Is NC really for me?

[dvx]

It's 6.30 am. I can't sleep, i haven't been able to sleep since she left 3 weeks ago. And why am I doing this? I know everyone in here is saying "You don't do NC for her to come back, you do it for you"

 

Yeah but it's not helping me at all. I can't sleep, i can't eat like i used too, i go to the gym i spend half of my time there just sitting and thinking, i can't work, i can't live my life.

 

She on the other hand is living life perfectly, like if i was never in her life in the first place. She works, she parties, she's with friends, she is happy on pictures, she flirts and maybe even dates who knows. Is that fair?

 

Why the hell am i doing NC? It feels like I'm just doing her a BIG ASS FAVOR. Im doing exactly what she wanted without even putting up the smallest fight. She gets what she wants so easily, while I'm the one taking all of the **** and going through the pain for us both. I am the one suffering.

 

Feels like if she was my boxing opponent in the ring and i just laid down on the floor, giving her the easiest win possible here by not contacting her at all. Im so pissed of and sad at the same time, i love her and hate her at the same time.

 

I swear to god if i ever get through this i will be the biggest and coldest douchebag ever, i will never let a girl take my heart like this again, rip it in pieces and then throwing it in garbage because after this i don't own a heart anymore. I will not have a relationship for the next 10-15 years at least. I will be screwing as many as possible and just being a cold ass heartless idiot. Screw being that romantic, loving guy. It has done nothing but brought me pain. I wish id never met her, i wish i never did gave her my heart and fell in love.

[darkbloom]

You are doing NC because it is unhealthy to be that attached to someone. She is not perfect and there were clearly problems in the relationship that needed to be fixed.

 

Who cares if she is out there living her life? She decided that she does not want you to be part of it anymore. You are not doing her a favor, you are doing yourself a favor. Why would you want to contact anyone that has decided they do not want to be with you? That would just be rubbing salt in your wounds.

 

NC is the only way you will be able to get to a place mentally to move on. You are still very emotional and raw from the break. Please read the breaks/breaking up forum and all the posts titled "So I broke NC" and see how that panned out for 99% of the users on this site. You may have to touch the stove again to make sure it's hot and burn yourself before you realize that NC is indeed for you. And you don't like to be burned because it is hot and it hurts.

[carhill]

Think of NC like in-patient detox for alcohol, except ten times as hard. It's daunting. If it wasn't daunting, all that difficult stuff you posted wouldn't be happening and you'd be out there happily living life without a care.

 

If it hurts, it's effective. You're making new emotional memories.

 

The good news is it gets better. The bad news is no one can predict when.

 

Depending upon your emotional makeup and brain chemistry, if you get stuck, see the doc and get some help pushing through. I recall one particularly bad period about 20 years ago during black hole NC where I was depressed for a couple years. My own fault for not see a doctor and thinking I could fix myself. Sometimes we need help.

[TunaCat]

That's the anger talking.

 

You will fall in love again. It may take years, but it will happen.

 

Stop looking at her social media and I think that will help at least a little bit. You don't know what she's actually feeling. She is going out, partying etc, but you don't know if it was a struggle for her to get out or if she willingly & excitedly went out. She could be faking it in pictures for all you know.

[carhill]

^^ Good catch.....

 

OP, you're not NC unless every last vestige of the person is removed. Everything. No exceptions. If you choose to read a word or glimpse a picture, you just fell off the wagon. It's all got to go. Sorry!

[dvx]

You are doing NC because it is unhealthy to be that attached to someone. She is not perfect and there were clearly problems in the relationship that needed to be fixed.

 

Who cares if she is out there living her life? She decided that she does not want you to be part of it anymore. You are not doing her a favor, you are doing yourself a favor. Why would you want to contact anyone that has decided they do not want to be with you? That would just be rubbing salt in your wounds.

 

NC is the only way you will be able to get to a place mentally to move on. You are still very emotional and raw from the break. Please read the breaks/breaking up forum and all the posts titled "So I broke NC" and see how that panned out for 99% of the users on this site. You may have to touch the stove again to make sure it's hot and burn yourself before you realize that NC is indeed for you. And you don't like to be burned because it is hot and it hurts.

