18 year old coming on to my boyfriend hard

[livelife]

Here's a background story.

Im 22, my boyfriend is 23. We both work at the same restaurant and have for 2 years. We have been dating for as long as we have been working there.( I didn't meet him at work.) anyways we have a great relationship, he loves me I love him unconditionally. Everyone at work respects us and likes us together.

 

 

Except this 18 year old girl who literally tries to flirt with anything that has a penis. She especially comes onto my boyfriend. Of course he's attractive. Back in December at a work christmas party my boyfriend got up from the table we were at to go talk to some other coworkers. Im watching her and she gets up and follows him. That night she was hookjng up with a lot of guy coworkers.

 

Anyways I messaged her and told her to stop basically. Things seemed to stop I've always kept my eye on her. I've noticed recently she will follow my boyfriend on instagram; unfollow, and will keep doing that so her name pops up I guess. He has not followed her back once and she always asks him why not at work. She's ecen commented on a picture he posted and said "follow for follow" anyways, she found out who his sister is and now follows her on ig and likes everything she posts. No one but me knows who is sister is. She's not relevant.

 

 

She has tried to follow me but I blocked her. Fast forward to last night Im told by a hostess and a very sweet girl who wouldn't lie to me that this girl won't stop talking about my boyfriend at school and how obsessed with him she is and... Get this... How she just KNOWS she's going to have sex with him. Now I trust my boyfriend. I know he wouldn't ever do anything with her or even hang out with her outside of work. That's not the issue. She claimed that was my issue when I confronted her about it but the issue is that she's saying this about my long term boyfriend, he told her to stop last night too and she said it sounds like trust issues to him as well.

 

I've talked to a manager and he said he will investigate and if she keeps it up she will get let go because it's starting to cause disruption among the work place.

 

 

My question for you all is 1. How do I ignore her, how does my boyfriend, and how do we get this to stop?! He's a very nice person so she probably takes that and runs with it. I completely trust him to not cheat on me.

[d0nnivain]

It will stop when your BF tells her to knock it off. Until he flat out, unconditionally rejects her she will keep this up because she knows that her conduct is not as unwelcome in his world as you want it to be. He's flattered. He's not doing anything wrong but he's not doing much right either.

 

 

My other suggestion is you follow the main principle of the Art of War: Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Follow her on social media. Let her follow you (not your BF) so you know what she's up to. Meanwhile look around for a suitable boy for her to day & constantly throw men at her until she has one of her own so she will leave your BF alone. Encourage every other single guy she talks to at work.

[livelife]

Okay, I just did some investigating of my own and she actually technically has a "boyfriend" of 4 months, I say that because it's not real if she's saying that about my boyfriend.

 

Also, she is a huge flirt with the other giys at work too, their girlfriends just don't know about it like me. I agree though my boyfriend needs to start telling her to stop and I will ask him that when he wakes up this morning. If she keeps it up however she's going to get let go because it's disturbing the work place and she's bringing it to the work place. Work isn't somewhere you go to flirt with guys. You work hard get money and leave.

[d0nnivain]

If she keeps it up however she's going to get let go because it's disturbing the work place and she's bringing it to the work place. Work isn't somewhere you go to flirt with guys. You work hard get money and leave.

 

 

I am assuming you work in a restaurant because you mentioned something about a hostess. In that industry it's pretty common for the staff to hook up. If you don't individually have the autonomous power to fire her, do not threaten her job lest you be fired for overstepping your bounds.

 

 

Since she has a BF, ask about him a lot. Engage her in conversation about him.

[writergal]

How did you find out about her boyfriend? How can you be sure he's even real? This reminds me of The Brady Bunch episode where

 

I also agree with d0nnovain, that you need to make sure that your boyfriend firmly tells this 18 year old girl to leave him and you alone. Until he does that, she won't stop flirting with him.

 

I wouldn't follow her on social media. I don't think that will help. It will just add to the drama that already exists between you, her and your boyfriend.

 

At least your restaurant manager knows what's happening. Just keep him updated on her behavior so he can fire her if he has to.

[kendahke]

Be careful, lest you become the one who gets let go because you're making a stink.

 

This is your boyfriend's issue to correct, not you. You wading into this gave her the green light that she's getting to you. Had you left it alone and let your boyfriend go through HR channels at work, she'd be sorted out by now and gone on to something else. But she knows she's getting to you. She knows who will go and tell you what she said to upset you--and she's right.

 

You ignore her by ignoring her. You do your job and quit trying to check for her.

