Is NC really for me?

[dvx]

I'm going to assume your "issues" from a previous relationship was a sense of insecurity. Same thing with me. My first gf ever (in highschool) cheated on me, this created an immense amount of insecurity in me for this future relationship.

 

So even though she broke up with me, I gave her the reasons to. If you want, I can go a little further into what I mean by "I gave her the reasons".

 

Now this is actually where it's hard for me to explain. Because when we were together, there were no games, only love and compassion and great vibes. At 21, I could see myself with her for the rest of my life. Our relationship grew stronger and stronger everyday until that one day we broke up.

 

When I say she is still playing games, that's actually more of an assumption now days. When we first broke up though, she was playing games like no other. This pissed me off cause it was like I blinked and she wasn't even remotely close to the person I used to know.

 

I told you my reason for wanting her to contact me has changed 3 times.

1.) When we first broke up, I wanted her to contact me in hope of reconciliation because I was weak and didn't know how to continue with my daily routine without her.

 

2.) During my one year strict NC, I wanted her to contact me because I never responded, but she kept and kept on trying. It felt good to give her a taste of her own medicine (and I actually was moving on even though I thought about her every now and then).

 

3.) Finally now, with a better sense of who I am (I can't stress enough I'm not done growing as a person) I want her to contact me because I still can't see myself with anyone else in the future other than her. Two years post break up, I can compare and contrast what it was like to sleep around, casually see other women, and also full on date another woman (who was amazing) compared to dating my ex. Still my ex comes out on top. Every other woman that has come into my life in the last 2 years has been so 2nd rate and simply doesn't come close.

 

The problem with #3 though is that if she contacted me tomorrow asking me to get back together, I would have to decline because I'm not happy with myself. I'm not the man I'd like to be. If you are not happy with yourself, you can't be with anyone else.

 

You asked me what makes me think it will be different this time? Honestly, I couldn't give you an answer to that. I don't even know if she's really dating this guy, it just seems very very very likely she is. All I can do is hope and believe (fu***** cheesy right?)

 

Look, I've always been a bit more cynical than most, so I have never believed in fairy tales and blah blah. But when it comes to this girl, despite all the crap we've put each other through for 2 years, I have to believe everything we were, how we made each other feel wasn't for nothing. In the past 2 years I have done so much growing and maturing as an individual and when I met up with her I could tell she has done so too. It's hard for me to explain, but it's the kind of growing that would not have happened if we were together. I have to believe that all the growing as individuals we have done apart was meant to make us better people not so we would end up with other people, but so we would end up with each other in the end

 

If I had to count all the things I regret in life so far, I wouldn't even need one hand. Life's too short to be regretting sh**. Here's where my cynicism kicks back in: there are 7 billion people on this planet, I guarantee you there are at least a million better matches out there for both you and I, but when I really think about it, and I've been thinking about it for 2 years, I don't know if I can be satisfied in life if I just give up on her.

 

I have to believe that deep down she does still love me, that somehow, someway, we will end up together

 

Interesting story, reminds me a lot of how i was thinking when i broke up with my first girlfriend after more then 4 years. But when i met this recent one, it was like I was given a brand new life. I realized that i wasted 4 years of my life being afraid of not getting something better. Then i met the best one and felt like a king. Still i messed up the more time we started to spend and things we're getting more serious, i automatically became scared, distant and insecure. And i blame all that because i was hurt by the first girlfriend. That's why my regrets today for treating this new girl like **** are unbearable .

[DannyCA]

Interesting story, reminds me a lot of how i was thinking when i broke up with my first girlfriend after more then 4 years. But when i met this recent one, it was like I was given a brand new life. I realized that i wasted 4 years of my life being afraid of not getting something better. Then i met the best one and felt like a king. Still i messed up the more time we started to spend and things we're getting more serious, i automatically became scared, distant and insecure. And i blame all that because i was hurt by the first girlfriend. That's why my regrets today for treating this new girl like **** are unbearable .

 

You blame being scared, distant, and insecure on the first girlfriend. Maybe that's what you need to work on then, in not letting those negative attributes arise. Long story short, my insecurity led me to go behind my ex's back to try and get some information to the stories I was making up in my head. When she found out what I did, she didn't trust me anymore. Insecurity is a very ugly attribute that would easily make any woman lose respect in you. It shows that you are not confident in yourself and it shows that you do not trust her.

