awkward Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Also OP said "his new place" which she has now clarified to be his friends place. As far as movers, technically she said a friend a guy they Hired to help. Which to me sounds like movers but I don't want to split hairs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 No, she said his friend and another guy is helping him move, and he is moving in with his friend, "awkward" is not the OP. I stand corrected. For some reason I thought the post I quoted was from the OP. OP I apologize for the misunderstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreprisal Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 I literally dont know how many times I can say that its his choice. I actually argued with him trying to get him to reconsider or at least give it some more time. So, no. Im not breaking up his marriage for the sake of now. His marriage has been broken and hes just finally stepping out of rubble. Is everyone finalized on the living situation? He has a truck of stuff. Clothes and personal items mostly but also their guest bed and his desk. Our friend and a guy off cl are the movers. And hes going to be renting a room in his friends house. Any more questions? Tminus 1 hour and im really appreciating all the support. Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I literally dont know how many times I can say that its his choice. I actually argued with him trying to get him to reconsider or at least give it some more time. So, no. Im not breaking up his marriage for the sake of now. His marriage has been broken and hes just finally stepping out of rubble. Is everyone finalized on the living situation? He has a truck of stuff. Clothes and personal items mostly but also their guest bed and his desk. Our friend and a guy off cl are the movers. And hes going to be renting a room in his friends house. Any more questions? Tminus 1 hour and im really appreciating all the support. Lol. Where is his wife now? Presumably shes not there while he's moving out. Does she routinely come home for lunch or is he calling her to come home from work to tell her he's leaving? Just curious as these logistics all seem a little strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreprisal Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Also sorry having rough time keeping up with questions. I did see him for a bit this morning. And did see the truck with a bunch of stuff in the back. Also if I havent already mentioned, they have been going downhill for quite some time. Seen therapists for years but you cant rekindle some kind of passion that was never really there. He got married at 20 and neither of them really had a clue, it was just out of religious guilt. Its quite a sad deteriorating story I wont go into. But i genuinely trust him when he says he thinks it will be calm. I just man. Less than an hour. Ill be leaving work to meet him after. Its still a sad day. Any advice on how to comfort him in this? I really. Dont know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreprisal Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 She works until like 8 or 9pm but they are gonna meet up for lunch toda Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreprisal Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Im wondering how long it will take. If it will be a really short conversation followed up on later or if theyll talk and cry for hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Wow! Talk about rocket speed. Three days ago you were worried about becoming pregnant, having unprotected sex, and using the Plan B as your go to BC. Yesterday, you had sex with another dude, backed the MM against the wall and he professed love to you, and today, he's packed up, moving out and getting ready to drop the bomb on his BS. I guess tomorrow you'll be engaged. As far as "comforting" him, I'd say just keep doing what you're doing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreprisal Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Mm. I didnt have sex with anyone else, just for the record. Originally he had told me he didnt mind if I still saw other guys but he asked me to tell him if I was going to. I didnt back him against any walls. Only told him the truth. But again. This isnt about me. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Also sorry having rough time keeping up with questions. I did see him for a bit this morning. And did see the truck with a bunch of stuff in the back. Also if I havent already mentioned, they have been going downhill for quite some time. Seen therapists for years but you cant rekindle some kind of passion that was never really there. He got married at 20 and neither of them really had a clue, it was just out of religious guilt. Its quite a sad deteriorating story I wont go into. But i genuinely trust him when he says he thinks it will be calm. I just man. Less than an hour. Ill be leaving work to meet him after. Its still a sad day. Any advice on how to comfort him in this? I really. Dont know. Suggest he get a counselor as well. Aside from needing to process the end of his marriage, he appears to have some issues going on that have the probability of derailing future relationships if he doesn't address them. First of all the disconnect between getting married for religious reasons but then being ok with cheating which is presumably also against his religion. Hes a serial cheater. When he's not happy, for whatever reason be it something within himself or his relationship, his solution is cheating. Not a good coping mechanism and usually means he is passive aggressive or conflict avoidant. The way he is leaving is not that great imo. Granted, there are no children who need to adjust to the situation before he leaves, but seems he could treat his W with a little bit more compassion after 20 years. It also seems quite impulsive and at the same time somewhat indecisive or leaving options