on, and let go of that FALSE hope that you can reconcile given the state you're in right now, you'll be better off. Just remove and block any possible means of contact.

[Satu]

You absolutely can't change the way she thinks and feels about you, but you can change the way you think and feel about yourself.

 

Thats where the gold is to be found.

[Jonp219]

Take her off the god damn mother****ing pedestal. My ex is ridiculously attractive, like genuine model quality, she's the type of girl that can turn heads when she's just woke up in the morning with no make up on. Not kidding, she's genuinely a very beautiful girl. However, I knocked her off that pedestal where I was under the illusion that no girl can ever compare to her. Granted, chances of me getting with someone as PHYSICALLY attractive as her are slim to none, but I'm certain there are many, many other attractive girls that are much more EMOTIONALLY attractive to me. And those girls won't be psycho cheating whores. I hope.

 

Take her off the pedestal. I saw you broke NC. Don't do it again, I done it too after a month of NC and a handful of breadcrumbs thrown my way. Honestly just sets you back massively. I haven't checked her social media nor have I felt the urge to in quite some time. It gets easier with time, but until you decide you WANT to move on, and let go of that FALSE hope that you can reconcile given the state you're in right now, you'll be better off. Just remove and block any possible means of contact.

 

My ex is attractive but not that attractive. But I just love her for the way she is her flaws make her more beautiful to me, and body wise, she wasn't all that. Emotionally she was very sweet and because of my insecurities and anger issues I pushed her away.

 

Omg, what the **** have I done...

 

I had the perfect wife on my arm and I blew it... smfh

[Jonp219]

You absolutely can't change the way she thinks and feels about you, but you can change the way you think and feel about yourself.

 

Thats where the gold is to be found.

 

Satu, I can't

 

All the guilt clouds my judgment, I feel horrible...

[AIJ]

My ex is attractive but not that attractive. But I just love her for the way she is her flaws make her more beautiful to me, and body wise, she wasn't all that. Emotionally she was very sweet and because of my insecurities and anger issues I pushed her away.

 

Omg, what the **** have I done...

 

I had the perfect wife on my arm and I blew it... smfh

 

If I recall correctly, you're 17? Come on now buddy, it's your first real relationship, it's going to sting like a bitch. You have PLENTY of time ahead of you, as do I. The quicker you let go and move on, the quicker you'll find someone more compatible with you. Believe me, there is someone more compatible with you than your ex. If your ex really was 'the one' and you were 'soulmates', it woudn't have ended. Regardless of what you feel you may or may not have done. It takes two.

[Jonp219]

If I recall correctly, you're 17? Come on now buddy, it's your first real relationship, it's going to sting like a bitch. You have PLENTY of time ahead of you, as do I. The quicker you let go and move on, the quicker you'll find someone more compatible with you. Believe me, there is someone more compatible with you than your ex. If your ex really was 'the one' and you were 'soulmates', it woudn't have ended. Regardless of what you feel you may or may not have done. It takes two.

 

17?? No, i'm 25

 

I've been with this girl since I was 21, we started dating when I was 20.

[AIJ]

17?? No, i'm 25

 

I've been with this girl since I was 21, we started dating when I was 20.

 

Well clearly my memory is terrible. I'm sure there's a 17 year old on here somewhere! However my point still stands. 25 is nothing. You'll find someone else, let it go!

 

I feel like I'm watching Frozen over and over again the amount of times I've head to tell myself to let it go

[Jonp219]

Well clearly my memory is terrible. I'm sure there's a 17 year old on here somewhere! However my point still stands. 25 is nothing. You'll find someone else, let it go!

 

I feel like I'm watching Frozen over and over again the amount of times I've head to tell myself to let it go

 

Apart of me wants to keep talking to her and see where it leads, and another part of me wants to listen to you.

 

I don't want to let go, I don't want to go through the grueling healing process, I wish it could all just stop right here. The pain that i'm in right now is insurmountable.

[AIJ]

Apart of me wants to keep talking to her and see where it leads, and another part of me wants to listen to you.

 

I don't want to let go, I don't want to go through the grueling healing process, I wish it could all just stop right here. The pain that i'm in right now is insurmountable.