 

Like I said maybe you need to work on that. One of the personal growths I've done in the past year is gaining more confidence in myself. In not letting insecurity become inherent to my character. With my most recent ex, she had tons of guy friends, even a guy best friend from college who she texted all the time. To most guys this would be a huge red flag, it would make them uncomfortable. Let insecurity take over and in turn show their gf this ugly insecure side to themselves. Me, I embraced her friends, I trusted her, I showed her I was confident in myself, and she only became more attracted to me. Regardless that I broke up with her (because I still have much more growing to do to be the best possible man I can be, a personal goal of mine), that does't take away from the fact that when I kept my insecurities in check, I kept the girl.

 

So again maybe you need to work on yourself, work on those issues, and maybe, and I say maybe, you will get the chance sometime in the future to show your ex your redefined version of yourself. But that's not gonna happen in a few weeks, or a few months, it's gonna take a lot of time. And maybe by that time you'll stumble across another new girl that makes you feel like a king like you said. And maybe by that time your ex won't even matter.

[dvx]

You blame being scared, distant, and insecure on the first girlfriend. Maybe that's what you need to work on then, in not letting those negative attributes arise. Long story short, my insecurity led me to go behind my ex's back to try and get some information to the stories I was making up in my head. When she found out what I did, she didn't trust me anymore. Insecurity is a very ugly attribute that would easily make any woman lose respect in you. It shows that you are not confident in yourself and it shows that you do not trust her.

 

Like I said maybe you need to work on that. One of the personal growths I've done in the past year is gaining more confidence in myself. In not letting insecurity become inherent to my character. With my most recent ex, she had tons of guy friends, even a guy best friend from college who she texted all the time. To most guys this would be a huge red flag, it would make them uncomfortable. Let insecurity take over and in turn show their gf this ugly insecure side to themselves. Me, I embraced her friends, I trusted her, I showed her I was confident in myself, and she only became more attracted to me. Regardless that I broke up with her (because I still have much more growing to do to be the best possible man I can be, a personal goal of mine), that does't take away from the fact that when I kept my insecurities in check, I kept the girl.

 

So again maybe you need to work on yourself, work on those issues, and maybe, and I say maybe, you will get the chance sometime in the future to show your ex your redefined version of yourself. But that's not gonna happen in a few weeks, or a few months, it's gonna take a lot of time. And maybe by that time you'll stumble across another new girl that makes you feel like a king like you said. And maybe by that time your ex won't even matter.

 

Im working on it and have made a lot of progress. Im aiming for 2 months of NC before reaching out to her one last time. I realized i needed to change, the moment she left. I know now how to behave and i truly wish she would give me one last chance. But i know she is stubborn and will never reach out to me, no matter how much she is hurting or not. And i can't live with this hope forever.

[Jimmyjackson]

Im working on it and have made a lot of progress. Im aiming for 2 months of NC before reaching out to her one last time. I realized i needed to change, the moment she left. I know now how to behave and i truly wish she would give me one last chance. But i know she is stubborn and will never reach out to me, no matter how much she is hurting or not. And i can't live with this hope forever.

 

After 2 months of NC you probably won't want to reach out to her.

[dvx]

After 2 months of NC you probably won't want to reach out to her.

 

1 month seems too soon and 2 months seems too far away.

 

Maybe 45 days?

[DannyCA]

Im working on it and have made a lot of progress. Im aiming for 2 months of NC before reaching out to her one last time. I realized i needed to change, the moment she left. I know now how to behave and i truly wish she would give me one last chance. But i know she is stubborn and will never reach out to me, no matter how much she is hurting or not. And i can't live with this hope forever.

 

Let me tell you this, you've been broken up about a month right? You can't be thinking straight this early post breakup no matter how hard you try. I've done NC with my ex for a year and that was the absolute most I have ever been over her. If I had just kept it going, I think I would be fully healed by now. But for that year, it was so damn hard. I felt like an drug addict trying to kick the habit. Every day was a constant struggle to go on. It took all my willpower to not check social media or text her. It took like half a year before I was finally starting to get used to it, and she was more or less fading from my mind. Until I bit her breadcrumb end of last year and now it feels like I'm back to day one and all the progress I made is in the trash.