 

Yeah I'm doing NC, but what hurts more and what is more unhealthy, is what I'm going through right now during this NC period. Its far more unhealthy then that i was attached to her. Whats wrong wanting to spend time with the one you love? If thats not love then what is?

 

She once decided she wants to be with me, I'm not a rental car that you can drive and then just send back to the dealership after you're done with it. So why the hell did she come into my life in the first place and give me false hope, if her intention wasn't to stay with me? Why the hell did she walk out of the relationship as first choice.

 

What happened to the good old times were 2 people sat down and discussed and resolved whatever the issue is? If it was up to me, the only reason i would walk away is if she had cheated. All other reasons i would be willing to sit down and atleast talk about it and see if we can resolve it together somehow? WHY THE HELL DOES SHE LEAVE without even being willing to talk or resolve things?

 

How selfish can someone be? I know for sure i would never be this selfish towards her, its not fair! Leaving shouldn't be the first option, it should be the last option.

 

There is not a single relationship out there that hasn't faced some kind of problem or has been through a fight. How weak can someone be if leaving is their first option?

 

Like i said, i don't feel like this NC is doing me any good, just doing her good, and making it very easy for her to move on and on to the next like i never existed.

[darkbloom]

Yeah I'm doing NC, but what hurts more and what is more unhealthy, is what I'm going through right now during this NC period. Its far more unhealthy then that i was attached to her. Whats wrong wanting to spend time with the one you love? If thats not love then what is?

 

She once decided she wants to be with me, I'm not a rental car that you can drive and then just send back to the dealership after you're done with it. So why the hell did she come into my life in the first place and give me false hope, if her intention wasn't to stay with me? Why the hell did she walk out of the relationship as first choice.

 

What happened to the good old times were 2 people sat down and discussed and resolved whatever the issue is? If it was up to me, the only reason i would walk away is if she had cheated. All other reasons i would be willing to sit down and atleast talk about it and see if we can resolve it together somehow? WHY THE HELL DOES SHE LEAVE without even being willing to talk or resolve things?

 

How selfish can someone be? I know for sure i would never be this selfish towards her, its not fair! Leaving shouldn't be the first option, it should be the last option.

 

There is not a single relationship out there that hasn't faced some kind of problem or has been through a fight. How weak can someone be if leaving is their first option?

 

Like i said, i don't feel like this NC is doing me any good, just doing her good, and making it very easy for her to move on and on to the next like i never existed.

 

 

My friend, I feel you. I was broken up with and got back together with the same person three times. And he cheated. If loving her and talking could fix the problems then there would be no need for this website. Love and feelings are not logical and you are not going to be able to convince her using them.

 

Although it may seem like NC is making it easier on her to move on, consider the alternative. You stay in contact as a friend while she figures this out. And she moves on just the same and you have a front row ticket. She gets to stab you in the heart everytime she talks about another guy.

 

Contrary to what your anger is telling you, she is struggling just as much as you. But you cannot convice someone to come back to you and to love you.

 

Take all of that energy you spent on loving her and turn it inward. I promise it gets better.

[LYNNLH]

It's 6.30 am. I can't sleep, i haven't been able to sleep since she left 3 weeks ago. And why am I doing this? I know everyone in here is saying "You don't do NC for her to come back, you do it for you"

 

Yeah but it's not helping me at all. I can't sleep, i can't eat like i used too, i go to the gym i spend half of my time there just sitting and thinking, i can't work, i can't live my life.

 

She on the other hand is living life perfectly, like if i was never in her life in the first place. She works, she parties, she's with friends, she is happy on pictures, she flirts and maybe even dates who knows. Is that fair?

 

Why the hell am i doing NC? It feels like I'm just doing her a BIG ASS FAVOR. Im doing exactly what she wanted without even putting up the smallest fight. She gets what she wants so easily, while I'm the one taking all of the **** and going through the pain for us both. I am the one suffering.

 

Feels like if she was my boxing opponent in the ring and i just laid down on the floor, giving her the easiest win possible here by not contacting her at all. Im so pissed of and sad at the same time, i love her and hate her at the same time.

