cinsi Posted March 10, 2001 Share Posted March 10, 2001 I have a great relationship w/my friend of 10 years. We have been together as lovers for @ 3yrs and are plannin g on eventually getting married. my problem is that he is not as sexual as I want. I have a desire for him to take me occasionaly..but what I get is weekend sex, and not even every weekend. there is no question of fidelity, but I am not sure why he is not more sexually aggressive. When we do mess around during the week he usually makes little effort to please me. And I know that he enjoys checking out porn on the web during the week..but by the time we go to bed he is spent. Why does he not save any for when I get home? We have discussed this but no changes have come about for more than a few days. I have come to realize that this is how it is and will be, but I have a fear that eventually I will go astray looking for a good fu**.. The thing is everything else about our relationship is wonderful...he is such a good friend. How can I get him to be more lusty toward me? I am a beautiful sexy woman who s been with some really hot guys. I miss having GREAT HOT SEX...well, you get my point by now...any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 11, 2001 Share Posted March 11, 2001 People's libido and interest in sex varies, with the individual and with age. It isn't likely your guy will change much after marriage. As a matter of fact, statistically, the frequency of sex diminishes after marriage. If you don't like this aspect of your lives together now, don't marry him. And never marry anyone with the expectation that they will change in some way you desire. Your other options are to get him a full physical by a medical doctor to be sure he has no medical problems that could affect his libido...then have him see a psychologist to see if stress or other factors may be the cause. Changing some things about yourself, not throwing yourself at him but being more of a challenge...changing your hair, clothing style, etc. may be of some help as well. But just don't get your hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
cinsi Posted March 11, 2001 Share Posted March 11, 2001 Hi Tony..do you really think I should not marry him because one aspect of our relationship is not up to par? Dont most married people say that the sex and lust goes away anyhow, and the couple is left with their friendship. This is why I think we will live long lives together, because we are such good friends. But of course there is that nagging part of me that questions if I should search for someone who will satisfy me sexually. I am still not convinced that I cannot teach him. After all, the first couple of years were really great sex-wise. And about being more of a challenge...it dosent work, what happens is...nothing...we would hardly ever have sex. It really perplexes me that he is getting off on porn, so I know his libido is still working properly, he is just choosing not to go after me... I know that people cannot change each other directly, and I would not waste my time trying to change him. However relationships are about give and take, and I think he is not giving enough in the bedroom...there has to be a way to fix this without him feeling pressured. People's libido and interest in sex varies, with the individual and with age. It isn't likely your guy will change much after marriage. As a matter of fact, statistically, the frequency of sex diminishes after marriage. If you don't like this aspect of your lives together now, don't marry him. And never marry anyone with the expectation that they will change in some way you desire. Your other options are to get him a full physical by a medical doctor to be sure he has no medical problems that could affect his libido...then have him see a psychologist to see if stress or other factors may be the cause. Changing some things about yourself, not throwing yourself at him but being more of a challenge...changing your hair, clothing style, etc. may be of some help as well. But just don't get your hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 11, 2001 Share Posted March 11, 2001 Sex is a very important component of marriage. However, you are the one who has to decide whether you can live with out it or not. I don't think you can. Especially with the porno component of the problem. I think you would get pretty angry and bitter knowing he would not participate in sex with you but would rather get off on Internet pornography. You are the one who has to decide if you can live with this problem. There are lots of couples to do find other aspects of a relationship substantial enough to do with the sex. But can you??? It's your call. Link to post Share on other sites
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