tristesse Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 We went to see my daughter last week. She lives approx. 150 miles from me, their father. I was divorced from her mother over 40 years ago. At first, when she was growing up, I would pick her up from her mother on weekends according to the court order..Things were difficult, as she always made it hard for me and my new wife to see her by not being there when we were to pick her up etc.. By the way, when I left the house, she moved in her boyfriend within the next week.She did not want me and wanted me to leave. But, she has much hate for me and my new wife.I made a lot of money when I was working. I am now retired and am still comfortable.My wife is very youthful and pretty...Now the reason I say this is I am wondering if her problem is jealousy..I was not able to see my daughter for the past 20 years because every time I would ask her if we could come over, she had an excuse, like wait till we get new carpet etc..So finally, she agreed around the first of the year to see me in March.We went there, and had a good time and it appeared that she had a good time also.We have pictures hugging etc, and also with my wife.. The problem now is that my daughter said"I will be honest with you. My mother does not allow me to see you. We posted some pictures together on facebook and her mother's husband called her and told her she has to make a choice between her mother or her father. This daughter of mine is now 51 years old.She said we will not be invited to her daughter's wedding in September, because it will cause too much turmoil and her mother will freak out. Before we went, her mother said." I better not catch you in some pictures of you together on facebook" But, her mother had finally agreed, that my daughter could see us after much turmoil over it.Now, I don't think I will ever be able to see my daughter again. I am very hurt over this, and to tell you the truth, my daughter is a very intelligent person.So, I don't understand why she is allowing her mother to rule over her with an iron fist. Then, the next problem is, I am not sure if i should keep her in my will if she does not want to have anything to do with me. She assures me that she loves me and my wife, and it is not us..She recounts some good times we have had together.. I am puzzled and very hurt and upset that I will probably never see her again...What is your suggestion... Link to post Share on other sites
Greentriangle Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Sorry about your pain, it sounds like you care and really want the connection with your daughter. At the end of the day, it is her choice to have a relationship with you and her mother cannot decide that. It sounds like your first wife is bitter about you leaving her. But your relationship with your daughter is your own. You can tell your daughter that you'd like to have deeper relationship with her, state your intent and let her make a decision on her own. Will should not have anything to do with this, don't let your feelings that she chose mom over you ruin anything. The fact is you are her dad and nothing can change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I honestly don't know what to tell you ... except that your ex-wife is one controlling mean spirited b*tch ... Chances are that if your 51yr old daughter acts like this ... she has the stunted development [social/emotional] of a child and that happens only through abuse ... done by her mother. In the end ... it is the duty of the parent to make sure that the child grows into an adult that can look at their parent and see them with goods but also with bads ... as a human being. Sounds like your ex-wife feared so much losing control that she doomed her child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Chances are that if your 51yr old daughter acts like this ... she has the stunted development [social/emotional] of a child and that happens only through abuse ... done by her mother. That's exactly what I thought as soon as I saw the thread title. The daughter was probably emotionally abused while living with her mother, and nobody knew it was happening because that type of abuse is invisible. OP I feel for you. The situation isn't fair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tristesse Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Radu and spiralout: I think you are right, because when I think back, my daughter tried to commit suicide when she was about 17 years old, and still living with her mother and step dad.. I never found out the reason she attempted this... But me and my wife went to see her at the hospital, and felt so bad that she would do this, and I blamed myself for having left. Although, I had no other choice.. My ex wife was having an affair,and she made life intolerable for me... Now all those years later, I have to make the best of the situation and go on with my life. My wife is very hurt, so maybe the best thing to do is move on and try to forget all this . I am the grandfather, and will not be invited to my grandchild's wedding. Of course, I don't know her much. The last time I saw her, she was a small child 20 years ago. She is now 27....Well, so be it... I am moving on.... Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 You haven't tried to contact your granddaughter before this? Ever? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts