? 'That Girl' is ME. Trying to walk away with my dignity back.

[oh.so.lost.]

Maybe loveshack can coach me better than my and friends/family in my life.

 

 

Basically That Girl (me) met a player and knew he was a womanizer but thought I could have fun and walk away. He wined and dined me and tried to say he wanted something casual with a fun interesting girl to spend down time with and get to know.

 

That's what happened. But he was super clingy almost annoying in the beginning. Lead me to believe he liked me more than he planned. Or he was trying too hard to be somebody he wasn't. I blew him

off half the time. then after a hookup, instead of staying in touch with me he went radio silent for 3 weeks. I had accepted that he was moving on and had his fun. Hurt but I knew things would probably end like that when he got all he wanted from our relationship. Just when I was over it, bam. He comes back full force.

I went wih it, had amazing sex with him again and started talking to him on the reg again.

This time is when I forgot to be gaurded with my feelings. And he's been taking me on a rollar coaster ride for the last 4 months. It's really F ing with my mind. I know i need to quit seeing him. So I actually blocked him for a month. Figured he would've PM me or found a different way of getting in touch with me if he was really trying to. So I inblocked him.

The day I unblocked him he was calling me, texting me all day and showed up at my condo. I couldn't resist him Bc I wanted so bad for him

to have some real feelings for me or a bond w/me after all this time. It's been A year. He actually stayed in touch for 2 weeks after that sleepover, then just dropped all communications again. I can't do this again. I kkow Hes using me and thinks lowly of me. And I'm feeling cheap for the first time in my life.

it's clearer than ever now. HOW DO I CUT IT OFF TOTALLY AND NOT RESPOND TO HIS TEXT WHEN HE WANTS LATE NIGHT LOVING/Sleepover.

How can I seriously have caught feelings for such an *******? I can about him so much and he couldn't care less about me! but yet can have an extremely intimemt relastionship with me. He even gets jealous if I hang with other men.

this is so twisted. I can't believe I thought I was strong enough to not get in over my head. What should I do?

Edited March 29, 2015 by oh.so.lost.

[oh.so.lost.]

Something in me doesn't want a commitment either. I ike him more b/c he doesn't push me. But I can't deal with the long sound of silence he pulls.

 

I'm going to detach all my feelings and call him up, on my time, when I'm in need of TLC then go silent on him. Turn the tables on him. Right now he thinks he has me wrapped BC I've allowed him to call all shots and let him approach me first everytime.

[SpiralOut]

I would ask him straight up what he wants from me. Then, I would ask him why he pulls the disappearing act. Let him know you don't like it. If you don't want to see him again, tell him to stop calling you. He's playing games but so are you. He's not likely to stop it, so it's up to you to say something.

Edited March 29, 2015 by SpiralOut

[PinkElephants]

Don't ask him anything; it only allows him to lie and tell you what will keep you putting out.

 

Start by respecting yourself. Turn your phone off at 10 pm. Do not accept a date that isn't made 24 hours in advance. Inform him that going silent is unacceptable, that you know he'd never disrespect his mom/coworkers/boss/whatever like that and that if you don't hear from him you'll assume he isn't interested and that you'll move on. Don't argue; state your case and move on without giving him a chance to rebut or tell you that's not reasonable.

 

Stop doing things you're ashamed of. You know you're being used, you know he doesn't care about you, you know he's only looking for a place to inject bodily fluids. You know you're a back up plan because he's probably doing someone else in those weeks he isn't talking to you.

 

As soon as you start taking control and demanding to be treated as a lady you'll probably find yourself rejected because the arrangement no longer works for him but you'll feel better about yourself and you'll be well set up for the next guy. If you have trouble sticking to it, ask yourself if you'll feel better or worse if you do what he's asking. It doesn't sound like you're getting anything but grief out of the arrangement and it's eroding your self-esteem. You can do better than him and feel better than you do. Good luck!

[Buddhist]

You get over it by visiting this site....Roosh V Forum

 

Force yourself to read all of it. By the time you are done you will have such a low opinion of this person that having him anywhere near you, let alone touching you will be enough to make you physically ill. You haven't caught feelings for him at all, you are experiencing a reaction to being manipulated. Once you understand the tactics, and the psychology (misogyny) behind it there is just no way you will ever fall for it again.

 

Right now you are imagining that you mean something to him. Reading that forum will show you exactly what you mean to him. You are a piece of meat, less than human, and something to be manipulated, played with and disrespected at every turn. It's quite disgusting, their hatred of females is obvious and they see having sex with one and deliberately causing her mental anquish and pain as a fun thing to do. Go ahead, educate yourself, it's worth it. Your life will never look like this again.

 

You can only get your dignity back by refusing to be a part of someone's wash cycle and inability to grow up.