 

You say you want to contact her in 2 months? First of all of the progress you make while NC will be in the trash, and second 3 months post breakup is not enough time to have reformed yourself. But let just give you the benefit of the doubt and say you are a new man 3 months later. If she agrees to give it another shot, she won't be ready. She will just be at about that stage of being nostalgic of what you two were, and the novelty of being "free" will be wearing off. She will begin to feel lonely and jump at the chance to reconcile. Thing is, it will only be for a short while. Because even if you are somehow a changed man 3 months later, she will not have had enough time to have known what it's like to have lost you. In a way, if you two reconcile in a few months, it's like she will subconsciously internalize that you are available whenever she feels lonely. You will end up being her "safe bet" but only when it's convenient for her.

 

I went back to your first post, and I read you feel like you're doing her a big favor by going NC and she is out there partying and having a blast. I will call bulls*** on that. One of the side effects of NC is it makes dumpers go crazy. It makes a million ideas race through their head like "is he over me? has he moved on faster than me? is he screwing some other girl? maybe i should text him? has he found another gf already? etc"

 

All the pictures you see of her having a great time partying is an illusion. After all we get to pick and choose what we post on social media. You really think she is going to put up a picture on ig saying "it's a lonely boring night tonight, i'm contemplating whether or not I should text my ex?"

 

But, let me elaborate with a personal experience with my ex. While I was a complete mess after the breakup she was posting pictures every weekend of her partying, being happy, and posting pictures of her new city (we were long distance) saying "she never wanted to leave there". I can guarantee half of that bulls*** was to make me mad. Fast forward to when I met up with her for the first time in 2 years, you know what she tells me? She's sick of partying. She realizes a lot of the new people she's met are not real friends. She doesn't like this city anymore. She can't wait to move back to where I live. And she's felt that way for a long time.

 

So I guess what I'm trying to say, she might look like she's happy in the pictures, but either the novelty has worn off or it will soon.

 

Either way you are going to do whatever it is you want to do, I can only say I don't know if contacting her in 2 months is the best idea.

[dvx]

Let me tell you this, you've been broken up about a month right? You can't be thinking straight this early post breakup no matter how hard you try. I've done NC with my ex for a year and that was the absolute most I have ever been over her. If I had just kept it going, I think I would be fully healed by now. But for that year, it was so damn hard. I felt like an drug addict trying to kick the habit. Every day was a constant struggle to go on. It took all my willpower to not check social media or text her. It took like half a year before I was finally starting to get used to it, and she was more or less fading from my mind. Until I bit her breadcrumb end of last year and now it feels like I'm back to day one and all the progress I made is in the trash.

 

You say you want to contact her in 2 months? First of all of the progress you make while NC will be in the trash, and second 3 months post breakup is not enough time to have reformed yourself. But let just give you the benefit of the doubt and say you are a new man 3 months later. If she agrees to give it another shot, she won't be ready. She will just be at about that stage of being nostalgic of what you two were, and the novelty of being "free" will be wearing off. She will begin to feel lonely and jump at the chance to reconcile. Thing is, it will only be for a short while. Because even if you are somehow a changed man 3 months later, she will not have had enough time to have known what it's like to have lost you. In a way, if you two reconcile in a few months, it's like she will subconsciously internalize that you are available whenever she feels lonely. You will end up being her "safe bet" but only when it's convenient for her.

 

I went back to your first post, and I read you feel like you're doing her a big favor by going NC and she is out there partying and having a blast. I will call bulls*** on that. One of the side effects of NC is it makes dumpers go crazy. It makes a million ideas race through their head like "is he over me? has he moved on faster than me? is he screwing some other girl? maybe i should text him? has he found another gf already? etc"

 

All the pictures you see of her having a great time partying is an illusion. After all we get to pick and choose what we post on social media. You really think she is going to put up a picture on ig saying "it's a lonely boring night tonight, i'm contemplating whether or not I should text my ex?"

 

But, let me elaborate with a personal experience with my ex. While I was a complete mess after the breakup she was posting pictures every weekend of her partying, being happy, and posting pictures of her new city (we were long distance) saying "she never wanted to leave there". I can guarantee half of that bulls*** was to make me mad. Fast forward to when I met up with her for the first time in 2 years, you know what she tells me? She's sick of partying. She realizes a lot of the new people she's met are not real friends. She doesn't like this city anymore. She can't wait to move back to where I live. And she's felt that way for a long time.

