BryanGuy Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 My wife who is 30 started a new job a few months ago. She is a receptionist for a building supply company. She is only one of 2 females (the other one is about 50) and most of the males co-workers are 50+. I have notice that her work outfits are getting sexier and shes doing her makeup more often. I figure she just likes the attention her male co-workers and clients must be giving her. Last week one of her co-workers had a swim and Bar-B-Q party. I was busy working on her car, so one of her co-workers picked her up. My wife left only wearing a bikini. I did not think too much of it as I figured it's a pool party. A few days ago, I found pictures taken of the party by the only other female co-worker on her FB. It looked like other than that female, she was the only other female there, and basically every guy had their picture taken with her. There was nothing bad, most of the guys had there arm around her and she sat on a few laps. I am not the jealous type but is it strange I am not more upset? I think if the guys were younger I would be, but most are old and fat. I don't think she would fall for any of them. I also wonder if I should discreetly talk to the other female co-worker? Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Perhaps you should simply come out and say to your wife exactly what you think and feel - from a guy perspective. Explain to her how this works. And gentle ask her to be very careful with how any one of these guys might take her charm the wrong way - guys love to convert charm into "I could really screw you right now" and girls find themselves playing chase around the couch without wanting to. Explain to her right now your position on infidelity. Not saying she is going to cheat or even wants to. But declaring it will save everyone the heartache if later something happens, and you actually go through with where you draw the line. She is your wife, and if you cannot tell her, who can tell her? If not now, when? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I am not the jealous type but is it strange I am not more upset? I think if the guys were younger I would be, but most are old and fat. I don't think she would fall for any of them. I also wonder if I should discreetly talk to the other female co-worker? If you don't act at least a little bit jealous, then she is going to think you don't care... or that you are a pussy. I think you should have a talk with her and keep an eye on stuff. Maybe go with her next time or make her help with the car! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I also wonder if I should discreetly talk to the other female co-worker? No. Talk to your wife about your concerns, not some coworker of hers. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 When I first started my career, I was 23, single, cute, naive, hard working, ambitious. I worked in a male dominated industry and was climbing fast. One of the older women in the office came to me early on and said, "when or if any of these men come to you complaining about their wives or marriages, look them straight in the eye and tell them they should really be having this conversation with the wife, not a 23 yr old never married single girl. Then walk away." She was spot on, and I have since passed the advice on, and will with my daughter as well. i got married while working there and they could hit on me all they wanted, but if I didn't take the bait, they moved on. I never put my m in jeopardy. 20 yrs later, my h tossed the m away for a 50 yr old mow who used sex to get out of her tax bracket. I found out, her tax bracket changed the wrong way and my h is thoroughly humiliated and has lost the respect of his kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Running Man Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You act as if a younger women has never slept with an older man before. Be naive if you want too, but realize you shouldn't underestimate anyone. Your WIFE was the young piece of A$$ that was drooled upon by the men at that party. You don't think these guys hit on her on a daily basis? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Put your foot down. The fact that she wants to act like this at all is complete bs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fivejcb Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You act as if a younger women has never slept with an older man before. Be naive if you want too, but realize you shouldn't underestimate anyone. Your WIFE was the young piece of A$$ that was drooled upon by the men at that party. You don't think these guys hit on her on a daily basis? I'm in no place to give advice to anyone, but I couldn't agree more as someone just told me don't be a Schmuck, Just don't make accusations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cgiles Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You seriously need to man up now, before it's too late. Say you are incomfortable with her behavior. Be jealous, fake it if you need it. But show you care for her. I advice you to read "no more mr nice guy" by robert glover, and "married man sex life primer 2011" by athol kay. If you are a bit tech savy you can find them over internet. It will make you appear much more attractive in her eyes. Something I don't get is why you accept to work on her car as she has fun with other men, only wearing a bikini ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You made many mistakes. You let your wife go dressed the way she did just in a bikini. You let her go alone. You let her get picked up by another man as if it was a date. You let her go to party where there was a bunch of men and 1 older woman. You failed to realize that her getting dressed hotter for work means she is being hit on and enjoying it. You fail to see her being passed around from lap to lap was those men not being respectful to your marriage. You fail to see your wife willingly allow herself to get passed around from lap to lap is her being disrespectful to you. I hope that, You do not fail to put your foot down and today is the day your wife leaves that job because that place is a toxic environment to marriages. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You are naive, talk to your wife immediately. Be firm. No way would I have let my wife go to a party with lecherous old men in a bikini Photos of her on their laps? Touchy feely? You are working on her car. Innocent fun. Horse hockey! Wake up Bryan, she disrespected you! Talk to her ASAP Maz 4 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 It sounds as if she does not realize just how dangerous and inappropriate this behavior is. She also sounds very naive. I can relate from when I was that age. I think you should sit down and tell her how you feel about the pictures and why it makes her uncomfortable. You have ZERO evidence she is cheating or doing anything else purposely (regardless of the general hammer/nail chorus), so don't go there. Just be honest and ask her not to flirt or act in any way touchy with her male coworkers. I disagree with making this a "me big man: put your foot down and put her in her place argument or command. If it was me, and I was just clueless and naive and didn't fully realize that enjoying the attention could really be dangerous, being basically told I am grounded for being a sl#t would NOT go over well. And next time, put down the socket wrench and go with her. Road is absolutely right about one thing - if anyone ever gives her a ride, the ONLY person it should EVER be is that one other female coworker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 If you believe that she's clueless and naive then I have a bridge to sell you. She knows exactly what she's doing, and loves it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I am female and work in a male dominated environment. I have 1 female co worker at one of my part time jobs who is not there all the time. Its a standing joke that they would love me to go to work with my hair done, make up on, skirt and long boots... What they get is my hair bunged up as it comes straight from the shower, no make up, my jeans and boots... Your lady is enjoying the attention... perhaps a bit too much... perhaps she needs a bit of flirting from you instead??