I saw OKC app on his phone.

[adiamond]

Hi, I was laying with my bf while he was scrolling through his phone. When he was scrolling through his app drawer, I saw that he had OKC app installed (we met there). We've been bf/gf 5ish months now. I didn't ask him about it at the time, but when I got home, I texted him and said that I saw that he had okc app installed. He said profile is still deactivated and he doesn't know about the app and never used the app before. I never see the OKC app installed in his phone before when he used to scroll through his app drawer so I think the install was semi recent. I actually went to OKC and checked his profile before I texted him about it, and it was deactivated still.

 

Should I be wary? I'm not too worried about it right now because his profile is deactivated and I've got my stuff all over his apartment. But I'm not sure if people can hide profiles, or if he might be using tinder, or he might be looking still, or he might not be serious with me. Am I over thinking this or do I have a reason to start being a little more cautious and keep my eyes open? Right now I'm pretty trusting of him but I've never been cheated on before and I'm not sure. How should I go about this?

Edited March 28, 2015 by adiamond

[DatingAdvise]

Learn the signs of men who is loyal and who has intigrity, so you can see red flags and handle it the proper way. If a men is cheating, mostly of the time he is bored with you and loyality means nothing for him. At the end of the day u can't control his behaviour. If he is cheating , he wil keep doing that and nothing u can do about it. If u feel unsure about it , lets talk with him in a friendly manner and never arque.

[HansonGirl]

Hi, I was laying with my bf while he was scrolling through his phone. When he was scrolling through his app drawer, I saw that he had OKC app installed (we met there). We've been bf/gf 5ish months now. I didn't ask him about it at the time, but when I got home, I texted him and said that I saw that he had okc app installed. He said profile is still deactivated and he doesn't know about the app and never used the app before. I never see the OKC app installed in his phone before when he used to scroll through his app drawer so I think the install was semi recent. I actually went to OKC and checked his profile before I texted him about it, and it was deactivated still.

 

Should I be wary? I'm not too worried about it right now because his profile is deactivated and I've got my stuff all over his apartment. But I'm not sure if people can hide profiles, or if he might be using tinder, or he might be looking still, or he might not be serious with me. Am I over thinking this or do I have a reason to start being a little more cautious and keep my eyes open? Right now I'm pretty trusting of him but I've never been cheated on before and I'm not sure. How should I go about this?

 

 

If his profile is deactivated who cares if the app is still there - it's not useable without a profile. If you are really worried, make a fake profile (you can go on okcupid on a regular web browser without needing the app) and log on and try to find his profile.

[LifeandPerseverance]

When he was scrolling through his app drawer, I saw that he had OKC app installed (we met there). We've been bf/gf 5ish months now.

 

he doesn't know about the app and never used the app before. I never see the OKC app installed in his phone before when he used to scroll through his app drawer so I think the install was semi recent.

 

his profile is deactivated and I've got my stuff all over his apartment.

 

When I read this thread I almost leaped off chair. Let's be real here: NO GUY keeps Okcupid on their phone unless they're using it.

 

You two MET on Okcupid--he's not dumb, of course he's not going to reactivate that profile. It would be too easy to find him. I can almost guarantee he's on there, using a new profile. One he knows you don't know about.

 

You're not gonna find him by username. You're gonna have to look by specs. I would strongly advise you to search okcupid with his specs--look for guys in your area that are his height, and his astrology sign. And then tell us what you find.

 

I wasn't always this paranoid--but I've been cheated on, and he was very busy on POF and OKC I would later learn, the entire time we were together. Men don't keep those apps on their phone for no reason. Don't be stupid. I delete even apps I use frequently, because my phone is running out of storage--what do you think the chances are, that a guy is going to keep a dating app on his phone, for 6 months into his relationship, if he's not using it?

