Is there such a thing as Long-term Monogamous Affair?

[SummerMints]

To get back to the original question for just a moment, yes, there are such things as long term, monogamous affairs. I've been the OW for over 20 years, and yes, it's been monogamous (for sure on my end, pretty sure on his too).

 

That's amazing. And both of you are in another relationship also?

[AngeliqueC]

He's MM, I've been divorced since May 1992. And we weren't exactly "young" when we started!!

[DKT3]

That's amazing. And both of you are in another relationship also?

 

The fact that you think that is amazing suggests that you shouldn't be married.

[Tauriel]

In a sense, what I see in a lot of wayward spouses is the sense that they must preserve the "structure" of the family and relationship, yet the substance may be lacking, they feel 'something' is unmet but can't quite put together what it is. And if they can put together what it is, they don't tend to approach their spouse about what their spouse can do to help with it.

 

Interesting. My male friends who are WS all had horrific sh*tstorm childhoods that they continue to struggle with, especially as middle age stares them down. One of them told me that he thought that if he got married and had kids, he felt like he could heal himself. Especially being a father -- he really thought that would be the salve to the wound.

 

But most of us know that it doesn't go down like that. And yes, these men are hell bent on preserving the family unit, even if they're miserable, even if the kids start to act out, even if it's a lose-lose situation for everyone involved. "Keep it together at all costs!"

 

A lot of the time, there is nothing the BS can do -- the problem lies solely within the WS. I do believe that some people shouldn't be married, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. These are often the last people to realize it, however.