[elaine567]

She is young, she flirts, your boyfriend is a challenge to her. I guess she loves winding you up about it too.

He needs to tell her to back off, she will just laugh, if you tell her to stop.

All's fair in love and war, if she is making a play for him, it is up to him to stop it, if he is not interested.

 

I am not sure how effective your workplace campaign to get her sacked will be. It depends how management view her and you for that matter.

If she is a popular member of staff and her presence, her flirtation and "friendly" demeanour is seen as boosting staff morale generally and attracting custom, then your pleas may fall on deaf ears.

I am not sure how simple flirtation between non-married staff members could be seen as a sack able offence though anyway?

[livelife]

No one likes her at my job. She doesn't work she comes there to flirt. If anything Im favored more than her. Plus I have been there longer than her.

 

I do hate that I talked to her but I was so mad I was shaking last night. My manager also said its a form of sexual harassment so he is going to document it and he is going to talk to her, not tell her I specifically told him but he's been hearing this talk. As for my boyfriend, he was working when he talked to her but he told me he told her to stop that he has a girlfriend I have a boyfriend she needs to respect that. He said it wasn't long because we were in the middle of a rush. I asked him if it keeps up to be firm with her about it.

[kendahke]

So she is a customer and not an employee? No one may like her, but I'm sure the management likes the money she spends.

 

If she's a customer, then I fail to see how it becomes a sexual harassment issue. Management is free to refuse service to anyone they wish, so the fact that she hasn't been told to stay away should tell you something about how the manager views the situation.

Edited March 29, 2015 by kendahke

[elaine567]

No one likes her at my job. She doesn't work she comes there to flirt. If anything Im favored more than her. Plus I have been there longer than her.

 

I do hate that I talked to her but I was so mad I was shaking last night. My manager also said its a form of sexual harassment so he is going to document it and he is going to talk to her, not tell her I specifically told him but he's been hearing this talk. As for my boyfriend, he was working when he talked to her but he told me he told her to stop that he has a girlfriend I have a boyfriend she needs to respect that. He said it wasn't long because we were in the middle of a rush. I asked him if it keeps up to be firm with her about it.

 

I know you are all mother hen defending her chick here, but he is your bf, not your child and he is an adult, not a little boy.

HE needs to be speaking to management about sexual harassment, if this is how he feels, NOT YOU.

He may indeed like the attention, he may be secretly flattered, he may even want to act on that attraction. YOU do not know how he feels, and if you get too het up and remove his rights as a man and effectively castrate him over this, then you may find yourself alone.

 

Imagine you have a man flirting at work with you and you are managing the situation, and your bf then comes steam-rolling in, demanding the man be sacked and speaking to management about it.

How would you feel? I guess you would see it as a huge jealousy red flag and you may even dump him.

[writergal]

OP, can you clarify for us if this 18 year old works as a waitstaff person at the restaurant or if she is a customer.

[livelife]

She is an employee.

And my boyfriend had no problem with me saying something when I asked him if I could.

[smackie9]

The more you push, the more she's going to push. Your BF can be as firm as he can be with her but it won't matter, it's just going to make her want him even more. It's obvious this girl is very insecure and feeds off the attention, positive or negative, of others to boost her self esteem. She's obsessive to say the least.

 

The thing to do is to ignore her. Stop following her, checking up on her, watching her, etc. The less reaction/attention she gets, the more she will lose interest.

 

The manager can't really do anything because most of her activity has happened off the premises, or when she is not working, so most of this is personal not work related. The manager can only do so much. If it does disrupt work, and others, like your BF places a complaint that is legitimate, then the manager can do something about it. The thing is tho he has to give her so many verbal/written warnings before he can terminate her. And since most of her harrassement is on personal time, his hands are tied so he can't take those into account. If it becomes real serious then it becomes a matter for the police.

 

I have been in your shoes when I worked at a night club and I know right now you can't stop her. She is within her boundaries as an employee. There is nothing unusual with employees flirting with each other in your line of work, so the rules are going to be more relaxed in that aspect.

[writergal]

She is an employee.

And my boyfriend had no problem with me saying something when I asked him if I could.

 

Yet, you speaking up for your boyfriend puts your job in danger, not his. And he seems to enjoy the attention, that he let you fight his battle for him. I'm sorry but my feeling is that this situation will cause you to lose 2 things: your job and your boyfriend. Why would he let you fight his battles for him? That says a lot about his character, especially where a flirty 18 year old is concerned. He's ok with her attention on him, and he's ok with letting his girlfriend risk her job for him. Not a good boyfriend if you ask me.