 

I swear to god if i ever get through this i will be the biggest and coldest douchebag ever, i will never let a girl take my heart like this again, rip it in pieces and then throwing it in garbage because after this i don't own a heart anymore. I will not have a relationship for the next 10-15 years at least. I will be screwing as many as possible and just being a cold ass heartless idiot. Screw being that romantic, loving guy. It has done nothing but brought me pain. I wish id never met her, i wish i never did gave her my heart and fell in love.

 

DVX..same here but please take all of our advice. NC is really for you..in fact for all of us whose heart has been broken to smithereens and stepped on.

 

I have been in NC for more than a month (2 months plus post BU)..guess what..there are up and down..setbacks in emotions here and there..but not once...have I considered breaking NC and I tell you..it is really helping me.

I no longer have the 'knife slashing' type of pain in my heart and my anxiety has lessen a great deal and I know it's all because of NC. I have taken great lengths to ensure that I block, delete and do not know a single thing about that piece of crap. Like I have said this more than once. i have built this NC shield around me and that this crap will never hurt me ever again.

 

Bolded part : Be a douche..I support you..but only TO HER. Be a douchiest douche to her (in your mind and heart). Curse her..so whatever it takes to let your anger out at her (but don't break NC)..tell people she died (I did..heh).. and heck..if you don't and can't forgive her for the rest of your life..it's okay too. You will heal and get over her.

[Ruby65]

Why the hell am i doing NC? It feels like I'm just doing her a BIG ASS FAVOR. Im doing exactly what she wanted without even putting up the smallest fight. She gets what she wants so easily, while I'm the one taking all of the **** and going through the pain for us both. I am the one suffering.

 

Feels like if she was my boxing opponent in the ring and i just laid down on the floor, giving her the easiest win possible here by not contacting her at all. Im so pissed of and sad at the same time, i love her and hate her at the same time.

 

I think everyone here can really relate to this.

 

Think of it this way: by going NC you're taking the High Road.

 

Yeah, it's really hard to give her the last word.... to let her have her way.... to not even fight. Right now, it feels like you're letting her win.

 

But in time, when you look back on this breakup, your perspective is going to be SO MUCH DIFFERENT!

 

You're going to be so glad you kept your dignity, that you walked away without endlessly crawling and begging and pleading to someone not to leave you. In the end, what you leave her with is her knowing that you value YOURSELF more than that.

 

Right now you think that by leaving her alone you're not *fighting* to win what you want..... but the way she sees it is *begging*.... and that's how you'll come to see it too when your brain has had a chance to recover from the shock and calm itself.

 

Think about anytime you've been in an argument with someone and CHOSE to take The High Road. You let them have their say, you let them have the last word, you chose the path of peace and right thinking.

 

That's what No Contact is. It's the High Road. It's choosing NOT to keep rolling around in the muck and mud of an emotionally explosive breakup and having the dignity and grace to LET THINGS BE AS THEY ARE. It's giving up the need to control.

 

Keep going, a step at a time. Hate the world if you have to, but just don't break that No Contact. In time -- and for the rest of your life -- you're going to be SO GLAD you stuck to it!

 

[privategal]

It's 6.30 am. I can't sleep, i haven't been able to sleep since she left 3 weeks ago. And why am I doing this? I know everyone in here is saying "You don't do NC for her to come back, you do it for you"

 

Yeah but it's not helping me at all. I can't sleep, i can't eat like i used too, i go to the gym i spend half of my time there just sitting and thinking, i can't work, i can't live my life.

 

She on the other hand is living life perfectly, like if i was never in her life in the first place. She works, she parties, she's with friends, she is happy on pictures, she flirts and maybe even dates who knows. Is that fair?

 

Why the hell am i doing NC? It feels like I'm just doing her a BIG ASS FAVOR. Im doing exactly what she wanted without even putting up the smallest fight. She gets what she wants so easily, while I'm the one taking all of the **** and going through the pain for us both. I am the one suffering.

 

Feels like if she was my boxing opponent in the ring and i just laid down on the floor, giving her the easiest win possible here by not contacting her at all. Im so pissed of and sad at the same time, i love her and hate her at the same time.