Edited March 29, 2015 by Buddhist

[Gary S]

Cut contact with him. Block him or change his name in your phone to "telemarketer". Try not to read the texts and just delete them if you can.

 

If the man won't call you the day after sex and won't see you at least once a week, he's does not love you and probably never will. Never play with a man who does not love you after 7 weeks.

[Leigh 87]

OH cut it out.

 

I loved the chase too. I loved the challenge of a guy who never quite wanted me.

 

You know exactly what you're doing.

 

Look, either a man wants a relationship with you and sees you as relationship material, or he doesn't.

 

This guy doesn't. He is doing what he needs to do, to get a steady stream of sex from you. And sure, he may like you as a person.

 

Stop chasing the unavailable men who aren't into you and only ACT "into you" enough to get sex.

 

Stay single and wait for a guy you feel into who actually returns your level of interest. It takes a while but it is far better than settling for players who don't want you, or conversely, men you don't feel much chemistry with but who are nice to you. You need the whole package not one or the other.

 

Players tend to give us a huge thrill and bucket loads of chemistry. But you lack the stability and love of a true relationship.

 

Stop chasing men who don't want you.

[oh.so.lost.]

Going into it, I didn't want a relationship, but I also didn't know him

beyond the physical chemisty that i was drawn to upon meeting him. We talk daily for week or two after hook up. then nothing from him until the next time he's available to hookup. This last time it was 1 month (I blocked his number for 3wks tho). I've gradually developed feelings for him over the past year. How can any emotionally healthy normal human not develop some form of genuine feelings for a person they're intimate with for an extended amout of time.

 

I know Im relationship material and in my opinion who could be BF material, but neither of us are looking for that right now. I just have a big Prob with the way he's began using me, by taking advantage of what we have going on. I never reach out to him, I never seek him out for TLC or anything for that matter. Maybe I should to see how he respomds

to that. there were a few times I figured if he wamted to end it and didn't expect to hear from him.

 

But he must like somethkng because he never lets me exit his radar.

 

Word would get back to me rather quickly if he were Hooking up with other woman in town. I just don't want my feelings to get deeper & begin wanting things to become more than they are. I feel like that's the direction Im headed in because I'm freaking out ... allll over the board .... I feel a hurting coming soon! That's why I need to cut my losses and never entertain out foolishness again. F it.

 

If he really cares he knows where to find me and won't let me walk away without an effort on his part.

[Noproblem]

They way he thinks is that You 've been easy for him all this time

 

It's time for you to be hard, really hard to get

 

 

If you already have feelings for him, Chances are,, he does have some feelings too..

 

Repeat this out loud

 

 

"I am not gonna be used again, I am going to make him work really hard to get me!"

 

Remember you are important and worthy of love, respect, and honesty.

 

He is a player, but you can out play him!

 

You already know all his tricks

 

and you already know he gets jealous for example....

[oh.so.lost.]

What would be a good way for me to work him extra hard to get me? since he's already got the prize in the past

[oh.so.lost.]

OH cut it out.

 

I loved the chase too. I loved the challenge of a guy who never quite wanted me.

 

You know exactly what you're doing.

 

Look, either a man wants a relationship with you and sees you as relationship material, or he doesn't.

 

This guy doesn't. He is doing what he needs to do, to get a steady stream of sex from you. And sure, he may like you as a person.

 

Stop chasing the unavailable men who aren't into you and only ACT "into you" enough to get sex.

 

Stay single and wait for a guy you feel into who actually returns your level of interest. It takes a while but it is far better than settling for players who don't want you, or conversely, men you don't feel much chemistry with but who are nice to you. You need the whole package not one or the other.

 

Players tend to give us a huge thrill and bucket loads of chemistry. But you lack the stability and love of a true relationship.

 

Stop chasing men who don't want you.

 

im not chasing him. he has chased me all this time. I expected him to move on to greener grass a long time ago to be honest. But he keeps coming back to me. I've actually prayed he would meet another woman & forget about me. I knew it'd sting for a minute, but if it were all about the sex and he was incapable of caring about me as a person, I did not want any part or time spent on him. Ladies adore him he'd have no problem if I cut my ties with him. He likes that I don't smoother him, and that I have my own busy life apart from him. That's why he's safe to me. I don't have to worry about him pressuring me to make him #1 in my life. But he's been slacking lately and taking it all for granted. if we could go back to 6 months ago Id be Happiest girl in the world.

[Buddhist]

im not chasing him. he has chased me all this time. I expected him to move on to greener grass a long time ago to be honest. But he keeps coming back to me.

 

Him sending you a text to line up a sex session is not 'chasing you'. It's making an appointment for sex. Why wouldn't he keep coming back, you give him sex on demand and it's free. It's kind of like when people put household items on the street and other people take them. They take them because they are free.

