Article: Women must approach men these days because men don't have the balls

[Gloria25]

Gloria, what do you mean by women at the end of the day look up to men to... "control" them? I really have no interest to control any woman. Too much work and not loving, I believe.

 

So women love being bossed around?

 

No, not like being bossy and/or controlling...I mean, that's abusive and unhealthy situations. I mean like women want men to "lead" them.

 

Look at how dancing works...the man leads in the dance - not the woman. That's how things are. Men take women by the hand and take control...but not control in like an unhealthy way.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

No, not like being bossy and/or controlling...I mean, that's abusive and unhealthy situations. I mean like women want men to "lead" them.

 

Look at how dancing works...the man leads in the dance - not the woman. That's how things are. Men take women by the hand and take control...but not control in like an unhealthy way.

And why are men not supposed to resent, detest being manly, masculine, being a leader, etc.? Why are we supposed to embrace and enjoy it?

[bachdude]

No, not like being bossy and/or controlling...I mean, that's abusive and unhealthy situations. I mean like women want men to "lead" them.

 

Look at how dancing works...the man leads in the dance - not the woman. That's how things are. Men take women by the hand and take control...but not control in like an unhealthy way.

 

Ok. I agree that a lot of women like this.

[preraph]

so women are allowed to be spoiled?

 

Sorry, I can't see at all where you got that idea. I even put something in there indicating it's girls too. I think you're being defensive.

[autumnnight]

It is very hard to describe the nuances of what I think Gloria is trying to describe...but I think I get it (prolly because I'm female lol).

 

No, I personally don't want a man to boss me, act like I have no brain, bully me, tell me "how it is," etc.

 

BUT...I was in a marriage where I pretty much had to make all the decisions, even had to be the one to take the initiative to call a repairman, etc. and I confess, I lost a lot of respect for my passive, indecisive ex. Add to that that I had to beg him to pursue me, he had no drive, etc.

 

Not all women are that way, but I happen to be a woman who gets very unsettled if I feel like I have to do everything. If he won't...WANT me enough to make a move, then I feel less feminine? Like I said, hard to describe. But in my case, the fact that he had to be prodded into asking out, had to be constantly reassured, didn't like feeling "obligated" to kiss me, blah blah were big time red flags that he had no decisive skills, no self-motivation, and no sex drive. I was just too dumb to see it.

 

So yes, if a guy is all shy and skittish and wants me to be some pouncing cougar, I'm not biting. I want a man to step up, so to speak. HOWEVER, I am not averse to flirting,dropping my hankie, and giving 100% once the ball is rolling.

[Maleficent]

No, not like being bossy and/or controlling...I mean, that's abusive and unhealthy situations. I mean like women want men to "lead" them.

 

Look at how dancing works...the man leads in the dance - not the woman. That's how things are. Men take women by the hand and take control...but not control in like an unhealthy way.

 

That's how things are in dancing because those dances were created back when men were always dominant to women...

[Gloria25]

And why are men not supposed to resent, detest being manly, masculine, being a leader, etc.? Why are we supposed to embrace and enjoy it?

 

Well, why would you detest being masculine and/or manly?

 

I like being "feminine". I thank God I was born a woman. I get to paint my nails, wear frilly dresses, etc.

 

Now, there are some things/expectations about being a woman that I hate too. I mean, I am emotional, hormonal, and all that jazz. Also, if you don't want to get married and/or have kids - then the world thinks something's wrong with you and/or sad. So, yes, I'm sure every gender has things they like and/or detest about what's "expected" of them (by biology and/or society).

 

BTW, regardless of gender - not all of us are gonna be leaders. Now, in a RL if you're talking about detesting having to be the leader in the RL, then lemme see if I address that.

 

God did not make us all alike, but within our "groups" you're gonna have the majority and the exceptions. There are some men who prefer women who are Alpha. If you're a guy who wants to be Mr. Mom, well, then there are some women who are down with that. Not the "majority", but they're out there.

[Gloria25]

It is very hard to describe the nuances of what I think Gloria is trying to describe...but I think I get it (prolly because I'm female lol).

 

No, I personally don't want a man to boss me, act like I have no brain, bully me, tell me "how it is," etc.

 

BUT...I was in a marriage where I pretty much had to make all the decisions, even had to be the one to take the initiative to call a repairman, etc. and I confess, I lost a lot of respect for my passive, indecisive ex. Add to that that I had to beg him to pursue me, he had no drive, etc.

