LDR - Australia vs Singapore

[aussieguy88]

Long story short, I met a girl through Tinder 6 months ago while on a holiday to Singapore from Australia. I'm 26, she's 24. We never got the opportunity to meet in person as I had already left when we'd matched.

 

We'd basically planned a friends with benefits holiday together and have talked every day since from morning to night through messages & Skype (both video and calls). However this has led to feelings the more we talked (which isn't what I wanted). We met in person 2 weeks ago and spent 5 days together in Singapore. We both have strong feelings towards each other but we're unsure what to do. I've never felt so sure that I want to be with someone. She's the same.

 

She's Filipino on a working visa in a Singapore.

She's said she's prepared to move to Australia but this seems far from easy. I'm unable to move due to my own business and career in Australia.

 

What do people normally do in a situation like this? We're both just looking for guidance as it seems like a really painful long road ahead?

[carhill]

Simply keep showing up until someone says no. IMO, focus on in-person time and work that and enjoy contacts in between. Be aware that things are subject to change at any time, just like with any dating situation.

 

Presuming she can enter Australia on her visa, costs are quite low, at least by my historical standards of LDR costs, so she could come visit you the next time.

 

Then again, I love Singapore and probably would be planning the next trip right now

 

How well versed are you in Filipino culture? Are you looking for a life partner or wife, respecting that this started as a FWB vacation thing? If you're looking for casual, keep it casual. IMO, it's about your relationship goals as much as about 'getting each other'. If you've no interest in a LTR or marriage right now, don't change that simply because of one interaction since, when the new shine wears off, you'll start thinking about that again. A nice time and some sex changed things a bit and that's OK.

 

If you're truly interested in having a foreign wife someday, check with the folks who make that happen and also connect with other men who've done similar and learn about the different sides to such LDR's. From my experience I know they're expensive and can really test one's commitment to a lot of things, including the person involved. They aren't easy, generally. Worth it? YMMV. I thought so, once. Still do, though maybe in a more balanced and less enthusiastic fashion than when a young man. Such adventure can make for great memories when one is young. Good luck!

[Els]

If she's only on a working visa in Singapore, it would be unlikely for you to be able to migrate there by virtue of marriage/partnership with her. On the other hand, if you are an Australian citizen, she can migrate to Aussie as a partner/spouse (this is far from easy, but still easier than BOTH of you attempting to secure residence in Singapore). In your case the no-brainer solution IMO would be for her to migrate to Aussie, especially as she is already working away from home and thus has left plenty of family/friends behind. What does she work as?

 

That being said, IMO 1 meeting of 5 days' length is a very short time to be planning immigration and one's life around. I'd sincerely recommend visiting each other a few more times before taking the plunge.

 

Also, for what it's worth, I've visited Singapore several times and while I very much enjoy being on holiday there, it is in no way a country that I would desire to live and work in. Many of my Singaporean friends would migrate to Aussie in a heartbeat if they were offered the opportunity.

Edited March 29, 2015 by Elswyth

[ExpatInItaly]

If she's only on a working visa in Singapore, it would be unlikely for you to be able to migrate there by virtue of marriage/partnership with her. On the other hand, if you are an Australian citizen, she can migrate to Aussie as a partner/spouse (this is far from easy, but still easier than BOTH of you attempting to secure residence in Singapore). In your case the no-brainer solution IMO would be for her to migrate to Aussie, especially as she is already working away from home and thus has left plenty of family/friends behind. What does she work as?

 

That being said, IMO 1 meeting of 5 days' length is a very short time to be planning immigration and one's life around. I'd sincerely recommend visiting each other a few more times before taking the plunge.

Also, for what it's worth, I've visited Singapore several times and while I very much enjoy being on holiday there, it is in no way a country that I would desire to live and work in. Many of my Singaporean friends would migrate to Aussie in a heartbeat if they were offered the opportunity.

 

This is solid advice, OP. It is positive that you get along well online and had fun in person. But I would never suggest changing countries when you don't know each other as a couple. You need to visit each other a lot more before making any such decision.

 

In the meantime, I would keep in contact but don't place your expectations too high just yet. Be open to meeting others locally. See how the next few months play out. Try to arrange another visit. Take it a day at a time.

[aussieguy88]

Simply keep showing up until someone says no. IMO, focus on in-person time and work that and enjoy contacts in between. Be aware that things are subject to change at any time, just like with any dating situation.

 

Presuming she can enter Australia on her visa, costs are quite low, at least by my historical standards of LDR costs, so she could come visit you the next time.

 

Then again, I love Singapore and probably would be planning the next trip right now

 

How well versed are you in Filipino culture? Are you looking for a life partner or wife, respecting that this started as a FWB vacation thing? If you're looking for casual, keep it casual. IMO, it's about your relationship goals as much as about 'getting each other'. If you've no interest in a LTR or marriage right now, don't change that simply because of one interaction since, when the new shine wears off, you'll start thinking about that again. A nice time and some sex changed things a bit and that's OK.

 

If you're truly interested in having a foreign wife someday, check with the folks who make that happen and also connect with other men who've done similar and learn about the different sides to such LDR's. From my experience I know they're expensive and can really test one's commitment to a lot of things, including the person involved. They aren't easy, generally. Worth it? YMMV. I thought so, once. Still do, though maybe in a more balanced and less enthusiastic fashion than when a young man. Such adventure can make for great memories when one is young. Good luck!