 

So I guess what I'm trying to say, she might look like she's happy in the pictures, but either the novelty has worn off or it will soon.

 

Either way you are going to do whatever it is you want to do, I can only say I don't know if contacting her in 2 months is the best idea.

 

Well I agree with these things, but I'm guessing the time of NC you mention is more suitable if the relationship lasted for years not months.

[DannyCA]

Well I agree with these things, but I'm guessing the time of NC you mention is more suitable if the relationship lasted for years not months.

 

Umm, yeah you are right. Idk, my relationships that have only lasted months I got over the ex really quick and never looked back. I guess that might be because I didn't have the time to develop a real connection with them. I'd be a bad person if I tried to get your hopes up, but if you two only dated months and not years, maybe the 2 month NC idea you have wouldn't be such a bad idea.

 

But i guess you have to be ok with the possibility of it not working like you want.

[Ruby65]

Im working on it and have made a lot of progress. Im aiming for 2 months of NC before reaching out to her one last time. I realized i needed to change, the moment she left. I know now how to behave and i truly wish she would give me one last chance. But i know she is stubborn and will never reach out to me, no matter how much she is hurting or not. And i can't live with this hope forever.

 

No, you CAN'T live with this hope forever....

 

That's why you stick to NC and allow the hope to gradually fade more and more as you get stronger with each passing day of NC.

 

You *hope* she'll take you back after just two months? She won't.

 

You *hope* she's hurting almost as much as you are... but is just too stubborn to contact you first? She's not.

 

Your hopes are unfounded. Whether or not you contact her in 2 months, 45 days, 3 months, 4 months.....

 

UNLESS AND UNTIL she reaches out to you and asks for another chance, you need to try and accept this one essential fact:

 

The only reason your ex isn't asking to get back together.... is because SHE DOESN'T WANT TO.

 

That's the hard, brutal truth my friend. She doesn't want to.

 

If she ever changes her mind..... she'll let you know!

 

But for now -- for the foreseeable future -- she DOESN'T WANT TO and the more you "reach out" (ie, beg and plead) the less she's going to want to.

 

Please, for now -- try and put these foolish thoughts of contact out of your head. Just let them go.

 

Give yourself more time, then you can re-evaluate.

[DannyCA]

No, you CAN'T live with this hope forever....

 

That's why you stick to NC and allow the hope to gradually fade more and more as you get stronger with each passing day of NC.

 

You *hope* she'll take you back after just two months? She won't.

 

You *hope* she's hurting almost as much as you are... but is just too stubborn to contact you first? She's not.

 

Your hopes are unfounded. Whether or not you contact her in 2 months, 45 days, 3 months, 4 months.....

 

UNLESS AND UNTIL she reaches out to you and asks for another chance, you need to try and accept this one essential fact:

 

The only reason your ex isn't asking to get back together.... is because SHE DOESN'T WANT TO.

 

That's the hard, brutal truth my friend. She doesn't want to.

 

If she ever changes her mind..... she'll let you know!

 

But for now -- for the foreseeable future -- she DOESN'T WANT TO and the more you "reach out" (ie, beg and plead) the less she's going to want to.

 

Please, for now -- try and put these foolish thoughts of contact out of your head. Just let them go.

 

Give yourself more time, then you can re-evaluate.

 

 

Actually, I take back what I said. The two months thing is a bad idea. Ruby is right, the more you reach out and beg, will make her see you as less attractive. Don't contact her dvx

[Simon Phoenix]

1 month seems too soon and 2 months seems too far away.

 

Maybe 45 days?

 

Both ideas are horrible. You need to stay No Contact and continue healing and evolving. The more you plot contact, the more you are holding yourself back. Get the contact timetable out of your mind. It's a bad, bad, bad idea. You need to get off this idea -- I can't believe you're still planning it. I just don't see the point of checking in and basically asking "Hey, do you still want to be broken up with me?"

Edited April 9, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[dvx]

Both ideas are horrible. You need to stay No Contact and continue healing and evolving. The more you plot contact, the more you are holding yourself back. Get the contact timetable out of your mind. It's a bad, bad, bad idea. You need to get off this idea -- I can't believe you're still planning it. I just don't see the point of checking in and basically asking "Hey, do you still want to be broken up with me?"