open by the fact he didn't take the time to find his own place and make a commitment(financially) to living there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Mm. I didnt have sex with anyone else, just for the record. Originally he had told me he didnt mind if I still saw other guys but he asked me to tell him if I was going to. I didnt back him against any walls. Only told him the truth. But again. This isnt about me. Sorry, I either misunderstood or confused you with another poster. Didn't his I Love You come right after you mentioned another guy or a date? That's what I meant about backed up against a wall. Anyway, looking forward to your updates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreprisal Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 I totally agree that its a bit fast. Its like everything kind of exploded in him yesterday and hes on a rampage. He just wont stop moving. This morning when i caught him for a few he couldnt stop moving. Couldnt stop pacing. Constantly trying to clear his mind by kissing me. I cant stop him either. But if its gonna make him happy I dont want to get in the way moreso... its a hot mess. Tminus 30 minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreprisal Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 His i love you came after we talked about us some. I could tell he was disturbed by the idea of me being in another guys arms and he explained to me how it hurt even though hed be so hypocritical and selfish to ask me to be loyal. I agreed. But ultimately decided that i didnt want him to feel what i feel when i let him go every night. After this conversation is when he told me that he loved me and a million other nice things I wont bother posting to be criticized. Then he came over and we just owned the day and talked about everything under the sun until he just came out like im gonna leave her. Because he isnt happy. He says ive made him realize whats important, peace and happiness. i know, what a line right? Lol. But i believe him. And i believe that is what is important. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 His i love you came after we talked about us some. I could tell he was disturbed by the idea of me being in another guys arms and he explained to me how it hurt even though hed be so hypocritical and selfish to ask me to be loyal. I agreed. But ultimately decided that i didnt want him to feel what i feel when i let him go every night. After this conversation is when he told me that he loved me and a million other nice things I wont bother posting to be criticized. Then he came over and we just owned the day and talked about everything under the sun until he just came out like im gonna leave her. Because he isnt happy. He says ive made him realize whats important, peace and happiness. i know, what a line right? Lol. But i believe him. And i believe that is what is important. Whatever his motivations, he is doing the right thing leaving his wife if he is not happy and he is cheating. She deserves better. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 It's like a train wreck. I can't keep myself from watching... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 He is leaving his wife for you. That's for sure. If the I love you's and you dating others hadn't come up, he'd still be at home. Do you want kids? Have you asked him if he wants kids? His wife is better off without him then since he seems to be hellbent on leaving her and can't stand living with her for one more minute. I hope she heals well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 This guy is in crisis mode. If he actually leaves, I give him a week before he's moved back in or at least begging his wife for another chance. If he has this conversation with his wife, he won't tell her the truth about the OP. He will say he needs time away to think. What that really means is the ability to not to accountable to anyone, including the OP. Only a young woman would put up with this because she can't see the utter selfishness in his behavior. I believe his wife will see exactly what's going on. Leaving his wife wouldn't make your relationship legitimate because he will continue to deny it (and you) exist. It's a hollow victory. The only "winner" is the loser both of these women are committed to. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Blimey! I can only assume when his wife's head stops spinning she will be counting her blessings. He's a bit of a flake isn't he? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Sounds like another midlife crisis cheater. I have a husband that has asked for divorce he did not come home this week end. But I called he said he was drunk two nights in a roll and could not drive. By no means do I believe him and I also believe theirs someone hes cheating with.I thought our marriage was fine this just came out of nowhere and so I filed in fear of what he was doing. I know one day he will be sorry he took his personal stuff to his moms but he still lives here.When you talk about your married man I thought wow could this be my husband hes a bald, wrinkles, mid forty's and gray hair on his chest. So many look like this. Well say it was if you think he would not cheat on you or treat you bad think twice if my husband could do it to me after 22 years together he could do it to someone else. Remember he took personal belongings but we have furnisher,a house, two property's ,and money to settle between us.Well say your MM says hes moving out rents a room with his buddy,appears to live there on week ends or when he need but actually hes still at home with wife after work comes and gos and so on.Would he not be playing a game with me and her? Remember I filed because he was acting mean, threatening divorce and trying to rewrite history. He is not nice hes a train wreck and heading for disaster. Do you really want his poor wife's mess ? We do not have children together but we do have the ones I had