i think its finally done.... so frustrating...

[willduggan]

well il give the whole story.. my fiance of a year and a half broke up with me around new years because we had slowly started argueing a lot and new years set it off. what happened was that we were arguing in the car and she tried to grab my hand, well i stupidly pushed it away and her elbow hit the center console and her head hit the window which i was imensly sorry for(and i did try to comfort her) a few days later she emailed me saying she didnt think things were working out.. so i went to her house and she dumped me saying shed like to be friends still.

 

well during the time after that i got extremly depressed, she after only a week maybe 2 got back together with her ex before me and moved in with him, i, like the trusting, faithful person i am, kept in contact, kept trying to work on things, and i did. i went to counciling, learned how to control my anger, learned how to be more open with my thoughts. and things were good. she eventually started disliking him and we got back together around mid march.

 

well things were great for a while, we both acted great but then we started to slip, we would argue some(not as much as before) but i felt some arguement was healthy. i felt she was a lot more verbally mean towards me but i tried my best not to let it get to me. she would talk about her ex sometimes which also made me feel less important.

 

well last friday she dumped me again, we were at her house and she felt that we were slipping back into our old ways and to a point i could see it too but i felt we could keep working at it, she didnt agree. the confusing part was how it all happened.. we were both crying and holding eachother saying how much we loved eachother and kissing over and over, like we both knew we could do it but she still didnt want to i guess... so i left and here i am now... somewhat depressed and feeling really defeated, ive been emailing her and IM'ing her with things ive read about how to work on things but she hasnt been receptive to them...*sigh* im so tired, im so emotionally exhausted.. but i feel like shes the love of my life and i feel like i shouldnt quit.. i guess my question is what should i do... i dont want to give up but do i need to? do i need to just stop?... im so incredibly tired and i feel like ive learned so much about how to work on relationships.. but god its so frustrating to me because i know when the two of us have good days everything is awsome... but shes ripped my heart out twice... oddly the second time hurt more then the first... and shes given up on me twice... and its so disheartening to me... its so just... defeating.. thanks for listening to me..

[bdarlin]

There is a good chance that she is just a little freaked out right now. Breaking up with you the first time was probably hard for her too and she was probably very guarded going into your reconcilliation. I think the best thing for you to do would to not put the relationship in her face right now. Figure out why she loves you and work on just reminding her of who you are. If you keep bringing up the relationshp then she is going to keep associating you with the pain and the hard-things associated with the relationship and she will stop seeing you as a person.

[strange love]

Hey Man

 

You know I feel our situations are similar. Except my ex hasnt gone off with anyone else yet..

 

 

I went to counselling.. I bent over backwards. I am now at the point where I'd like to see her in some counselling. Maybe thats what your ex needs as well, but its not for you to push her into that. Only if you got back together you might get her to come with you to couples counselling.

 

The best thing is to just back off, find something to do.. and im sure she will come looking for you at some point.

 

Its tough not to react to verbal abuse or something she does or says. I had a big upset the other day, I wish I had just kept my mouth shut, or logged off. I think thats

one of the big problems, men are expected to stand down...

[blackendangel13]

I think you need to leave her alone for awhile. She doesn't seem like she is putting forth the effort to fix things. It takes two to fight and fighting (depending on the intensity and degree) is not always a bad thing. You said that you went to counseling and learned about yourself in the time you were apart. What did she do, other than run back to her ex. She didn't have to change who she was because you loved her enough to want her back the way she was. As hard as it is, let her go and stay on your self-improvement path. She will either miss you and come back (hopefully a better and more willing person), or you will be able to use what you have learned about yourself to forge a much better relationship with someone else.

 

Hang in there.