Wife Co-workers

[LifesontheUp]

Being a married woman, I believe your wife is pulling the wool over your eyes.

 

A married woman does not go out dressed in just a bikini and sits around on other guys laps during a party.

 

She is loving what she is doing and you should be very concerned.

 

I hope you realise how disrespectful she is and the bomb that is about to go off in your life if this carries on.

[beccawife]

So I confronted my wife without any cheating accusations or yelling as many of you suggested. Basically I got a bunch of excuses and downplayed things.

 

I once went to a pool party wearing just a bikini, and was embarrassed to find out I was the only one dressed to swim...it was to cold for most people I guess. The host let me borrow a long shirt, so no big deal. Sorry that she "downplayed" what happened instead of apologizing and admitting mistakes.

[LifeWasted]

I once went to a pool party wearing just a bikini, and was embarrassed to find out I was the only one dressed to swim...it was to cold for most people I guess. The host let me borrow a long shirt, so no big deal. Sorry that she "downplayed" what happened instead of apologizing and admitting mistakes.

 

Yeah but you didn't warm your butt by sitting on men's laps and having your pic taken.

[BryanGuy]

So instead of things getting better, my wife is becoming more detached from me. Even before her new job, she usually goes to the gym after work, but I checked up on her earlier this week and I could not find her car. The next day I stopped by the gym to "surprise" her. After looking around the gym I could not find her so i texted "where are you, I came to work out with you." She eventually texted me back saying she was out with that female co-worker getting drinks and it was a last minute thing. Also, last Friday, she was going out with her regular friends which is good because I know they are safe and I know them well. She came home late, around 2am. So on Saturday, I texted one of her friends "Jen" and said " Wow, you guys must have had fun last night." As you may know what's coming, she texted back saying she has not been out with my wife for a long time. So I asked my wife if she had fun with "Jen" last night. She then replied "Jen" was sick, but had met some other friends of hers. It felt like someone was coaching her on what to say. I will be checking up on my wife more often. A lot of you who have posted suggested I sit down and talk about boundaries, having no secrets, respect, etc. However, everytime I want to talk, she is busy, has a headache, or makes up any excuse not to talk. I will keep trying. I am going to look through her phone when I get a chance.

[TobyBoy]

Can you look at her phone usage online? See who she was texting or calling before and during her nights out.

[2.50 a gallon]

So sorry to read your latest.

This does not sound good. In most cases, one of the first things that a man tries to do is to love her back, with flowers, cards and gifts. That just makes you look weaker in her eyes. Been there and done that. The best thing you can do, for now is to keep silent while you begin your investigation, and play the part of a confident man.

Another thing you might consider if she has her own car is getting a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) and hiding it under the seat, or somewhere unseen where you can pick up any conversations she has over her phone.

[CarrieT]

Bryan, google the concept of "gas lighting" as this is what your wife is starting to do... It is definitely a sign of deception and making *you* feel like you are crazy for even thinking she could be doing something wrong.

[Friskyone4u]

Bryan

Your wife is cheating on you. There is no other explanation and it is most likely with a co worker. You need to put a VAR in her car like yesterday and anGPS on it . Her girlfriends are in on it and are her enablers . Do not say anything to them.

I am afraid is too late to stop her but if you do not keep your head in the sand you may be able to catch her and end it.

[aliveagain]

Way too many red flags, she is knee deep in it. Time to buy a voice activated recorder, attach it with Velcro under the passenger seat of her car, check it nightly for phone conversations. She has done this before or she is being coached by one of these 50 year old experienced cheaters. No one committed to their marriage goes out this much without their spouse. Prepare yourself for the worst. A sperm test kit might be a wise investment, check her undergarments and document the days you have sex with her.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed your wife would not put up with such lies and crap from you so why in the hell are you putting up with it from her?

1. Get tested for STD's.

2. See an attorney to understand your options.

3. Hire a PI

 

Your wife is playing you for a fool. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[thummper]

Hey BryanGuy, the other Bryan here (above) has the right idea. Sounds very much like your wife is slowly separating herself from your marriage. So, see that attorney and find out what you'll need to do when she does the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech. I bet it's coming soon. You guys have kids? If not, maybe it's time to consider life without her...cuz it sounds like you don't have much life with her right now.

[happyman64]

bryanGuy

 

 

a few posters advised putting a VAR in her under the seat and I couldn't agree more.

 

 

your wife is living a life separate from you.

 

 

track her down without being obvious and confirm her stories from now on.

 

 

If you are diligent but discreet you will find out very quickly what is going on.

 

 

What kind of phone is she using?

 

 

HM

[No Limit]

She's having an affair. Get an attorney and get the divorce started. Run run run.