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) As soon as you start to compete with her co-workers you have lost the game. You need to encourage her to monitor the boundaries, in spite of what any of these men may say as a rebuttle "just having a bit of fun girl, lighten up." Tell her next time you want her to tell the fellas she wants photos of the guys sitting on each other's laps. See how that goes down with them. What I don't understand is where are the wives / girlfriends of these guys. If she went in a bikini, I can only assume it was a pool party. Unless it was a "work related" pool party spouses and significant others should always be invited. It's just the way things are. Your lady is enjoying the attention... perhaps a bit too much... perhaps she needs a bit of flirting from you instead??? Edited March 30, 2015 by fellini 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chasing_mya Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think you need to have a one on one chat with her and tell her your concerns. I don't think its appropriate for her to sit on another mans lap regardless of his age or if he's fat or not. She's displaying some red flags of doing things she didn't do before like the make-up & clothes. I strongly urge you to address her and let her know how you feel about the situation. This wouldn't sit well with me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 No, You need to talk to your wife, why go to the co-worker? She may also start unnecessary drama by telling your wife whatever she wants after you speak to this "other female co-worker." If you are willing to go behind your wife's back to "check on her" especially at a new job which makes everyone there new to your circles and not yet earned confidence, think about how that revolving door could go, especially with your wife. Also as others have said, if you lurk here enough" (with a little sarcasm) shape, size, color, blood-type, language and etc... are meaningless in the world of infidelity. Man up and talk to your wife. I am sick of hearing about this "jealousy" crap with guys in how "i am not the jealous blah blah" There is a huge difference between jealousy and mutual respect of established boundaries between two committed people. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Jealousy is coveting something you don't have. Protecting your marriage by enforcing reasonable boundaries - and insisting that your wife does the same - is not jealousy. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think if you approach her as your wife and not as a criminal or whore she will be receptive. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Doing nothing is the same as giving her the approval to continue her behavior. Fifty year old men have penis's too. My concern is you already know what is going on but choose to say nothing, she may think you don't care enough. Allowing your wife to drive off with a man in just her bikini while you choose to stay home and putter around on your car is a train wreck waiting to happen. What is more important, your wife or your car?Tell her your true feelings. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marchhare Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think it may be too late. A married woman to get in a car with another man in a bikini no cover up and alone, to sit on coworkers lap, allowing them hands on access. Pardon my next words, but probable erections poking into spots they shouldn't be. To be photographed doing such behavior, and now dressing up a bit more, and wearing makeup differently. If a work place affair hasn't happened, it will soon. Wife naive? Doubtful. Changing her work appearance is proof. Husband naive? Obviously. This is not flirting, this is what happens in strip clubs, groping a scantily clad woman. This is not appropriate behavior at all, no self respecting married woman would do such a thing, unless she was in an open marriage. Perhaps based on her behavior and you allowing it, she thinks she is. You are in for a rough marriage if she won't reign it in. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what is going on. I suggest you have a discussion, try not to be domineering, that will ensure her withdrawing You should never have let her leave for all the reasons mentioned,utter stupidity. I hope it isn't too late. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I'm with MarchHare on this one. The bikini thing is only the first indication of what's to come. Sooner or later, one or more of her coworkers is going to start pushing boundaries, and it sounds like wifey is very receptive to their attention. Better have that talk REAL soon. Don't say later you weren't warned about possible consequences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 If you don't act at least a little bit jealous, then she is going to think you don't care... or that you are a pussy. I worked in a male dominated industry and was climbing fast. One of the older women in the office came to me early on and said, "when or if any of these men come to you complaining about their wives or marriages, look them straight in the eye and tell them they should really be having this conversation with the wife, not a 23 yr old never married single girl. Then walk away." The above two at least. Your wife enjoys the attention. She thinks it’s safe to cross some boundaries because she’s married, they’re married and their old farts. It’s like people with four wheel drive attempt things they otherwise wouldn’t because they have four wheel drive and feel safe. Women love to be listened to. These old guys will hang on her every word with eye contact. If you play video games cut back. Link to post Share on other sites
troubadour Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 If you believe that she's clueless and naive then I have a bridge to sell you. She knows exactly what she's doing, and loves it. I agree.... of course, assuming that this thread is real. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Friend, if you read posts from other men on this site you will soon learn that most of the women having affairs on their husbands are having affairs with men that don't even compare to the husband. It always starts with attention from other men, attention they like and when put in a position that sex is required to keep that attention, well, just read some of the posts. You have an opportunity to make the changes that we never got. Material things can be replaced, wives not so easily. Use the information you are receiving wisely. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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