 

I swear to god if i ever get through this i will be the biggest and coldest douchebag ever, i will never let a girl take my heart like this again, rip it in pieces and then throwing it in garbage because after this i don't own a heart anymore. I will not have a relationship for the next 10-15 years at least. I will be screwing as many as possible and just being a cold ass heartless idiot. Screw being that romantic, loving guy. It has done nothing but brought me pain. I wish id never met her, i wish i never did gave her my heart and fell in love.

 

Thats called a poker face that she has on.

She has hurt guarenteed but she doesn't want to show it.

And wouldn't you rather show strength and have your pride and dignity than writing here because you feel like a fool for writing and begging?

If you had begged, fought...the results would have been the same.

You have to know IF shevwas going to miss you, she needs time apart to do so.

All the partying etc. getsvold and us just to fill a void right now and be around people.

She will soon tire of it she's just trying to have fun .

She may be done, she may not in TIME but I would still be radio silent. Not a word. You look great. If she is a heartless b!#% you are at least showing you dont care.

If she wants you back she will come around but your doing the right thing.

The 1st month or so is hell on everyone then the pain starts to lift. Keep going.

[Van Norden]

Thats called a poker face that she has on.

She has hurt guarenteed but she doesn't want to show it.

And wouldn't you rather show strength and have your pride and dignity than writing here because you feel like a fool for writing and begging?

If you had begged, fought...the results would have been the same.

You have to know IF shevwas going to miss you, she needs time apart to do so.

All the partying etc. getsvold and us just to fill a void right now and be around people.

She will soon tire of it she's just trying to have fun .

She may be done, she may not in TIME but I would still be radio silent. Not a word. You look great. If she is a heartless b!#% you are at least showing you dont care.

If she wants you back she will come around but your doing the right thing.

The 1st month or so is hell on everyone then the pain starts to lift. Keep going.

Thanks for your post. Nothing we didn't already know but it kinda helps to keep on working with NC. I was feeling in the OP's shoes too.

[rollercoaster11]

Take it from me I was almost 3 months NC and I gave it up because I was and still am in denial. There is a part of me that's holding on and then there's the part that tells me that I need to let go. At least when I was NC I felt that I had my dignity but since I crossed that line I felt powerless. NC is definitely for your own good. Everyone who replied said it right its for you and not your ex. She is probably wondering what you are up to as well because you are not trying to contact her so stay mysterious as far as she knows you are out there living your life too. Hang in there because the anxiousness does start to subside.

[dvx]

DVX..same here but please take all of our advice. NC is really for you..in fact for all of us whose heart has been broken to smithereens and stepped on.

 

I have been in NC for more than a month (2 months plus post BU)..guess what..there are up and down..setbacks in emotions here and there..but not once...have I considered breaking NC and I tell you..it is really helping me.

I no longer have the 'knife slashing' type of pain in my heart and my anxiety has lessen a great deal and I know it's all because of NC. I have taken great lengths to ensure that I block, delete and do not know a single thing about that piece of crap. Like I have said this more than once. i have built this NC shield around me and that this crap will never hurt me ever again.

 

Bolded part : Be a douche..I support you..but only TO HER. Be a douchiest douche to her (in your mind and heart). Curse her..so whatever it takes to let your anger out at her (but don't break NC)..tell people she died (I did..heh).. and heck..if you don't and can't forgive her for the rest of your life..it's okay too. You will heal and get over her.

 

My friend, I feel you. I was broken up with and got back together with the same person three times. And he cheated. If loving her and talking could fix the problems then there would be no need for this website. Love and feelings are not logical and you are not going to be able to convince her using them.

 

Although it may seem like NC is making it easier on her to move on, consider the alternative. You stay in contact as a friend while she figures this out. And she moves on just the same and you have a front row ticket. She gets to stab you in the heart everytime she talks about another guy.

 

Contrary to what your anger is telling you, she is struggling just as much as you. But you cannot convice someone to come back to you and to love you.

 

Take all of that energy you spent on loving her and turn it inward. I promise it gets better.

 

I think everyone here can really relate to this.

 

Think of it this way: by going NC you're taking the High Road.