[Buckeye2]

Way too many red flags, she is knee deep in it. Time to buy a voice activated recorder, attach it with Velcro under the passenger seat of her car, check it nightly for phone conversations. She has done this before or she is being coached by one of these 50 year old experienced cheaters. No one committed to their marriage goes out this much without their spouse. Prepare yourself for the worst. A sperm test kit might be a wise investment, check her undergarments and document the days you have sex with her.

 

Put a GPS on her car and don't get her pregnant.

[merrmeade]

This is the best summary:

Way too many red flags, she is knee deep in it. Time to buy a voice activated recorder, attach it with Velcro under the passenger seat of her car, check it nightly for phone conversations. She has done this before or she is being coached by one of these 50 year old experienced cheaters. No one committed to their marriage goes out this much without their spouse. Prepare yourself for the worst.

BryGuy, if you have a few days, you'll find thousands of threads over the years on LS, with all of the elements of your situation in them. Since your recent update set bells ringing and brought the vets out swinging on your behalf, you should believe them and take some, if not all, of their advice.

 

First, google the concept of "gaslighting."

 

Don't be overwhelmed. You need to shortcut the thinking and blinking and move into action mode. Being diligent but discreet, you will find out very quickly what is going on

 

Below is a summary list of the Dos and Don'ts beginning with the cheapest:

Do

--Free: look at her phone usage online

See who she was texting or calling before and during her nights out.

--$26–$35: voice activated recorder (VAR) in her car under the seat

attach it with Velcro under the passenger seat of her car,

check it nightly for phone conversations.

--$30–$50: sperm test kit

--???: See an attorney to understand your options.

 

Don'ts

--[don't] love her back, with flowers, cards and gifts

--don't get her pregnant

[Hawaii51]

Do: Make a sex tape.

[spanz1]

So instead of things getting better, my wife is becoming more detached from me. Even before her new job, she usually goes to the gym after work, but I checked up on her earlier this week and I could not find her car. The next day I stopped by the gym to "surprise" her. After looking around the gym I could not find her so i texted "where are you, I came to work out with you." She eventually texted me back saying she was out with that female co-worker getting drinks and it was a last minute thing. Also, last Friday, she was going out with her regular friends which is good because I know they are safe and I know them well. She came home late, around 2am. So on Saturday, I texted one of her friends "Jen" and said " Wow, you guys must have had fun last night." As you may know what's coming, she texted back saying she has not been out with my wife for a long time. So I asked my wife if she had fun with "Jen" last night. She then replied "Jen" was sick, but had met some other friends of hers. It felt like someone was coaching her on what to say. I will be checking up on my wife more often. A lot of you who have posted suggested I sit down and talk about boundaries, having no secrets, respect, etc. However, everytime I want to talk, she is busy, has a headache, or makes up any excuse not to talk. I will keep trying. I am going to look through her phone when I get a chance.

 

 

 

GPS tracker for the car. You need to be a little sneakier too.

 

 

A better question: "oh, out drinking with a friend, which one?" and let her say "JEN", then you would have caught her. Your offering the name made her suspicious.

 

 

You DO know she is cheating on you though, right? you just have not found concrete proof of it. Stop being so obvious. GPS, VAR, keylogger, private investigator if you have the money. You will find her hidden texts and pics eventually and have your proof. In the meantime, pretend that you are not concerned about it. Go back to your woodworking or whatever, and pretend you do not suspect her. She will let her guard down.

[tom670]

Way too many red flags, she is knee deep in it. Time to buy a voice activated recorder, attach it with Velcro under the passenger seat of her car, check it nightly for phone conversations. She has done this before or she is being coached by one of these 50 year old experienced cheaters. No one committed to their marriage goes out this much without their spouse. Prepare yourself for the worst. A sperm test kit might be a wise investment, check her undergarments and document the days you have sex with her.

 

This^^^

VAR in the car is a good idea along with the gps.

Sorry.

[tom670]

The big ***** test fail was when you let her go to the party with another man driving her she lost a ton of respect in you.

[lolablue17]

Dear Brian.

 

I advice you to not wasting your time and nerves to follow her, or to put VAR in her car, or to talk to her about boundaries. I advice you to divorce her without any conditions.

 

Your wife is not only cheating on you, she is going to have you stung in a very hurtful way, which your marriage yes or no will be the least of your concern. Take a week or to and start arming yourself with a good plan, and then fulfill it.

 

I'm so sorry for you but you still have the upper hand now. try not to lose it.

[LifeWasted]

Dear Brian.

 

I advice you to not wasting your time and nerves to follow her, or to put VAR in her car, or to talk to her about boundaries. I advice you to divorce her without any conditions.

 

Your wife is not only cheating on you, she is going to have you stung in a very hurtful way, which your marriage yes or no will be the least of your concern. Take a week or to and start arming yourself with a good plan, and then fulfill it.

 

I'm so sorry for you but you still have the upper hand now. try not to lose it.

 

I agree with this. Don't waste time proving what your gut is already telling you. Tell her you know she's cheating, that you are leaving her over her cheating, and that you are not going to be blamed for the demise of the marriage. Only you and her have to know the truth. For now...

