coping when your cheating EX is happy.

[Mrlonelyone]

I have never been cheated on because I have never had a relationship in the truest sense of that word. I have always been someone's dirty little secret lover. The closest I have came to being cheated on is being in a multi dating situation where the other person does not choose me in the end.

 

However I do know I have been in such situations where the person I was with and who I thought was just casual in relationships has someone else who thinks they are exclusive.

 

Seeing them appear happy makes me think of the dishonestly shown towards their new/chosen SO. On one level I would like to be chosen but knowing someone can lie in such a bold faced way. There are threads here by other posters male female and every which way who have been the chronic OM or OW. Some have converted to being the main man or woman. It really makes you look at what people call love in a dark way.

 

 

Don't envy the cheater. For them love has lost some of its magic and it will never come back.

[central]

I divorced my ex and went on to a far better, happier life. She did okay too, but took longer to get there. Win-win. Different time frames, in some cases, but still good outcomes. He may be happy now - and may continue being very happy - but you will get to a similar place in your own time.

[minimariah]

I would honestly rather be left for someone else or cheated on, because I at least understand wanting to be with someone else. But just the thought of being told "I'd rather risk dying alone than be with you" guts my self-esteem.

 

knowing that i failed to create a relationship with my partner where he or she would be comfortable enough to be honest with me rather than cheating on me - that would definitely hurt my self-esteem much more. knowing that i tried to built a life with someone who didn't even think that i deserve NOT to br humiliated & disrespected... yeah, it would hurt more.

 

i would honestly rather not be cheated on & dumped when no one else is involved.

 

& of course that being single is much better than being with someone who doesn't really want or love you.... but it takes time for you to actually get to the place where you genuinely see that you WILL benefit from getting rid of someone who isn't good for/to you. it definitely takes time.

[lana-banana]

knowing that i failed to create a relationship with my partner where he or she would be comfortable enough to be honest with me rather than cheating on me - that would definitely hurt my self-esteem much more. knowing that i tried to built a life with someone who didn't even think that i deserve NOT to be humiliated & disrespected... yeah, it would hurt more.

 

This is a valuable perspective and is very different from my own. I imagine my reaction would be something like vindication. I don't see being cheated on as humiliating because the betrayed partner hasn't done anything wrong. When someone cheats on you, the end of the relationship is entirely their fault. I wouldn't think of myself as "failing" to gain their respect, but rather that they were so morally bankrupt in the first place that they weren't worth my time. I'd like to think I would be reassured knowing I wasn't in a relationship with a cheater, that I had always been honest and ultimately I was the one walking away with my integrity intact.

 

& of course that being single is much better than being with someone who doesn't really want or love you.... but it takes time for you to actually get to the place where you genuinely see that you WILL benefit from getting rid of someone who isn't good for/to you. it definitely takes time.

 

But until then it's perfectly acceptable to cry so hard you get hiccups and buy an Entemann's crumb cake and eat the entire crumb layer (but only the crumb layer) in one sitting. Not that I've ever done that.

[minimariah]

I don't see being cheated on as humiliating because the betrayed partner hasn't done anything wrong.

 

great, great points. you're right.

 

But until then it's perfectly acceptable to cry so hard you get hiccups and buy an Entemann's crumb cake and eat the entire crumb layer (but only the crumb layer) in one sitting. Not that I've ever done that.

 

LOL! all of that + having Adele on repeat, it's totally acceptable. not that i've ever done that either.

 

[dvx]

Personally i'd rather be dumped or dump if my partner was cheating. Because there is nothing further and worse then being cheated on.

 

For me personally it would be easier to move on and know my value if my partner was cheating. If someone cheats thats the lowest one can do to another.

 

It's harder to move when you're left without any real reasons and living in hope that you might win him/her back someday.

[darkbloom]

As part of my job, I spend a lot of time observing people. I can honestly say that I do not see a lot of *truly* happy people. I see a lot of pain and a lot of masks that people wear. I probably see things that they never want anyone to see.

 

I know a lot of people on here do not believe in karma per se. I don't think I would call it karma exactly, more like physics. For every bad deed that gets done, there is another positive deed that has to happen to keep order.

 

I went through the worst time of my life two years ago. I was depressed, anxious, and suicidal. The people that were causing me pain and harm were happy and carefree. I could not understand why this was happening to me. I am a good person. I do not cause harm or hurt to people because I can. Flash forward to now: those people are not as happy and carefree anymore. One of the girls hasn't had anything bad happen to her, however, she is stuck in exactly the same place she was two years ago. Same crappy job, same pay, same cheating boyfriend. I find that the universe works in mysterious ways. Being stuck in the same place for two years is worse than having something bad happen. At least after the bad, you can feel and appreciate the good more. I went from rock bottom all the way to the top. My breakup knocked me down a lot but I feel like I am on my way back up. I also have a better job, more pay, and no cheating boyfriend.

 

Ah, balance.

[fivejcb]

Shrug it off knowing it won't last. As an outsider, you can't know what happens inside their relationship anyway.