 

Not all women are that way, but I happen to be a woman who gets very unsettled if I feel like I have to do everything. If he won't...WANT me enough to make a move, then I feel less feminine? Like I said, hard to describe. But in my case, the fact that he had to be prodded into asking out, had to be constantly reassured, didn't like feeling "obligated" to kiss me, blah blah were big time red flags that he had no decisive skills, no self-motivation, and no sex drive. I was just too dumb to see it.

 

So yes, if a guy is all shy and skittish and wants me to be some pouncing cougar, I'm not biting. I want a man to step up, so to speak. HOWEVER, I am not averse to flirting,dropping my hankie, and giving 100% once the ball is rolling.

 

And, here's an example of the point I'm trying to make ^^...

 

See, people ignore biology...Genders were simply made to be a certain way.

 

Not all women want to be the leaders/aggressors. Even the ones that do go for it in the beginning, sometimes biology kicks in and like autumnight, they stop getting horny and grow resentful of being the "man" in the RL.

 

Again, some women like being the Alphas, not the "majority", but they're out there.

 

If you're a guy who wants a woman to take the lead, then find one who's cool with that.

[bachdude]

It is very hard to describe the nuances of what I think Gloria is trying to describe...but I think I get it (prolly because I'm female lol).

 

No, I personally don't want a man to boss me, act like I have no brain, bully me, tell me "how it is," etc.

 

BUT...I was in a marriage where I pretty much had to make all the decisions, even had to be the one to take the initiative to call a repairman, etc. and I confess, I lost a lot of respect for my passive, indecisive ex. Add to that that I had to beg him to pursue me, he had no drive, etc.

 

Not all women are that way, but I happen to be a woman who gets very unsettled if I feel like I have to do everything. If he won't...WANT me enough to make a move, then I feel less feminine? Like I said, hard to describe. But in my case, the fact that he had to be prodded into asking out, had to be constantly reassured, didn't like feeling "obligated" to kiss me, blah blah were big time red flags that he had no decisive skills, no self-motivation, and no sex drive. I was just too dumb to see it.

 

So yes, if a guy is all shy and skittish and wants me to be some pouncing cougar, I'm not biting. I want a man to step up, so to speak. HOWEVER, I am not averse to flirting,dropping my hankie, and giving 100% once the ball is rolling.

 

Yes, thank you for the post.

 

I can see how a woman would want to feel that a man's feelings would motivate him enough to pursue her and step up. And I can see how it would be tiring to always have it be on one person's shoulders to get things done.

 

I think some of the attraction to men who step up and lead is probably buried deep in the genes, from the days when real protection from saber tooth tigers came from the most muscular, confident, fearless men. The women who aligned with these men passed their genes along while the women who were attracted to the less capable men didn't pass their genes along as much.

[Imajerk17]

Cripes. I can tell you the way things seem to be on LS is NOT the way they are in real life.

 

I had a (good) first date this am. With a girl I met via cold-approach. And no it wasn't at a bar.

 

I've done bunches of cold approaches. Sometimes it leads to sex, friendships, or dates, and sometimes it is just a pleasant interaction for that moment. But, I have never gotten maced or have been labelled a creep.

 

To the younger fellas reading this: Most of the stuff said by the guys in these male "woe is me" is false. It's much better in real-life. I know this from my own actual interactions and experiences with women.

Edited May 11, 2015 by Imajerk17

[Gloria25]

Yes, thank you for the post.

 

I can see how a woman would want to feel that a man's feelings would motivate him enough to pursue her and step up. And I can see how it would be tiring to always have it be on one person's shoulders to get things done.

 

I think some of the attraction to men who step up and lead is probably buried deep in the genes, from the days when real protection from saber tooth tigers came from the most muscular, confident, fearless men. The women who aligned with these men passed their genes along while the women who were attracted to the less capable men didn't pass their genes along as much.

 

And forget the arguments of "masculine", "manly", "alpha", "leader"...if you are in a RL where you're the one doing everything, of course you'd get resentful of the other person in the RL who doesn't do a thing.

 

And, if you are not an aggressive guy and/or woman - you gotta meet your partner half way. For example, now and then a woman calls into my fav podcaster's show - who is upset that her husband doesn't initiate sex. My fav podcaster asks 'Does he get into it once you get him revved up?' and of course the woman says "Yes!!!"...So, my fav podcaster tells her to stop complaining and just realize that she's gotta be the initiator/aggressor.