 

You seem to have not made a vital connection in life. Men can and regularly do have sex with women they do not even like, let alone have feelings for. It's sex, not love to them. Simply showing up for sex does not mean he has feelings, it means he's horny and wants sex.

 

I've actually prayed he would meet another woman & forget about me.

 

Why would he? You are a sure thing and you don't expect anything in return. Sure other women might be interested in him but they would expect some exclusivity and effort. You on the other hand seem happy to be his sex toy. He has no reason to move on because you keep inviting him to use you.

 

So you've been praying for him to make the decision to stop using you, while you continue to let him use you? Okay I can see how this is frustrating for you. But if you want your dignity back, it will require you to stop behaving like a doormat.

 

But he's been slacking lately and taking it all for granted.

 

I somehow doubt that he ever valued it in the beginning to be perfectly honest. From your OP, it seems that he only did what was absolutely necessary to get you to agree to sex. And he does what's necessary every time he wants sex. Yet you still fail to make the connection that once he gets sex he gives you nothing. That's because he's not interested in a relationship, he's just interested in getting sex.

 

So when are you going to give up on the illusion that he wants to be your boyfriend?

Edited March 29, 2015 by Buddhist

[Leigh 87]

im not chasing him. he has chased me all this time. I expected him to move on to greener grass a long time ago to be honest. But he keeps coming back to me. I've actually prayed he would meet another woman & forget about me. I knew it'd sting for a minute, but if it were all about the sex and he was incapable of caring about me as a person, I did not want any part or time spent on him. Ladies adore him he'd have no problem if I cut my ties with him. He likes that I don't smoother him, and that I have my own busy life apart from him. That's why he's safe to me. I don't have to worry about him pressuring me to make him #1 in my life. But he's been slacking lately and taking it all for granted. if we could go back to 6 months ago Id be Happiest girl in the world.

 

 

You are chasing him.

 

I am not calling you desperate nor am I accusing you of not having options.

 

You don't realise you're doing it this, but you are thinking about him wayyyyy more than he is thinking about you.

 

You are on here making a thread. About a guy who doesn't even give you a second thought. If you were "that girl" to him, the girl that he couldn't get off of his mind, he'd want to date you. The fact is, you're online asking a bunch of strangers about a man; he doesn't spare you the same thought capacity in his own head, since he clearly only cares about sex. He cares if you're down for sex and that is it. And maybe he enjoys your company too. He may even like "cuddling":sick: and miss that from time to time:rolleyes:

 

You think about this man too much for what he is to you.

 

If a man is into you, he'll usually opt to date you unless he has mental problems permitting him to have normal emotions; in which case, you should steer well clear of the guys who cannot express themselves properly to the woman they do like...He isn't dating you. He doesn't consistently stay in touch. He chooses to disappear on you from time to time. He won't declare you as his girlfriend. There is a 1% chance this guy is actually into you and wanting any sort of relationship. So take your feelings and divert your affections to the men who actually think your relationship material (which I am sure there are many!)

 

You are doing mental gymnastics in order to try and justify your obsession with a man who doesn't return your feelings. He's either really into you and wants to date you; or, he's just not that into you and uses you as an option until the right girl comes along.

 

I know it is harsh but with men, there are usually no ifs or buts... they go after what they want. Unless they have mental problems they opt to date the girls they want.

[Leigh 87]

Oh and by the way I went after a guy who swore he " had never had a connection like the one he had with me":sick:

 

He said he was in love with me and said I was a beauty.

 

After he ended it he would come back now and again and say he missed seeing me and that he didn't realised what he has until its gone.

 

So I told him to piss off and leave me alone please. I told him I wanted to wait out for a man who was crazy about me. He said he is sure I can get that but he thought " this is what you wanted with me right?" because I had been keen for some casual fun after we broke it off due to our incredible sexual chemistry...

 

SO yeah I tried to keep it casual with this guy too yet he was the one who would call me and utter bullsh*t about his feelings, trying to pull my heart strings.

 

Guys like him can get bored even. They may want an ego boost.

 

So they use us. Even though they may think we are cool girls, they are not crazy about us nor are they that into us and they probably never were.

 

Who knows why they do it. Boredom, they want to know if a nice girl is still into them or not and will pull at their bait...

 

Or truthfully, they likely don't give us much of a second thought. When they are bored and want sex or to set up sex, they start chatting. Simple. We are someone cool to chat to outside of their usual friendship group/groups....

 

You are giving it wayyy too much thought.

 

It is about time us women stopped giving these types of men the time of day, they sure don't spend anytime thinking about us.

[katiegrl]

Him sending you a text to line up a sex session is not 'chasing you'. It's making an appointment for sex. Why wouldn't he keep coming back, you give him sex on demand and it's free. It's kind of like when people put household items on the street and other people take them. They take them because they are free.