 

Yeah, it's really hard to give her the last word.... to let her have her way.... to not even fight. Right now, it feels like you're letting her win.

 

But in time, when you look back on this breakup, your perspective is going to be SO MUCH DIFFERENT!

 

You're going to be so glad you kept your dignity, that you walked away without endlessly crawling and begging and pleading to someone not to leave you. In the end, what you leave her with is her knowing that you value YOURSELF more than that.

 

Right now you think that by leaving her alone you're not *fighting* to win what you want..... but the way she sees it is *begging*.... and that's how you'll come to see it too when your brain has had a chance to recover from the shock and calm itself.

 

Think about anytime you've been in an argument with someone and CHOSE to take The High Road. You let them have their say, you let them have the last word, you chose the path of peace and right thinking.

 

That's what No Contact is. It's the High Road. It's choosing NOT to keep rolling around in the muck and mud of an emotionally explosive breakup and having the dignity and grace to LET THINGS BE AS THEY ARE. It's giving up the need to control.

 

Keep going, a step at a time. Hate the world if you have to, but just don't break that No Contact. In time -- and for the rest of your life -- you're going to be SO GLAD you stuck to it!

 

Thank you for your replies. I've spend several hours, days around this website these past couple weeks. I've read numerous threads with all the differential outcomes, the success stories, the less successful ones, the common misstakes, NC outcomes both positive and negative etc..

 

I get the picture but it's just not helping me, time is not my friend, doesn't matter if 1 month passes or 1 year. Time doesn't heal, you just learn to live with the pain.

 

I blame myself completely for the outcome of this relationship, it was me who pushed her away with my bad jealous insecure actions. She was great to me, she treated me the best way anyone can treat someone yet i blew it. I had some issues from an earlier relationship, trust issues, that i hadn't resolved before i met this new girl and thats what is bugging me so much. I just wish i'd met her in some other time and place where i was completely healed. I thought i was healed when i met her. But then the same bad habits and reactions started to pop up slowly and she saw them quickly and ran away from me. But I'm not that person she saw sometimes and I'm not planing to be it either. I wish she did have a bit more patience with me, with her i was starting to find the old me slowly but safely.

 

I can't stand the thought of the possibility that i might never ever hear her voice again, see her face and smile once more. And that will haunt me forever. Because i know for sure that she was the one.

 

She did warn me a few times, and indirectly suggested a break but i completely ignored her and her feelings and desires. I left her with no other choice then completely leaving me.

 

It's easy for her to move on and forget, she has tons of friends and a big supportive family with a lot of brothers and sisters. But for me I'm all alone, i barely have any friends left nor brothers or sisters. She can call someone when she is feeling bad, there is no one for me to call or talk too.

[dvx]

I understand NC is a general rule that is made and applies for everyone and surely has worked for many of you. It's like a scientifically proven method for healing etc etc.

 

But what if some people are basically just immune to NC? Like me.

 

I don't want to heal without her, i can't. I want her to come back, tbh I'm using this method to get her back. It's like the last hope I'm holding on to. Yea i know it's wrong and NC is for your own healing thing. But i don't wanna accept that fact

 

I can't, i refuse to accept that she will be gone forever. I refuse to accept that i will never ever hear her voice again, see her, see her smile. This can't be it. There must be some other way if this NC won't help me.

 

Yeah some stuff are unforgivable, like cheating, killing etc. But everything else should have some kind of resolution.

 

What if she really was the one? My soul-mate? What if i did some really bad amateur misstakes that pushed her away, and would of pushed anyone away? Why would it be late for me to change into a better man and get a last chance to make it right? What is there to lose for her? Nothing to lose but everything to win.

 

Day 8 of NC, it gets harder. Very strange feeling waking up, going to sleep, not seeing her text or calls on my phone.

[Jimmyjackson]

I understand NC is a general rule that is made and applies for everyone and surely has worked for many of you. It's like a scientifically proven method for healing etc etc.

 

But what if some people are basically just immune to NC? Like me.