 

I have no problem with being taking the lead on things, but you gotta meet me half-way. If I'm showing guys signs of interest and he's just sitting back and waiting for me to do everything then that's not fair. Meet me half-way. How in the world am I gonna know if you are not aggressive vs. you not being interested. I'm not gonna embarrass myself and throw myself on some guy who isn't interested cuz I'm thinking he wanted me to take the lead. Then, he's gonna run and tell people I'm psycho chick or something. No guy wants to be chased by a woman.

 

I mean, one time on OLD, I asked the dude if he wanted to meet-up for drinks and/or a coffee. And he was like 'ok'. Hello, that's where he's supposed to kick in and recommend a day and/or place. And since he didn't, I assumed he wasn't interested. I met him half-way, and he didn't grab the torch and continue with it...

[bachdude]

And, here's an example of the point I'm trying to make ^^...

 

See, people ignore biology...Genders were simply made to be a certain way.

 

Not all women want to be the leaders/aggressors. Even the ones that do go for it in the beginning, sometimes biology kicks in and like autumnight, they stop getting horny and grow resentful of being the "man" in the RL.

 

Again, some women like being the Alphas, not the "majority", but they're out there.

 

If you're a guy who wants a woman to take the lead, then find one who's cool with that.

 

Yes, and I think personality compatibility is really important here. My ex wife was a very dominant woman, aggressive, and a very strong leader. She thought I was too passive. She was very attracted to Alpha guys because those were the only guys that felt like a leader to her. I'm not sure why she married me, come to think of it!

 

On the other hand, other past girlfriends didn't have this problem with me at all. It was never an issue. I would step up just fine with them because they gave me the chance to do so. My ex wife was always several steps ahead of me and just took charge more.

 

Sometimes it is a compatibility issue and a matter of perspective.

[Gloria25]

Yes, and I think personality compatibility is really important here. My ex wife was a very dominant woman, aggressive, and a very strong leader. She thought I was too passive. She was very attracted to Alpha guys because those were the only guys that felt like a leader to her. I'm not sure why she married me, come to think of it!

 

On the other hand, other past girlfriends didn't have this problem with me at all. It was never an issue. I would step up just fine with them because they gave me the chance to do so. My ex wife was always several steps ahead of me and just took charge more.

 

Sometimes it is a compatibility issue and a matter of perspective.

 

Agreed...

 

Also, remember that in the initial stages of meeting someone and/or dating, how do you expect a woman to know if you're passive vs. not interested. All she sees is her trying to get your attention and you're not bitting. After a while, she's gonna move on.

 

BTW, do you mind me asking why you married her? I mean, did you guys date for like 2 years? And, during the dating, at no time did your passiveness be an issue for her? Please don't be offended, I'm just curious...

[StanMusial]

Cripes. I can tell you the way things seem to be on LS is NOT the way they are in real life.

 

I had a (good) first date this am. With a girl I met via cold-approach. And no it wasn't at a bar.

 

I've done bunches of cold approaches. Sometimes it leads to sex, friendships, or dates, and sometimes it is just a pleasant interaction for that moment. But, I have never gotten maced or have been labelled a creep.

 

To the younger fellas reading this: Most of the stuff said by the guys in these male "woe is me" is false. It's much better in real-life. I know this from my own actual interactions and experiences with women.

 

I agree. Two factors I have noticed about this forum though, is 1.) Too many people do OLD, and 2.) A lot of the people on here seem to be anti-social anyway.

 

I have no idea how many women I have "approached" in my life. I can't remember how many led to dates or whatever and I can't remember how many times it went nowhere. But I never was rejected harshly or was called a creep, at least not to my face.

 

Back when I was going out to bars and clubs, you could tell who was being creepy... because they were BEING CREEPY. A normal, average guy introducing himself to a normal, average girl in a bar is not creepy.

 

I think the whole OLD/social media thing has just warped a lot of minds. It's sad.

[jay1983]

I don't cold approach unless I see a woman just eyefu*king the sh*t out of me. Not because I'm scared of rejection, because I've done enough to know what happens. Either they tell you no thanks or they give you their number and don't respond after a couple of text messages.

[bachdude]

Agreed...

 

Also, remember that in the initial stages of meeting someone and/or dating, how do you expect a woman to know if you're passive vs. not interested. All she sees is her trying to get your attention and you're not bitting. After a while, she's gonna move on.

 

Yes, I agree totally. Guys at a certain point should make the move if they are truly interested or they may lose the interest of the woman.

 

BTW, do you mind me asking why you married her? I mean, did you guys date for like 2 years? And, during the dating, at no time did your passiveness be an issue for her? Please don't be offended, I'm just curious...