I see your point. But my plan was, when I eventually reach the point of not caring if she responds or not contact her one last time, what do i have to lose?

 

So what if I'm being the bigger human and i reach out one last time and update her with the changes and progress I've done? Rather then living with false hope and what-if-thoughts forever.

[Ruby65]

I see your point. But my plan was, when I eventually reach the point of not caring if she responds or not contact her one last time, what do i have to lose?

 

Okay, this isn't really "your" plan -- but this is the imaginary goal of those "how to get your ex back" systems..... that one day (after just a month or two) you'll suddenly be over the breakup and no longer care about the outcome.... so it's all fine and hunky dory to contact your ex again.

 

This is a fiction.

 

You're many many months from being indifferent, "over" or in any other way "ready" to have an impartial unemotional exchange with your ex!

 

So what if I'm being the bigger human and i reach out one last time and update her with the changes and progress I've done? Rather then living with false hope and what-if-thoughts forever.

 

Everyone here has told you -- ad nauseum! -- why this is such a horrible idea!

 

You're not being "the bigger person."

 

You're begging and pleading for someone who's only just dumped you to reconsider and take you back.

 

How is that being the bigger person? Sure, you won't live with false hopes -- for about 24 hours. Then your brain will start rationalizing and justifying more excuses to reach out.... more questions, more angles..... more reasons to keep after your ex.

 

You want to REALLY be the bigger person?

 

Stick to your No Contact, work on moving on, and give her the space to possibly one day miss you.

 

Anything else you do right now is only going to PUSH HER FARTHER AWAY.

 

Good luck to you.

[Jimmyjackson]

I see your point. But my plan was, when I eventually reach the point of not caring if she responds or not contact her one last time, what do i have to lose?

 

So what if I'm being the bigger human and i reach out one last time and update her with the changes and progress I've done? Rather then living with false hope and what-if-thoughts forever.

 

But you aren't reaching from a point of not caring are you? You do care and you're hoping for a positive response.

 

Updating her with changes will just make you look silly, she'll see straight through what it is you're trying to accomplish. You can be the bigger human by just respecting her wishes and not speaking to her, that's what she wants.

[dvx]

Okay, this isn't really "your" plan -- but this is the imaginary goal of those "how to get your ex back" systems..... that one day (after just a month or two) you'll suddenly be over the breakup and no longer care about the outcome.... so it's all fine and hunky dory to contact your ex again.

 

This is a fiction.

 

You're many many months from being indifferent, "over" or in any other way "ready" to have an impartial unemotional exchange with your ex!

 

 

 

Everyone here has told you -- ad nauseum! -- why this is such a horrible idea!

 

You're not being "the bigger person."

 

You're begging and pleading for someone who's only just dumped you to reconsider and take you back.

 

How is that being the bigger person? Sure, you won't live with false hopes -- for about 24 hours. Then your brain will start rationalizing and justifying more excuses to reach out.... more questions, more angles..... more reasons to keep after your ex.

 

You want to REALLY be the bigger person?

 

Stick to your No Contact, work on moving on, and give her the space to possibly one day miss you.

 

Anything else you do right now is only going to PUSH HER FARTHER AWAY.

 

Good luck to you.

Ok, well the more i think about what you said here, the more it makes sense. But still I can't stop thinking about, what do I have to lose? I've already lost her, apparently, I've forever lost my dignity and self-respect in her eyes, no amount of NC will ever change that. Chances of getting her back ever, are very slim if not impossible.

 

So the 2 things that remain for me to do is either:

1. Stay in NC forever and never reach out

2. Send a letter to at least let her know all the progress and changes i've made, and then go back to NC and, stay in NC forever after that.

 

Both of these options make me sick, both of them suck ass and both of them have the same outcome, she probably never will reach out to me first or after I reach out.

 

So the difference is, the letter might give me the final closure I need. And knowing that, hey at least I let her knew that I became a better man and that I refused to remain that jealous guy she doomed and judged that I was gona remain forever, just because i made a couple of mistakes with her.

