how can i get over a past discretion, if she is always around?

[laRubiaBonita]

it happened almost a year ago. it was just some kissing, a girl who he still sees, and is friends with, at work.

 

well, he went out with some "folks from work" last night. she was with them, he did not tell me till like 30 minutes ago. i called last night, no answer, no call back to tell me where he is.

 

so i ask why he did not invite me, cause he knows i hate this girl.

i dont

want to lie to you or start an arguement or anything. i just want to be

able to tell you everythng i do so you trust me. and dont think anything is

going on with her and i, because its not. we are only friends besides she

highly involved with someone anyway as am I. so dont be mad.

 

ok, so by not telling me at the time, is not lying since he told me later????? i do not think so.

 

 

i really am not worried that he is seeing her, well a small part.....but if i had done this OMG!!! **** would hit the fan! and i guess it could, but he argues way better than i, and can shut me down.

[laRubiaBonita]

so he just called, but he keeps telling me that he is NOT actually lying, since he did tell me, today, where he was.

so i say why did you not tell me then? he usually will tell me if he is going out or will not be at home. well cause that girl was going to be there as well and he thought i would get mad....well more so now that i know he was there with her with out me knowing in the first place.

 

and this is how it happened the first time too....he went out with some folks from work, was supposed to be coming out to see me, and hooked up with the whore......and she even knows/ knew me at athe time along with the other biddies from his work, who i personally think set him up, as they "took a walk".

 

he keeps bringing up crap from the past, like when i have lied- i would make up a story, saying i am doing something else then do another thing.

but since he just never actuallty told me, it was not really a lie.

 

see, he has alll these crap double-standards for himself.

[JadeStar]

"so I ask why he did not invite me, cuz he knows I hate this girl."

 

The reply he gave you seems to me he tip toed around the question. He never really point blank answered "why" he didn't.

 

 

Jade

[tiki]

I remember the first encounter.

 

Doesn't this hooch work at the bar with him? I think you should make an appearance (when it gets more ironed out) and set the record straight. Don't 'say' anythng, but let it be known that he's your man.

 

So you two live together, right? And he goes out and sometimes doesn't come home?

[laRubiaBonita]

no i do not live with him anymore.

 

i really have nothing to say to this girl.

 

it just urks me, 1. that he lied, by not telling me. 2. That he did not call me cause he was out withthem, which happened the first time. 3. That he thinks he is not wrong by doing this.

 

he says he wants us to tell each other everything, but he still does not, when it involves the one major dis-trust factor i have with him!!

[laRubiaBonita]

Originally posted by JadeStar

"so I ask why he did not invite me, cuz he knows I hate this girl."

 

The reply he gave you seems to me he tip toed around the question. He never really point blank answered "why" he didn't.

 

 

Jade

 

no, that is what he said in the email. plus on the phone when i asked....... i know not to put words in his mouth.

[JadeStar]

No matter how he told you be it phone, face to face or email, it still seemed sort of around about way in his explaination. Do you feel this is a workable situation? Meaning are you planning on remaining in the relationship, even though the lies are starting back up?

 

 

 

Jade

[laRubiaBonita]

oh, it is workable....... this is not IT.

 

but the double standard i get sick of. and he does want us to tell each other the truth, lead by example.

 

Basically he is doing what he gets pissed at me for doing, not telling me something that may cause a disagreement.

 

 

Really, he can do what the heck he wants, he is a big boy, but do not lie to me about it, then tell me tell me you are not lying!

[blind_otter]

He is getting defensive by bringing up crap from the past just because you are upset with him. YOu have a right to be upset. He shouldn't really be bringing up the past, though, that doesn't accomplish anything.

[laRubiaBonita]

Originally posted by blind_otter

He is getting defensive by bringing up crap from the past just because you are upset with him. YOu have a right to be upset. He shouldn't really be bringing up the past, though, that doesn't accomplish anything.

 

 

exactly! that is #4! he brings up things i have supposedly been forgiven for.

[JadeStar]

Until he can stop doing that, then it will be a vicious cycle. A cycle I would think somone would eventually have to break.

 

 

 

Jade

[blind_otter]

this sucks, when they do that. it was the biggest issue with my exhusband, and one that we fought over in front of the marriage counselor in the end before we split up, pretty much NON-STOP. I feel for ya, girl.

 

Also, it was something that Murdock was doing recently. So I cut him off and we aren't speaking right now.

[Mz. Pixie]

Yeah, he's been defensive because he feels like you're confronting him.

 

IMO he shouldn't be hanging out with this woman, or friends if it's someone he's cheated with. The temptation is still there.

 

For him not to purposely answer your call or tell you because he knew you'd be pissed is wrong. He just didn't want to listen to it, but when you're in a relationship and you're trying to win someone's trust after infidelity- that's not a option.

[GirlDown]

ew, i hate the "i didn't tell you so you woouldn't get mad, so don't get mad now cause really i was protecting you."

 

what crap.

 

it's more like "i didn't tell you because i didn't want you to get mad, but i wasn't concerned about it enough to cancel my plans, so really this is about me and what i want and avoiding the part where you get in the way of it."

 

ew.

 

ew.