Also, I just wanted to comment--your stuff being all over his place aren't really something that would discourage him from cheating. I USE TO think that, too. But my ex was cheating even with my stuff all over his place. The funny part was my sunglasses--that should have been the tip off. I kept wondering how I was losing sunglasses in his car. LOL it turned out he was pitching each pair of my sunglasses, when he would take a new girl out on a date (cuz come on, you don't want them to find your girlfriend's sunglasses while you're dropping them off after a date!) XD It's kind of funny now when I look back on it.

Edited March 28, 2015 by LifeandPerseverance

[Gaeta]

When I read this thread I almost leaped off chair. Let's be real here: NO GUY keeps Okcupid on their phone unless they're using it.

 

You two MET on Okcupid--he's not dumb, of course he's not going to reactivate that profile. It would be too easy to find him. I can almost guarantee he's on there, using a new profile. One he knows you don't know about.

 

You're not gonna find him by username. You're gonna have to look by specs. I would strongly advise you to search okcupid with his specs--look for guys in your area that are his height, and his astrology sign. And then tell us what you find.

 

I wasn't always this paranoid--but I've been cheated on, and he was very busy on POF and OKC I would later learn, the entire time we were together. Men don't keep those apps on their phone for no reason. Don't be stupid. I delete even apps I use frequently, because my phone is running out of storage--what do you think the chances are, that a guy is going to keep a dating app on his phone, for 6 months into his relationship, if he's not using it?

Also, I just wanted to comment--your stuff being all over his place aren't really something that would discourage him from cheating. I USE TO think that, too. But my ex was cheating even with my stuff all over his place. The funny part was my sunglasses--that should have been the tip off. I kept wondering how I was losing sunglasses in his car. LOL it turned out he was pitching each pair of my sunglasses, when he would take a new girl out on a date (cuz come on, you don't want them to find your girlfriend's sunglasses while you're dropping them off after a date!) XD It's kind of funny now when I look back on it.

 

I agree with this entirely. Also the fact he denied having the app is telling. I know every single app I have on my phone, so does he.

 

Also I would not count too much on finding him with specs. Men wanting to hide will change their city, put an inch more on their height, change the age by 1 year etc.

[Poppyolive]

You're tight yi feeling this way. My advice to you is watch carefully, don't ignore your gut feeling and watch for red flags.

 

Of course you can hide your profile on OK cupid. There is many on their, who have write ups and pictures hidden unless you interact with them. So, there is a chance he is on it. Also, he may not be. But the ap is still on his phone. You can have the ap and no profile, you can also set up a new profile.

 

You're wise to be speculating. My advice, is speak with him and watch for reactions and how he deals with it. That will tell a lot.

[keylime]

I heard about an app that girls or guys can use to track their partners. I suspect more girls use it since guys are more likely to stray. It's just how a lot of guys are, unfortunately. Apparently the app is quite popular in Brazil. You can secretly install it on your partner's phone and it's invisible. You get all their text messages and you can secretly listen in on their calls. It's too bad that's what it's come too. Once there's suspicion of cheating in a relationship, things are never quite the same. There's always going to be some doubt.

[writergal]

I agree with the others, adiamond. Your boyfriend isn't being honest with you about the OkC app's recent appearance on his cellphone. He wouldn't need it there after you two started dating, unless he was still using it to send messages to other women on that dating website. Ask him to delete the app on his phone and see how he reacts. If he puts up a stink, it's because he's still using it. And by stink, I mean, he will try to shame you for asking, which is a deflective tactic. He'll try to make you feel guilty for asking him vs. just deleting it and being done with it.

[adiamond]

Hi guys so I asked him if he deleted the app this morning via video chat and he hesitantly said yes. Then he told me that he had no use for it because his account was deactivated anyways and he said he downloaded it in the first place because they had a promotion when he was on okc before that allowed him to get something free for downloading it (idk). I'm not sure what to think and I still feel a little hesitant but I'm going to check for sure if he deleted it next time I see him. If he didn't delete it and he told me that he did, I'm going to be really upset with him, and he knows this. I looked on okc with fake acc. and searched everyone within 50 mile radius of me who had his height, + or - 2 inches, between his age range, + or - 2 years. I looked for people with his sign and without it too. I didn't see him on there , and I looked at profiles that were like body pics and none of them looked like his.