[lolablue17]

I agree with this. Don't waste time proving what your gut is already telling you. Tell her you know she's cheating, that you are leaving her over her cheating, and that you are not going to be blamed for the demise of the marriage. Only you and her have to know the truth. For now...

 

OP

 

I have a friend who were preparing for his wedding. He asked his fiance not to do unrespectful things in her bachelorette party. She was very secrecy about it, and he kept asking her what's going on and she said that she doesn't know because she's not the one who organized the party, it's her girl friends.

 

My friend asked her to make sure with her friends that there will be no strippers or anything like it, and she kept telling him many things like "don't you trust me?" or "don't spoil my fun", and still refuse to grant his request.

 

about a week before the wedding, in the evening of the bachelorette party, his fiance was ready to go out to her party, stood in front of the mirror and wanted to kiss him goodby. He backed off and asked her for the last time: "if there's anything unrespectful there, do you promise to cut everything immediately and come straight home?

 

She started her games again with "don't you trust me". or "how can you ask me to hurt my girl friends like that?". than he said to her that if she's going to the party - He is going to cancel the wedding. "So your party will not be a bachelorette party, because there's no wedding.

 

They had something like 500 people who were invited to the wedding and she was sure he is bluffing. she told him that he is rude, and she is going to the party anyway and "we'll talk tommorow". He asked her one last things "can you please delay your exit for 60 sec?"

 

She agreed, and in those 60 seconds he managed to call her mother and her sister and put them on speaker saying "Hi, it's XXXXX, your daughter's\sister's Ex fiance, sorry to inform you that the wedding is off. Bye".

 

She didn't go to the party, he ruined her special night. But she earned a good marriage and she had never tried to play him any more.

 

You see? your problem is not the act of her cheating. The source of the problem that you let her play cat and mouse with you.

 

You know why this never happened to me in all my relationship? Not because i have immunization against being cheated on (I've been cheated on by the way). But because the women i've been with knew that with me nobody play cat and mouse. They knew that the mere of thinking to play with me, ends the relationship.

 

Don't let her.

[I_Give_Up67]

OP

 

I have a friend who were preparing for his wedding. He asked his fiance not to do unrespectful things in her bachelorette party. She was very secrecy about it, and he kept asking her what's going on and she said that she doesn't know because she's not the one who organized the party, it's her girl friends.

 

My friend asked her to make sure with her friends that there will be no strippers or anything like it, and she kept telling him many things like "don't you trust me?" or "don't spoil my fun", and still refuse to grant his request.

 

about a week before the wedding, in the evening of the bachelorette party, his fiance was ready to go out to her party, stood in front of the mirror and wanted to kiss him goodby. He backed off and asked her for the last time: "if there's anything unrespectful there, do you promise to cut everything immediately and come straight home?

 

She started her games again with "don't you trust me". or "how can you ask me to hurt my girl friends like that?". than he said to her that if she's going to the party - He is going to cancel the wedding. "So your party will not be a bachelorette party, because there's no wedding.

 

They had something like 500 people who were invited to the wedding and she was sure he is bluffing. she told him that he is rude, and she is going to the party anyway and "we'll talk tommorow". He asked her one last things "can you please delay your exit for 60 sec?"

 

She agreed, and in those 60 seconds he managed to call her mother and her sister and put them on speaker saying "Hi, it's XXXXX, your daughter's\sister's Ex fiance, sorry to inform you that the wedding is off. Bye".

 

She didn't go to the party, he ruined her special night. But she earned a good marriage and she had never tried to play him any more.

 

You see? your problem is not the act of her cheating. The source of the problem that you let her play cat and mouse with you.

 

You know why this never happened to me in all my relationship? Not because i have immunization against being cheated on (I've been cheated on by the way). But because the women i've been with knew that with me nobody play cat and mouse. They knew that the mere of thinking to play with me, ends the relationship.

 

Don't let her.

 

LB- Great reply! This is one to remember, and men and women can draw from this example. I will screenshot this one!

[happyman64]

How are you BryanGuy?

[BryanGuy]

So I have been looking through my wife's phone when she is asleep or taking a shower, try to find proof of cheating. She had some text from men, a few like "would like to see you in a bikini again," but mostly just office conversations and complaining about co-workers. Then I noticed a lot of messages from that older female co-workers so I decided to take a look. It turns out that instead of trying to defend or "look out" for my wife, the problem is the female coworker! She has been encouraging my wife to dress sexy, flirt, and to go to lunch with various men. I started reading the older text, and I can see my wife starting out feeling guilty and shy, but eventually feeling more outgoing, with that female coworker saying things like "guys couldn't keep your eyes off of you." Also, they have been shopping for outfits and has been changing into these outfits after she leave the house. I know that female coworker is single and divorced, but am not sure why she is making a you know what out of my wife.