 

I don't want to heal without her, i can't. I want her to come back, tbh I'm using this method to get her back. It's like the last hope I'm holding on to. Yea i know it's wrong and NC is for your own healing thing. But i don't wanna accept that fact

 

I can't, i refuse to accept that she will be gone forever. I refuse to accept that i will never ever hear her voice again, see her, see her smile. This can't be it. There must be some other way if this NC won't help me.

 

Yeah some stuff are unforgivable, like cheating, killing etc. But everything else should have some kind of resolution.

 

What if she really was the one? My soul-mate? What if i did some really bad amateur misstakes that pushed her away, and would of pushed anyone away? Why would it be late for me to change into a better man and get a last chance to make it right? What is there to lose for her? Nothing to lose but everything to win.

 

Day 8 of NC, it gets harder. Very strange feeling waking up, going to sleep, not seeing her text or calls on my phone.

 

There's no such thing as being immune to NC, it's called being afraid to move forward instead.

 

You might not want to heal without her and you might want her to come back but you have to accept the reality that she's never coming back, you have no choice in the matter. You might use NC initially to make her miss you, I think most on LS do in some way or another, but as time goes by you do actually start to do it for yourself, it just subconsciously happens.

 

Just because you think she is your soul mate (something I don't believe in), doesn't mean she thinks you are hers. If at some point she realises you are, then, she will make sure you're the first to know.

 

But stop with the "immune to NC" bull, you're only 8 days in, it will get better...I promise.

[Satu]

Sorry, I have to disagree.

 

I've read everything you've posted on this forum, and you are making progress.

 

In the beginning you were totally wrapped up in trying to find a way to get her back at any cost and weren't paying attention to yourself, but now you're looking at yourself, expressing your feelings, and interested in making positive changes.

 

That's progress. Real progress.

 

I think you've figured out that you matter, and it isn't all about her.

 

You're a really nice guy by the way, and there's no reason why you can't in the fullness of time love again, and be loved in return.

[dvx]

Sorry, I have to disagree.

 

I've read everything you've posted on this forum, and you are making progress.

 

In the beginning you were totally wrapped up in trying to find a way to get her back at any cost and weren't paying attention to yourself, but now you're looking at yourself, expressing your feelings, and interested in making positive changes.

 

That's progress. Real progress.

 

I think you've figured out that you matter, and it isn't all about her.

 

You're a really nice guy by the way, and there's no reason why you can't in the fullness of time love again, and be loved in return.

Thanks but like i said it pretty hard. The first relationship i've had in my life i was the one that did all the loving and ended up being dumped. This one, I was the one being loved but didn't show enough love back because i was afraid of letting her in due to the old relationship issues and i had a hard time trusting again.

 

It sucks more knowing that i was the one not doing enough and showing the love and hurting her, instead of being dumped like i was in the first relationship, where i was treated like ****.

 

That is why I'm determined i really do deserve one last chance, cuz i know my potential of loving, i know that I'm not this jealous insecure guy that i've shown her, it was my shell that i've build up because i was hurt once.

 

I just wish she gave me more time to open up, remove this shell of me, show her the real me, and love her like she loved me. Instead it feels like she is judging me and thinking that this is who i am, that I'm the jealous insecure guy that I'm actually not. This side does not define me and its not a side i will have anymore.

 

So whats the issue for her? why not give me a last chance

[BC1980]

I understand NC is a general rule that is made and applies for everyone and surely has worked for many of you. It's like a scientifically proven method for healing etc etc.

 

But what if some people are basically just immune to NC? Like me.

 

I don't want to heal without her, i can't. I want her to come back, tbh I'm using this method to get her back. It's like the last hope I'm holding on to. Yea i know it's wrong and NC is for your own healing thing. But i don't wanna accept that fact

 

I can't, i refuse to accept that she will be gone forever. I refuse to accept that i will never ever hear her voice again, see her, see her smile. This can't be it. There must be some other way if this NC won't help me.

 

Yeah some stuff are unforgivable, like cheating, killing etc. But everything else should have some kind of resolution.

 

What if she really was the one? My soul-mate? What if i did some really bad amateur misstakes that pushed her away, and would of pushed anyone away? Why would it be late for me to change into a better man and get a last chance to make it right? What is there to lose for her? Nothing to lose but everything to win.