 

Should I just wait it out and keep my eyes peeled? Should I start asking to use his phone more often if I want to google pictures or something? I really don't like feeling this way and I wish that I didn't have to. I know cheating something that happens often to people but it upsets me and really puts a damper on my feelings for him because what's a relationship without full trust?

[writergal]

Hi guys so I asked him if he deleted the app this morning via video chat and he hesitantly said yes. Then he told me that he had no use for it because his account was deactivated anyways and he said he downloaded it in the first place because they had a promotion when he was on okc before that allowed him to get something free for downloading it (idk).

 

So you didn't actually see his phone yet? Why did you video chat with him? Is he long distance? I'm old, I have never video chatted with a guy who lives in my own city. I use my cellphone to call him.

 

That whole rambling excuse he gave you seems to me like a big ol' lie. The only answer he should have said, immediately is "yes, I deleted it." But to go on about how it was a promotion etc. is such nonsense. A good sign of a lie told, is how much detail the liar goes into about the lie. People who tell the truth are far more concise. OKC is a dating app that you directly download to your phone. It doesn't come preloaded on a phone and there's no such thing as a OKC promotion. I tried OKC and no such promotion exists when I used it. So that's a big ol 'lie.

 

Two websites about lying:

 

http://addiction.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Verbal_Signs_of_Lying

 

http://liespotting.com/liespotting-basics/words/

 

What's to wait out? When you have the chance, you can check his phone. He may have deleted the phone OKC app, but that doesn't mean he isn't using it on his computer. When someone wants to cheat on you, they will find multiple ways to make that happen.

 

There shouldn't be this much distrust already in your relationship so early into it. That's not a good sign.

Edited March 29, 2015 by writergal

[adiamond]

So you didn't actually see his phone yet? Why did you video chat with him? Is he long distance? I'm old, I have never video chatted with a guy who lives in my own city. I use my cellphone to call him.

 

That whole rambling excuse he gave you seems to me like a big ol' lie. The only answer he should have said, immediately is "yes, I deleted it." But to go on about how it was a promotion etc. is such nonsense. A good sign of a lie told, is how much detail the liar goes into about the lie. People who tell the truth are far more concise. OKC is a dating app that you directly download to your phone. It doesn't come preloaded on a phone and there's no such thing as a OKC promotion. I tried OKC and no such promotion exists when I used it. So that's a big ol 'lie.

 

Two websites about lying:

 

Verbal Signs of Lying

 

Words | Liespotting

 

What's to wait out? When you have the chance, you can check his phone. He may have deleted the phone OKC app, but that doesn't mean he isn't using it on his computer. When someone wants to cheat on you, they will find multiple ways to make that happen.

 

There shouldn't be this much distrust already in your relationship so early into it. That's not a good sign.

 

We live close to each other (like 20 minute walk) but I wasn't going to go see him today so we video chatted instead. I just wanted to see his face while I asked him about it. I was like, did you delete that app? and he's like "oh uh yeah" and then we kind of sat there for an awkward 1 minute, and then he was like, "it can't be used anyways because my account is deactivated" and after sitting in another awkward silence for 3 more minutes with me looking at him I was like, "well I never saw you had it before", he was like "I probably downloaded it for a promotion or something". and then I don't remember what happened afterwards. It was just very very awkward, but he didn't try to straight up deny anything or stutter/talk loudly/ guilt trip me or anything.

 

I'm definitely checking next time I see him. Everything was fine until I saw that OKC app on his phone. Now, I just feel unhappy. I feel like even if he was cheating, I don't know if I'd be able to find out. Or what if he really isn't cheating. I don't feel right to just start snooping.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

You could always search his specs and see what comes up. Although it might be nothing. I have apps on my phone that I never use and forget to delete sometims.

[Gaeta]

OKC can be installed and uninstalled in 1 minute if not less. The fact it's not on his phone next time you see him means nothing. It's easily re-installed. Just be aware of the situation and keep your eyes open for more flags. Nothing much you can do.