that he raised were a family and have in-laws and many are hurt. Well good luck and I would say to her thanks for helping him hurt us. Think about this you are young and he knows what to say hes had years of practice. He will chew you up do not let him I am not letting mine but I know better I have years of it too. Be smart you can do better.I wish you the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chasing_mya Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Just be careful & prepare yourself just in case things don't go according to plan. I wouldn't want you to be his rebound or exit affair. If that's what it is you're only going to know if you ride this out, which I see you plan to. This is your life and your choice whatever comes out of this I hope you learn the lesson. You never know things may work out or they may not but if this is what you choose I hope everything works out for everyone involved. I wish you luck sweety. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 andreprisal, Honest question: Are you indifferent to any and every outcome in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreprisal Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 He did it. Thats all he said when he called me a few minutes ago. Driving over. Will update again soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 This is very strange. He just decided late last night to leave his wife and by this morning he already had a new place rented and movers arranged? How is that possible? I also consider it very cruel to simply move out while your partner is away and they have no knowledge that their spouse is leaving them. That is a horrendous way to split and it should only be done when the one moving out is actually afraid for their safety. Right. The absurd part isn't that he has decided to leave but: he is in love with the OP, he is moving out and divorcing ALL within a few hours....I mean...come on....it seems a little bit too good to be true. OP, most people take a while to dissolve their marriages, they don't just leave after a lunch conversation. I get you're in love but don't lose common sense. Also kissing you to clear his mind? If this whole thing turns out not to be a farce, I'd suggest you go immediately to a couple's counselor with him. I won't say it's because of your age, as there are women twice your age falling for some pretty crazy things too, so it's not only the young, but I do believe that this MM has an advantage in this situation both being 20 years your senior and your boss and you no doubt look up to him and trust him and if you are 21 and have "dated" men older than MM before, I would suggest that you probably have some daddy issues going on that see you seeking love in these older guys. The fact that he's 40 and actually would leave his wife for you is a testament to him being incredibly off kilter himself IMO, as most 40 year old men, besides from looks (and clearly it seems you guys have lots of sex, unprotected too and he needs to kiss you to clear his mind and all this ), would not genuinely believe they have enough in common with a 21 year old for a relationship...and most 21 year olds feel the same as well. So this match made in heaven is more likely a match up of both of your issues IMO...and believe me those matches are very emotionally strong and consuming but don't often end well because of the place they're coming from, but boy are they intense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) Agreed, it's odd. Why would he need to hire help if he's not taking any furniture? And why would you need a moving truck and a random craigslist stranger and your friend to help you to move your "basics", I mean aren't basics just his clothing and such which could all fit into a suitcase and some boxes he can put in his own car trunk? I'm sorry but this story sounds very implausible. I am imagining MM took the day and is at home spinning this tale. But again...let us know OP in the next few days what happens. Have you been to his house before? Do you know this friend? Also, I don't know about anyone else, but if he just decided this between last night and this morning, when did he call his friend? This morning? Last night? I would be concerned if my married friend all of a sudden called me today to say they are moving out tomorrow and can they stay with me and can I help them. I would need to know what is happening, unless it was a case of domestic violence of course, and would ask them to think about it before coming to crash on my couch. It would seem very rash and just ill planned for a person to pack up and leave with nowhere to go after a few hours of deciding to leave. The fact that you're not at all perturbed by how illogical this is is troubling. I was an OW and if my exAP told me this I would think he was nuts and would be asking way more questions than you seem to be. Also...it seems quite ironic that he and his wife married at 20 so presumably didn't know what they were doing, but now he's leaving her and is going to be with a 21 year old...ahhhh alright! Has he learned nothing then? If he was 20 and too young for something serious, why on earth would he believe he should be with a 21 year old when he is 40 if at your age he made a mistake by marrying. Edited March 30, 2015 by MissBee 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Right. The absurd part isn't that he has decided to leave but: he is in love with the OP, he is moving out and divorcing ALL within a few hours....I mean...come on....it seems a little bit too good to be true. I believe this man is just done with his marriage. The OP may have given him that extra oomph necessary to do it, but sometimes decisions need to be taken and he has decided to leave his wife. The OP may be an essential part of that decision or she simply may be incidental to it. Time will tell. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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