 

I don't mind the questions. We actually dated for three years. Yes, it did come up some but not as much as later after we were married. I married her because I did love her but I was so naive about the compatibility issues we had and hard work it would take to make the marriage work. Everyone else saw the potential problems before we got married and I didn't listen.

[Gloria25]

I don't cold approach unless I see a woman just eyefu*king the sh*t out of me. Not because I'm scared of rejection, because I've done enough to know what happens. Either they tell you no thanks or they give you their number and don't respond after a couple of text messages.

 

No qualms about that here...

 

I give out clear signals of attraction and/or interest when I want a guy and those guys who know I want them, know who they are

[calvincline47]

And forget the arguments of "masculine", "manly", "alpha", "leader"...if you are in a RL where you're the one doing everything, of course you'd get resentful of the other person in the RL who doesn't do a thing.

 

And, if you are not an aggressive guy and/or woman - you gotta meet your partner half way. For example, now and then a woman calls into my fav podcaster's show - who is upset that her husband doesn't initiate sex. My fav podcaster asks 'Does he get into it once you get him revved up?' and of course the woman says "Yes!!!"...So, my fav podcaster tells her to stop complaining and just realize that she's gotta be the initiator/aggressor.

 

I have no problem with being taking the lead on things, but you gotta meet me half-way. If I'm showing guys signs of interest and he's just sitting back and waiting for me to do everything then that's not fair. Meet me half-way. How in the world am I gonna know if you are not aggressive vs. you not being interested. I'm not gonna embarrass myself and throw myself on some guy who isn't interested cuz I'm thinking he wanted me to take the lead. Then, he's gonna run and tell people I'm psycho chick or something. No guy wants to be chased by a woman.

 

I mean, one time on OLD, I asked the dude if he wanted to meet-up for drinks and/or a coffee. And he was like 'ok'. Hello, that's where he's supposed to kick in and recommend a day and/or place. And since he didn't, I assumed he wasn't interested. I met him half-way, and he didn't grab the torch and continue with it...

 

It works both ways, ya know.

 

Personally, I don't have a problem asking women out. However, some women think I do it too soon (another common theme that I noticed is that I have to ask them out when it's convenient for them....but that's a topic for another thread).

 

Anyway, I asked a girl out at work that I got to know a little bit. She said that she'd like to hang out in a group and that she had plans. Turns out she didn't have plans and was lying to me.

 

So I figured, okay, she's not interested (and is also rude). I left her alone. Then, she started emailing me to have lunch with her, invited me out with her friends, etc. The last time we hung out was with another friend. He said that he was visiting a girl that he liked in another city and suggested that we come. I said fine, then the girl said "Okay, we'll have a double date". I initially interpreted that as her saying that she's seeing someone else and that they were excluding me. I went home and, after a while, realized that maybe she was suggesting a double date with me and her. This annoyed me even more (since it seemed like she was playing games) so I stopped contacting her completely.

 

But, you see? When we actually do make a move, women play games.

[Gloria25]

It works both ways, ya know.

 

Personally, I don't have a problem asking women out. However, some women think I do it too soon (another common theme that I noticed is that I have to ask them out when it's convenient for them....but that's a topic for another thread).

 

Anyway, I asked a girl out at work that I got to know a little bit. She said that she'd like to hang out in a group and that she had plans. Turns out she didn't have plans and was lying to me.

 

So I figured, okay, she's not interested (and is also rude). I left her alone. Then, she started emailing me to have lunch with her, invited me out with her friends, etc. The last time we hung out was with another friend. He said that he was visiting a girl that he liked in another city and suggested that we come. I said fine, then the girl said "Okay, we'll have a double date". I initially interpreted that as her saying that she's seeing someone else and that they were excluding me. I went home and, after a while, realized that maybe she was suggesting a double date with me and her. This annoyed me even more (since it seemed like she was playing games) so I stopped contacting her completely.

 

But, you see? When we actually do make a move, women play games.

 

We all have had bad experiences with dating, but one or two idiots/flakes aren't representatives of the entire group of people...

[AD1980]

Depends on the circumstance...

 

I mean, I think the article that was subject of this thread implied that just cuz a guy doesn't pursue X woman, means he's a puzzy....when IMO, the author and other people who support her theory did not take into consideration that maybe the guy simply isn't interested in and/or attracted to X woman...

 

Now, when you have a circumstance like mine - where the guy is showing clear signs of "attraction" yet won't ask you out and/or try to make a move, of course you start wondering "why?". Then, when you see some guys post here about thinking "she's out of my league", you say to yourself "A "man" isn't gonna let his fears take over him, he's gonna push through it if he's attracted and/or interested"...Cuz, that's the stuff men are made of. Men have testosterone, egos, etc.

