utilisateur Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I feel like I never learned the social skills and emotional maturity that most people learned from experience in their childhood and teenage years. How can I learn when the people around me are emotionally adults? Should I start hanging out with 14 yo? Being male, I think that might come off as creepy. I don't know how to build friendships because I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing and scaring people away. People have told me that they feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me because I'm oversensitive. Which means that I can't do the typical teasing and bantering that normal people do with their friends. I'm stuck with being the nice guy who helps out a lot and is a good listener, but who most people don't know much about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I feel like I never learned the social skills and emotional maturity that most people learned from experience in their childhood and teenage years. How can I learn when the people around me are emotionally adults? Should I start hanging out with 14 yo? Being male, I think that might come off as creepy. I don't know how to build friendships because I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing and scaring people away. People have told me that they feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me because I'm oversensitive. Which means that I can't do the typical teasing and bantering that normal people do with their friends. I'm stuck with being the nice guy who helps out a lot and is a good listener, but who most people don't know much about. People learn social skills and emotional skills by observing other people. There is no class on this growing up that shows you what to do. We see how others interact and then we mimic it. I would most defiantly advise against hanging out with a 14 year old. That would be counterintuitive to what you are trying to do. And creepy. The first step is to stop being afraid. This is going to be hard because guess what? You are going to say the wrong thing sometimes. It happens. You might scare people away as you are trying it because you have not learned the skills that others have already adopted. You can also work on being oversensitive. You must understand that most of what people say and do really is not about you or to hurt you. If you are a great listener then you probably ask good questions. Have you tried to offer up information about yourself? Don't overwhelm the conversation but if you open up a little bit and show a little bit of vulnerability, people will feel closer to you. And want to know more about you. Are you looking for friends? A relationship? Trust? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) I think feeling like a 14 years old is not a bad thing the bad thing is your 14 year experience was not good you couldn't develop friends back then, and for some reason you still can't.. I perfectly understand you and I am on the same boat like you and I noticed being nice and helpful never get you any friends or even gratitude, but this is not an excuse to change who we are.. beside it's way too hard to make friendship when you are not 18 or 22 anymore. People are not friendly these day they don't want new friends. but that does not mean you have to give up your main problem is you think too much just go with it say whatever you want some people will like it and some won't! I suggest you start fresh with new groups' Join meetup group specially the ones that do sport events soccer, basketball, running, frisbee, bowling etc You are bound to find some nice friends eventually Just open up and let go of your fear They won't eat you! But Virginia is not fun anyway ......People are so stuck up with their old high school friends and high school sweet hearts, there is no room for others... Edited March 30, 2015 by Noproblem Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Read on positive body language. I had read somewhere that body language is way more important in communication than the words you say (unless you say something offensive!). You don't have anything to lose! Link to post Share on other sites
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