 

Day 8 of NC, it gets harder. Very strange feeling waking up, going to sleep, not seeing her text or calls on my phone.

 

It took me 3 months of NC not to feel completely depressed and that my life had some meaning. It took me an entire year of NC to feel mostly detached and like I could finally move on. Everything you are feeling is universal. I could have written what you wrote at one point in time, and many people here could have too. This process is rocky, painful, and it's slow moving at times.

 

You don't have to accept everything today. You don't have to accept that you will never see her again today. Just accept it for right now. You can always reevaluate how you feel months of a year from now. No one wants to accept that it's over in the beginning, but you do NC to force yourself to accept it.

[smellysocksuni]

Yeah I'm doing NC, but what hurts more and what is more unhealthy, is what I'm going through right now during this NC period. Its far more unhealthy then that i was attached to her. Whats wrong wanting to spend time with the one you love? If thats not love then what is?

 

She once decided she wants to be with me, I'm not a rental car that you can drive and then just send back to the dealership after you're done with it. So why the hell did she come into my life in the first place and give me false hope, if her intention wasn't to stay with me? Why the hell did she walk out of the relationship as first choice.

 

What happened to the good old times were 2 people sat down and discussed and resolved whatever the issue is? If it was up to me, the only reason i would walk away is if she had cheated. All other reasons i would be willing to sit down and atleast talk about it and see if we can resolve it together somehow? WHY THE HELL DOES SHE LEAVE without even being willing to talk or resolve things?

 

How selfish can someone be? I know for sure i would never be this selfish towards her, its not fair! Leaving shouldn't be the first option, it should be the last option.

 

There is not a single relationship out there that hasn't faced some kind of problem or has been through a fight. How weak can someone be if leaving is their first option?

 

Like i said, i don't feel like this NC is doing me any good, just doing her good, and making it very easy for her to move on and on to the next like i never existed.

 

This sounds like I wrote it. I'm in exactly the same position. I feel your pain.

[darkbloom]

Thank you for your replies. I've spend several hours, days around this website these past couple weeks. I've read numerous threads with all the differential outcomes, the success stories, the less successful ones, the common misstakes, NC outcomes both positive and negative etc..

 

I get the picture but it's just not helping me, time is not my friend, doesn't matter if 1 month passes or 1 year. Time doesn't heal, you just learn to live with the pain.

 

I blame myself completely for the outcome of this relationship, it was me who pushed her away with my bad jealous insecure actions. She was great to me, she treated me the best way anyone can treat someone yet i blew it. I had some issues from an earlier relationship, trust issues, that i hadn't resolved before i met this new girl and thats what is bugging me so much. I just wish i'd met her in some other time and place where i was completely healed. I thought i was healed when i met her. But then the same bad habits and reactions started to pop up slowly and she saw them quickly and ran away from me. But I'm not that person she saw sometimes and I'm not planing to be it either. I wish she did have a bit more patience with me, with her i was starting to find the old me slowly but safely.

 

I can't stand the thought of the possibility that i might never ever hear her voice again, see her face and smile once more. And that will haunt me forever. Because i know for sure that she was the one.

 

She did warn me a few times, and indirectly suggested a break but i completely ignored her and her feelings and desires. I left her with no other choice then completely leaving me.

 

It's easy for her to move on and forget, she has tons of friends and a big supportive family with a lot of brothers and sisters. But for me I'm all alone, i barely have any friends left nor brothers or sisters. She can call someone when she is feeling bad, there is no one for me to call or talk too.

 

Time is your best friend. This overwhelming hurt you are feeling will fade over time. Eventually it will turn into a dull ache. And after a while it won't even hurt anymore. If you really pick at it and think about it, it might sting a bit but it will never overwhelm you like it did when it happened.

 

I can say this because I have been there. I am still there. I am in between the dull ache sometimes and not hurting other times. I have survived.

 

You were not as happy as you were pretending to be.

[dvx]

It's day 16 NC and the urge to call her is stronger then ever.

 

Not a single breadcrumb..Bad sign eh?

[TunaCat]

It's day 16 NC and the urge to call her is stronger then ever.

 

Not a single breadcrumb..Bad sign eh?