[katiegrl]

I wouldn't say he is cheating necessarily... but he's definitely checking out other chicks... may be chatting with them, keeping his options open.

 

And I agree with writergal, common sense tells me his elaborate excuse was a big ole lie, and if it were me, after only dating five months, I would dump him for THAT - the lying!

 

I would encourage you to do the same, unless you relish getting your heart ripped into shreds by a liar and potential cheater.

[writergal]

Yeah, my spidey sense tells me your boyfriend's flat out lying to you adiamond. I hope that I'm wrong. I know I wouldn't put up with that if I saw a dating app on my boyfriend's cellphone. I'd immediately ask him why he has one if he's dating me, then if he gave me a rambling excuse I'd end the relationship. I'll put up with a lot, but not with a boyfriend lying. That's a dealbreaker for me. No second chances if he lies to me, about anything.

[wb1988]

At the end of the day u can't control his behaviour. If he is cheating , he wil keep doing that and nothing u can do about it. If u feel unsure about it , lets talk with him in a friendly manner and never arque.

That is total BS. You're saying that preventing the use of OLD or avoiding being at places that create temptation is pointless? You sound like a girl that says that she only has cheated when she was drunk, but then still gets drunk. I think the OP is wrong about this 1 example but you are also wrong about what you just wrote.

 

When I read this thread I almost leaped off chair. Let's be real here: NO GUY keeps Okcupid on their phone unless they're using it.

 

Uhhhh, I do? I have so many apps on my phone that it's a mess and I completely believe having an app that you never use can happen. Actually like your bf I think I've never even used the app, I use the web version and chose to not use the app version. The OP says that she isn't even 100% sure that she didn't see it before. If he had like 10 apps, and she didn't notice it before then that's one thing but he probably has dozens or like a 100 right? You can't base a hunch on that especially when you never really properly looked through his phone before.

 

I looked on okc with fake acc. and searched everyone within 50 mile radius of me who had his height, + or - 2 inches, between his age range, + or - 2 years. I looked for people with his sign and without it too. I didn't see him on there , and I looked at profiles that were like body pics and none of them looked like his.

 

Should I just wait it out and keep my eyes peeled?

 

So you found nothing (probably because there is nothing) but still feel a gut feeling? Are you crazy? I feel sorry for your bf and I can't believe there are other LS members that still support your base-less hunches.

 

Also you accuse him of using OKC but you just said that you just used it yourself!

Edited March 29, 2015 by wb1988

[katiegrl]

Yeah, my spidey sense tells me your boyfriend's flat out lying to you adiamond. I hope that I'm wrong. I know I wouldn't put up with that if I saw a dating app on my boyfriend's cellphone. I'd immediately ask him why he has one if he's dating me, then if he gave me a rambling excuse I'd end the relationship. I'll put up with a lot, but not with a boyfriend lying. That's a dealbreaker for me. No second chances if he lies to me, about anything.

 

Lying is one of my dealbreakers too ...and I don't have many. But lying is huge and even if I *sense* a man is lying... after only five months?

 

NEXT.

[katiegrl]

wb, you missed the point. It's not his having the app on his phone that is the issue.

 

It's his *response* to the OP asking him about the app on his phone that is the issue.

 

He hems and haws, thinks up some lame excuse about a *promotion* on *another* website...and then when asked if he deleted it, he hesitates answering, while thinking up another elaborate excuse that sounds somewhat plausible.

 

Come on now, one doesn't have to have Ph.d in psychology to recognize he's hiding something.... which doesn't bode well for a five month relationship.

[EmperorR]

cheaters will rarely ever admit what they are doing.

 

If you caught his profile on there he would probably just tell you he was looking for friends.

 

This is why you go with your gut its usually never wrong.