 

You seem to have not made a vital connection in life. Men can and regularly do have sex with women they do not even like, let alone have feelings for. It's sex, not love to them. Simply showing up for sex does not mean he has feelings, it means he's horny and wants sex.

 

 

 

Why would he? You are a sure thing and you don't expect anything in return. Sure other women might be interested in him but they would expect some exclusivity and effort. You on the other hand seem happy to be his sex toy. He has no reason to move on because you keep inviting him to use you.

 

So you've been praying for him to make the decision to stop using you, while you continue to let him use you? Okay I can see how this is frustrating for you. But if you want your dignity back, it will require you to stop behaving like a doormat.

 

 

 

I somehow doubt that he ever valued it in the beginning to be perfectly honest. From your OP, it seems that he only did what was absolutely necessary to get you to agree to sex. And he does what's necessary every time he wants sex. Yet you still fail to make the connection that once he gets sex he gives you nothing. That's because he's not interested in a relationship, he's just interested in getting sex.

 

So when are you going to give up on the illusion that he wants to be your boyfriend?

 

^^Awesome post! 100% on point!

 

OP cut and paste it to your fridge... you know with one of those magnet thingees.

 

Read it every morning and every night while you go NO CONTACT... forever!

 

How can you expect him or any man to respect you ...when clearly you don't respect yourself?

[oh.so.lost.]

Sad thing is that once people get you they stop doing what it took to get you.

[oh.so.lost.]

You are chasing him.

 

I am not calling you desperate nor am I accusing you of not having options.

 

You don't realise you're doing it this, but you are thinking about him wayyyyy more than he is thinking about you.

 

You are on here making a thread. About a guy who doesn't even give you a second thought. If you were "that girl" to him, the girl that he couldn't get off of his mind, he'd want to date you. The fact is, you're online asking a bunch of strangers about a man; he doesn't spare you the same thought capacity in his own head, since he clearly only cares about sex. He cares if you're down for sex and that is it. And maybe he enjoys your company too. He may even like "cuddling":sick: and miss that from time to time:rolleyes:

 

You think about this man too much for what he is to you.

 

If a man is into you, he'll usually opt to date you unless he has mental problems permitting him to have normal emotions; in which case, you should steer well clear of the guys who cannot express themselves properly to the woman they do like...He isn't dating you. He doesn't consistently stay in touch. He chooses to disappear on you from time to time. He won't declare you as his girlfriend. There is a 1% chance this guy is actually into you and wanting any sort of relationship. So take your feelings and divert your affections to the men who actually think your relationship material (which I am sure there are many!)

 

You are doing mental gymnastics in order to try and justify your obsession with a man who doesn't return your feelings. He's either really into you and wants to date you; or, he's just not that into you and uses you as an option until the right girl comes along.

 

I know it is harsh but with men, there are usually no ifs or buts... they go after what they want. Unless they have mental problems they opt to date the girls they want.

 

 

he's been single for 10 yrs. he not a relationship type of guy. which is fine. bc Im the same way!!

 

But I don't want to **** somebody who doesn't appreciate what I'm sharing with them. I thought he did for a good while, but maybe it's time to end it. Men usually have lack of appreciation when they have a good

thing going. ?

[oh.so.lost.]

People on LS seem to be so open minded. Got to love it.

[katiegrl]

he's been single for 10 yrs. he not a relationship type of guy. which is fine. bc Im the same way!!

 

But I don't want to **** somebody who doesn't appreciate what I'm sharing with them. I thought he did for a good while, but maybe it's time to end it. Men usually have lack of appreciation when they have a good

thing going.

 

Not all men lack appreciation when they have a good thing going. That type of thinking is f**ked up...sorry.

 

My boyfriend still adores me and appreciates me ....after 5+ years. And he still pursues me too...because I value myself and don't tolerate bullshyt. Which keeps him intrigued and interested. As opposed to bored and uninspired.

 

You teach people how to treat you. What *you* taught this guy is that you don't have boundaries and you don't value yourself. If you did, you would never have tolerated and/or settled for the scraps he tossed at you whenever he was horny.

 

You were (are) living in a dream world of your own creation... assuming the reason he always came back was because he cares and has feelings.

 

No he was horny for sex (not even with you necessarily,)....but you were there. You were an easy lay because you never required he step up to the plate. You never even required that he respect you. As Buddhist said, you were a sex toy.

 

Maybe one day you will wake to reality and recognize this.

 

It's not HIS fault and there is nothing wrong with him. It's *your* fault .... for *allowing* him to use you and settling for scraps.

 

You had a choice. To respect yourself and demand respect in return. Or not. You chose the latter. That's on YOU, not him..

 

Sorry I know that's harsh...but girl you need a good shaking....wake up!

 

He is not into you...so go no contact forever and move on. Lesson learned (hopefully).

Edited March 29, 2015 by katiegrl