 

Perhaps you need a few more kicks to the teeth before you finally decide to move on, I don't know? If you really want to dig your hole EVEN deeper, go ahead and continue talking to her and see how much more it hurts when she tells you how happy she is with someone that isn't you. Is that what you want? For your own sake, cut all ties with her, you don't need to know what she's doing nor do you want to know!

[Simon Phoenix]

17?? No, i'm 25

 

I've been with this girl since I was 21, we started dating when I was 20.

 

You're still a kid, and not a very experienced kid at that. You'll learn from this and grow, but not if you continue to be your own worst enemy. What you did today was dumb, but it's a dumb that a lot of dumpees commit. What concerns me is that you want to double down on the dumb.

 

As for the Toronto Date Doctor, I think a lot of what she says isn't very helpful because it gives people like you that have no business talking to their ex because they aren't ready for it an avenue to be dumb. No Contact is for you to get your sh*t together, but it seems like you've basically spent the last month just holding on and hoping she'll find you. She didn't, so you panicked and did this and got yourself into a whole buttload of trouble.

 

You need to go No Contact, but you actually need to do something with your No Contact, not just sit there playing a waiting game.

[Simon Phoenix]

Apart of me wants to keep talking to her and see where it leads, and another part of me wants to listen to you.

 

I don't want to let go, I don't want to go through the grueling healing process, I wish it could all just stop right here. The pain that i'm in right now is insurmountable.

 

It seems insurmountable because you haven't started. You see it as one big step instead of taking little steps up the mountain. I mean, you have to actually make an effort to heal, to evolve, to improve. You don't seem to want to do that. You want to hold on to a flawed relationship that died. As long as you refuse to actually move forward, than it doesn't matter what you do. It's all going to end horribly.

[Jonp219]

You're still a kid, and not a very experienced kid at that. You'll learn from this and grow, but not if you continue to be your own worst enemy. What you did today was dumb, but it's a dumb that a lot of dumpees commit. What concerns me is that you want to double down on the dumb.

 

As for the Toronto Date Doctor, I think a lot of what she says isn't very helpful because it gives people like you that have no business talking to their ex because they aren't ready for it an avenue to be dumb. No Contact is for you to get your sh*t together, but it seems like you've basically spent the last month just holding on and hoping she'll find you. She didn't, so you panicked and did this and got yourself into a whole buttload of trouble.

 

You need to go No Contact, but you actually need to do something with your No Contact, not just sit there playing a waiting game.

 

Simon, I tried to do something, I really did. However, everything around me reminds me of her. I miss her a ton, and I don't know what to do. Every time I try to do something for myself I end up breaking into tears when the sunsets. I continue to fill my head with regret and hateful thoughts about myself. Unfortunately, I might double down on my dumb. People should just say a prayer for me, God knows I need it right now...

[Jamesgar]

Walk away man with your balls and integrity intact. Your be respected for it.

 

The best revenge is to become the best man you can! I have had ex's in the past come back to me and say I regretted dumping you. Now I don't care...to little to late. Have a great life....live it.

 

The way I coped with break ups is to literally feel the pain and plow this negative energy into doing positive things slowly! Start eating and sleeping properly. Get sleep tablets or sleep remedies if you need it. Keep busy as you can! The busier you are the better.

 

You will be alone at points! You should occupy yourself if you can at all times.

 

No contact please.

 

[Jonp219]

Walk away man with your balls and integrity intact. Your be respected for it.

 

The best revenge is to become the best man you can! I have had ex's in the past come back to me and say I regretted dumping you. Now I don't care...to little to late. Have a great life....live it.

 

The way I coped with break ups is to literally feel the pain and plow this negative energy into doing positive things slowly! Start eating and sleeping properly. Get sleep tablets or sleep remedies if you need it. Keep busy as you can! The busier you are the better.

 

You will be alone at points! You should occupy yourself if you can at all times.

 

No contact please.

 

 

Thank for the inspiration man. However, this girl was my motivation for many things. I was an unemployed, college dropout, delinquent when I met her. This summer i'll be earning my bachelors in Business Administration, and it's all because someone took the time to believe in me when nobody else did.