[adiamond]

 

Uhhhh, I do? I have so many apps on my phone that it's a mess and I completely believe having an app that you never use can happen. Actually like your bf I think I've never even used the app, I use the web version and chose to not use the app version. The OP says that she isn't even 100% sure that she didn't see it before. If he had like 10 apps, and she didn't notice it before then that's one thing but he probably has dozens or like a 100 right? You can't base a hunch on that especially when you never really properly looked through his phone before.

 

Yah I'm about 98% sure that he didn't have it before because I specifically asked him what sort of apps he used and we both went through our apps together. This was a few months ago though.

I didn't find any sort of evidence but I think I might take a look every once in a while to see and keep my eyes peeled. I do believe the whole promotion thing is a lie and I'm not sure what he's doing, or if he's doing nothing but I'm not going to put too much time and effort in being paranoid. If I do find any evidence of him talking to others then we aren't meant to be and I don't want him in my life.

 

I'm probably going to start asking to use his phone more often and ask if I can go through his apps again. Maybe if he can set his phone on the table in front of us while we're together and watch when he is texting. I don't think that would be crazy or anything because I have a right to be suspicious after seeing that OKC app and if he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't mind at all.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Yah I'm about 98% sure that he didn't have it before because I specifically asked him what sort of apps he used and we both went through our apps together. This was a few months ago though.

I didn't find any sort of evidence but I think I might take a look every once in a while to see and keep my eyes peeled. I do believe the whole promotion thing is a lie and I'm not sure what he's doing, or if he's doing nothing but I'm not going to put too much time and effort in being paranoid. If I do find any evidence of him talking to others then we aren't meant to be and I don't want him in my life.

 

I'm probably going to start asking to use his phone more often and ask if I can go through his apps again. Maybe if he can set his phone on the table in front of us while we're together and watch when he is texting. I don't think that would be crazy or anything because I have a right to be suspicious after seeing that OKC app and if he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't mind at all.

 

Careful, you're bordering on crazy. You really don't have a right to go through his phone, and it would be an invasion of privacy. Don't be that girl.

 

If you met on OKC he could have just never deleted the app, and maybe you just didn't notice it before. Or he could be dating other Women. I guess you need to assess how much you like him, whether you think he's trustworthy or not, and instead of sneaking around on his phone, talk to him.

[adiamond]

Careful, you're bordering on crazy. You really don't have a right to go through his phone, and it would be an invasion of privacy. Don't be that girl.

 

If you met on OKC he could have just never deleted the app, and maybe you just didn't notice it before. Or he could be dating other Women. I guess you need to assess how much you like him, whether you think he's trustworthy or not, and instead of sneaking around on his phone, talk to him.

 

dang I don't wanna be crazy lol. I was just thinking like using his phone (to watch youtube videos or look at google images while he's next to me, watching me) to see if he gets any okc messages while I'm watching youtube video. I wouldn't go through his text messages or messages apps, I wouldn't feel right doing that. Mostly, I just want to see how he reacts to me using his phone more often, if he doesn't like it or if he's upset and starts saying things.

 

I did talk to him about it and I made a post about it. He was like, oh idk etc. etc.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

dang I don't wanna be crazy lol. I was just thinking like using his phone (to watch youtube videos or look at google images while he's next to me, watching me) to see if he gets any okc messages while I'm watching youtube video. I wouldn't go through his text messages or messages apps, I wouldn't feel right doing that. Mostly, I just want to see how he reacts to me using his phone more often, if he doesn't like it or if he's upset and starts saying things.

 

I did talk to him about it and I made a post about it. He was like, oh idk etc. etc.

 

Well one thing I would look for is his reaction to your confrontation with him on it. If he seems attentive to your concerns, it's much less of a red flag. If you feel like he's still hiding something or you can't trust him, then you need to either talk again or dump him.

 

 

Relationships are about trust, and if you can't trust him, your relationship isn't going to work. If everything else is good between you two, sometimes it can take a leap of faith in the other person especially if you're not ready to break up with them - if you get caught going through his phone, then YOU are the problem and he'll be mad at you and want to break up. Pretty terrible especially if it turns out he wasn't cheating on you.