 

There was a poster on LS who found her BF with another girl in her own bed, in her own apartment. Needless to say she kicked his bum out, and then 5 years later he suddenly wants to "catch up" - they meet and he tells her how 2 years after their breakup he met a girl and was so in love with her that he wanted to marry her. At some point she became pregnant, he was so looking forward to his child - until he found out it wasn't his because of low sperm count he could never have children. And then he continued to excuse about his cheating and now occasionally drunk calls her in the night, whining blah blah...

 

Happy cheating? A trainwreck stays a trainwreck no matter where they go. And it does have one positive - you're not stuck with them anymore.

 

I know my soon to be XWW will have no problem finding my replacement. Unfortunately she looks great, but I keep telling myself when or if I find out she has a new man the story is never over there no such thing as happy ever after there are just good days and bad ones. And don't believe what what you see on FB no ones life is always that good all the time. That's just the high lights people want you to see.

[Marco Valerio]

Just belive you deserve better. They (cheaters) will get what they deserve too.

Life & Universe are set on balance, or "what goes around comes around".

[TashaTudor]

Thank goodness for Entemanns!

[grabaka]

hello!

 

for all of you who got cheated on & dumped (for the person they cheated on you with) - how did you cope with seeing your EX happy? especially if the EX's relationship with this person proves to stand the test of time.

 

what did you do and how did you help yourself to get over the bitternes and feeling of being "scre*ed" over? how did you go on from the feeling of injustice? did you find forgiveness useful?

 

thanks.

We were married for 6 years. She left me for a married man who was a co-worker this past November and filed for divorce. Long story short he used her and told her what she wanted to hear, he got sex from her and then he dumped her and went back to his wife. My spouse apologized to me for what she did and then tried to come back to me and that she wanted us to still get divorced, work on each of ourselves then potentially one day possibly date again. I declined because I read right through it that she wanted me as a fall back....plus she lied and cheated.

 

I moved out and went NC for 30 days, and had to text her in regards our divorce settlement and her not following guidelines. It turned ugly. I asked why she kept screwing me over, and to please follow the guidelines. I said I thought you were sorry you hurt me but continue to do so. She when on to boast about how she is happier than ever, and she only came back when he dumped her cause she was lonely and afraid of being alone. That hurt me, because through this she cheated on me, I had to move from my home to an apartment, I miss my dogs, and my heart is broken.

 

She is 28 and I am 31. She now is hanging around 21-23 year olds and going to bars and what not. She has a roommate now who is 23 and is a partier. I know this through mutual friends. I am in NC with her. She isnt a party girl, she doesnt even drink. Honestly she use to criticize people who party, and now she is hanging around them...why? BECAUSE SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE ALONE. She is just causing herself more trouble.

 

She puts on the happy face though. Friends tell me she has pictures plastered all over facebook where she is out with friends bar hoping and "LOOKING" happy. The funny thing is when she and I met, thats what my group of friends did was party and bar hop...and she hated it. She wasnt into that stuff back then, but is now?!?! Its a front...fake....she is downplaying herself to fit in and to not be alone. Facebook is fake, its a joke....if everyone was honest on facebook there wouldnt be people who have 1,000+ friends on there. I mean 1,000+ friends? C'mon. Its all fantasy, fake, and frankly a popularity contest and to be nosey. F**K facebook, its a waste of time.

 

Do I feel bitter still....HELL YES. I have to suffer consequences for her stupid actions and choices. But one thing I tell myself daily is to be successful. Beat her with success. I have a degree in IT, while she wipes asses at the hospital and passes food trays. While she is out with so called "Friends" to avoid being alone, Im alone at the gym getting in shape...improving myself. BE SUCCESSFUL so the day you do run into them you done flipped the script you are the winner, while they are still in a slump.

 

Does it bother me to think she is so happy, yes and no. Yes because I dont think she faced any consequences for being a lousy person considering she cheated and lied and wasted 6 years of my life for nothing. But also if I seen her out with friends looking happy, no it wouldnt bother me because I know it is fake. She used to bad mouth these "friends" of hers before we split up...and ultimately she never spoke to them or hung out with them until we were split up.

 

SO morale of my rant is....its easy to wear a smile and to present an image. But its hard to be true to yourself, and face the truth. Sometimes people who look so happy are really dying inside.

[na49]

My ex cheated on me, and left me to be with someone else who she claims "understood her" and "heard what she didn't say". She called this dude her "best friend". Total daggers to my heart. She'd worship him on Facebook while we were still together!

 

As for how I coped? I actually preferred knowing that she was "happy" with him. It didn't make me happy, but made me angry as hell. I can turn anger into something productive easier than I can with sadness. It gave me all of the motivation I needed. I'm not disposable, and did not deserve the treatment I got at all!

 

My ex ended up falling flat on her face, and got dumped by this guy after a month. He said that she was "too clingy" and that "feelings change. I've had a bit of a harder time since finding out that her relationship with him failed. Whether she's dating someone or not has nothing to do with me moving on though.