 

I'm not too up with filipino culture although I've been learning a fair bit about it. Definitely not looking for a life partner yet (well I am, but I don't like to think that far ahead) or a wife at this stage, we simply just want a relationship because we've hit it off so well and both think it's worth pursuing. This feels real. But realistically we need some sort of plan or we're going to get more involved then possibly end up with an impossible ending. Where can I get info from other guys who've been through the same? Googling basically just gives results for mail order bride scenarios lol.

 

If she's only on a working visa in Singapore, it would be unlikely for you to be able to migrate there by virtue of marriage/partnership with her. On the other hand, if you are an Australian citizen, she can migrate to Aussie as a partner/spouse (this is far from easy, but still easier than BOTH of you attempting to secure residence in Singapore). In your case the no-brainer solution IMO would be for her to migrate to Aussie, especially as she is already working away from home and thus has left plenty of family/friends behind. What does she work as?

 

That being said, IMO 1 meeting of 5 days' length is a very short time to be planning immigration and one's life around. I'd sincerely recommend visiting each other a few more times before taking the plunge.

 

Also, for what it's worth, I've visited Singapore several times and while I very much enjoy being on holiday there, it is in no way a country that I would desire to live and work in. Many of my Singaporean friends would migrate to Aussie in a heartbeat if they were offered the opportunity.

 

Me moving is pretty much a definite no. I have my own business that's successful here that I can't leave. The temporary partner visa looks like an actual nightmare, and looks like a fairly big risk to lose the $5k application fee. I think a tourist visa once or twice might be a better option for her at this stage until further down the track.

She works in retail so it's not a skilled industry that will help her get a working visa here.

 

This is solid advice, OP. It is positive that you get along well online and had fun in person. But I would never suggest changing countries when you don't know each other as a couple. You need to visit each other a lot more before making any such decision.

 

In the meantime, I would keep in contact but don't place your expectations too high just yet. Be open to meeting others locally. See how the next few months play out. Try to arrange another visit. Take it a day at a time.

 

We definitely aren't rushing into anything. We know people do make these relationships work sometimes, we just aren't sure how. Regular visits, how often, what visas, etc etc.

[Els]

I'm not too up with filipino culture although I've been learning a fair bit about it. Definitely not looking for a life partner yet (well I am, but I don't like to think that far ahead) or a wife at this stage, we simply just want a relationship because we've hit it off so well and both think it's worth pursuing. This feels real. But realistically we need some sort of plan or we're going to get more involved then possibly end up with an impossible ending. Where can I get info from other guys who've been through the same? Googling basically just gives results for mail order bride scenarios lol.

 

Try expat forums.

 

Me moving is pretty much a definite no. I have my own business that's successful here that I can't leave. The temporary partner visa looks like an actual nightmare, and looks like a fairly big risk to lose the $5k application fee. I think a tourist visa once or twice might be a better option for her at this stage until further down the track.

Yes definitely go for tourist visa and visit a few times first (this is a good idea even if there were no visa restrictions). Partner visa is VERY unlikely to succeed immediately in your case when you have only spent 5 days together IRL. I was talking about the potential future when I mentioned that.

 

We definitely aren't rushing into anything. We know people do make these relationships work sometimes, we just aren't sure how. Regular visits, how often, what visas, etc etc.

My SO visited me several times during our 2-year LDR (once every 6 months, for a few weeks at a time), then I tested the waters by moving to him on a WHV. Later on we applied for residence via partnership for me. It was costly and difficult, but worth it.

[aussieguy88]

Do you have any example expat forums? Not having much luck finding anything relative...

[justwhoiam]

I watch Airport Security Australia quite often.

 

My suggestions if you want her to visit you on a tourist VISA:

- make sure she has enough AU$ with her, because they might be counting her money

- if you want to avoid money problems, she could travel with a credit card, but she must have a job that allows her to get a credit card

- she must be able to tell where she's staying at and for how long; if she says that she's staying at your place, they might make 1 + 1 and understand she's your girlfriend and not grant her a tourist VISA

- the only allowed purpose for a tourist VISA is indeed traveling around as a tourist

- she needs to prove that with hotel reservations, plans, she needs to be able to tell the Australian customs where she's going, for how long, etc., in short, she needs to be prepared to answer questions openly and spontaneously > if she starts hesitating or doesn't know what to say, or the answers don't make sense, she won't be allowed in the country

- if she gets rejected on the tourist VISA, they will have her on file and any further attempt to enter the country will be much more complicated

 

So, that all means that you need to plan well and carefully. If you want her to be with you, you'd better book the accomodation(s) for her and get at least a week off from work to really take her here and there. She needs to be aware of the places she'll be visiting and possibly have that plan with her. And then saying she's going to tour with friends and the friends are Australian and planned the trip for her first visit. If they catch you lying, she might be denied entrance forever.

[hellischrome]

There is no way a tourist visa is that difficult. You apply and you get in a couple of days, no problems at all expect for special situations (you've been denied some visa in some country and so on).

To be 100% sure she can just make sure she has a return ticket and some money, that's it.

 

I've been in Australia on a tourist visa first, then working holiday, now skilled visa and soon permanent residency, so I know what I am talking about.

 

No way to get a partner visa at this stage, you have to either register the relationship and still need at least 12 months of solid evidence, or proof that you've been living together.

Get her to come here on a tourist visa for 6 months (provided that she is able to sustain herself financially), so you can start building evidence towards a real relationship.