Boyfriend still talks to girl outside of work that likes him?

[Kkristine]

My boyfriend told me the other night that this older lady at work (whom I actually used to work with), thinks this fairly new coworker is vindictive and slacks off.

 

At this point I'm thinking to myself, "Okay, why do I need to know this?" (He doesn't talk about work to me). So, I asked what are you going to do? (Just to add to the convo thinking he needs advice). He said he'll just have to have a talk with her.

 

Then, last night he says that the older lady also thinks the new coworker has feelings for him. "He didn't want to tell me because he was afraid I would get upset." I asked him if he liked her, and he said no. I asked him if it bothered him that she likes him, and he said a little. He then says that he thinks this older lady really likes him and respects me since she is telling him all of this.

 

I actually am upset. He doesn't know I know this, but he plays games on his phone with her constantly, and even left a message in the game today to her saying, "It's about time you played!"

 

He added her on Facebook a while back, which he said he doesn't do because he's a manager.

 

He has a terrible memory, so I'm sure he forgot about this. But, a few months back, he said that this new coworker has a sister who works at the local restaurant he goes to. He got "brownie points" because the sister thought he was very nice. SO, this is where I started my "worries" about this "girl". He never talks about coworkers, ever. He only talks about his managers.

 

I also notice that he purposely won't say her name, like when he brought the conversation up again he said "so you remember when I told you about that girl..."

 

At this point, I'm thinking that he does like this girl. My problem is, how do I talk to him about it? Is it even my business if all they do is play apps together? When should I start to worry? I'm also worried to talk to him about it because he has no idea I know that they communicate outside of work at all.

 

What I think: He's worried about having a conversation with her at work about the complaints because he has feelings for her. Therefore, he can't stop bringing it up.

Edited March 29, 2015 by Kkristine
Adding information

[elaine567]

I think "that" girl is a problem for you unfortunately.

He brings her up to you, because she is in his mind and he wants to speak about her, even to you.

You have to be on your guard here. Any other signs?

Signs Husband Is Cheating: 21 Ways To Know -

[smackie9]

There is no evidence that there is anything going on. So you are saying he isn't allowed to play a game with her even tho you know this person? He said he "thinks" she likes him, and yet he has no proof to back this up, it's just an assumption. There is nothing sexual/emotional going on they just play a game together like friends do so what are you worried about? You don't trust your BF? Remember he is the one that makes the choice, not her to let anything happen.

[elaine567]

There is no evidence that there is anything going on. So you are saying he isn't allowed to play a game with her even tho you know this person? He said he "thinks" she likes him, and yet he has no proof to back this up, it's just an assumption. There is nothing sexual/emotional going on they just play a game together like friends do so what are you worried about? You don't trust your BF? Remember he is the one that makes the choice, not her to let anything happen.

 

That is all fine and good, but a "friend" from work who "likes" him, that he texts and plays games with, but a "friend" that the OP is not supposed to know about.

A "friend" that he chooses not to call by name, ie the implication there is that hardly knows her, but she is someone who he plays games with constantly.

[smackie9]

The actual "Liking" is an assumption. His coworker said she "thinks" she likes him, but there has been no conversation with her, no over hearing of a conversation, no text messages, no confiding this info with a coworker, etc.

 

OP just needs to communicate her findings with him, express boundaries, and ask for explanations, etc. She just needs to say "It's not appropriate", and work it out form there.

[Dork Vader]

Your boy friend needs to learn how to set up boundaries with people especially his coworker. He needs too put an end to this gossip ring he has going. It's turning into a soap opera and starting to negatively impact his personal life and likely his coworkers as well.

 

 

How this man is a manager is beyond me. This gossip ring he is forming is not something any true manager would ever allow, let a lone get involved with.

[stupidkittten]

How is your boyfriend's confrontation skills? How long have you been together?

 

I wouldn't necessarily assume that he likes her but I would definitely bring it up. I fully believe in talking about things. Of course, don't bring it up accusingly. How did you figure out who she was if he never says her name?