[fireflywy]

DVX,

 

Here is thread of mine from YEARS ago. I wrote my ex this letter. It did NOT bring her back (other then a bar encounter and few words) and she met a new man. (Not my first time on loveshack. Strangely, looking back at my old threads, I seemed much more balanced. lol)

 

Anyway, you can read about my experience here. I will buck the trend and say if you REALLY want to write her a letter, and she hasn't blocked you, and you're willing to face the loss but at least walk away telling yourself that you did your absolute best to make them feel uplifted for the future, then you can do so. However, I only did this after reading a book called "The Four Agreements."

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/95099-if-you-truly-want-say-goodbye

[dvx]

DVX,

 

Here is thread of mine from YEARS ago. I wrote my ex this letter. It did NOT bring her back (other then a bar encounter and few words) and she met a new man. (Not my first time on loveshack. Strangely, looking back at my old threads, I seemed much more balanced. lol)

 

Anyway, you can read about my experience here. I will buck the trend and say if you REALLY want to write her a letter, and she hasn't blocked you, and you're willing to face the loss but at least walk away telling yourself that you did your absolute best to make them feel uplifted for the future, then you can do so. However, I only did this after reading a book called "The Four Agreements."

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/95099-if-you-truly-want-say-goodbye

 

Thanks i Will check into that. And screw the letter. She better come back crying and begging IF she even wants me to look her way again. I dont Owe her jack ****. Not sure Why i even blame Myself so hard. She wasnt no damn hail Mary herself.

[fireflywy]

It's weird as hell. In responding to you post by looking up one of old ones, I answered a question, given to me by my younger self, in a thread I just opened up.

 

I feel like Marty McFly in a time machine. So damn weird.

[Ruby65]

Thanks i Will check into that. And screw the letter. She better come back crying and begging IF she even wants me to look her way again. I dont Owe her jack ****. Not sure Why i even blame Myself so hard. She wasnt no damn hail Mary herself.

 

Yeah, okay.....

 

Not at all unemotional or indifferent to her and I'm guessing whatever response you get (since it won't be "gee I'm so glad you wrote because I really wanted to get back together but was just waiting for you to contact me!") is going to crush you.

 

Take care of yourself. I'm afraid this won't end well.

[dvx]

It's weird as hell. In responding to you post by looking up one of old ones, I answered a question, given to me by my younger self, in a thread I just opened up.

 

I feel like Marty McFly in a time machine. So damn weird.

 

Not following. But that was a damn old thread lol.

[fireflywy]

Not following. But that was a damn old thread lol.

 

The time machine reference was like having a younger me step out a machine and said "Hey FireFly!I travelled through time to tell you something important!"

 

And yeah, old thread written for a different woman, in a different decade of my life. Lol

[dvx]

The time machine reference was like having a younger me step out a machine and said "Hey FireFly!I travelled through time to tell you something important!"

 

And yeah, old thread written for a different woman, in a different decade of my life. Lol

 

Oh I see. I could use that time machine now to go back in time and not do the mistakes i did.

[dvx]

So today marks 25th day of NC.

 

Feeling no progress at all. Still sleepless nights.

And no breadcrumbs.

 

What the hell am i doing wrong?

 

She is happy and smiling and living. Am i letting her slide down My hands for good by not reaching out?

[TunaCat]

Trust me, dvx you don't want breadcrumbs.

 

They make you hopeful, they make you think "maybe she's missing me", but that's rarely what they are used for.

 

You are not doing anything wrong. Throw yourself into a new project, change up your wardrobe.

 

My ex is already with someone else and I'm only on day 23 of NC.

 

Keep up the NC and focus on you.

[Simon Phoenix]

So today marks 25th day of NC.

 

Feeling no progress at all. Still sleepless nights.

And no breadcrumbs.

 

What the hell am i doing wrong?

 

She is happy and smiling and living. Am i letting her slide down My hands for good by not reaching out?

 

She's not in your hands dude, she's gone and has been gone since she broke up with you. And Day 25 is just a drop in the bucket -- this is a process that takes months and goes in fits and starts. But no, don't be the douchey ex that chases and can't take a hint. And stop expecting and waiting for breadcrumbs -- one of the reasons why you are progressing slow is because you keep expecting her to come back in contact with you. Stop that. In fact, you should block her from doing so -- not to punish her, but so you can stop sitting there and waiting for breadcrumbs. If she can't contact you, there's nothing to wait for.