Ex called it off but I want her back!

[Joey07]

My ex girlfriend left me, she says she wants to do her own thing and be alone with no relationship. We had an awsome relationship we fought just like everyone else but I never thought it would come to this. I've had relationships before and gotten over it. but she's different, I love her for everything she is and every part of her. I would do anything to have her back. She keeps saying that there is no chance in us being together because she's happy alone and that's it. I never cheated on her. I never did anything of that sort. And its been two weeks and she's so cold to me. It's like we never happened. I've tried begging and crying to show her how I really feel but she isnt having a bar of it. This past week I've given her space and time but I don't want to wait to long. Yes it sounds stupid to want this if she dosnt. And there's plenty of fish in the sea. I've been told that all these two weeks. But im in love with her. More then I ever have been with anyone. Ever! She's the person I want to spend my life with. I know she is. How do I turn this around? I need help! I want her back!

[Satu]

Never do the begging and crying thing. It is guaranteed to push the person away, and it's an offence against your own dignity. It makes it look like you are emotionally dependent on them, (and you might be) and it makes you look weak and pathetic.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but that kind of behaviour never brings about a positive outcome.

 

So far nothing you have done has made her want to come back to you, so don't repeat any of those behaviours. They don't work.

 

What you should be doing is calming down and re-establishing your dignity and self-respect. Call upon your skills as an adult to manage your emotions. Spend a few days on getting your head straight.

 

Don't even think about contacting her until you've done that.

[Ruby65]

In my experience, whenever someone says they want to "be alone" and "not be in any relationship for a while" what they really mean is that there's someone else on the horizon and they want to be free to pursue that other person.

 

Whatever her reasons, please don't blame yourself for her coldness -- she likely feels guilty and wants to *distance herself from the stench* of her own shady behavior.

 

It's only been two weeks so you're still in shock, and with good reason. Your ex probably spent several months gradually detaching from you emotionally, getting used to the idea before the breakup. You, on the other hand, have been completely blindsided with no such time to prepare yourself.

 

Please try to take some time now to get yourself together. Don't have anymore contact with her. Give yourself some time to recover.

 

In time, you WILL feel better -- but it takes a while to get there. Cutting contact, online and in real life, will help you heal faster.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

Good luck -- and keep posting!

[d0nnivain]

Because there is not anything you did to break this, there is nothing you can do to fix it. She wanted out. That is the end of the story. Stop chasing her. Implement NC for your own sanity & work on getting over her.

[OneBigIdgit]

I was told this from an ex wife. We actually got back together a few months later and lived together several years and then married again for 11. After that, she left me in an almost identical situation as the 1st divorce. A guy with gobs of money lured her into thinking she was going to be his one and only. In both situations, the new guy kept her around for about a year but never left their wife. Seems she is a slow learner of these tactics.

 

 

She told me that the reason that a dumper is mean and cold hearted to the person that they are leaving, they know they are doing wrong to that person, they want that person to get over the pain quickly so they hurt them to try to make the dumpee move on and live. They feel a natural remorse at the pain they are causing but they are on a new relationship high and are going to go to that new person at all costs.

 

 

Guys usually won't talk about emotions to other guys. These online sites open an opportunity for a guy to open up about what he is going through. Otherwise in the real world, a guy will bottle it up and not try to show how much he hurts. Women on the other hand usually have a support group. That support group is full of suggestions on how to treat an ex, how to get out of a relationship and how to keep it hidden until the break. They don't make the decision for her but whatever way she is leaning that day, they offer suggestions in that direction. If one person in that support group has experienced a stalker type of reaction from an ex then the new dumper is going to be filled with dread about what to expect. There are many stories about the dumpee committing suicide. Even the threat of that won't stop them from breaking up with you but they might offer many things to make sure that they won't have that to live with also.