 

Men fight battles and wars, so what's so scary about pursuing a woman? Yes, like the Rolling Stones "Love is Strong"

yes, women can make men "hard" (like, literally, hard in the pants) but yes, women can make men weak...But still, women at the end of the day look up to men to "take", "lead", and "control" them...so, when a guy is shying away from pursuing her and he's showing signs of attraction/interest, some women may question how "manly" he is...

 

Why would anyone want to be "controlled"?

[calvincline47]

We all have had bad experiences with dating, but one or two idiots/flakes aren't representatives of the entire group of people...

 

The point I'm trying to make is that it's way more difficult out there for men than women can even fathom. I can't just jump online and have my pick of women. I have to take what I can get IRL.

 

Couple that with the fact that I could be falsely accused of rape or sexual harassment at any time and you have the situation that is currently happening today.

[lollipopspot]

The point I'm trying to make is that it's way more difficult out there for men than women can even fathom. I can't just jump online and have my pick of women. I have to take what I can get IRL.

 

So you imagine that average women just jump online and have their pick of men? You're dreaming.

 

Couple that with the fact that I could be falsely accused of rape or sexual harassment at any time and you have the situation that is currently happening today.

 

Couple that with the fact that far more women will ACTUALLY BE raped and sexually harassed than men who will experience being falsely accused, and you have the situation that is currently happening today.

[johndoe2]

Ugh, sentiments like that of this article really sadden me. I've been raised my whole life to walk on egg shells around women, lest I come off as a creep or potential rapist or whatever, or just too aggressive. So when I finally drink enough to overcome my severe social anxiety and try to approach a woman, I get that sneer of contempt like I'm the worst form of scum, summary rejection, and I do this over and over again... and if I tire of subjecting myself to that, now I'm just a ballless wimp?

 

****, about time we tell the feminists and fundamentalists to go to hell and legalize prostitution already.

 

So you imagine that average women just jump online and have their pick of men? You're dreaming.

It is a lot easier for you than for me. You're just probably more selective than most men. Wanna know the number of messages I have to send out to get a response? Well into the dozens. A date? hundreds. A date where the woman actually shows up? I've gotten two so far. Maybe I'm hideous, but still, it seems like a common experience. Statistically, finding the perfect guy for you is probably about as easy as finding any woman is for me. That doesn't mean it's as difficult for you; just that you're a chooser and I'm a beggar.

 

Couple that with the fact that far more women will ACTUALLY BE raped and sexually harassed than men who will experience being falsely accused, and you have the situation that is currently happening today.

Not sure this is supposed to be a pissing contest. But the point I think may be made: on many university campuses, including the one on which I live and work, flirting (including asking a woman out) are officially considered sexual harassment (if 'unwanted'; but then how can you know what is unwanted until you try?) So technically, every flirtation, asking out, or conversation of a sexual nature is sexual harassment if the woman chooses to report it (Title IX is of course only really enforced for protection of women, so it's effectively a gender specific policy). Of course, few women report men for sexual harassment just for asking them out when they don't want to date them, but legally, they could, and some do. I'm not sure how that stops any rapes exactly. I'm sure Catherine MacKinnon could make a labyrinthine argument on that, but I'm not sure I'd care to listen to it.

Edited May 11, 2015 by johndoe2

[hotpotato]

For one, I'd like to say that I don't expect lavish dinners or anything like that. I believe dating can/should be done cheaply unless maybe it's a special occasion.

 

I think maybe the real problem here is demographics. Young, white guys are more scared of asking women out. When he hits 50, he gains a lot of courage. Plenty of black and latinos will ask out women left and right. Of course, I'm speaking in generalities and of my experiences.

 

I never approach a man. I would smile and make eye contact. I'm turned on by manly men, so it would be a turn off if I had to approach.

[hotpotato]

The point I'm trying to make is that it's way more difficult out there for men than women can even fathom. I can't just jump online and have my pick of women. I have to take what I can get IRL.

 

Couple that with the fact that I could be falsely accused of rape or sexual harassment at any time and you have the situation that is currently happening today.

 

Well, if girls have it easier on old, it's because old is mainly used for sex. That has more to do with men as average guy is fine having sex with any woman with a pulse and a vjay and is at least a '3.'

 

As an anatomically correct woman I could probably go online and find a lot of sex partners, but that's all I'd bank on.