 

He texted me once & FB messaged me 2 times in the first week of NC. I didn't open the messages at all.

 

I haven't had a single breadcrumb in a week & a half.

 

It sucks!

[spiderowl]

I understand NC is a general rule that is made and applies for everyone and surely has worked for many of you. It's like a scientifically proven method for healing etc etc.

 

But what if some people are basically just immune to NC? Like me.

 

I don't want to heal without her, i can't. I want her to come back, tbh I'm using this method to get her back. It's like the last hope I'm holding on to. Yea i know it's wrong and NC is for your own healing thing. But i don't wanna accept that fact

 

I can't, i refuse to accept that she will be gone forever. I refuse to accept that i will never ever hear her voice again, see her, see her smile. This can't be it. There must be some other way if this NC won't help me.

 

Yeah some stuff are unforgivable, like cheating, killing etc. But everything else should have some kind of resolution.

 

What if she really was the one? My soul-mate? What if i did some really bad amateur misstakes that pushed her away, and would of pushed anyone away? Why would it be late for me to change into a better man and get a last chance to make it right? What is there to lose for her? Nothing to lose but everything to win.

 

Day 8 of NC, it gets harder. Very strange feeling waking up, going to sleep, not seeing her text or calls on my phone.

 

The worst thought you can have is that you did something to cause this break up. We all do things that can cause break-ups, that's for sure, but if a relationship breaks up and talking cannot quickly solve the problem, then it usually beaks up because of a change of feelings not because of a single action. The point I am making is do not keep blaming yourself for this break up. Her feelings probably changed. Suggesting a break for a while is often a prelude to a break up so don't kick yourself for not taking that option. If someone needs time apart from you to think, that is a sign they are not likely to get back together.

 

I know the above isn't good news but at least you can stop blaming yourself and realise that people pass by each other like molecules. Some become attached, some don't, and it's not obvious to the onlooker why any of it happens. It's presumably not obvious to the molecule either. When it's meant to work it will. In the meantime, you have the unconscious disentangling work to continue before you feel free of her. I know you don't want to be free but slowly you will be able to dismantle the ties. One day you will wake up and realise that she wasn't the girl you thought she was but someone who had a different direction to go in. Believe me, I know it hurts like hell until you get to this stage.

 

I'm not an advocate of no contact because it feels highly unnatural. It's a tool to use when you need it. You will know when you need it. Other posters know they reached a point where they knew there was no alternative. You might well reach that point. It genuinely does help as the mind wants to hook onto that person at the slightest prompting, like a compulsion or addiction. Out of sight does mean out of mind a lot more and therefore a reduction in those compulsive triggers and a little peace and fewer sleepless nights. So sorry you are hurting like this.

[darkbloom]

A breadcrumb will set your healing back. Be thankful that you have not had one while you are still in this much pain. She is doing you a favor.

 

It takes at least a month of NC to not feel like absolute sh-t and to not feel the desperation to get back together.

 

I am proof that NC actually helps. I was desperate to get back together with someone who not only cheated on me but had broken up with me on three separate occasions. Someone who would drink to solve his problems and push me away because it gave him control over his life that was spinning out of control. I WAS DELUSIONAL. NC gave me the clarity to see that and to understand how to improve myself so as not to end up back in a situation with someone who does not want to be with me.

 

You do not have to accept it now. You may not be ready. But once you get there it is such a relief.

[dvx]

A breadcrumb will set your healing back. Be thankful that you have not had one while you are still in this much pain. She is doing you a favor.

 

It takes at least a month of NC to not feel like absolute sh-t and to not feel the desperation to get back together.

 

I am proof that NC actually helps. I was desperate to get back together with someone who not only cheated on me but had broken up with me on three separate occasions. Someone who would drink to solve his problems and push me away because it gave him control over his life that was spinning out of control. I WAS DELUSIONAL. NC gave me the clarity to see that and to understand how to improve myself so as not to end up back in a situation with someone who does not want to be with me.

 

You do not have to accept it now. You may not be ready. But once you get there it is such a relief.

I know this girl, she is not a "breadcrumb type" either she will contact me and want me back, or she will never contact me. Like you said, she doesn't want to give false hope.