[smackie9]

I would give your BF some credit.....the fact that she's 18 still in high school, obsessive (crazy) that puts out for any of the male employees.....why would he venture out of your solid relationship to have any part of this? He has done all he can without looking like a wuss....remember guys sweep things under the rug to keep their masculinity. You need to get off his back about it. Stop checkin his social media too......it makes you look even crazier.

[livelife]

This isn't affecting my job. I've known the manager for 3 years and counting, he's veen my manager at other places and he Is on my side. Me complaining about another employee is not an issue. As for social media Im not stalking his social media. I will ignore her and I agree she will keep going the more it bothers us; but my boyfriend thinks she's crazy and didn't realize the extent of it until last night. And he said something to her. So please don't say Im going to lose my boyfriend over it or job because that's not true. I've talked to him about it and he's fine

[smackie9]

Well looks like things are handled.....why are you here posting about it?

[d0nnivain]

This isn't affecting my job. I've known the manager for 3 years and counting, he's veen my manager at other places and he Is on my side. Me complaining about another employee is not an issue. As for social media Im not stalking his social media. I will ignore her and I agree she will keep going the more it bothers us; but my boyfriend thinks she's crazy and didn't realize the extent of it until last night. And he said something to her. So please don't say Im going to lose my boyfriend over it or job because that's not true. I've talked to him about it and he's fine

 

 

 

You think it's not an issue. Those of us telling you to be careful have been the boss. Trust us when we say your defense of your BF because you are jealous of some other girl is an issue. It's make the boss do extra work whether juggle the schedule, spend time not managing the restaurant while dealing with you, wondering if he's going to have fire one of you & then go through all the trouble & expense of interviewing, hiring a training replacements. It's an issue and it has monetary consequences for the restauranr.

[stillafool]

She is an employee.

And my boyfriend had no problem with me saying something when I asked him if I could.

 

But this is not your fight it is his. He needs to shut her down immediately the next time she comes on to him. This may mean even hurting her feelings so she gets the message loud and clear.

[Auspecial]

To me it sounds like she has sexual addiction issues. She is out of control of herself, and she feels entitled to have whatever she wants.

 

Aren't people like this grotesque? There are soooooooo many fish in the sea, but they feel they must destroy something to have something for themselves.

 

I think your bf has to block her and ignore her until she finds some new target.

 

I wouldn't worry about the job scene, it will take care of itself. If she is this much out of control, people in management are talking about it, and paying attention.

[h0000]

I dont know why this is your job to push her away. i would ask your bf to take care of it and if he cant, i would reconsider this relationship.

[livelife]

He said he has and he will and she was speechless and embarrassed last night, she stalks his life though. She stalks his sister on ig and lkkes every post of hers and doesn't even know his sister.

That's beyond creepy

[h0000]

He said he has and he will and she was speechless and embarrassed last night, she stalks his life though. She stalks his sister on ig and lkkes every post of hers and doesn't even know his sister.

That's beyond creepy

 

if he has and he will, then why are you worried? Did he turn to you for help? he can just block her and ask his sister to block her.

[writergal]

He said he has and he will and she was speechless and embarrassed last night, she stalks his life though. She stalks his sister on ig and lkkes every post of hers and doesn't even know his sister.

That's beyond creepy

 

I know this issue was already addressed but I want to emphasize the fact that your boyfriend and his sister can block her from their social media. Why haven't either of them done that yet?

[Dork Vader]

I understand why you would want to say something but the simple truth is it is your boy friends responsibility.

 

He needs to set clear boundaries up with other women no matter if it is in the work place or not. If those women do not respect the boundaries he sets up then he needs too remove him self from the situation. If that is not an option then he can put an end to it real fast. "If you continue to harass me I will pursue legal charges."

 

In the work place it is a tad different in which he can set up boundaries but the woman can still attempt to create problems between the 2 of you, or she will continue to flirt with him and/or not respect the boundaries. If that is the case it is again your boy friends problem and he needs to talk to the manager and tell the manager out right this is what is going on, I've asked her to stop she continues. It's harassment and it needs to stop now. If the manager does not do anything about it then it's time for both of you to start looking for a new job.

 

I'd also recommend the 2 of you start to document everything that is going on. Take notes of times and places of when things happen. What is said and so on.. Get as much documentation as possible. Should you, your boy friend or both be fired because of it, it will help you establish a wrongful termination case against the employer.